Tag: SoulFullHeart

The Professional, The Provisional & The Profusional

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

The PROFESSIONAL is one who declares openly that they have the know how and the care and the full time commitment to something. They promise expertise mixed with care and full commitment. They operate in a world of scarcity and competitive edge, hoping to gain our trust.

The PROVISONAL is the more relaxed one who declares that they’re doing their best. They’ll make do, hopefully. They operate in a world of “I’m in, at least until a replacement can be found.”

The PROFUSIONAL is one who is pouring forth love so abundant, it’s overwhelming. The care and the expertise that is flowing from them is both personal and transpersonal, connected to the source field of all knowledge and all discernment. They operate in a world connected to the superabundant source of all life. The results they produce can be more than you thought you were looking for. Their declaration of credentials is embedded deep in their being, before words are spoken. You only go to them when you’re ready for a deep shift and complete with other phases of growth and learning.

I like the profusional, personally. 😊 They’re the ones I want to be around. They’re the ones that nourish. They’re the ones I want to model after.

Yeshua was a profusional. When followers who were clearly both drawn and hesitant towards him said, “I’ll be right there, Yeshua, just as soon as I’m done looking after my dying parent,” Yeshua replied, “Let the dead bury the dead, you come follow me.” He read this person’s higher timeline, called out their ‘nobility’ that was in service of staying small, and offered it to them. He sorted out their draw to him, not allowing them to suffer in a half-in, half-out place.

That’s the confrontation of deep overwhelming love and possibility. It always includes a letting go of something to embrace a larger something. We all chose this world of choice. We’re already exercising this power of choice in every moment. It just wants to be turned now in its direction towards love, rather than from love.

Our choices are what regulate the amount of love we can take in and digest at any given time. There are valid reasons why we would need and want to slow things down, and this is where sacred choice comes in. Lack itself was created by love as a way for love to come to know itself, so there is no judgment on a necessary slower timeline. It could be said of everyone of us, that we are in a kindergarten relationship with love’s infinite potential. The veil is necessary.

Yeshua liked to push the boundaries, however, to explore beyond the safe and the known. He taught that the Kingdom of Heaven (the true ‘more’ that you seek) is likened to a man who happens upon a pearl of great price while walking through a field, who after beholding it, buries it in the field, then proceeds to go out and sell all that he has, so that he can return to purchase the field that contains this pearl.

We’ve all done this before. We’ve gone after something. Gave up other things to get that thing. Think about when you fell in love. Your ‘wanter’ will need to come back online, and be dusted off from its journey in the halls of the non-dual invalidation of the healthy ego. You’re going to need an ego to play in this game. You’re going to need to have needs, and be able to care for them, if you will ever be in the overflow of care and love for others in this profusion.

The cool part of all this is that in this higher heart motivation, the most truly ‘selfish’ motivation, is transmitted from the scarcity world of ‘my benefit at your cost’ to the world of ‘whatever is in my highest interest is in actual alignment of all others, because at root, there is only one of us.’ ‘Self’ is not only redeemed from the sinful picture of being separate from God, but celebrated and calibrated as the divine itself expressing in flesh. Your embodiment of all this is your divine reunion. It’s your ‘pearl of great price.’

It will ‘cost’ you, but it will be felt to be a pittance compared to the superabundance that you realize in yourself, and for the one-self of The All that we all are.

I lead and participate in a specific world of profusion. A specific soul family playground that requires preference. We all had to choose deeply and risk and give up other things to be a part of it. I’m inviting you to feel if what I lead is part of your pearl of great price.

There’s one thing you won’t have to give up to participate and that’s your sovereignty. You’re going to need to truly own that more than you thought you did actually. Only one in possession of their autonomy is able to surrender it into a setting while healthily retaining it. It’s the only safe way to go ‘all in’.

We’ve all seen the long played out unhealthy surrender of people’s autonomy onto pedestalized gurus who proved unworthy of our higher self projections onto them. We’re getting beyond that phase now in our collective consciousness.

What’s your ‘next’? If you were to gather up your investments, pool them into a fund, what, and who and where would you spend it on?

