By Jelelle Awen
While we were sipping wonderful margaritas and watching the sunset last night, we engaged in one of our meaningful conversations that happens almost every minute with us within our little community (woven in between having FUN!). I think I am still digesting it this morning and would like to share.
Sequoia has known me for almost twenty five years, we were previously married and divorced in 2001, and we co-raised a daughter together. For the last four years, I have been his facilitator and teacher and also, in many moments, we share a sacred friendship too. There is a lot of history there and he has known me through so many phases. With tears in his eyes, last night he offered that he is amazed at who I am now and who I am continuing to become.
He mentioned that he can feel the range that I can inhabit in the moment….from deep soul frequencies to joyful inner child to queen (and irritated control matriarch can still come through too!). And also that I don’t seem to have any self consciousness or self image when it comes to relating with others…not much ‘persona’ that I am putting on. I could feel his sincerity and love for me as he offered this and it touched me.
But, in another way, I couldn’t really get what he was seeing about me. This isn’t a deflection based in unworthiness. It has felt to me for awhile that we can’t really ‘see’ our most authentic self (or what we call our ‘SoulFullHeart Self’) because there is no self image related to it. It just IS US in our most unselfconscious expression.
Self consciousness comes from parts of us elevating us, positioning us, and doing ‘perception management’ strategies with others. These parts of us literally create versions of us to form fit in every environment and every situation. There can be many, many layers to this and it is quite craftily constructed, even in a small child it starts happening young!
After over ten years of work and negotiation with parts of myself who hold these frequencies, I feel that much of this self image has been deconstructed, let go of, felt, healed, moved beyond. So, in some ways, I cannot ‘see’ my most authentic self, yet I can certainly feel when and if love is transacting and if part of me is blocking it or not.
To be free from self consciousness is a wonderful gift and allows me to serve love so much more deeply to myself and others. I completely associate this result because of the process that I have engaged with through a previous path and also through SoulFullHeart to be with and know my subpersonalities. We offer that this state is called “SoulFullHeartenment” and isn’t an attainment, but more like something that just arises through the process of individuation, differentiation, and union with self, others, and the Divine.
If this stirs something in you and awakens a desire to experience life this way, we would be so honored to serve that in you. Please visit this page for more about what we offer: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.
Jelelle Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.Β
Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart) 