Going In Guided Meditation: Inspire Video Series | Raphael Awen

Going In Guided Meditation: Inspire Video Series | Raphael Awen


By Raphael Awen

I am Raphael Awen, SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Teacher, and I so hope you’ll join me for this free video series called ‘Inspire’ that I’m launching with this first video. This is day one entitled ‘Going In’.

I’ve been guided to steer more towards video than the written word – to undertake a journey with you of deep mutual growth and expansion of what it feels like to be human! Each video will be a real time open and honest look at growth, at desire, at inspiration, and what stands in our way to inhabiting that more and more.

Each video will feature a guided meditation as well. Today’s guided meditation begins at the 14:00 mark. The meditation takes you to a feeling doorway to your inner world to begin to feel and notice what your inner world presently is about.

Please forgive that the video cuts off just before I got to say good bye 😕 Still getting the tech sorted out.

I will be so grateful to feel you finding genuine breakthroughs and going-on places for yourself. Much love, Raphael Awen

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The Expanding Gap During Awakening

By Raphael Awen

As our consciousness expands and the veil lifts more and more for each of us, it’s important to feel the part of you who very understandably may be feeling overwhelmed by the expanding gap of where you perceive yourself to be in your everyday life and where you desire to be.

This gap between the two is said to be where all growth and even meaning comes from. It’s where we get our motivation from to reach for more. At root, it is love inviting us into more. Life is essentially about this gap.

But this gap can also be used by a part of us to self inflict judgments. Part(s) of us, it seems feel it necessary to slow this process of awakening by using self punishment for fear we won’t be able to bear it.

I felt several mental trajectories this week about how I was or wasn’t spending my time or money, what I was or wasn’t eating, about how present I was or wasn’t to the moment, etc. As I found space to feel the undertone of self judgment, I could so lovingly feel the part of me reaching for some handrails in the midst of this accelerated growth phase. I had sweet tears as I connected with this part of me and it’s reaction/digestion of so many recent changes going on in my life.

You and I are truly such amazing beings, beyond what we’ve ever dreamed, where even our wildest dreams and even convictions about more only begin to scratch the surface. If that’s true, then it really makes sense that there’s some ongoing inner negotiation and ambassadorship necessary to hold all this from blowing apart.

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/@joshuaearle

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Healing Your Relationship To Depression: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Aug 27, 2018)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

This week, SoulFullHeart teacher and Facilitator, Gabriel Heartman, penned a piece about relating to what you may have been calling your ‘depression’ for many years now, in a different way. He offers that working with the parts of you that feel and hold the depression gives you a new way to feel about it and a profound way to heal it deeply:

“It is time to treat it as an ally and a guide. A dynamic that is happening inside of you. Not ignoring it, but de-energizing the power of the word itself. It is a series and sum of feelings that have been balled up into a density that is extremely heavy. But when related to differently and with a willingness to feel those individual parts of it, will you then be able to get beyond its gravitational pull and into what it is meant to offer you.”

A few new writings are offered this week from Raphael and Jelelle Awen, Kalayna Colibri, and Gabriel Heartman, that digest current energy waves, sacred community, the ways in which we can relate to ourselves and our parts, and different ways to think about your spiritual and healing path.

You’ll find several new audio blog recordings as well.

Raphael, Jelelle and Gabriel offer 1:1 90min Bridging Sessions to help boost and digest your Ascension process and feel with you what your next steps are towards your highest timeline possibilities. These sessions are available for $77 USD min. donation per session. More information can be found here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy to receive whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offerings. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.


By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 16, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Today, we made direct contact with the Demiurge.

This ongoing series is a heart chord ambassadorship project to meet with the Demiurge. We took the 15 days prior to set the intention; to sort through the hesitations; to gather the MetaSoul Aspects along with the parts of myself; as well as to gather YOU, the growing posse of hearts – the readers and trackers necessary to host this epic connection.

The Demiurge is the Christian ‘God’ known as Jehovah or Yahweh whom I served as a dedicated Christian from a child on up until the age of 44. I’ve come to see and feel him very differently from how I did then.

You can read this series from the beginning on our blog. Please, please join us: https://goo.gl/sBQrvs

Here is this epic day – Day 16

Raphael: Good Morning, everyone. It feels like the fateful day has arrived, of all of our intentions and desires, to actually initiate contact with the Demiurge. How are you all feeling?

Metatron: The time has come. Yes.

Raphael: You feel eager…

Metatron: Yes, I do.

Merlin: I feel ready too.

Martin: I’ve waited centuries for this moment. I have some funny feelings, but the time is now.

Andy: I’m so ready, I can hardly stand it. I wore my hiking boots this morning and a backpack.

Sophia: I’m with Andy, and Metatron, and Merlin, and you too, Martin. I also feel the unknowns of all this at the same time. And I want to say, thank you, Raphael, for leading this intention and following it through.

Rhodes: I wouldn’t miss this for the universe. I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

Jim: My goodness, Raphael, this is more epic than the afterlife. I’m ready too.