I encourage you to find that worthy place. Let yourself dream of it. Feel and love every voice inside of you that says it’s not possible. Know that their resistance is key and the portal to you transmuting your world to the new world. Take a next step in that direction. See how that step fuels the next. It makes you interesting, powerful and beautiful. It all looks so good on you!

Love,

Raphael 💚

This pic was part of Jelelle and I’s visit this past week to the Templar Castle and the later Church overlay onto it in Tomar, Portugal.

When we took these pics, we were both stunned by the transmission of our leading edge with a message that says “despite your questions, yes, you really are this big!”

Join me for a free intro (30 min over zoom) and 1:1 sessions for men (and with Jelelle for women) for support in this divine self embodiment path in person (here in Central Portual) or over zoom with THREE types of sessions now available…..Divine healing, self healing, and embodiment healing sessions by donation of 55-100 euros sliding scale, truly based on neg. and what you can afford…soulfullheart.org/sessions

Your Unhappiness Is Key To Your Happiness

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

By  Raphael Awen

If you’re not unhappy, you’ll never come to know true happiness.

Twenty years ago, I had ten big desires brewing inside of me, that all felt so out of reach. Today, I’m actually living in the fulfillment of all ten.

In some ways, at 62 years old, I’m happier than I ever imagined I’d be and in some ways, I’m not.

If you’re curious and drawn to some real transparency, please allow me to explain, but only if you’re truly wanting to dare to own your own sacred journey, as well as your deeper desires.

If you’re here and reading this, I feel it’s safe to assume that you’re connected to a deep common denominator in each of us to grow and expand. That’s why I’m writing and reflecting on this, actually, to keep on growing.

A quick list of the 10 really big desires I had brewing back in 2004 were as follows:

To escape the world I had created in a profitable niche world in my 30 year long painting contracting business. It was too easy and felt like a trap in many ways.

I wanted to leave the city I had spent the last 40 years in, but that felt so far out of reach.

I wanted to get out of debt financially.

I wanted to express my soul purpose and live in a much deeper sense of mission in my life, with more influence and connection with my world around me.

I wanted to be really intimately connected with a soul mate romantic bond inside of that mission.

I wanted to travel and live somewhat nomadically, and be in a much deeper connection with nature inside of that romance and soul purpose.

I wanted to get beyond a very limited sexual expression and repertoire which was all I’d ever known.

I wanted out of a 23 year marriage as well as my lifelong relationship with Christianity, both of which were reaching the end of their natural life cycle inside.

I wanted to learn how to live inside of the superabundance of the universe where I didn’t ‘work to earn a living’.

Each of these desires spoke to something really true of my soul. Looking back, it’s quite striking to feel how each one of these desires has been fulfilled when 20 years ago, each one only felt like a dream, where the entire self-help Tony Robbins like phase of my consciousness where ‘You can manifest the life of your dreams’ was no longer anything I had much steam for inside of me.

The dreams felt more and more taunting to me as I couldn’t see where and how I could move towards them. All I could feel was a sense of my life powering down in many ways, and my impulses to protect what I didn’t want to lose kept making me feel more trapped and more in despair of ever realizing these elusive dreams.

It’s an even stranger thing to realize that from the vantage point of 20 years ago, I’m both more fulfilled today than I’d ever imagined and I’m also not.

All of these desires were quite external to my internal world, which wasn’t nearly as in focus at the time. Many of the desires were strategic hopes of not having to enter my personal internal hells to find this imagined external heaven. What life and my soul gave me was a mission much deeper than the one I was superficially, externally, dreamily focused on, and that was to begin to truly feel and heal long avoided terrains inside of me.

Parts of me back then imagined in all those dreams, if I were somehow ever to make them more than dreams, if I actually realized them, that I’d be guaranteed to be outside of a world of deep challenge, of any experience of fears and insecurities, that I’d have life by the tail somehow, at least on my terms. I would be in expansive heart and soul fulfillment somehow. The dreams were like an imaginary world to cycle in, to escape into. In many ways, they felt so safely impossible, that parts of me didn’t actually worry about what it would be like to actually move my life from where I was then to where I wanted to be.

I didn’t really have a travel plan or a relocation plan because I didn’t see myself traversing that gap between my reality and my desires, until I began unavoidably falling into that gap.

