W: Hello Divine Father.
DF: Hello Wayne.
W: Thank you, Father, for being so readily available and heart open. That’s what I feel from you when I say hello, and receive your hello in return.
DF: I’m so glad that’s true for you. You know, the hardest thing about having an abundance of love and wanting to share it is finding hearts for it to be received into, and felt.
W: I’m glad that’s true for me too, and I feel how there is also room for it to be more true. In the midst of deep change, I need a way to feel through my reactions, what I need, and what I miss.
DF: What do you miss, Wayne?
W: I know I miss some of the old familiar at times. For me, that had to do with finding comfort in going to a coffee shop, or a bakery, in the midst of a busy town or city. I miss earning money, and simply buying what we wanted or needed. I miss clothes and shoe shopping, for sure.
DF: It’s natural and normal that you attached to things and found comfort in them in your life in Canada.
W: And Father, it wasn’t that those things were so deeply fulfilling. Actually, more often, I was trying to fill a deeper need when I reached out for those comforts. Those deeper needs are what followed me here to Mexico.
DF: What does it feel like those deeper needs are?
W: So much of what we talked about already…, intimacy inside of real community, feeling connected to the divine, feeling a resonant lifestyle with what really matters.
DF: Wayne, shut out, if you can, just now, your awareness of anyone else reading this, and see if you can answer the question again. What does it feel like your deeper needs are?
W: I want to feel unique. I want to feel special. I want to feel sought after and wanted. I want to feel supported, guided and mostly, I want to feel love.
DF: There, you got it, much better. Now, imagine yourself feeling wave upon wave of those good feelings.
W: Okay, I’m doing that.
DF: Now, tell me about the things you miss again.
W: Wow, Okay, Father, that’s trippy. Every one of them I can feel was a wanting to address these deeper needs.
DF: What did the coffee shop or bakery represent?
W: People gathering together, bringing their appetites, partaking of life’s goodness.
DF: And what did clothes shopping represent?
W: Feeling myself as special, and attractive, and unique.
DF: …And how about the earning money part?
W: Feeling myself as powerful.
DF: Now, tell me, if these things that you miss ever gave you what you actually wanted or needed?
W: They really didn’t, Father. I can feel what they did was give me a way to manage my disappointment around not getting these needs met.
DF: We need to stop right here, Wayne, and feel what a milestone this moment of realization is. These don’t come along very often.
W: Wow, so what I actually miss doesn’t have anything to do with deep fulfillments, but more to do with the mechanisms that helped me manage a deep unfulfillment.
DF: And what else does it tell you about you?
W: That I settled for that.
DF: Exactly, until of course you didn’t.
W: Which brings us to the present.
DF: So what then is the alive and healthy present?
W: It’s a willingness to feel my actual un-fulfillment, rather than seeking to manage it.
DF: Yes, a willingness to feel fluent with something, to use your words; your ache for uniqueness, specialness, support, being sought after and loved. Wayne, the doorway to fulfillment is feeling your unfulfillment.
W: I still somehow have it wired up Father, that the goal is feeling deep enjoyment or pleasure, and that something is wrong with me if I’m not there.
DF: Wayne, feeling deep joy and pleasure doesn’t do well as a goal to be achieved. The better goal to attain is being willing to feel what your actual needs are. Only a willingness to feel your actual needs and wants can ever lead to a true and deep fulfillment of them.
W: So, Father, why am I resistive to feeling my actual needs?
DF: …you, and the rest of your kind, Wayne. This is the challenge of humanity. What can you feel about this resistance?
W: It feels like the key to my humanity. If I am surrendered to being human, then my deepest humanity is expressed in feeling my deepest needs. Animals are so much happier with so much less because their needs are so much less.
DF: And what then does feeling the things you miss from life in Canada feel like now?
W: It feels like a part of me is in negotiation with me about letting in more of what I really want, and when this part of me is feeling resistant to that, it actually yearns for what it was familiar with and even frames that as better than what it has now.
DF: Well said. Now, what does going forward look like?
W: It’s really about feeling what real need is surfacing when a missing feeling is up for me. Feel the part of me in resistance, see if we can come to terms with letting in new and more love; more of what we most deeply want.
DF: This is the real enlightenment that the universe is offering now, Wayne. It’s not a flood of light, where someone becomes permanently in a state of joy or happiness. Rather, it’s an en-light-en-ment of making one’s burdens light. In the words of Yeshua, ‘my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’ The crazy heavy and impossible burden is trying to get your deepest needs met through something short of feeling what you are actually wanting.
W: Part of me is amazed that it’s taken this much and this long, Father, to come to this juncture.
DF: I understand that feeling, Wayne, but what else is there that’s worth more?
W: Nothing at all really, Father. Me coming into more and more of being at home in me, in the divine, in my relationship with others and all of life is really just another way of saying what I said earlier.
DF: Which was?…
W: Which is that what I really want is to know and feel loved, special, unique, wanted.
DF: If there was something to set up a communion table of rememberance for, Wayne, this would be it. You’d do well to never ever forget this one.
W: Thank you, Divine Father. My needs are met to overflowing again.
DF: You’re welcome and thank you. Thank you for receiving my love.