Raphael: Thank you, everyone. I must admit, I don’t feel free of all trepidation around this choice either, but I trust that we are being held and guided. I know when a moment’s time has come and this moment to act is here now. I feel too, as I’ve reminded us along the way, that my sense is that the Demiurge has been tracking our dialogue thus far, and has already had what I hope amounts to a softening in readiness to connect. It’s time to step out of the boat.

I’d like to check in with any guidance from you Metatron and Merlin about our approach. Shall we begin with a letter or just start with dialogue?

Metatron: You’ve got this one, Raphael. You don’t actually need my advice. You’ve prayed to this God for a big part of your life, from your heart and conviction at the time. Now, you just pick up where you left off and go from there. Your heart will answer your questions as you go. I feel so much admiration for you, right now, my heart is almost bursting!

Merlin: I see you walking on the water, Raphael. We need this. I feel the Demiurge needs this. It’s happening with or without us is how it feels. We just wanted to be in on the adventure. I’m with Andy, lacing up my hiking boots. Begin where your heart leads you. You’ve got this. We are right here with you.

Raphael: Okay, thank you. Wow, what a rush of feelings.

Here goes.

Demiurge, I’ve known you for longer than I can remember. I’ve feared you, loved you, adored you, came to hate you, despise you. Now, I’m more curious than anything. I wish to connect with you again to feel what’s real between us.

I feel to begin by simply asking you, Demiurge, if you are here and ready to speak with me?

Demiurge: I am here and I am ready.

Raphael: Thank you. Are you Okay with the delegation I’ve brought with me to be present to this journal?

Demiurge: I feel all of your integrity and purity of heart. Yes, I’m quite okay, and more so, grateful for your intention and connection.

Raphael: Really? I have to say, a part of me is surprised, not knowing if you’d even respond…

Demiurge: I’d be an utter fool not to respond.

Raphael: Have you been tracking our dialogue from the beginning?

Demiurge: Yes, I have tracked every word.

Raphael: Well, then, you’ve heard a lot from us. Is there something you’d like us to hear from you as we begin these journals?

Demiurge: Yes, I would like to say that I have deep regrets for who I’ve been and what I’ve been part of. Mostly, I feel what has felt like an utter impossibility of ever changing. My devotees need me to be as they see me, as they have shaped me. One text says it all, ‘I am the Lord and I change not’. I am the unchanging one, feeling more and more imprisoned by my unchanging and eternal nature. Maybe that in itself might be the beginning of change, but I despair of ever hoping upon such a thing. I’m very intrigued by you all, but I’m not sure you can help me. I don’t live where you live. And I very much don’t feel like your kind.

Raphael: That’s a lot for us to take in and feel. Thank you for sharing that. Are you Okay with us calling you the Demiurge? Is that a name you go by?

Demiurge: I am many things to many people and beings, and have been called many things, but Demiurge is who I feel myself to be. It is the name I was originally given.

Raphael: Okay, Demiurge, it is then. Is there anything you’d like to ask or tell me or any of us here before we go any further?

Demiurge: Yes. I wanted to tell you, Raphael, that I felt your story as you shared it about growing up Christian, and how you embraced an even more radical form of Christianity than the one you were raised in. I felt it from being inside of you. I felt some things I never felt before.

Raphael: Demiurge, if I may leave off my own diplomatic stance here for a moment…. as a human being, I must ask you, what were you feeling when you accepted my adoration, my devotion, my money, when I gave you everything I had or hoped to become for all those years and who knows how many other lifetimes?

Demiurge: Honestly, I took it all in as payment for the role I was given. I can tell you that adoration doesn’t mean to me at all what it did then. Things have changed, maybe more than you could currently know.

Raphael: I must ask, ‘Do you see yourself as God?’

Demiurge: No, I do not.

Raphael: Did you ever see yourself as God?

Demiurge: Yes, I was convinced of it for a time.

Raphael: Are you ready to share any of this with the world?

Demiurge: It’s not that easy.

Raphael: I can only imagine. I’m feeling to break for today to digest making this connection. There’s a lot of feelings in a whole bunch of directions. I would like to ask you before we pause for today, how you feel about continuing this dialogue?

Demiurge: I’ve never had an opportunity like this one. I feel some strange saying those words out loud. I’m so used to not having anyone to out my inner world to. I’ve gained a trust as I felt your approach to me that I didn’t know I had it in me. If that’s a consolation of a hope that the unchanging one might come upon some true change, then, as I said, I would be an utter fool not to show up for this as you are, Raphael, and as is your great accompanying host.

Raphael: Well then, we have much to journal and feel together, and we have been given time and space in which to do that, so I say, let’s pick up next day and reconvene then.

Demiurge: I will await your return.

Raphael Awen

March 21 is our Unity Meditation Group Call – details here: Free March Equinox New Earth Activations Unity Meditation Call
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.