I feel many men and women are right there now, falling into that gap, into that primordial void space. We are in deep cycles of death and rebirth, where not only individuals, but also entire cultures and ways of being in the world are reaching the end of their intended life cycles. We’ve received a sobering terminal illness diagnosis that feels quite unavoidable and convincing. Change is coming. Time to prepare, but how?

Where my unhappiness lives in me today is realizing this expectation or even demand that I’d be happier than I actually am was some kind of expectation of being saved or removed from life itself. My soul, and your soul never actually expected that life here in physical form would be free of deep challenges, or immune to unhappiness.

Your and my soul knew then and knows now that the propulsion system and digestive system of our growth always includes a ‘wanter’. No wants, no appetites, no unhappiness…; no real life.

Your and my present ‘skin in the game’ of carrying unfulfilled desires is what makes us interesting, useful and capable of deep joy, reverence and meaning. Without new desires showing up on the shores of your deepest fulfillments to date, you are withdrawn from life and love itself.

The biggest purpose at the core of the universe may be love itself wanting to come to know and feel itself, to unveil itself to itself. If that’s accurate, then you and I, as manifestations and expressions of that love itself, best gear up and ‘fear up’ (in a healthy way) of giving ourselves over to love’s cycle of despair, turning to yearning and then fulfillment and preparing to do it all over again. If love ever decides it has come to the end of its infinite learning and growth and to rest on its laurels, then we can be sure that heaven will be somehow beyond the risks of boredom and atrophy, that have and would surely plague and haunt us at this and previous phases of our consciousness.

I want more. You want more. This connects us like nothing else does. Your and my rewards and fulfillments can’t actually be kept to ourselves. My big piece of the pie doesn’t mean a smaller piece for you. If one of us figures it out, it’s actually figured out and plainly available for each of us. There’s no patent office to file your proprietary and personal claim on your fulfillment, or your ‘life hack’. This is because there is on a deeper level, only one of us in this illusory game of the ever appearing separate self.

Love needed the staging of the sovereign individual, the separate self, a birthing of its own image, likeness and stature, billions of times over, to prove its point that the whole show is a love show, including the deepest polarities and ‘evils’ and ‘devils’ we are faced with.

The despairs, the evils and the devils are all wanting nothing more than reconciliation with love. Every trauma and despair within you is a portal to the more that you are self-assigned here to seek.

The separation fears and traumas are all vital to learning and growth. The happinesses turning to more wanting needs to be factored in. You are this big of a being.

I want it all. I want it for me. I want it for you. I want it for love.

That’s my new desire and dream. I’m looking for more connection with more dreamers. Let’s get transparent with one another. What hasn’t worked? How can that inform what’s wanting to take form now?

What new ways of life and love want to express in this reunion side of the separation equation?

Are you willing to get honest and real? Because until you do, while you’re still part of the game, and love’s game and ever worthy, wherever you are, you’re just kind of boring and uninteresting to me. I’m not really drawn to you. On a higher level, I’m in awe of you, that you’re soul would take on such levels of disconnect and unfulfillment to transmute for love in time, but until this soul turn of reunion turns a corner in you, there’s just not a lot of any kind of a personally interesting game to play with you.

We both ever and only have equal worth and intrinsic value, but we’re just not on the same page. The game of separation and difference and polarity is still here, but only really to stage more reunions, and more learning.

I want to be a part of your despairs and your dreams, because when I’m allowed into that, I’m allowed into more of me, more of love itself, more of the divine’s sacred evolution.

Much love,

Raphael 💚

For more on my journey from those 20 years ago, check out Jelelle and I’s book: ‘Under The Bloated Banyan – Our Sacred Union Journey From False Light To True Love’ You can read more about it here: soulfullheart.org/underthebloatedbanyan

I’m also posting some longer writings like this one on Medium.com if you’d like to connect with me there. This post can be found here: https://medium.com/…/if-youre-not-unhappy-you-ll-never…

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

Choosing Your Soul Turn

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

When you enter a fork in the road, you have two choices that lie in front of you. Follow the known, or follow the unknown.

The known is safe and comfortable, full of suffering patterns that your soul has become so accustomed to. It may not be everything you’ve dreamed of, but it’s a straight and narrow path to survival and what you’ve been told is possible in this life. It is understandable and just as sacred to choose this path.

