Unplugging And Healing The Black Widow Program And Aspect Within

A week from Sunday, Raphael Awen and I will be hosting a men’s group call about the subject of Sovereignty and Surrender, joined by our brother in heart, James Elphick. We will be diving into a topic that feels to have a lot of vibration for us men (as well as the masculine in women).

I have been in process of feeling a deeper layer of my mother wounding that is connected to a shadow feminine matrix programming called Black Widow. This is the name I received from this part/aspect of me I have been connecting with around this energy. She first showed up as a black widow spider to illuminate the nature of this woundedness and the programming itself. Then she morphed into a dominatrix with whip, heels, and all.

After some time of connecting with her and feeling who she really is underneath that all, I could feel something lighten and begin to get more clarity about this energy that may live in a lot of us men. This energy that uses guilt, shame, judgment, sexuality, comfort, and fear to keep us locked in a lower frequency, a state of suffering, a lulled state of disempowerment, or inner and outer judgment/punishment.

It is an inner battle of wanting to free ourselves from this web she weaves that I feel we as men are really trying to feel sovereign from. When we are engaged with other women in intimacy, this can really flare up. It triggers this need to be independent yet also the need to be connected in one form or another. There is a part of us that is in a push and a pull toward this energy and it is hard to feel fully empowered and vulnerable at the same time.

When she has this wounded Inner Mother energy, our Inner Teenager can feel the need to push back and seek independence. If she comes as Punishing energy, we may feel defensiveness and another need to push back. When it comes in as Fear, we may go to fight or flight. When she comes with sexuality we lose ourselves in our need for validation.

This Black Widow program/wounding has lost her connection to Innocence and to her own worth. She guards as well as feeds off this energy. Possessing it for herself out of need, not really out of some negative agenda, though it certainly feels that way at first. When I connect more with her with Love, the more she goes into her pain and her fear. Here is where healing and true sovereignty begin.

I can start to feel when this energy frequency of doubt, judgement, anxiety, or fear come in and I go to her. I feel her afraid to lose touch with me. I recognized those feelings were a tactic to keep my younger parts close to her. I am now going to her and bring her with me into the New. Into the Light from the dark crevice I first met her in.

In her more healed essence, she is our creativity and our sensuality. She is a face of our sacred feminine and our intuition. She is our truth and our discernment. She is our surrendered sovereignty into Divine Trust. She is our entrance into the exit of the Matrix itself. She knows the way. She knows how it works and operates. With that we can start to unplug (a sovereign choice) and surrender into the the New Earth world that is awaiting our creative power to encode New Earth inside and then on the outside.

If you are feeling a resonance or a curiosity about this programming/wounded inner mother energy and how it has influenced your feeling of your personal empowerment, sovereignty, and maybe a fear of surrendering into vulnerability, please join Raphael, James, and myself on this upcoming men’s group call. Visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/mensgroupcalls for more information. We would love to have you and feel what is moving for you in this area.

I also offer a free 45-minute consult/information call for both men and women that are wanting to feel more about how the SoulFullHeart process and space-holding may support this deeper dive into your wounding and unplugging. Visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions for more info as well.

I will be writing more about this topic in relation to romance, intimacy, and community in the following week so please stay tuned. Sending much love to all during these very intense, yet activating times.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

The Physical Body As A Tuning Fork | SoulFullHeart Session Testimonial

I received a wonderful email from a woman I currently facilitated in the SoulFullHeart parts work process and how it helped her move through a current emotional trigger. This is one aspect of the work that can really open up context and innerstanding as well as personal, self-to-self intimacy.

The physical body is like a tuning fork. It tells us when something is not quite humming in our natural frequency. In session space, I like to feel the body and see where the messages are. In that place there is a part of the emotional body that is attached to it. Using it as a direct line to your heart and soul awareness. Like an alarm bell asking for help and attention.

This part of you can assume a plethora of roles inside of you. Initially, it is generally an Inner Protector. Other times it can be and Inner Child or Inner Teenager. They also have there own relationship to each other that creates vibratory dynamics in your physical body.