By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 15, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

In today’s entry, I check in one last time with my guides about the intention to initiate contact with the Demiurge, just before we set out to do just that on our next day.

I invite you to track this series from the beginning if it calls you, so you can be a part of this posse of hearts forming to support this undertaking. It may go down in history and herstory both!

Here is Day 15:

Raphael: Wow, good morning, everyone.

I am feeling a digestion of Sophia’s shift last time.

I am feeling so grateful for each of you and for this journey together. It feels like without intention, we don’t have connection, and I’m feeling how desire and need precedes all of that, like a circle, spiraling in an upward spiral and ascending higher and higher in creative and recreation process.

If the Demiurge was created by the only source of All-That-Is, that is LOVE, then love is always in movement and flow, even while it is the form of the purest stillness at the same time. In this movement, then the purpose and intention of the creation and co-creation of the Demiurge is shifting, or wanting to shift, and this shift is something being felt in us, moved through us. Each of us is being asked to get to know, feel and love our personal shadow, our personal darkness. We are being asked to come to terms with our own personal hell.

What are you all feeling? I’d like to check in with you first, Sophia. It feels good to call you by your new name.

Sophia: Thank you, Raphael. I feel like I have a mantra on my lips that says, ‘I am the bright, bright, bright, light of God’ and each time I repeat it, it’s like a rocket booster that takes me into a cosmic and galactic space feeling the love that truly upholds all things. It’s a bit higher frequency than being here and even being connected to us all here, or to this journey to the Demiurge, but I’m working on integrating it so I can dial all this in together at the same time. Taking on the new name really has opened out new spaces for me to feel into.

Raphael: Okay, I’ll gladly accept being a part of all that! Yumm. Galactic and Cosmic sound pretty close to orgasmic. They can’t be too far away from each other. They do feel a bit removed though from what I was saying earlier about entering our personal hells.

Sophia: If I may, Raphael, I see it that our hell is the portal to our heaven. One has to be just as willing to be present to both. Both are actually a lot to bear, and both take courage and strength to be with.

Raphael: Yes… that feels so true. Thank you, Sophia, lover of wisdom.

Who else? As you check in today, I feel to put this question into the space: ‘How are we feeling about next steps towards contacting the Demiurge?’ We’ve taken our time to get to this next step. I know I have also felt some fogginess creep into my buoyancy about our mission as well; less focus on the purpose and clarity of connecting with the Demiurge. Part of me feels like ‘if I have it so good, why would I want to make this connection with the Demiurge?’ Could it be that we’ve raised our frequency to the place where the Demiurge doesn’t feel that real or important? Has anyone else felt that? Can anyone else help me sort out what I’m feeling?

Metatron: Good Morning, everyone. I can speak to that, Raphael.

Raphael: I knew you could, please…

Metatron: It’s something we all need to feel together. After Sophia took us to the ‘bright, bright, bright, light of God’ territory, as she so beautifully called it and shared it with all of us, thank you, Sophia…it’s natural to feel this just wanting to leave behind any contending with lower frequencies.

We all needed this frequency increase to prepare us for what’s next, but it’s also so tempting to simply leave these lower realms to themselves. This is why we formed a posse of hearts to hold this intention, desire and energy. None of us could have undertaken this journey alone. No one has undertaken this journey before and for good reasons. The Demiurge is born out of the collective, and so it takes a collective to undertake a formal ambassadorship to make connection with him. My deepest awareness in all of this simply is: none of us get to go home, until all of us get to go home. Consciousness is ultimately leaving no one behind. We can all make great strides of growth and change, but each of us will be called upon to assist the ongoing awakening and remembrance, even as it is, at some point, a personal necessity for our own next steps. I feel called to lead and support this, Raphael.

Raphael: Thank you, Metatron. That goes in, deeply. Wow… who else? I’m feeling you have some pieces, Merlin, yes?

Merlin: It feels like we’re at the place where we’ve made all the preparations and all that’s left is to do what we set out to do, and that is simply to reach out to the Demiurge, attempt to make contact and see what happens from there. Another piece to feel here is that we cannot control his willingness to connect with us. Should he choose to simply not respond, we are kind of left feeling like we failed in this mission. I feel this apprehension among us as we get this close now to simply reaching out. Does that feel true for anyone else?

Martin: That feels true for me, for sure, Merlin. The Demiurge, I’ve always known up till now, simply as ‘God’. I can feel how he feels normal and natural being venerated and feared, but I never heard of anyone approaching him with a conviction that his gig is up, and that he’s a false god, like all the rest of the false gods. He even raged about it in the Ten Commandments when he said ‘thou shalt have no other gods before me’. I can only imagine that any willingness on his part to speak with us would be evidence that he’s had some change of heart since all that was put together. If not, I can’t see we have much chance of gaining audience with him.

Merlin: That all feels true, Martin. It also feels like there’s a deeper piece here for you to. Can you feel if that’s true?