But what if your soul is calling out for something different. To choose something you’ve never tried in any other lifetime. To go behind the boundary of the known and take a leap into the space of possibility.

Many parts of you might struggle with this option. They crave the feeling of safety and knowing everything will be okay. That’s where the bigness of you can hold them and bring them to a place inside that is always safe for them. Meanwhile, you have the freedom to explore this vast unknown.

This choice point can come in so many forms. Ending a suffering loop, shifting a deep relationship, leaving or entering a geography, choosing a new form of alchemy. Each of these comes down to the choice of stepping out of one stream of consciousness and entering another.

These potential moments of soul turn often come to you unexpectedly. A contract that you’ve agreed to for so long has suddenly run out and now it’s time to sign up again, or try something new.

Six years ago I made my biggest life shift yet, choosing to enter into a completely new way of life and start becoming conscious of the family of parts inside me. Joining my soul family in SoulFullHeart was an incredibly soul led decision, yet there was still so much fear and uncertainty about what might lie ahead.

So far it has brought every aspect of soul expansion you can imagine – reunion, separation, joy, fear, love, pain, beginnings and endings. And boy has it been ALIVE. The soul turns I’ve made in these years have been ones I didn’t know were possible or that I would ever even desire. I have become the woman I’ve always wanted to be – less afraid of her truth and bigness, leaning into intimacy in relationships, opening herself up to her own form of leadership, no longer accepting what isn’t enough.

There’s so much more to go as there always is but I’ve learned that the moments I fear the most in this unknown, are the ones that bring me the most gifts in the end – so long as I walk through the fire, and not around it. The more you trust your soul and the divine to catch you, the more you can support your parts and all the fears that reside within them. Magic will happen if you let yourself live into something you haven’t previously known. That is BRAVE and that is LIVING.

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Reunion With My Beloved

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

In just two days, Jasper and I will be reuniting as I pick him up from the airport here in Portugal. We’ve had quite a four year history of ins and outs, together and separate, right next to each other and worlds apart. In the last two years, we have been in completely different countries coming in and out of contact with each other, and even in and out of romantic exploration.

On that day, two years ago, I made a huge, life altering choice. I chose to end our relationship, let go of the dogs that have been in my family years, and move to Portugal to be with my Soulfullheart community. It was not easy, nor did it come without falter or doubt, but I knew in a moment of empowerment that I was choosing myself and my soul. I had to trust that on a higher level, it was right for the both of us, despite how painful the separation felt.

This phase of being long distance has been such a deep time of individuation and self discovery for both of us. I feel now how important it is to have the time to heal enough of your inner wounding and gain a more centered connection to the divine in order to let in something as deep as a sacred union. By sacred union, I mean connection on all levels and consistently working on your own inner world in order to transact together on the outside.

I spent a long time rebuilding myself, finding out who I am now and who I want to be moving forward. I learned so much from sisterhood about how to be intimate, set boundaries, ask for what you need and how to share my heart more vulnerably. I’ve grown more of a center and a deep sense of self in this individuation, though it will always be an ongoing process.

Our connection together has ebbed and flowed over this time as well. We didn’t talk for a while, then needed to for practical reasons. I felt done with the ground that we left our relationship on but my care for him never left. Many times we rode the line of getting back together and entering into a new phase of relationship. But each time I had to say no, or the divine circumstances said no, when it still didn’t feel like the right time.

This last round was different. We started out different. In a much more raw, tender and real way. Sharing our deepest fears, most vulnerable pains, and even our anger and desires. This conversation represented a timeline split of either a deeper goodbye or a new kind of hello. In turned out, it sparked the beginning of a new foundation going forward.

I’m so unbelievably grateful to have had all this time as a single woman to mend the parts that felt broken, to rise into a form of queen inside of myself, and reconcile some of the old patterns and behaviours that existed in our previous relationship. Neither of us moved on, neither of us forgot about each other, and neither of us was ever vilified by the other.

Every sacred union journey is unique and different. For me it took time, creating a relationship with the divine, and creating a home inside that was so safe, no part of me felt abandoned or lost in the dark. Now it’s time to make room for this outer masculine beloved and to start life together in collaboration and exploration! 💛

The attached pictures are the very first picture we ever took together and the very last before I left Canada!

