Day 12, Part 1 of 2 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 12, part 1, of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here:

Good Morning, Everyone. Isn’t it magical that we get these cycles called, ‘days’ in order to move through this intention? The word ‘journal’ means daily travel, which makes it a journey, or a sojourn. I feel so honored to be here and to be leading this with you all, to have your presence at this round table. The round table feels like a vortex of energy where so much from each other’s realities and timelines gets to heal and integrate, and then to be leveraged into each other’s worlds, exponentially.

There’s like this telepathic teleprompter in our Merkabah that is just so much fun to play with, feeling all the places we can go. In moments, I forget our main intention of meeting with the Demiurge, and then it circles back on its own, somehow. There are just so many new and emerging ways to be with life that I struggle at times to have the patience to allow them to arise; to be more natural around the navigation. Parts of me so want the new now, all of it. I’ve been given tastes of Golden Earth that feel like acclimations to that energy, and that leaves me with an ache, with a deep missing feeling, when my awareness is more tuned into 3D life.

I’ve been feeling lately how simple it is with a mix of willingness and intention to dial up a raising of my frequency. I’m feeling that would be good to do right now. Let’s check into Golden Earth together right now. We can dial up a conference place that has a perfect blend of indoor and outdoor amenities, privacy and whatever else we can imagine as perfect for today. How does that sound?

Martin: It sounds so good, I can hardly stand it. Yes, please.

Arthur: I second that motion, Martin.

Animalea: Perfect. Place and energy is so important. High purposes need high places.

Merlin: Andy and I are all good to go.

Raphael: Okay, I can see we are all in. I’ll ask each of us to close our eyes, to help going inward, at least, that’s what I find helps. No rules here though. I like to also take a few deep breaths, feeling the inhale and exhale. Something about dialing in the source energy that we all do in every moment, but in a more conscious intentional way. I see us reaching out touching hands as we do, and it feels like we have lift off. Feel the ascent. See in the distance a set of gates that make up the grand entrance to Golden Earth. Yours might well be different from mine. Approach these gates with your intention and desire. Now broadcast those desires and intentions to the gates. That makes for the automatic garage door opener. Silently, the gates begin to open.

Feel the domain you are leaving fade in your awareness as Golden Earth tones and frequencies rise into your awareness. Feel all that you can feel and notice. Hear any messages. See any pictures. You may well taste and smell things as well. You have each of your senses here and more. Nothing quite like a little Golden Earth aromatherapy. Trust what you are being given with full gratitude that this is precisely what you are meant to experience. Feel any parts of you who have any kind of reaction to what they are experiencing.

Wow, Okay, I can feel you all taking in big gulps. Perfect. I’m going to let you all go on ahead as deep as you want to. I’m going to hang back just a bit to keep one eye on the door to welcome others in our growing posse, to make sure they feel at home here to.

I’m going to keep talking as you settle in. It’s okay if you don’t track to much of what I’m saying right now. The vibes here contain all the goodies, anyway you let them in.

It’s like almost impossible to feel the dark energy of the Demiurge from here. I can so feel we need to feel this as a reference point. There is no ‘separation from God’ energy here. It just can’t vibrate here. There is in its place, the incredibly rich sensory overload of feeling that you are the Divine. Want to feel your own creative power, just imagine a scene shift of your choosing. I’m fond of the Golden Earth Redwoods myself. How’s that?

Andy: Whoahhhh, Raphael. Can I try?

Raphael: I was hoping you would.

Andy: I’m adding in lions and tigers and bears.

Raphael: Voila, isn’t this wild, Andy? They seem curious about us and each other, and without fear or aggression.

Animalea: I just dropped in Adam and Eve.

Raphael: Oh – my – goodness. Aren’t they something to behold and feel.

Wow, you guys, as we are doing this just now, I can feel how the Demiurge himself knows how to do this, on some level. He made up a story that set himself up as the creator, and denied the created subjects of you and I any of the creative power, in his version of the story at least. He was able to sell this story to enough people and his story became ‘his-story’, as in history, to the absence of herstory. This also aligns with the deal how we co-created the Demiurge subconsciously with our disowned creative power, like we’ve already talked about, how we needed a power to hold our own divinity as a placeholder until we could awaken to it. In other words, we built this beast. This is important to feel, I’m reminded just now. If we created this beast, then it is ours to un-create. Trouble is, it’s all too real, and it can’t shift, unless we do.