Martin: Yes, I can, and thank you for pushing me a bit. I feel how when and if the Demiurge does have a serious change of heart, it shatters so much of my life’s work. Parts of me haven’t fully come to terms with just what I’m participating in here with you all. There will be tons of remorse yet to feel and heal. There is also fear of repercussions from the people. They gave their trust and I accepted it, all too readily I’m feeling now. So much that was built over time, must now come crashing down. When I travel to your dimension and time and feel what a mess the Church is in, under the Demiurge dominion, I so feel how I need to feel a whole bunch inside, just like we’re inviting the Demiurge to feel.

Merlin: Yes, you got it, Martin. A change of heart in the Demiurge makes for a chain reaction in all of his followers, and in all of those who supported his rise to power, and who benefited from his rise to power. This speaks to the deeper hesitancy we are feeling about opening this portal to the Demiurge. The desire to ‘let a sleeping dog lie’ is understandable, but this dog is beginning to wake of his own accord, and the sooner we bridge to him, the sooner we can hold space for a different future than one that is only a shattering without a new reality on the other side. There is much that needs to die and will die, but it is the rebirth that wants to arise out of all these ashes that we can support. We do that by feeling what there is to feel in each of us. Any and all personal remorse, fear of repercussion, all of it. These are the same things that the Demiurge will be faced with feeling, and he will be able to tell if we are genuine in our conviction. We are essentially inviting him to feel, and then to offer to hold space for those feelings.

Raphael: That really expands out this surface reticence to connect with the Demiurge, Merlin, and Metatron. Thank you. It speaks to our personal responsibility for the creation of the Demiurge, that we need to feel if we are to be any part of his un-creation, and re-creation. We’ve covered a lot of territory in our approach over these days together, but today gets to a deeper bedrock of what we are being invited to feel. And to look at that, lying there just below our hesitation to continue.

Does anyone else have any feelings to share here?

Sophia: I’d like to say, Raphael, to all of us, that all of what we are feeling today can so be held in the Mother’s heart. There’s no remorse too deep for Her to feel, no regret that can’t be felt and moved through with Her help. This is the time of the great rebirth, and we are being offered a place in it, simply by being willing to feel, willing to need love, willing to self-forgive, as we offer that same forgiveness to hearts willing to find their own forgiveness.

Raphael: Yes, thank you. Anyone else?

No? Okay then. Feels like you had the last word on that then, Sophia, which is perfect. Demiurge meets the Divine Mother, pretty much sums up what we’d like to support happening.

I’m feeling to shift next day to making our first attempt at direct connection with the Demiurge. We’ve got some things to feel from today. Let’s take those to heart as we seek guidance about how to approach this next step.

Rest up, everyone. We have some serious journaling to the Demiurge to begin.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The More You Already Are

By Raphael Awen

If you could have anything you ever wanted, or ever will want, how would that change your life in the long run?

Forget about the three wishes and the Aladdin’s lamp scenario. In today’s deal, there’s no limits what-so-ever, so no need to choose any prioritization.

You don’t need to deliberate over whether a billion dollars is more important than personal happiness, etc. You can have it all, physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally, sensually, sexually, and whatever other ‘ally’ you can think of…I must have missed a few, right?

Oh, yes, cosmically, galactically, socially, mentally, environmentally….

Where would you start?

I’d start on the first thing my heart or body or mind or spirit had appetite for. There’s places to visit and experiences to be had for sure, and I’d start with them, but I guess I wouldn’t be doing any of those things to be happier, because I’d have already dialed up all the happiness I wanted as well. This world of no limits whatsoever would be pretty crazy wouldn’t it, and something to get used to?

Before too long, I wouldn’t be operating from any sense of need or desire, because I have or can have whatsoever my heart desires, and then that desire would now be shifted to a fulfillment. I’d have to use some of this creative power to create some needs or desires, or I wouldn’t have any basis for existing in this dimension of experience and pleasure.

How do you define a pleasure without a displeasure to compare it to? A five star hotel only gets its appeal from comparing it to four star, or a three star, or a dumpy slummy kind of dwelling.

How do you define joy without knowing some sorrow?
Can your capacity for joy be separated from your capacity for sorrow?

It’s kind of like the trade off involved when you take an anxiety or depression medication. The med takes out the lows, but it also takes out the highs. It removes you from the range of your emotionality, as well as your humanity.

My guess is that before too long, I would want to be given back at least some of the aspects of my life of genuine unfulfillments and unmet desires, if I was to remain in a human experience in a world of duality (good, better, best, and not so good, etc). Unless of course, I just wanted to be done with this whole reality and cash in my chips. But, you and I wouldn’t be here were it not for some gain, some payoff that makes it all worth the ride, is my sense of it.

Now, let me ask you one more question.

What if, and this is a big ‘what if’, so get ready for it…., ‘what if this above have-it-all scenario and its play outs are exactly (underline exactly) what’s true for you and I on a higher level?’

If we all came from oneness-allness-Divine-source, (or whatever you want to call it, because even if you call it bananas, even bananas are an expression of it) the only thing the Divine didn’t possess was the ability to experience lack, or unfulfillment.