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Experience of Soul Family | Kasha Rokshana & Raianna Shai (Video)

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

It’s a time of year when desires for new kinds of bonds and relationships can arise while you ‘deal with’ the toxicity and non-resonance of your current ones. Parts of you may feel truly obligated to stay connected to these bonds (which can feel/be more like ‘binds’) and also hold fear about what would happen if they were to be let go of.

The invitation of Christ/Magdalene consciousness, this time of year especially with the codes coming in, is to feel into these dynamics and also feel into your desires to experience true soul family.

In this video, Raianna and I share about and digest our personal experiences of being a part of this soul family of SoulFullHeart, along with what we’ve experienced with others who have come and gone from our midst. We also share about what we personally want to experience more of with others. We talk about the mirrors we hold for each other and where the intimacy of our bonds here take us both within and together.

We hope you enjoy this insider’s view on our very small (for now!) soul family community and some of the ins and outs we’ve experienced so deeply!

Love,

Kasha & Raianna

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Raianna Shai is a member of the SoulFullHeart Healing community.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

On Masculine Purpose, Mission and Power

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Help a man find purpose, embrace mission and uncover more of his innate power, and he’ll be fulfilled almost anywhere.

Purpose, mission and power are keys to the authentic masculine. Eventually, however, those keys will also disappoint and even fail you as they invite you into ever higher and truer levels of purpose, mission and power.

This masculine solution orientation is in deep contrast to the feminine innate need and desire for intimacy and vulnerability, which are not what men are primarily wired and conditioned for, yet this feminine need is what men need and use to wire up their purpose, mission and power.

The masculine needs and wants intimacy, but in their own way. It’s more about constructing this purpose, mission and power castle. The masculine wants to first feel powerful so that they can then comfortably show up safely for their version of intimacy. The male picture of intimacy is about being appreciated and respected rather than being loved, because appreciation and respect speak to his power, while raw love speaks to his need and vulnerability, which he’s still in process of coming to terms with.

How this looked for me when leaving my teen years behind was all about first ‘getting right with God.’ With many other lifetimes of conditioning intersecting with my conditioning as a child and teen, I was anxious about my eternal salvation. Once that was secured, I needed something else to further ensure my teenage depression and anxiety was a thing of the past.

I needed a mission. I needed a reflection of my power. I needed people to know me so they could appreciate, value and trust me, with a little bit of my idea of intimacy sprinkled in for security.

I left a trade/technical school path behind suddenly in favor of bible school. The world didn’t really need a technician. What they really needed was eternal salvation. I was picking up the master mission – the mission of all missions. But that alone wasn’t addressing an underlying loneliness, which left unaddressed would be sure to derail this mission.

I was ready to be a man, find a woman, pursue her, wait till marriage to have sex, (to maintain God’s guarantee that this gauntlet of relationship wouldn’t fail and decry my power – another power play). I wanted to be convinced that I was unique, special and beyond the everyday man.

In my first marriage and fatherhood, I was ready to give attention to emotional and intimacy issues from a solution based orientation, to keep things on track, to maintain my sense of self and responsibility.

As a young man, somehow not quite achieving my first choice of full time ministry, I embraced self employment as a painting contractor. Decades were spent in finding new and expansive ways to carve out my niche and be rewarded for it, and tie all of that to the purpose of marriage, and to the larger Christian mission. I never had a conscious feeling of depression until my 39th year!

The events of life converged to unravel and get underneath all this shaky purpose, mission and power to help me go to my next places of growth.

I chose my own emotional healing and spiritual growth outside of Christianity, after the Christian mission of personal salvation was done inside of me. This collapsed my entire social world and marriage. I so get why us men are hesitant to take our next ripening steps that life is inviting us into.

From seeing and feeling the world now through my lens of the reality of the Inner Protector and the soul Gatekeeper, I can so see where they both converged on a plan to answer my desperate conscious prayer to escape my self diagnosed teenage inferiority complex. It worked like a charm. Until it didn’t. Ascent and descent. Construction and deconstruction.

There are lessons to be learned and paths to be taken that can only be embraced in the ascent/construction phase of life, as well lessons and paths that can only be experienced in a descent/deconstruction phase. The rise is meant to crest and falter, which isn’t a failure at all, but the soul’s deeper growth urges breaking through the once invulnerable walls of purpose, mission and power.

