By Raphael Awen
For those of us who survived on being nice, relatable and kind, finding and feeling our rage can be a long time in the making, as well as an ongoing journey beyond that too.
Rage just isn’t welcome or seen as productive in any way. Parts of us had to form to cap our rage in order to survive. Part of us, or a whole cast of varied parts of us, had to form in cooperation to bury our rage, to somehow channel it, yet never interface with its raw killer energy.
I just experienced a surprising reconnection with my own rage after years of consciously working with it, where I needed to welcome anew the part of me who feels that its rage will implode my life and relationships as I know it/them now.
When I channel the raw rage feeling of particularly what it was like as a child to let parents win a tantrum battle, I feel the intense feelings of ‘I’d kill you right now if I wasn’t smaller than you.’ As an adult, I haven’t killed anyone, let alone my parents, or even truly blasted someone with my rage, so where then does this go?
(And if you claim not to have any rage, please move along and make room for those of us who do!)
Even the part of us who holds the rage can so try to mute or edit itself. This leaves YOU muted and edited in some degree shape or form. Until we can integrate our rage, we are left living someone else’s life, by someone else’s rules, for scraps of love.
Trying to access this energy without feeling it as a subpersonality within us is actually just the part of us trying to hold space for itself, without a me or you there. It leaves the original wound in place, which is not the rage, but rather the suppression and inability to digest the rage. The rage needs to be felt by an ‘other’, rather than stewed in. Feeling by an other allows for movement. We can be this other if we are willing to feel our parts.
Until we can show up as an adult like parent energy of an authentic self and feel our rage, as a living being part of us, we are left disconnected from key aspects of our power and safety and love in the world.
Rage is not the source of our conflicts. The source of our conflicts is found in the inability to digest our rage. That’s a huge difference.
If this resonates for you and you’d like help finding and feeling your own rage part, I’d like to invite you check out SoulFullHeart and personal session space with me. I would be delighted to serve your genuine interest and desire.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. You can make a one time donation to SoulFullHeart at https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.