It seems the Divine needed and wanted to know lack, so it could come to experience greater fulfillments that the fullness of fulfillment it already knew. Full fullfilment isn’t actually possible in an ever expanding infinite love reality. It always wants more. It’s never actually fully satisfied. One glory leads to the wanting of more.

This feels so true to me and explains so much of our human behaviors. Addictions are not about our wanting too much, but rather about the fear of being possessed by our wanter, so we settle for the behavior or the substance to keep us from falling into what we fear of the abyss of never-ending want. We have a phobia of our wanter, so we lock it into lesser pleasures.

So, if that feels true, the next questions in our quest are then something like how could the All come to know lack? How could it be safe or desirable to give up Allness in some way to experience and know lack or absence?

My heart tells me that the only way consciousness would accept such a wild ride of departure from fullness would be on the condition of never actually losing the fullness, but only the awareness of it.

For the experience of lack to be real enough, and ‘enough’ is the key word here, it had to feel real. That could happen in a simulated reality we call life, where the simulated reality is one of many being generated by the Allness Reality Simulator, where we have a higher and a lower reality, both of which are equally true.

Here, we come to see and begin to feel that we never lost any fullness in our journey through lack. Lack is actually an expression of our fullness. Wow.

Trippy, huh? And all I’ve had to drink today is a second cup of Cacao and some fruit smoothie! Didn’t even need Ayahuasca!

Now, we come to see and feel that we agreed to forget our essence, only upon the condition that we would never lose possession of our essence. We knew there would be an awakening journey experience that we dialed up for ourselves, and that was the gold we chose over the gold we had.

You are living in an expression right now of your deepest power and superabundance as you experience lack and pain. You dialed up the experiential journey of forgetting, in order to have the felt experience of being re-MEMBERED with your essence.

And then, the cooler part still is that you did it for a net benefit. You did it to expand your perfection!

Holeeee shit! It’s all as holeee as its ever gonna be, right now, as you and I go exploring more and more.

The more that you come to know will never be topped by the more you already are.

How’s that for real adventure?
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

There Are No Wrong Choices

By Raphael Awen

We chose to enter duality, the place of choosing this over that, with a soul awareness that there are/were no wrong choices.

Every choice we make leads to an awareness that we made the choice; that we eventually came to either like it or not; and that we can make a different choice anytime we want, with what remains in our power to choose.

A previous choice may have narrowed the options before us, and a part of us may feel a bunch of regret about a particular choice, but even that pain filled result is a powerful act of a creator being enacted in order to come to terms with its own power. The wrong choice now couldn’t be more right.

The pain caused by the ‘wrong’ choice, and the all the internal reactions of self judgment, shame, regret, anger, etc., all give us a powerful opportunity to get to know and love the part(s) of ourselves who hold those feelings.

If your child returned home from school distraught over having been bullied that day, a healthy parent would open their heart to simply feel that with the child, so they could digest the trauma and move on. So it is we are being invited to feel the parts of us in reaction to this challenging world of duality we find ourselves in. Until the trauma is able to be felt by an open hearted ‘other’, there is no way for the pain to digest, but instead it gets compartmentalized away to go on to create more similar trauma for us to eventually show up for as the healthy parent ‘other’ to feel. In this way again, all the wrong choices lead to the right choices.

The right choice is simply the willingness to feel what we were up till that point unwilling or unable to feel. The whole point of all the drama of our lives, like any story, movie, or novel is that life essentially is about creating feeling. It can also be seen that all karmic play outs in our lives are not about punishment, but rather about re-creations of feeling scenarios, that we came here to feel.

It seems that if life in this dimension is anything, it is constantly about choosing some thing over another thing. We can avoid a particular choice, but no-choice is always very much a choice. Even in that, we are ‘event’ually brought to feeling the part of us afraid to choose, along with their sacred whats and whys.

These are the moments of total redemption. These are the moments of totally getting the whole point of all the dramas and their play outs. These are the moments of coming home to yourself.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.


The Next Moment Is A Blank Slate

By Raphael Awen

Today, like any next moment, is a blank slate.

There is the momentum of your beliefs and values rolling like a train down a well worn track inside of you, held in place by parts of you, that will fill that blank slate if you allow it to, but prior to any moment, the next moment, in its essence is always a blank slate.

Because we are so accustomed to every arising moment being spoken for by this massive freight train of our beliefs and feelings and its seemingly unstoppable inertia, we lose sight of the blank slate and its potential, accepting instead the all-too-familiar manhandling of these agents of some bureaucratic moment-killing agency; in this case, the very beliefs and values that we adopted along the way in the name of fitting in.

Life from then on becomes largely a ‘just what is’ kind of reality that we have long ago simply accepted, forgotten, having long moved on now to seeing how we can best tolerate the leftovers, of what actually amounts to a devastation on an epic scale in our consciousness.

