By Jelelle Awen
Better for you to be alone in your own goodness than with others called, ‘family’ who actually don’t see/get/resonate with your soul….
Sitting at your birth family dinner table during the holidays or any day, any time. You adjust to the awkwardness, the things left unsaid. You learn to hide the REAL feelings that come up as you pass the ‘this’ and the ‘that’. You ignore the tensions that ride and glide under every unspoken truth. You hope to remain unseen and safe in an effort to just ‘get through.’
So much you cannot share here…..as there is no room! You put it back in the closet then, far away, as it has no ‘place’. Your truth, your essence cannot be worn or shown. The food has more room than you do as it serves to distract from the disconnect that seems to season everything with flatness.
No wonder parts of you struggle to digest and to eat! No wonder you never really feel full! No wonder you are left wanting SO MUCH more than what you received! No wonder parts of doubt if you will EVER really get what you most want and really need!
So many meals left with rumbling heart still aching for the food of LOVE. So many meals sat with unexpressed fears and unshed tears. So many meals started with hopes and desires only to be left disappointed. So many meals with unacknowledged elephants sitting in the chairs.
Conforming and ‘fitting in’, putting on the mask and learn to wear it well…..avoiding anything ‘deep’ or ‘too heavy’, helping to steer the conversation away from the real or the true or the difficult to say out loud. Parts of you become experts at this dance and this ‘game’ because they HAVE HAD to be. This is survival of the ‘fittest’, those who can perform in this play acting out, those who can BE on this stage….. have the best chance of ‘making it’ and ‘succeeding.’
Yet, oh how WEARY of this are the parts of you that have shrunk to this place for so long! The masks are slipping off, half gone, one side unstrung and hanging loose. Your soul bright light is starting to SHINE through. Your truth is starting to BURST forward. You don’t want to be passed around so lightly any more You don’t want to be passed over. To be disregarded or seen without curiosity is becoming no longer interesting to you.
You are pushing away from this family dinner table. You are reaching your hand out to help parts of you leave it too that are ‘stuck’ there, even if it has been many years ago. You are opening your heart to hold the fears and tensions and anxieties that come up from leaving the ‘safety’ of this game. You are letting go of reacting to what other’s judge or think or feel about you.
You are open, now, to finding the table of your soul tribe. To taking in the meals of nourishing love in every bite, every exchange, every moment of BEing in the real. All is spoken out, revealed, and shared as THAT is what is most nourishing and, ultimately, most natural. Curiosity and reverence are passed around as the currency that spends between this family. All parts of you come forward to be seen, to be felt, and to be acknowledged.
THIS is the new earth experience of ‘family dinner’, of the gathering together where we offer new energy to a common ritual. THIS is the transition from the old and what so many of us have known and INTO the NEW, where realness is the spice and love flavors every bite.
1:1 sessions available with me for women to bridge with MUCH love to the places/parts/energies inside that may still be at that family dinner table. More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions
Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions with her for women and with other SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.