When these parts are met and felt where they are at, it creates a going on place for you and them. It is just the beginning and not just a one-time catch and release. It is a relationship just like any other. It needs attention, consistency, and cultivation.

This part of the work may not be the sexiest when it comes to healing work but it is essential when ascending ALL of you. This life experience offers each of us a variety of experiences that are portals into the heart and the soul. It all eventually brings us back to the what has felt like the loss of Love. The Separation Wound.

So there is not one part of our healing that is better or small. It is all important and all sacred. If you are experiencing continued triggers or emotional/physical unrest, please get in touch for a free 45 minute introduction call to see if and how the SoulFullHeart process can bring in some much needed context and a going on place for continued growth and healing.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

Reclaiming The Lost Boy Of Our In-essence

As a sensitive boy growing up, I could feel so much around me yet had no real guidance on how to interpret, digest, and integrate it all. This is really true for most if not all of us. The biggest piece I am revisiting now is the depth of my sexual trauma as a boy moving into manhood.
Confronted with so many images, energies, and conditionings around sex and sexuality, this boy in me found himself between a rock and a hard place (pardon the pun). There was the desire for innocence to be the name of the game. To dance with the essence in both the boy and the girl. Like a journey of discovery and playfulness.

Instead it was about fitting in to the dominant culture of woundedness. Girl became an object of my need to be validated as a man in the world. Her yoni a portal back into the womb of The Mother. But Girl was wounded too. She was looking for her own needs to be filled…so to speak
Now Boy is caught between fulfilling the needs of both the wounded masculine in his power over the feminine and the wounded feminine in her need to feel some hook into the masculine. Both invulnerable and unable to really see each other in their innocence or in-essence.

I reconnected with that boy in me again and replayed those days while feeling the innocence in contrast. The pain of what this boy packed away in order to survive in that world was heart-wrenching. I could feel the toxicity and pain swelling in my cells. All of the trauma that I never categorized as trauma because men don’t do that in what is just ‘those teenage years’.
If, as men, we were to really feel where we lost our innocence, we would really get to a core of who we are as a man. Why we have done, and to some degree still do, the things that we do. If we can ‘come to Jesus’ with this Lost Boy inside of us, we would find the root and beauty of our masculine innocence. Something we packed away a long fucking time ago.

In that innocence we also find the warrior who has fiercely protected him. The warrior who has both shadow to heal and truth to tell. Between them both is the Man who has a vulnerable heart and a willingness to call bullshit when he sniffs it. He is willing put his heart on the line but not his power. He is willing to seek forgiveness but not condemnation.

There has been no greater process for me than the one I am currently in. This Lost Boy in found again in my heart. I am loving him with every once of it that I have access to. It is my current sacred bromance. It is this process that activates and unearths more of my King or Sacred Sovereign Masculine Self. It is this process that leads me to more self-love and ability to see, feel, and relate authentically to the feminine within and without.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Remembering Our Starseed Essence

By Deya Shekinah

Every week the parts and themes we are feeling and connecting with through the ‘Free To Be Two’ group calls seem to be naturally interconnected, offering me a much bigger picture of myself, the world, and the Universe. 

My Inner Teenager, Yasmin, feels so connected to the collapse of the 3D Matrix. Feeling her is helping me collapse the matrices inside at the same time as I’m witnessing them collapse on the outside. Feeling where she was ‘plugged in’ through the school systems and birth family templating is helping me unravel all the beliefs and ideas she holds about who she is meant to be. 

Last week I could feel her in the school corridors, overwhelmed and unprepared for the huge transition that it was. I could feel her innocence, as she carried my Inner Child in her arms wearing PJ’s and holding a teddy bear. She quickly learnt to ‘grow up’ and hide her Inner Child and innocence so she could ‘fit in’ and ‘survive’. This created so much depression which I can still feel here now, as hidden with her childhood innocence was also her curiosity, her creativity, her sense of purpose, and her multi-dimensional connections.

Something that feels so rich within my Inner Child is this connection to the magic, to the mysterious, and to the stars. As life got denser through living in 3D, I forgot about the magical essence of my Inner Child as she seemed to get further and further away. I am now remembering her and feeling how she has been there all along as the one who was questioning everything and longing for Home. 