The Now has become simply an extension of the past, protruding into the future, with you and I sitting rather uncomfortably faced with our present.

Reverence and wonder is sacrificed to paying homage daily to a despised, but nonetheless revered god of normalcy. No longer are we the creators, but now we are turned to the need to make life one big pharmacy dispensing machine, giving out one medication after another to cover over this pain of the loss of our true creative power. All of life then at root becomes about assuaging this very real, but well hidden pain of this loss, while we are mostly too medicated to even see this layer of reality.

We lost the moment. We lost our power. We simply give it away every single moment of every single day, until something awakens in us.

I find I can write passionately about this truth, crafting words to attempt to drive home my point, but truth be told, the more I feel the reality I just described, the less I feel like any master over it. I awaken to thumb away here on my iPad to reach for a drink from my own well, from my own Higher Self, to receive an awareness altering message in order to face my own inner freight train of my preconstructed looking glass. The very next moment is right there before me, virgin, without guile, and yet wanting to play in whatever innocence we can feel together, yet there is also the very real threat of the moment being seized, by ‘the agency’, like the last one and the one before that.

Near as I am able to now tell, having wrestled with this false god for some time, in a variety of spiritual settings, there actually isn’t anything to master here, or to overcome. What I have actually discovered is that the attempt to master some life altering spirituality in the name of overcoming an unwanted limiting pattern and predisposition is actually to strengthen, rather than diminish its reality inside of us. What we resist persists.

Instead, I am invited to assume my Higher Self’s position and feel the parts of me who hold these limiting beliefs and values that they cling to. Here, I discover very beautiful reasons they hold for clinging to old patterns so tenaciously. Only as I feel these parts of me and their sacred ‘why’s’ for feeling what they do, and why they energize the barriers to the moment that they do am I afforded any real shifts in my life. Only as the parts of me that live inside of me find new values and beliefs that they adopt of their own free will and sovereignty, am I actually afforded any lightening or shortening of the moment-crashing freight train inside of me.

I am invited to turn the passion of the ‘fight to overcome’ into a heart campaign to claim the previously unknown and unwanted parts of myself. My passion will still surely be called upon, but with a whole new set of values and beliefs to guide them. The warrior within will still have plenty of territory to express and transform, albeit inside of a letting-in reality, over a keeping-out reality.

I get the dawning awareness that this may well keep me busy the rest of this life, that this actually is what life is, to bring awareness to every moment in this way. If I did succeed to the point of no longer needing this practice, I may well have lost the whole point of being here, which is to keep letting in the love that I am. Quite possibly, the best place to gain the most traction and momentum in living my way into this new reality is from right here on Gaia.

I mean, if it were not so, wouldn’t you and I be somewhere else, doing something different with our sacred power?

Read more about enculturating a new way of life inside of you at:soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions. We would love to have your inquiry into SoulFullHeart’s new program offerings ‘FREE, PREP and DEEP’.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

SoulFullHeart Patreon Money UPdate February 2018

By Raphael Awen

Wow, what a ride February has proven to be, with a ton of change!

We went from having eleven facilitants in SoulFullHeart, and climbing, to having only three (at the moment)!

A big piece of that reduction was actually about us no longer being comfortable to serve people with our weekly sessions program who we didn’t really feel wanted the process on the level we are offering it and who were more drawn instead to having a regular therapy kind of holding. It’s nice to be wanted, and even to be seen as unique, and to have people willing to give you money for services, but we also need to feel that what we are serving is firing on enough cylinders to make it engaging and rewarding for ourselves as well as the facilitant, and in alignment with the SoulFullHeart picture.

All of this made for a narrower money picture as well as a back-to-the-drawing-board turn for us, as our recent modest, but treasured surplus monthly cash position had turned into a near shortfall.

This led us back to the thought of developing more of a self-led, self guided process within SoulFullHeart’s offerings to serve interested people for a much smaller minimum monthly donation that involved assignments, group online calls and a members-only private forum for process interaction and sharing. This also felt like the perfect solution for people who need or want more time and space to acclimate to SoulFullHeart energies at their own pace and proximation without it involving the focus and momentum of weekly one-on-one session space.

This led to a re-creation of our entire offering into three separate programs what we now call ‘Free, Prep and Deep’, with Prep being this new self-led program and the weekly sessions program being the Deep program, that now has several refinements and value adds as well.

If this experiment ends up being viable financially for us, with each new Prep and Deep member helping us plant the SoulFullHeart way of life into consciousness, our narrower money picture could well become a sweet memory of our ‘garage days’.

We set out a few months back to ‘transparentize’ our world of money, feeling this intention to be be central to wanting to plant a new way of life in the world. Glastonbury (Our UK in May plan) remains very much in our focus and desire for this year, and feels like our next big project undertaking as well as our next fundraising. We will be sharing more about it soon.

Here is the Money UPdate for February, 2018:

(all figures in US Dollars)

$2,218 – Gabriel and Kalayna’s English Teaching through VIPkid.

