By Raianna Shai
We had a group day here in Mexico yesterday, and I didn’t expect much to come from my process when it was my turn given that it felt to a part of me like I was stuck and not much was moving in me. Boy, was that an underestimation.
Even just acknowledging the feeling of being stuck or not moving moved SO much. I shared some moments I had with my Inner Teenager, Ariana, where she felt an expansive view of the love that flows through absolutely everything, or at least that has the potential to flow. As soon as I felt the sweetness of these tears, a fear flooded in me about losing that feeling, losing what I have right now, of losing myself. At first, I associated this with Ariana and how she had felt so cynical about the world up until that moment and it was vulnerable to feel the beauty of it instead.
But after digesting it more in group, we discovered that it was actually my Inner Protector’s fear. He spent most of my life protecting Ariana and her big heart and vulnerability because there was also a Punisher frequency within me, judging her for it and trying to squelch her magic.This punishing energy I often associated with my Protector, making him feel like he was the “bad guy” trying to bring down my Teenager, even though he was just trying to help.
Getting to this place felt so relieving to all of my parts. They could finally be seen and felt for who they really are and I could finally understand them to let them in and appreciate them. It made me realize how intricate and important this parts process really is! Even projecting a certain energy onto one part when it’s really another puts a lot of pressure on them to hold something that they don’t need to. And a big part of this fear of losing love and what I have, is my parts being afraid that they will lose me. But connecting with them so deeply and as much as I can makes me realize that they will always have me, and I will always be here. So no matter what happens as a reflection of my outer reality, I will always have them and they will always have me. Until their jobs are done and they can integrate into my being in their highest frequency forms and finally rest.
I left the group feeling so full up, like it’s not just me alone in my apartment. That I actually have a full on family within me all the time. All with their own fears, gifts, pain, and joy. My love for them increased exponentially, now that I was able to differentiate them and further myself from being fused to them. The SoulFullHeart process is never dull, and when it is, there’s always something to feel around that. The polarities, the realizations, the tears, the connections. It’s hard to imagine anything else that gets to the core of my being the way that this does, with as much love and support as I’m given.
Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, retreats, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.