She feels like my Starseed, who is revealing herself organically as Yasmin is deeply digesting her experiences this life. She feels expansive, curious, and open to all the possibilities in this Universe. She restores the magic in this existence and reminds me of the bigger picture of all that is happening in our world right now. 

Connecting with my Starseed brings me into a deep peace within, as she helps me remember I have never been alone and that those who I have longed to go home to were always here with me, inside me, every step of the way.

You can join Raphael & Jelelle Awen today for the fourth call in our Free To Be 2 series, Navigating The Matrix Collapse to New Earth Transition, at 10:00am PDT with teachings and a guided meditation to connect to your Star Seed within, Star Family, and galactic consciousness. You can join live and/or receive the recordings for a donation at soulfullheart.org/shop or paypal.me/jelelleawen. More info here: soulfullheart.org/freetobe2

Much Love, 

Deya x

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: Finding Your Place Within The Fire

What a dynamic week this has been! A lot stirring up in the collective due to so many influences both terrestrial and cosmic. This week was a big focus on the Inner Teenager, truth-telling, passion purpose, Schumann resonance, crop circles, and the events unfolding in the US. You can read it here

Featured this week is a piece from Gabriel Heartman. In it, he addresses the riots that are underway in the US. He focuses on how the riots and the situation that sparked them are all a reflection of the suppressed violence within each of us and in the collective emotional body. He also offers that each of us has our own journey in response to these events:

What action and power do each of us have in these times when it feels like it is all coming unglued? I think that is one you have to ask yourself. What feels like the most aligned with your purpose here? If it is to advocate and protest, then I say do so with all the Love you have to muster. That is possible. If it is to hold the space for the Kali phase of this death and rebirth then hold it with the might and compassion of your heart and soul. If you are to shine the Light of the New Earth then shine that Mother with all the power and glory that is within you without compromise.

Related to this, is the suppressed truth and pain of the Inner Teenager that was felt in the last Free To Be 2 Group call on Wednesday, May 27th. There are writings that talk about our personal relationships and teachings about how the Inner Teenager influences our current lives and emotional body. 

The next ‘Free To Be’ group call series begins this Wednesday, June 3rd @ 10am PDT. The third call of this series will focus on the 3D/4D Matrix/Cabal Collapse. The 3D/4D Matrix and Cabal/Illuminati/Global Elite revelation and collapse that is happening now pushes up much to feel for the 3D Self that has needed to be plugged into this Matrix. There can also be a Reptilian Self plugged into the 4D AI Matrix on that level. You will connect with your 3D Self or Reptilian Self to offer them a deeper unplugging from the Matrix into liberation during the guided meditation.

You can offer a donation at any time and receive the recordings and also the link to attend any of the future calls live if you can or want to. More information at https://www.soulfullheart.org/freetobe2 

In this week’s edition of our Museletter, there is a sample of the last group call as well as the recording of the last Facebook Livestream by Raphael & Jelelle. In it they discuss the current Covid Awakening Event and offer a Pleiadian/Dolphin guided meditation.  There are many new articles and audio blogs from SoulFullHeart Facilitators/teachers Raphael and Jelelle Awen, as well as SoulFullHeart Facilitator Kalayna Solais and Gabriel Heartman. Check out our ‘Quotes of The Week’ section for some quote cards you can save and share! If you can, please do tag us whenever possible.

If you are interested in a session, we begin with a free consultation for 30-45 minutes over Zoom with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for you to learn more about the SoulFullHeart Process, what happens in sessions, mutually determine if the process is a fit for you at this time, and if so, which Facilitator to work with in sessions. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information.

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Healing!

You can offer a donation to SoulFullHeart via PayPal here: paypal.me/jelelleawen

You can subscribe to our Museletters here: soulfullheart.org

Check out the latest Museletter here.