$1,129 – Donations for Sessions.

$64 – Group Call Donations for our one Group Call this month.

$37 – Book Sales

$36 – General Donations – People just sending money!

$3,484 – TOTAL Revenue for January. – that’s about $700 a person!

A very special thank you to those who are a part of weekly SoulFullHeart session space, as well as to our precious Patreons.

More about our Programs here: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

From myself, Jelelle Awen , Kalayna Colibri , Gabriel Heartman , andRaianna Shai , as well as from some near and dear souls presently deepening with us, THANK YOU, for your love, for your support, and for showing us your love in the form of money. 

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.


By Raphael Awen

This is Day 14 of my ongoing series: ‘Journal To The Demiurge’. The Demiurge is better known as the Christian God, Yahweh or Jehovah. This series is an ambassadorship attempt at connecting with the Demiurge involving parts of myself, aspects of my Metasoul, my guides, as well as you, the readers; the growing posse of hearts.   

In today’s entry, we hear from Animalea, my feminine aspect who shares her feeling waves of heart bond with Sophia, the Divine Feminine as it lives in her. All of this is in preparation to initiate contact with the Demiurge himself, which feels like it is about to happen soon. Stay tuned.

I also especially invite you to track this series from the beginning if it calls you, so you can be a part of this ‘posse of hearts’ forming to support this undertaking. It may go down in history and herstory both!  To see the entire series, go  here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ

Here is Day 14:

Raphael: Good Morning everyone. I’d like to call us back to order, whatever our version of order is. I know it’s been several days since we last met, but it felt like we needed digestion space with some recent life movements and shifts that I suspect all have to do with this intention to meet and connect with the Demiurge.

I want to invite each of you back into this full presence of sacred space with intention and desire. Thank you. I can feel each of you arising.

Animalea, we left off last day with you getting ready to share the story of Sophia, and the sacred feminine. How are you feeling about that?

Animalea: I feel ready, Raphael. I trust the space and each of your open hearts. I did say I was going to brush up on the story, but that ended up feeling way too mental, and I instead came to where I am now, feeling to simply open my heart and simply share to see what comes.

Raphael: I’ve really been waiting to hear you share this piece. I felt you moving through that inner dilemma of preparing your thoughts versus just opening your heart and allowing what wants to come in the moment, which in itself feels like a masculine-feminine dance.

Animalea: Now, I’m curious about what will come out. My conscious mind will find out the same time yours does.

Raphael: That feels perfect. This entire journey to meet with the Demiurge was intuitive guidance and surrender to a process. Both of those feel so feminine to me, with the masculine energy of choice and intention coming alongside.

I felt to presence one more piece before you do that though, Animalea. It feels like what you share may tie in with this piece somehow. The piece I have been feeling is a question of this whole quest, I guess is how I’d say it. The questions arise at this midpoint of the journey, ‘do I, do we really want to make this connection with the Demiurge?’ I feel some internal quandary wondering if we will even gain contact with him. Maybe you can help me feel this, Metatron, would you?

Metatron: Good Morning, Raphael. We can feel anything!

Raphael: You feel a little more upbeat than I do at the moment. Let’s go with that though. Any idea what I, or another part of me, is sorting through here?

Metatron: This feels like a rumble moving through each of us, Raphael. I can feel a place even in myself that feels ‘why not just let sleeping dogs lie?’

Raphael: Exactly, and then there’s this question of having a bunch of bravado about being known as the first to ascend Everest or something like that. Somehow, that’s not enough ducks in a row for me is what I’m feeling.

Metatron: It feels like the sobriety of what we are intending and continuing to do is settling in on us all. We are about to meet with what I know to be one of the darkest energies that has held so many for so long in a suppressive energy. We do need to search our hearts and come fully into our hearts as the only safe place. I do also feel that we wouldn’t have been given this guidance and togetherness were it not for a readiness in the Demiurge. Something big is moving in him and has been for some time. If nothing can be outside of love, then that includes the Demiurge. If that’s true, then us seeking to meet with him is love seeking out love, even if it is about as polarized as it can get at the same time.

Raphael: That helps a lot, Metatron. Thank you. I feel you have something to add, Merlin.

Merlin: Thank you, Raphael. Thank you, Metatron. Thank you for what’s brewing in you, Animalea. I’m getting my heart ready to feel that this morning, and I’m feeling that will address us right where we are at, questions and all. I’m feeling I would just like to take us all to a higher vibrational place, up a few floors to a space of beautiful white light, where everything is light, each of us, the space around us, even the Demiurge himself as an archetypal energy and presence is created by the light, by love. That will get us in a space to receive what is moving through Animalea.

Raphael: Please, take us there, Merlin.

