W: Hello Divine Father.
DF: Hello Wayne.
W: I think I sort of know where I’d like to go today.
DF: Great, where’s that?
W: I’d like to get your help on something I’m feeling in relationships about the difference between boundaries and compassion. I’m stuck somehow though to even phrase the questions I have somehow. How’s that for confused?
DF: That’s perfect actually. Finding and formulating the right questions is key to finding your truth.
W: Good, so how do I do that?
DF: Tell me the setting or the feeling space where the quandary arises for you.
W: Okay. I’m in a few email correspondences again with people from my past, or someone new to me, where I like to express compassion. It’s nourishing and just plain fun for me to experience myself being this way with people. But the quandary comes up for me when I feel their lack of interest in who I am and what my values are. They will gladly be touched by the compassion, as much as they can let it in, but then I can also feel the resistance to let themselves have a deeper inquiry into who I am, and what I value. At some point then in the emerging relationship, I’m getting uncomfortably close to unhealthy caretaking when they can’t reciprocate or show up for a real relationship.
DF: It’s quite easy actually from the beginning to feel what the capacity of the other person is to actually have a healthy relationship. I love that you open your heart and lead with compassion. That’s who you are, and that’s a reflection of the work you’ve done. Having a genuine interest in another person and who they are and what their needs and desires are is what healthy relationships are made of. However, when only one, or none of the people in the equation really has that heart open interest and inquiry into each other, it’s some kind of medicative and unhealthy glue that is holding the relationship together. If your willing to feel it as the relationship is forming, it’s easy to feel what the likely unfolding is going to be, but then the question arises if that is enough for you.
DF: Sounds like you know this one.
W: I do.
DF: Well, no sense preaching to the choir, Wayne. What’s your deeper quandary about then?
W: That’s what I set out to find out with you today.
DF: This is kind of cool actually, Wayne, both the teacher and the student don’t quite know what they are trying to get at, but both can feel an itch they can’t quite scratch, and in that, they are together. And in that, a knowing that didn’t exist before can arise.
W: Something’s coming up for me now. It’s the deeper vulnerability of feeling that if I bring my true needs into an arising relationship, as well as condition my relating to getting those needs met, I’m going to lose the connection. I’m left alone.
DF: But here’s the deal. Settling for a shallow relationship that isn’t nourishing isn’t actually a relationship. It may be what many consider a relationship, but really, it’s just settling for company to alleviate the pain of the aloneness.
W: Been there, done that.
DF: I know you have, Wayne, and I know too, that you are done with that.
W: I do to, Father. I know I am done with that. So then what am I trying to get at today?
DF: Maybe it’s just letting in that something totally new and brand new is here for you in the arena of relationships. If what you have with Jillian is any indicator, as well as Christopher, I’d say sacred friendship is truly dawning on your horizon. Something has crept up on you and it’s time to celebrate it.
W: That goes in, Father. I think I am actually just having a bit of trouble digesting a chunk of goodness. It’s also a celebration of being done with plenty of looping and suffering in relationships where I couldn’t be let in.
DF: Time to get used to being let in, instead of shut down.
W: And what’s really cool, Father, is the no more suffering around all of this.
DF: Uh,huh. You already said that.
W: I did, didn’t I?
DF: It must mean something to you, Wayne. Yes, no more suffering. Risking bringing your true needs into the relationship is what creates the possibility for you to actually form a true and deepening and nourishing relationship. It is also what sorts out, in lightning speed, if that just isn’t in the cards.
W: And if it isn’t in the cards, then the compassionate thing to do is to prove that, accept that and compassionately let the person go.
DF: Anything short of that would be staying in the suffering.
W: Which might be fine for so many, but my emotional body just doesn’t do that any longer, no more than my stomach can handle my much beloved and long time friend of coffee.
DF: That’s it, Wayne. What worked in the past, no longer does. Accepting that is accepting the changes you’ve chosen; the work you’ve done; the tears you’ve cried; and the future you earned. This is yours, Wayne, if you want it, and I know you do, and no one can take it away from you. This is one of those treasures stored up in heaven where moth and rust does not corrupt.
W: I think this is exactly what I needed to get to with you today. A ritual if you will, an acknowledgment of something ending and something beginning, a rite of passage.
DF: I hereby declare an end to this suffering and a beginning of a new day.
W: And I hereby accept that declaration.
DF: See that Wayne, we entered the territory of not knowing our way to knowing together. We found the itch and we scratched it good. That’s cool enough, but what we did was to do it relationally. We felt each other and opened our heart and partook of a love flow that you just can’t get to by yourself.
W: I want more of that.
DF: And that’s key to having this, Wayne, is being willing to want it. ‘Want not, have not’ is the rule of the abundant and compassionate universe. All you can let in is yours for the asking.
W: Thank you so much, Father. I’ll let in this rite of passage.
DF: Your Welcome, Wayne. Sacred you-man.