Living into all of these conscious reflections and questions, with support from the divine, from soul family beloveds, in heart and soul intimacy with a counterpart soul mate, with each part of me from this life and soul aspects from other timelines is where I’m living now.

If my story resonates with yours in some way, I’d love to help you as a man discover these aspects of yourself, their needs and your next places of truer purpose, mission and power. I’d also love to be of assistance to you as a woman come to terms with your beautiful contrasting desires to be wanted to be truly met and felt by a man, your need for masculine vulnerability to underlie their power.

Please reach out via messenger. Our/my sessions page is soulfullheart.org/sessions for more info.

It’s all a such a good set of problems – really!

Much love,

Raphael

From Orphan to Sacred Union

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

The root of all of our ‘disorders’ has to do with being what we experience as being birthed out of the divine. We experience it as being de-parented from our divine and are left with the orphan wound.

Everything that’s seen as wrong with you or I can be traced back to this wound. It’s only by going into this wound as a portal, as an opening (interesting that the literal meaning of the word wound is opening) that our experience of true divine connection is restored.

Why would it all be this way? Why the being birthed out of the divine? Why the veil of forgetting? Why the seeming need for a conscious choice of awakening?

My awareness and ‘answer’ to the above questions has been that it all has to do with the divine not having a way of knowing itself, experiencing itself. What beauty is there in perfection if it cannot be observed, if it cannot be contrasted? Hence the divine created ‘other’ along with duality, both of which didn’t exist before, at least in expression.

But what’s dawning on me now, beyond all of the above understanding (that has infused a lot of my writing up till now) is a deeper feeling sense of the entire point being about communion, if I could use that word, or ‘sacred union’ to try another. This is where the feelings and experiences are likened to a ‘bridal chamber’ where the beloveds are totally in thrall to one another and all the practicalities of life are suspended to make room for this exchange of what amounts to witnessing the divine.

I’ve long thought of this as the reverse of the de-parenting or orphan experience, but what’s also dawning on me now is how this is less of a reverse, and more of a transverse, a step further along the path, rather than a step back. It makes sense that in our conditioning, we would try to retrace our steps, like finding our way out of a jungle, to try and return to source.

But the divine is not lost or seeking to restore something lost, or trying to win a battle between good and evil, or between ‘god’ and ‘devil’.

If this is all the divine’s forward step, then this all sheds a lot of light on what we call our attachments. Our sense of ‘I Am’ is conditioned to our attainments and attachments. To deny the need for a healthy ego, where so many spiritualities have detoured into (in my opinion) is to dissociate from the human experience and journey. A suicide and a ‘deicide’ (the killing of the human and the deity within) in one fell swoop.

It’s the ego that has attachments, and the journey through life, if anything, is a negotiation of one’s attachments, letting in new ones and letting go of old ones. A baby comes with none and the deceased leave with none.

This makes you and I literal expressions of the divine’s own evolution, or better said – I Am The Divine Now.

I was struck this morning by the relationship of the words ‘morph’ and ‘orphan’, where morph means to essentially shapeshift, and orphan means to lose one’s parents. The shapeshift we all underwent was being parented by the divine and then losing experiential awareness of that fact.

Now we’re left with belief based god connections that are largely robbed of genuine feeling experience or if there is some kind of emotional connection, the feelings and experiences are skewed and hijacked by the obvious orphan wound into something unnatural and unbecoming to a grounded human, often rooted in exclusivity or absolution of guilt. There’s something commoditized, scarcified and being sold about it all. But even this darkness and taking advantage of our forgetting is also sourced in the divine’s evolution. No?

If you’ve read this far, first, thank you, and allow me to make this personal.

At 62, and with a lot of change in life experience, roles in family, religion, geography, birth family gains and losses, soul family gains and losses, being challenged with letting in a ton of goodness and even finding myself choking on it all at times, I’m feeling the choking is about this ongoing negotiation in the divine’s own adventure. The choking always seems to be about letting go of an old attachment and a part of me not feeling assured of just what the new attachments will be about, or if we can make those attachments, or actually enjoy them.