This is getting wild to feel, isn’t it? Quite a mind trip for sure. Let me remind you though, that I’m just calling it as I see it. I don’t claim any of that absolute-truth poop-scoop. That’s the Demiurge’s deal to claim the corner on that one, that keeps beings asleep to their own truth. It’s way more fun being in the ‘near as I can tell’ zone.

Now that we’re getting settled, what should we talk about? I don’t like preparing speeches as you know. It’s way more fun feeling what wants to arise between us. I was feeling to talk together from here in Golden Earth anything about our mission at hand in any roundabout kind of way we felt to, or not. There sure is this absence of anxiety here, isn’t there? It takes some reorienting to find your bearings. I think to let each of you check in as you feel to, with whatever you feel to.

Rhodes: My God, it’s hard to find a place to begin, but I feel something moving and like I’m supposed to open my mouth so even I can find out what that might be. I feel this gratitude layer emanating from each one of us. I’d say you were all high, unless I knew better. But then, we are high aren’t we? And we’re not at the same time. It is an altered reality that’s for sure. It’s funny, though, because even the term ‘altered reality’ assumes a baseline of reality that can then be altered. I get from the vantage point here how there isn’t one fixed reality. There is just our reality conditioning. We are imprisoned by the cults of our own making until we realize this. Wow, I could go on, I see, but what I really need to say, is how good it feels to be feeling this with you all, letting in a newer reality. There is one big downside to being a Gatekeeper and that is that you know so much lies beyond the gate, while you chain yourself to keeping the gate. I am so sorry, Raphael, and I need to extend that sorry to each of you here, and to each of you who come by here, for the lockdown of the past. I want to resolve all of this remorse and sail to all that we are being given to see and feel. I want wonder. I want reverence. I want to be awe-filled and awe-ful, and not to be afraid any longer of the unknown more that lies beyond what I can see and not see.

Martin: I was waiting for you, Raphael, to respond to Rhodes, just now, and then I got it. Actually, I felt the words land, as you call it, and it just went swoosh around the whole circle. Wow, this is all so new and so magical, with a bunch of new vocabulary, too. Then, I couldn’t help myself. I had to jump in. I think I floated more than slept last night, yet I feel quite rested. Thank you, Rhodes, for opening this portal to me and my timeline. I’m rested at the moment, but I am also so torn inside. My timeline must be the most complete opposite to this timeline. It is so unimaginable to feel both as real. The Witches are being burned as we sit here while Pope Fart-Ass, and the pedophile Priests preside over it all. Oh my god, it’s all a fucking Demiurge racket where I come from, and we’re not at all free of it. We moved a bit of this in the Reformation, but it so looks like a mere drop in the bucket from where I sit now. I’ve never really seen the Demiurge as the actual deal I’ve been running from, while thinking I was serving ‘God’. I have a whole heap to feel through and sort out.

I so don’t want this dead ‘Luther’an church deal that I see in your timeline. It hurts to feel your growing up story, Raphael, sitting in such a church twice every Sunday, while Andy waited to reach for the stars. Thank the Divine for the holy boredom that wanted something so much more. That I am actually feeling is such a wild feeling in itself, and how easy it is here with you all, in this Merkabah as you call it, to feel. I feel I best pause here. I’ve been known to be long winded at times, but I actually need to go inwards in a really big way. I have parts of my own that call for my attention. One part is feeling I must be completely deceived. Another wants to move in with you all and never look back. I must tend to this inner family, if I am to find any way at all. Mostly, in this moment, I want to say, I feel so much gratitude for it all, and for you all here.

Raphael: Thank you, Martin, so much for feeling here. Who else wants to share? The quiet is okay too, isn’t it?

Arthur: I think it’s supposed to be me to go next, I just was waiting to get a sense of what to say. I still don’t know, actually. It makes me a bit uncomfortable to open my mouth, when I don’t know what to say. I’m not usually stuck for words. Maybe it’s high time I let go of kingly speeches, and instead find my heart. It’s funny though, because people say I’m known for speaking my heart, and they even had parts of me convinced of that to be the case. Here in your presence, however and the energy in this circle, I feel more like I was speaking and relying on some kind of heartful platitudes, I fear. I feel something deeper and I can’t really describe it, and that feels a bit disempowering to a part of me in the moment as well. I can feel this expanded galactic connection to all of you, to each of you, and it feels like a whole new world. It feels like the world has been blanketed with pure white snow for the very first time and I’m being invited to dress appropriately and to go out and play. Then, I feel a deep anxiety that I won’t know how to play, or that you won’t like me. That’s strange too, because I feel a deep love coming from each of you in this moment.