The Suffering And Healing Of The Inner Teenager

Tomorrow in our next SoulFullHeart Free To Be group call, we will be diving into the Inner Teenager part of us that has a lot of wounding, BUT a ton of power and creativity. Right now the Inner Teenager may be coming out in a rebellious nature toward some of the ‘rules’ that are being implemented right now. There may also be a compliance as well. I know I had both in me in my teen years and struggled in the conflict between the two.

This conflict showed up as a desperate need to do well in school while being heavily into alcohol and smoking. I had a lot of mom/sister issues that showed up in my relationship to young women my age. It felt like an all-round hell zone for him in many ways. Trying like hell to fit in but not knowing which ‘in’ was really his.

As I feel him (his name is Chris, my birth name) from this vantage point, I can feel a soul that was winding down the 3D experience and struggling to reconcile that. Until of course he met Jill (aka Jelelle Awen) in college and the journey of self-discovery and authenticity began. It was a lot for him to let go of all that he thought he identified with (family, friends, relationships, conditioned ideas, etc).

He is very much into art and creativity and this too was a conflict as well with deep perfectionism that caused a lot of suffering. A battle between the masculine and feminine waged within. I feel him much more rested in with my inner teenage feminine and they seem to be in much more balance and harmony together.

In him there is a rebellion that just wants to go his own way without a fight. He doesn’t need to get angry anymore or judge others as this was always a judgement of himself. I feel a relief in him for no longer being in those days while still honoring all the process. There were lots of good times among the suffering. Those are what are now left in the memory banks when we look back.

Still much to heal around romance, intimacy, and sexuality but those are on their way with each passing day. Working with Chris in the early stages of my process was one of the most touching and healing parts of my journey. You don’t realize how much you are our teenager until you start to work with them.

If you are interested in connecting with and knowing more about your Inner Teenager, please join us for the next group call tomorrow at 10am PST. You can find out more info here:
soulfullheart.org/freetobe2 or purchase the link and soulfullheart.org/shop

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc. 

The Sacred Journey Of My ‘Black Sheep’ Inner Teenager

by Kalayna Solais

I harvested some photos from an old Facebook account the other day, at the request of a part of me that you’ll hear about in a moment. The last time I used this account was when I was 25 and walking into it feels like walking into my teenage bedroom, my dorm at university, and all of my ‘first apartments’ I lived in. There’s a treasure trove there of past romantic and would-be romantic connections, creative endeavours, and friendships that my parts then thought were very deep.

This ‘self’ I used to live in, the ‘me’ part of me was constructing, vibrates with so much need to be seen, heard, felt… loved. There was so much performance and not just creatively. There was so much energy around who these parts of me thought they needed to be, what they needed to look like, how they needed to act in order to draw a guy’s attention, to get ‘picked’ for a gig, to become the healer I was driven to be from a very young age, to fit in yet stand out.

Underneath all of that, lies so much sadness. So many feelings of ‘I’ll never make/have it’ despite doing ‘the work’ that I was told then I needed to do.

Underneath all of that, lies so much loneliness. Feelings of ‘I’ll never be loved the way I want to be’ and choosing to try and become a fun party girl and sleep with whoever came into my field for that evening, to feel somehow validated and seen and like people actually did want to be around me…

The ‘me’ I see, the ‘self’ I feel as I share that, is my Inner Teenager who was essentially uninitiated into true femininity and womanhood. Who learned from media pressures what it would take to become anything at all with any real presence in the world, and therefore, what it would take to be loved and to feel like she belonged.

Her name is Katie. And this was the name I went by for all those formative years in my birth family, in early adulthood, and when I first began my SoulFullHeart journey.

Katie struggled with feeling like the ‘Black Sheep’, as have other young parts of me. She felt this way, always, with birth family. She often felt this way too among other young women but also with young men. I haven’t had many relationships with men or close friendships with women my own age. It was very painful for this part, for my awakening Star Seed and Inner Child self too, to really feel any sense of deep connection or belonging with the crowd.