I’ve felt a lot of reaction in my digestive system and sleep patterns for years even that feel like an ongoing negotiating of an upgrade to a higher level of consciousness. For so many decades prior, I could eat whatever I wanted to and sleep like a baby, and without so much as a cold in my body, let alone any deeper ailments.

Now, I’m eating far healthier than I ever did, living a stress free life in so many ways, and yet there’s this discomfort in the body, a dis-ease, a loss of the former ease.

If that doesn’t describe a death and a rebirth, I can’t imagine what would! Needing to let go of baked goods for instance, that mainstay from the hearth and heart of Gaia, usually prepared and served by the feminine heart and gifted to the children – that’s one of thee most satisfying of all attachments that I’ve come across. And rooted in so many lifetimes!

Let THAT go?!

Why?

The invitation is to feel the attachment instead of dissociating from it, or pave over it. The guidance I’m getting is that it is in the willingness to actually feel loss, to actually experience loss, (which is the very thing the divine couldn’t do ‘before’) that is what moves us forward in the divine’s birth canal into what hasn’t actually existed before in divinity, what actually leads to the bridal chamber of sacred union with all of life and love. A loss wouldn’t be a loss if there was no attachment to it. You came here to navigate attachments. You came here to have them and to let them go, and make new ones.

This speaks to the morphing going on in the orphan, shapeshifting from one who’s lost and losing (a loser) to one who’s found and gaining, a ‘foundling’ we could call you.

That word just popped out and I had to look it up – get this:

Foundling: A “foundling” refers to an infant or young child who has been abandoned and found with no known parents or guardians. This term is often used to describe a child discovered and taken in by others or an institution, as the child’s origin is unknown.

Wow!

I was raised on those words from the hymn ‘Amazing Grace’ – ‘I once was lost but now am found’. I believe that these words are the divine’s own testimony if you will. You are the divine’s expression right now, as you are, and how your and my ‘attachment disorders’ are currently playing out and through is all just the cutting edge of divine evolution.

Maybe all we’re really in need of is a little grief counseling, when it comes right down to it. I know of no better way to do this than to show up for the part of me who’s in the grief, who’s negotiating the change of conditionings currently playing out in my world. This is literally being in the bridal chamber – a place for sorrow and joy in equal measure!

One more thought in closing today. The word diet literally means ‘way of life’. A change in diet is a change in one’s way of life. All cultures have a cultured diet. It feels like the change in way of life we are being invited into is about all of the ‘foods’ that have sustained us. All of our appetites that are shifting.

I can’t think of anything more fun than being connected with people who are living out this cutting edge of change in their way of life. Challenging? Without a doubt! My greatest so far, but also the most rewarding and where my appetites are!

Bon Apetite!

Love,

Raphael

The mushroom pic is from along the trail from this week’s hike. Strangely, every single one these guys only grew along the very edge of the trail, nowhere else to be seen, seemingly wanting to be noticed. How divine!

The Multidimensionality Of Being A Woman

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

There are so many buried emotions that live within the feminine. So many lifetimes of suppression, persecution and judgement have colored our souls leading us now to either feel small and unworthy or constantly fighting against feeling this way again. Both of these frequencies keep us from being in our full bigness and empowerment as women – and instead allow these pains to keep us from embodying peace and divine love within.

I’ve noticed a theme in the collective lately, even in the last few years of hating men. Ranging from a distaste to true disgust. This always bothered a part of me as I have known so many wonderful and caring men in my life. Yet in a recent process of mine I was looking back on my teenage years and remembered a time that the boys in my high school acted in a way that made the girls feel belittled, judged and truly demeaned as if the only thing we had to offer were our looks. When going back to this time I felt more rage than I have ever felt in my life. It was coursing through my veins to the point of shaking and cursing.

It was a feeling I haven’t allowed myself to feel often in my life, for fear of hurting others or being judged for the intensity of it. But after so many years of this anger being suppressed I finally had a safe enough container inside to let it all out toward this specific memory. What came after was a realization that much of this energy came from the “killer queen” who feels like an archetype that many women have within them to some degree. She has formed from lifetimes of the feminine being treated as lesser than the masculine and not being able to express our gifts. Not even coming close to being cherished and honoured for them.

