Day 11 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 11 of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here:

On the Journal today, we meet my feminine aspect, a magical and beautiful being, ‘Animalea’. This then gets ‘Martin’ outed, as in ‘Martin Luther’, a Metasoul Aspect we’ve known was about to connect with us. Then it’s spending some time feeling a big heart reconnection.

We’re off to see and negotiate with the Demiurge, the Christian god, Jehovah.

You can find the entire series here:

Here is Day 11:

Raphael: Calling all Heart Ambassadors. Good Morning, Everyone. I think I know who everyone would like to hear from today, and I wonder if she’s ready?

Animalea: Ok, that was quick, but, yes, I am ready.

Raphael: Sweet. It’s kind of like group circle and it’s your turn to go, it feels like. How is it for you to be here?

Animalea: I’m feeling really good in the moment.

Raphael: I get that, and looking it too, wow.

Animalea: Thank you.

Raphael: I’m so glad for you to be here. You bring so much, that changes so much, and opens out a whole bunch too.

Animalea: Thank you, that goes in. How is that so?

Raphael: Well, there you go, right there…, just being you, Animalea. As the feminine aspect of me, I’d be lost without you, not to mention, bored and boring. You bring so much that I feel I can’t live without and don’t want to live without, and I sure as heaven and hell don’t want to attempt this Journal To The Demiurge without you on board.

Animalea: That goes in too. Thank you. I must have needed the extra compliments today.

Raphael: Well, let’s check in with the circle. Who would like to say anything to Animalea?

Andy: Animalea, you’re the best, the funnest and the prettiest. I’m so happy you are here.

Animalea: Awww, Thank you Andy. I love you too, so much. I wish there was a million of you to go around.

Raphael: Who else?

Jim: Animalea, I was waiting for you. I’m glad you are here now. As Raphael’s childhood 3D Father, I was so conflicted about women. I see now, that I was conflicted about my own inner feminine. Feeling you here,… so…sensual, and sexual even…, it was still a bit difficult for me to use those words just now…it all feels like such a gift to me, now. You are beauty. And I’m not so afraid of you anymore. And, I’m sorry that I couldn’t know you before.

Animalea: Thank you for seeing me now, James. It feels like time to call you James, if I may? You don’t feel like the Jim I once knew. Is it okay to call you James?

Jim: I’d be honored. James. I like it, much better. Done. Jim was so saturated with old stuff that needed to go, and was ready to go. It’s funny, the irony is not lost on me in the moment, how I used to joke about ‘women’s work’ in my put-on traditional Dutch accent, and today it feels like it is a woman who cleans out my patriarchal closet in one fell swoop. I hope I’m not being offensive when I say that. I was just so messed up around femininity, let alone my masculinity. I’m still sorting it out, and you are helping, Animalea, and this Journal is helping a lot too. Who would have believed back in my day that such an amazing wonder world of parts of ourselves, and Guides, and Metasoul Brothers and Sisters could be real?

Raphael: Perfect, James. It fits who you are today. Much better. Who else wants to say anything to Animalea?

Merlin: I’m so inspired by you, Animalea. Your relationship with Raphael’s beloved, Jelelle, gives me a whole bunch of feminine energy, very divine, in a whole bunch of ways. It’s just such a different orientation to life, compared to the absence of the feminine. I feel like I have you to thank in so many ways for my own existence here in Raphael’s life and beyond. And, I too, am inspired by your beauty, of heart, of soul and body.

Animalea: Thank you, Merlin. We have known each other in many times and places, but the coming together here in this now feels very alive, like a harvest time.

Rhodes: I feel such a relief to have you here now as well, Animalea, in Raphael’s life, and on this journey. I too, feel remorse for my role in keeping you off our radar for the time I did. I’m sorry.

Animalea: I’m sorry too, Rhodes. I don’t think I was ready to come out and play until I was. Sounds like we were both in hiding for our own reasons?

Rhodes: But not anymore…

Animalea: So true. You are a very handsome Gatekeeper I must say, or is it more of a Guide you are now?