Katie tried many things to cope with these feelings, but none of it ever felt like her… the emptiness and depression remained. When I feel into those ‘Katie’ years, I feel such a soul lineage coming through, of being sometimes the youngest of women in a group, tribe, community of healers and priestesses, or a young, budding, feminine being that couldn’t quite find the initiation she was seeking into true womanhood and Sacred Union, though she so longed and ached for that! It almost feels as if I/Katie would have been diagnosed as manic depressive at the time. The highs were SO high but the lows were nearly catastrophic.

The ‘Black Sheep’ feelings now feel to me like an ache for initiation that our souls actually know very well, for better or worse. The answer to that has to start within and keep coming back to what isn’t happening yet within… the space that isn’t being taken to really feel and honour who you ARE in all the breadth and depth and textures of that. It’s a deep journey of finding the answer to that ache more and more within your Metasoul and in relationship to your parts. Self-initiation, self-belonging, becomes the focus and the desire and also the reality even as you may be drawing resonance and belonging, finally, on the outside.

This is still an ongoing journey for everyone, it feels like, until the veils of separation really vanish for good. It ultimately feels like a pain of ‘not belonging’ with the Divine and a deep desire to move beyond duality. There’s no one person or being outside of us that can do this work for us. Just us being dedicated to ourselves and to being with every single step of this sacred journey back into oneness.

Katie agrees!And is grateful for your heart and soul taking all of this in… 😀

Much love! ❤

***

Kalayna Solais is a Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator & collaborator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Welcoming Everything In Closer, Sacred Union Within

By Deya Shekinah

This past month has been a deep dive with my Inner Teenager, Yasmin. We have been digesting so much together and navigating many timelines collapsing and arising. 

It has been a very tender time of feeling the reality of her experiences in this life, especially how she has been in relationship with others. Yasmin has always been such an open book, I have felt in this time of less sharing how her openness hasn’t always come from a place of self love. I’ve been feeling how she has shared such deeply intimate details of her life with others, with anyone really, because she so deeply longed to be felt, seen and heard… something she didn’t receive much of.

As we digested together, I have been writing but when it has come to sharing publicly, I am becoming more sensitive to her vulnerability. I am learning that instead of sharing, I can let her land more inside of me, letting her feelings be felt and validated by me, by Jelelle Awen and by those closest to me, who I feel safe with. Rather than trying to understand, I am learning to listen. To listen to her stories, the ones she has buried deep down and disconnected from. Feeling all the things she could not feel in other times of her life because she wasn’t safe to.

I am realizing all she has ever truly wanted was to be welcomed in all that she is and all that she feels, rather than only being desired, wanted or welcomed in certain energies of who she is. Her tears were so close this morning. I feel how other parts of me have learnt to try to fix her or push aspects of her emotional reality away. I feel how she also experienced this in all of her relationships to varying degrees.

As I moved and danced, I welcomed all of her in closer than ever before, all her tears, all her longing. She felt unsure at first, as tears have always been hard for her to feel without someone else holding space. As her tears were always hidden and not welcomed, it has taken me a long time to realize that they can be. As I grow through this process as a space holder, I am able to offer her a new narrative around tears and sadness, as I see more and  more how her longings and tears are the doorway to our desires for life.

She cried. She let go into me, resting more into the pain in her heart. It felt beautiful. It feels like the beginning of a new relationship, except this one is just with me. I want all of her because I know how much she has held alone, how much wisdom she holds because of that. I feel how deeply she loves when she is welcomed in all of who she is, and how the pain of not being welcomed has broken her heart open to life.

I sense some deeper layers of heartbreak arising, feeling the pain of relationships that didn’t work out and the times it has felt to her that people wanted her but only certain parts of her. The feeling of not being wanted in her fullness touches these tender tears. There is a growing sense of gratitude to those people who weren’t ready for all of her. I am a stronger woman because of it, who feels love for and loved by every aspect that makes up this expression of me. I no longer have to be more than or less than. I can be me, this beautiful bliss mess embodied as a woman. Trusting that as I love myself and see myself more and more, I will attract others who can only show up for the same.