And yet, we chose this for a reason. We chose to live out and express this feminine/masculine dance and to hopefully heal from it and move into something brand new. I feel the need for humanity to go through this cycle of a pendulum swing from the masculine being in power, to the feminine reclaiming it’s power. Both extremes come at a cost yet I can see the other side of it. What comes next is true collaboration, respect and care between the masculine and feminine. A bond so yearned for and desired that it can’t help but unfold exponentially within each of us and then collectively. I feel this is something all of our souls have been waiting for.

Jelelle led a group call about the inner mother/matriarch that I feel really ties into this theme. As Kasha mentioned in her recent post, the inner mother has had to express as more masculine because of the lack of true masculine support on the outside. In her heart she wants to be able to lean in and discover who she really is as a woman. I feel the more shadowy matriarch energy too in the anger towards the masculine, often drawing more of that wounded masculine energy in her frustration and anger.

As we feel and heal the inner mother/matriarch we begin to understand more of who we are as women and the frequencies we’ve chosen to live in – inside and out. We’ve inherited so much from our birth mothers and mother figures in our lives that getting to know this part of us is key in unlocking what is truly ours to hold. And eventually, we can move through the anger and into a place of forgiveness for self and the masculines we’ve experienced in our lives. Coming back into peace and self love, only to draw more of that on the outside.

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Letting Go of Hell To Let In Heaven

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

Eeeee! This is the first time I’ve ever filmed a video like this, sharing my process spontaneously through video but it felt so good and natural in the end. We’ve been talking a lot recently as a community about sharing like this more and trying to show what this process is like in a more intimate way, as well as how we relate to each other.

In this video, I talk about a process I had over our group weekend with a gatekeeper of mine. What I discovered is that he was gatekeeping not my own soul, but a whole dimension of masculine sufferring that my soul seemed to have tapped into. This has led to a feeling in myself of needing to save the masculine and pull these aspects out of their own hell. But ultimately, that’s their journey to take and not mine to hold.

This has led to so much relief and unanchoring inside of me that I am finally feeling a fluid and easy connection with the divine in a way that I’ve always heard about and wanted.

I hope this resonates with you or however it lands and thank you again for taking it in ♥️

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Choosing To Live

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

It’s a fine line to balance your healing between deep inward feeling and outward clear currency. To dive deep into emotion means to be so honest and transparent with yourself that each part of you gets to feel every single thing that comes up for them. Whether it’s fear, joy, grief, peace, sadness, relief… it’s all so sacred and needs to be felt in its full capacity.

There’s a common fear in that deep dive though that you’ll never make it out of the heavy emotions. That you’ll be stuck in this void of depression and sorrow – trapped in your own inner hell. What I’ve discovered for myself is that not going to these places also causes a hell inside. Constantly invalidating and pushing down these feelings that will always be there until they’re addressed, felt and loved. When they aren’t felt, they come out sideways through reactions that we don’t totally understand. In anger, frustration and feeling inadequate or unworthy.

This is where the other side of the line is so important. There needs to be a bigger energy in the space to hold these deeper feelings. The divine, your higher self, something that can be even just a little bit bigger than the hopelessness. Something that brings air to the container that you’re holding for these parts of yourself. As this bigger energy holds these deeper emotions, a clarity and confidence starts to arise.

From there we find sobriety, truth, transparency and a deep claim of our parts and our relationships to others. In my recent process I’ve felt a mix of my inner teenager, shadow queen and inner punisher and how they all relate to one another. I learned how much my inner punisher and shadow queen were both suppressing and being suppressed, unable to express their truth to me and others.

As I deeply felt all three of these parts I started to feel a release and relief. Clarities started coming through, more truth was allowed to come out, more air entered into my entire being and all the despair and sobbing in that process became so worth it. I’m still in progress with this but so many layers have shed already.

We can try and go under or over the feelings all we want but the ONLY way to move it is through. Allow the feelings to take you on a journey, to change you from the inside out. You end up becoming so connected to your parts that you will do whatever you can to provide them the love and relief they desperately need. Choosing this depth of feeling is choosing to finally LIVE. And each time I make that choice to live and not let my soul or heart die, I become that much more whole and connected to my soul purpose.

I hope that you decide in this moment to choose to live ♥️

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.