Rhodes: I’d say I’m mostly Gatekeeper, but with this Journey at hand, and all this time with Metatron, I’m apprenticing as a Guide as well.

Animalea: Cool, I really love your energy. You could open an outfitter’s shop with the coolest clothes and stuff. It would need a cafe in the corner for all the connecting you’d be drawing to the place.

Rhodes: Yumm. That sounds pretty hot.

Animalea: You’re hot stuff and you got stuff, man. 🙂

Rhodes: So, what shade of red am I turning now?

Raphael: Just a soft pink glow, Rhodes. Suits you very well actually. Feels like you might be drawing a mate soon.

Rhodes: I’ve been feeling that actually, and it’s really amped up being around you, Animalea. You’re helping.

Raphael: Didn’t I tell you Animalea was going to warm up the place? Who else?

Arthur: Feeling all these sentiments here, I feel very warmed up. I’m reminded of the summer night fire ceremonies at Beltane, where we as teenagers were introduced to our sexuality, as we honored mother-god, feeling the flow and cycle of life, flow through our bodies and lovemaking. I feel all of that in you, Animalea. I’m feeling this journey to the Demiurge is a call to reawaken to our sacred sexuality, our sacred humanity, our sacred masculinity and our sacred femininity, all of it. If there’s one thing I feel about the Demiurge, it is that he is very sexually frustrated and unfulfilled. I mean, he could very well be like a 40 billion year old virgin, with all that ‘no sex before marriage’ prescriptions he gave out.

Pardon me, I digress. Let me just say that I feel so glad to have you with us. This changes this journey in a big way. These sentiments towards you here, Animalea, are proof of that to me. I wouldn’t want to undertake this journey without you.

Animalea: Thank you, Arthur. I so remember you, and then in other ways, you don’t feel like the King I remember. You’ve changed. It’s a delight to feel.

Arthur: I wouldn’t be here, had I not evolved, Animalea. And Thank you.

Raphael: Anyone else? No need to rush a good thing…

Martin: Raphael, may I?

Raphael: Ahhh, Martin, please do, and tell everyone who you are. I figured this would get to you.

Martin: Get to me, it has. Thank you, to everyone here. There’s a gratitude layer here so thick, you could serve it with beer and bratwurst. I’m Martin. Infamously known as Martin Luther, for much that I’m not actually proud of. Being invited here to be part of this great journey, and then to feel each of you, is almost more than I can bear. I wish now, Animalea, that I could have known life through your eyes. I wish, Andy, that I could come to know my own Inner Child and Starbeing aspect like you. I wish, Arthur, that I could have been introduced to the mother-god as you were. Merlin, how my life would have been different had I known my Unicorn to take me on tours of the dimensions. I lived a very single dimensional life, with the ‘single personality disorder’, as you call it, Raphael. I’ve got some healing to attend to, and I so feel you all can help me with it. I’m a pretty quick learner, if you’ll all agree to having me join you.

Raphael: Yes, big yes! A big Lutheran Church sized yes.

Martin: Oh, please, don’t remind me. We’re a bit backed up on reformations, but I’m hoping that facing the Demiurge might shift a few things for the church-going people.

Raphael: I so look forward to feeling your input on the mission at hand, Martin. I see you with your scroll of 95 theses, hammer and nails, marching up to the church door, posting your message. We post by electronic mail now, you know, quite the advancement.

Martin: So I’ve been told. And you speak with your fingers, of all things. Andy was showing me his iPad yesterday, and his Minecraft game. He’s promised to teach me how to type. My goodness, what a dimension, not sure I’ll want to go back to my own anytime soon, but I miss my Katrianna already. She so won’t believe any of this, I fear.

Raphael: Ah, yes. Metatron and Merlin should be able to guide you between the worlds as needed. Speaking of Metatron, I don’t think we’ve heard from you yet, Metatron, and I’d sure like to?

Metatron: What would you like me to say, Raphael?

Raphael: You always expand us out in some big way.

Metatron: You’re all feeling pretty expanded out to me already. I don’t feel I need to expand us out any further for today, unless I do that without intending so.