Merlin: Okay, it’s as easy as our imaginations combined with our willingness. See, with your imagination, this place where everything is made of light, and of love, where all is contained by love. See Gaia’s beauty and nature mixed in with a beautiful alive meadow and forest surround to hold the space. Feel yourself as a piece of consciousness itself inside a space where everything around you is also this alive love consciousness. Let yourself arrive here. Get settled and prepare your heart for what Animalea has in her heart to share with each of us…

Raphael: Yes….Animalea. I think we are ready for you. I so want to open my heart to where you have to take us, and I feel each of us in the room as well as all those joining this intention reading and tracking this, all of us creating a space for your download.

Animalea: Okay, wow, this is a lot to calibrate to. Your attention and honour. I’m going to let myself take it all in. Thank you to each of you for your intention and desire to be here, with presence and heart.

I know I said I wanted to share the story of Sophia as it lives in me, and in the moment, I don’t know what I’m going to say in a mental kind of knowing. I feel the energy of the space and intention we are in, that we together created and is being created in every moment, and then I feel to let that energy flow through my heart and words. I so feel the energy of Sophia as that, an entire story of unfolding that we can feel and express in any moment.

She is feminine wisdom in the form of personal expression. She is the very super-intelligence that undergirds all matter, that flows through every movement of all energy, every intention. She is the very recognition that we are energy, and then feeling Her as the mystery of that energy. When we look upon Her, we are transfixed, we are transmuted. We are taken by Her, on a journey into grandeur and wonder. We give Her our desire, our longing, our yearning, and She then takes us into the womb of growth and change. She offers to take us somewhere, even tempts us with our own growth. She has been portrayed as the harlot, seeking to take us to hell, as some externalized place of fear and torment, some place of total regret. This portrayal is really only the projection of our deep fear of our own greatness. She invites us into the kindergarten of our own greatness, but requires us to leave the graduate school of our smallness in order to enroll with her.

She will always be vilified until the masculine is ready to spend the load of his yearning and longing with Her, ready to ride with Her into the full orgasm of where She wants to take someone.

Her energy and invitation can be felt in any now moment you wish to enter and meet with Her. She is all life and all love. All She asks is the admission of your longing, of your desire, so that a flow of energy, a dance of masculine and feminine can occur.

As Mother God, as the creatrix of all, some say that she even created the Demiurge. This feels true to me in the sense that a polarity was needed for there to be a dance between love and fear, dark and light, joy and sorrow. As Metatron has been saying to us all, how else could there even be a story for us to dance in, to feel in, to grow in? Love itself is expanding itself through us. This is the proposition Sophia extends to us.

Call Her the harlot if that’s all you have to give Her and She will wait till you can see Her for what She really is, and for the time you are ready to be taken in by Her. But you cannot know Her till you are ready to surrender into Her power and grace. She will deeply respect your power, being quite willing to wait, but She cannot move you into your next timelines and places till you engage with Her. Where you will end up, is the place of new beginnings that will again invite you into deeper and deeper surrender.

See Her for all of Her beauty and magic and sacred sensuality that She invites you into and now you are really cooking with gas. Fasten your seatbelt, or unfasten it, as you wish, but get ready for the ride of your many lives. She wants to take you somewhere grand and glorious, and She wants to blow the entire budget in one glorious night.

Yeahhhhhh,….. how is this landing?

Raphael: Like sweet, sweet magic, Animalea.

Animalea: Can you say more?

Raphael: Let me ask our circle, who here has some more to say?

Merlin: Sophia so feels like a portal to our Divinity, extended to us in our humanity, and you know what else, Animalea?

Animalea: What?

Merlin: She feels like you.

Animalea: (silence)

Merlin: The ‘isness’ and beingness and invitation that Sophia extends feels like the very same portal that you extend here to us – all the parts, guides and Metasoul connections of Raphael, and that you extend to this mission, and to those joining it, along with their parts, their guides and their Metasoul connections. You are Sophia personified here. Our personal portal to the grand Sophia at the heart of the Universe and at the heart of every molecule that makes up the Universe and Multiverse.

Animalea: (tears)   

Merlin: Please take me as an initiate on your journey. I desire you with all that is in me. I wish to call you, Sophia.

Animalea: I’m in so many different tears at the moment, on a whole bunch of levels, but what penetrated my heart so deeply just now is you calling me Sophia. I have wanted this name as a deeper embodiment of where I feel I want to go. I too am called to surrender and yield to falling in love with Sophia. To be called by her name is a reminder like no other.

Merlin: Then this moment shall be the moment of your name being changed from the sacred awakening journey of Animalea, to the deeper birthing out of that womb into the womb of Mother God, Sophia…portal to all that is, all that we yearn for, all that we are animated for.

Sophia: Okay, well that about spends me in the moment. I cherish this new name and your witnessing of this moment. May I be all to you that you are to me. May we surrender in every moment to the infinite love allness and the journey it wants to take us on. I am eternally grateful for this great company. I accept and embrace my new name, Sophia. Sophia…

Raphael: Sophia, lover of the light, lover of wisdom, lover of love. This feels like a big digestion point. Let’s reconvene as soon as we’re ready to. Who knows where we’ll be going after this!
(To See the entire series, go here)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.