Love,

Deya x

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

Energy Update: 5:5 Gateway Energies Holding Space For Trauma Processing, Galactic Disclosure, Inner Teenager

By Jelelle Awen

The 5/5 Gateway is OPEN! This gateway feels like a golden highway of access to 5D and higher frequencies in your soul. The veil is thinner to access timelines of deep love embodiment and Unity consciousness experience. These are embodying frequencies, meaning the codes that are personal to YOU and what you need for the Next Level of your awakening journey. They are made to be digestable to your energy system and emotional body, whatever you (and parts of you) are ready and prepared to receive.

As I tune into the 5/5 gateway energies, I can see/feel the floods of high frequency light and love flowing into Gaia’s atmosphere and humanity’s too. Higher frequency spikes have been going on and picked up by the Schumann/Gaia resonance for the last few days, which has been a pattern for the last few weeks as well. The full moon on May 7th amplifies these 5:5 energies to allow more revelation as needed.

There are many, many light ships in the orbit of Gaia right now, wow! They are friendly skies with waves of support coming from them toward humanity and what we are going through. They feel Pleiadian, Sirian, Andromedan and even Orion (the friendly ones). They are invested in what our choices are going forward and they are ready to provide support to whoever needs it and wants it. Ask for it and you shall receive.

The sense is that they are disclosing themselves more and more to the mainstream 3D public yet still are hesitant to just ‘land on the White House lawn’ as many couldn’t digest that. More pictures and videos are showing up every day of these light ships uncloaking and then re-cloaking again; appearing in the skies in beams of bright light for brief moments. They are seen when they want to be seen.

And, with the recent disclosure of videos of ‘UFO ships’ from the U.S. Pentagon and confirmation FINALLY of their existence, more souls are opening up to the idea of humanity not being alone in the Universe. This ‘news’ flew under the radar of most souls with the Covid situation, yet those of us long connected to the galactic awakening process were celebrating this movement!

I am getting the sense (and have been for awhile) that the Covid-19 shutdown/pause/lock down is actually THE EVENT that so many of us have been anticipating for awhile. Rather than a stunning, high frequency solar flash that awakens masses of souls at once, this event is allowing for a MUCH needed detox from 3D life and the work-sleep-repeat suffering reality of it. This respects where each soul is and invites them into awakening.

It does feel like the event that was MOST needed for where humanity is at this moment in our evolutionary cycle. Even intended and created originally from a darker agenda of the Cabal, the virus itself is neutral and just ‘doing its job’ to disrupt the Matrix programmed reality that has so long been running.

Yes, it is uncomfortable. Yes, it is messy. It is pushing up LOTS of contentious, battling, polarizing, war-like energies. It is revealing people’s shadows and unconscious motivations and hidden agendas.

Yet, too, it is landing us in what is REAL for us and in our lives. Just like a fasting for the body, this is a fasting for ALL of us from 3D life. It is landing us in our truth and more souls are telling those truths despite how others react, a KEY place to move through in awakening and unplugging from the social conformity Matrix programming.

Each of us are being invited to feel what is real for us in this moment in all areas of our lives in terms of how we earn money, our social worlds, our physical bodies, our spiritual awakenings, and more. Traumatic experiences from the ‘past’ are coming up to be felt in this pause time as well. There are not the usual distractions of everyday life routines to provide an escape from what needs to be felt.

This trauma is waiting to be felt and digested with parts of you who need you. The Inner Teenager seems to be coming up powerfully right now. The Inner Teenager comes forward with a rebel attitude towards being ‘told what to do by authority’, and pushing back on the 3D (and 4D Matrix) control systems.

This can especially be felt in the United States and the protests against the shut downs either in the physical or via online/virtual sharings and disclosure movements such as QAnon. This is an important aspect of claiming individual sovereignty during awakening that each soul needs to go through in their own ways. The U.S. is leading the way for other countries on how to collapse the tyrannical Matrix systems, even if it is messy process as ALL births are.

The 5:5 energies are supporting and holding space for these sometimes painful, messy, and difficult explorations inside and outside. Rather than creating a transcendance or bypassing out of your emotional body realities, they are encouraging you to find and discover a personal bridge inside to them that allows the deeper feeling space to transmute and move what needs to from trauma to love.