Sometimes, it’s gets old being all metaphysical all the time. Being human, and feeling your experiences, and what you feel, feels so magical from where I live. Spiritually focused humans get all pumped about the higher dimensions. Let me tell you, they get normalized quite quickly, and then you end up wanting the goodness of the lower dimensions that you took for granted when you were there. Or maybe I’m just feeling that way from hanging around you all everyday. Not sure. What I am feeling is how there is all the time in the multiverse to feel it all. There are a lot of things that just can’t be felt in the higher dimensions, and no dimension is better or even higher for that matter. Heaven wants and waits to be dialed into every dimension. Feeling it come into this heart circle is so enough for me right now, and a mission to boot! And Andy! Praise Allah. Christmas in July. Oh, I’m meandering, aren’t I? I’m happy, really happy.

I need to say, Animalea, you especially struck a chord inside of me, today, that I don’t even know what it is, but something is humming inside. Just watching your presence here, your being, and what emanates from you, makes me go want to do my human journey all over again. I think I may have missed a few lessons. Is that possible, Raphael?

Raphael: You’ve been the one telling me that the learning never stops, and that it’s not linear. So, I’d guess that you haven’t missed anything, the divine just saved some really good pieces for now, that’s all.

Metatron: That works for me. I’m lovin’ it. I’m loving Be-ing with you all. Hell, if we don’t make it to see the Demiurge, I’d be okay with that. That’s the way I’m feeling right now.

Hmmm, I said I wasn’t going to get all metaphysical. Forgive me, I feel one small piece coming on. I’ll try and keep it short. Is this okay, Andy?

Andy: Metatron, you’re the best, and you’re joining us at the Golden Earth Baskin Robbins Infinite flavors afterwards, so it’s all good.

Metatron: Okay, good. Now, you got my mouth watering. Where was I? Oh, yeah. We are actually reaching the Demiurge right now, as we speak and feel together. We are reaching into and penetrating his domain. His domain is the domain of not feeling okay to be human. His domain is the domain of real relationality not being okay. His domain is the domain where someone as beautiful and gorgeous and radiant as Animalea, as a feminine being is not okay. His domain is the heavy hand of duty and obligation, and moral code. I don’t feel one bit obliged here today in that way. I’m with Andy. We’re doing what we want to, when we want to, because we want to. How magically pagan and heathen is that?

Just feeling love and goodness, that just is, that wasn’t monopolized, monetized, demonized, politicized or moralized, or, hallelujah, colonized…, is so powerful. It’s the love army of One that contains the All. It’s a currency that flows in a current. The Demiurge deal is over. It’s done. The Divine is just asking us to do some traffic directing and to feel and negotiate some of the particulars around an exit strategy is how I feel it. The Demiurge and his system is simply no longer sustainable. He wants to negotiate his own exit is how I feel it. It no longer can vibrate into reality here like it used to.

Raphael: That feels super interesting, Metatron. Thank you.

Metatron: You’re welcome. I’m done.

Raphael: I’m done to, just about. Jelelle wants to go take in sun codes at the beach soon, so someone’s gotta do that, might as well be me, I guess. But, I will go dual-dimensional and meet up with whomever is gonna hit the Golden Earth Baskin Robbins as well.

I’m so liking the feeling of where we are, so taking our time, so feeling all there is to feel. What you spoke to just now, Metatron, alleviates something in me. Somewhere inside, there’s been a growing question the farther we get on this journey that sounds something like, ‘So, what is it that we’re trying to accomplish?’ and ‘How is it that we’re going to accomplish it?’. I wanted to feel that openly with all of us soon and it feels like you got us started already. I’m reminded of what you have told me again and again, Metatron, that the questions are the essence of the quest, rather than the answers. I always love that reminder. It’s make me feel five years old again. ‘Why Daddy?’ ‘Why Mommy?’ We can not-know our way to knowing. It’s always the best.

What a day! The advent of Animalea! The manifestation of Martin. Jim becoming James. Finding our heart fire.

We best digest up and get ready for tomorrow. Thank you everyone; our new mantra in the super abundant universe that never gets old, thank you.


Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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