Then I feel like I’ve never been afraid to do battle when duty called, when the deep things that matter the most are called to be defended and protected. But here, with you, in this place, all those battles feel so far removed somehow. These battles don’t even feel real. What’s really crazy is the feeling that these battles originated from inside of me, and only then got their license to play out externally. Like the cat chasing its own tail.

I’ve been trying to feel my own contribution and value to the mission at hand, in this delegation to the Demiurge. Honestly, I couldn’t begin to tell you what that might be in this moment. It’s a disconcerting thought and a really good one somehow at the same time. I’m hoping that just being here and letting whatever this is that is happening, continue to happen will sort me out. As you said, Martin, I can feel I have parts of me tugging in different directions, with different needs, but so far, it all feels like each part is genuinely excited as well.

I hope that I made some sense. Part of me just now, feels I made no sense at all. I think I will return to listening. Thank you, all, for listening to me.

Andy: You made lots of sense to me just now, Arthur. You felt so kingly before, which is cool too, but now, you feel so much softer and even more interesting. We can go out and play in the snow. I can feel your own Inner Child, Magical Child, Starbeing Self, all of them in there, wanting to come out and play. A crown won’t keep you warm though, you need a warm fuzzy toque to be out in the snow. And then, when we get cold, we come back inside for a fire and hot chocolate. It’s like the best of all the worlds.

Arthur: (in tears) Andy, you touch something so deep in me, that so wants to play again. I want to be able to feel and get to know these parts of myself, that are like you. And yes, I’ll be quite happy to ditch the crown for a fuzzy warm toque, with a big silly dingle ball on top.

Animalea: On those notes, I feel to check in, next. It feels so good feeling each of you share here. I so get what you said, Rhodes, about the altered reality feeling. I feel how we all need our realities continually altered and re-altered, so that we can then be with each of those realities, both new and old. I’m also feeling how far removed it feels here in Golden Earth, from the Demiurge’s reality. That reality is real, but not here in this dimension. From here, it feels so far removed. Demiurge, what Demiurge? When you check into Golden Earth, his reality just dissolves. Maybe, we just need to teach everyone how to check into Golden Earth, and then the Demiurge just becomes irrelevant? But that would be transcending a whole bunch, I get that. An instant fix for sure, but one that leaves a whole bunch unfixed at the same time.

Okay, then I’m feeling how none of us actually need any fixing. I feel like I’m channeling you, Metatron, hope that’s okay. I’m feeling how each of us are living perfectly dialed up stories and dramas, that present us exactly with the circumstances and cast of characters that we need to learn our way through feeling school. It all hinges on feeling. Feeling is the paddle to the canoe. Feeling is the rocket booster to your spaceship. Feeling is what takes us from hell to heaven. But, that’s precisely what the Demiurge deal is most bent on. If there’s one thing his entire deal is about, it’s about not feeling. Those Ten Commandments, and his 40 billion year old virginity, all of it is about his own fear to feel. He, like every last one of us pieces of consciousness commute and transmute through life and experience by feeling. Andy, knows how to feel. He can feel sorrow and switch to joy at the drop of an ice cream cone. When I grow up, I want to be like Andy. The Demiurge’s local dimension is 3D, which isn’t a bad ‘D’ at all. We’ve just despaired of 3D, as it has had so much Demiurge projection into it. I’m feeling how, I can bridge to 3D, if I can get to be at home here in Golden Earth at the same time, without transcending any feeling that the Divine wants me to feel, even if it’s painful.

Okay, I just went all over the place too, didn’t I? Feels like that kind of day. If I dial a bit further down to my heart, I feel this huge gratitude layer. It’s so thick, it’s like there’s still a part of me afraid I’ll choke on it somehow, that I won’t be able to breathe this oxygen, and yet, it gently invites me, to trust and to fall back into it.

I know I want each one of you, so very much. I want to do anything as long as it’s with you. I feel like the Demiurge project is as good as any, in the moment, anything that will allow community to form around some cohesion. I don’t want to do life alone. You are each so different than me, and that is like the most exciting. Thank you for wanting me and seeing me like you do.

~ To Be Continued In Part Two ~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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