Arising out of this messy phase is the possibilities and realizations of a 5D Golden Earth and next Golden Age for Sacred Humanity. Arising out of this is the embodiment of each of us individually as the Infinite Love that we ARE!

Love,

Jelelle Awen

Raphael and I will be providing a bridge to 5D energies via sharings and a guided meditation for our last Free To Be Group call tomorrow Wednesday May 6 at 10:00am PDT. You are welcome to join us or receive the recording by offering a donation at soulfullheart.org/shop or paypal.me/jelelleawen. You don’t need to have attended the previous group calls to come to this one.

Our next Free To Be: Navigating the Matrix Collapse to New Earth weekly group call series for six weeks starts on May 20! Hope you can join us live and/or receive the recordings! More info here: soulfullheart.org/freetobe2

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For information about 1:1 sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group call events, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheart.org.

Healing The ‘Black Sheep’ Archetype

by Kalayna Solais

When you’re a child, you start to learn right away what is expected of you. You’re meeting expectations of when to start talking, walking, even behaving more maturely, whatever definition of ‘mature’ you’ve been taught. You learn, then, about what makes you feel like you’re on track with this and what doesn’t and you take in the impact of that.

As you get older and start to awaken more to your soul but also what your heart really feels and wants, the pain starts to set in… the pain of feeling like you don’t belong and maybe never have. A feeling like you simply cannot ‘win’ no matter what you do or don’t do. Parts of you form to deal with this and find a way to be in the world but you still can’t reconcile your differences; those aspects of who you are that seem to set you apart from everyone else.

In some cases, you may start becoming ‘therapized’ as the only way that your 3D-conditioned parents or authority figures feel they can ‘help’ you. You may be put on medication that numbs and dulls your natural ability to FEEL. Even the anxiety and depression you’ve experienced, which is held by parts of you that are hurting and also feeling on their radar a sense that they really aren’t safe in this conditioning and aren’t being loved the way they need and deserve to be.

You now see yourself as the ‘black sheep’ of the family but also of the culture you’ve been raised in. You may even feel this with your friends or co-workers. I know I have.

In my recent process, I was working with a part of me that always felt she was the ‘black sheep’. We had to go into a scene together where she could line-up her birth family members and feel the lingering judgements and criticisms, the messages of ‘you’ll never make it on your own’ which may not have been directly said but were energized.

Together, we could start to feel their Higher Selves in the room too, and their Higher Selves offered that this wasn’t actually about what it seemed to be about… it wasn’t about me or this part of me being a ‘failure’ (though in a 3D sense it’d be pretty easy to see it that way). It was actually about a wonder they have at the conditioning I’ve been able to say ‘no’ to, the risks I’ve said ‘yes’ to and the trust I now have more and more in my life, even the challenges that sometimes feel like mountains to climb.

In this, I found compassion for them even though I still hold a boundary.

In this, I found a way to truly see and honour myself and my own journey as well as seeing the sacredness of their own.

In this, I could feel how this theme of ‘not belonging’ and being looked down on somehow has played out in all of my relationships in one way or another, even with my soul family and my recent marriage too.

And, in this, I could feel how just about every single one of us who has been on an awakening and healing journey has felt like some form of the ‘black sheep’ and played out this theme countless times, often with angst and restlessness and even suicidal feelings.

On the other side of this process, I could bring this part of me into a new form other than the ‘black sheep’. She was able to shake off the black and the sheep suit came off too. She turned into a young lioness, full of power and presence, yet with heart and vulnerability. She is finding a new home inside of me where she can truly belong and be seen and loved for who she is, even in those times where she is being shown something not-so-easy to see or feel about herself.

You’ve been taught to look outside of you for validation and even for connection to Divine love.

You’ve been conditioned to believe that you’re always supposed to ‘achieve’ and ‘succeed’ even though the goalposts keep moving. This happens in 3D and also 4D in different spiritual groups too where your ‘black sheep’ feelings can become amplified instead of felt deeply, often in the form of ‘tough love’ which is really just outright abuse.

The feelings of not-belonging can be healed as the parts of you begin to unify, one by one, with each other and with you.

Love is the glue that brings your heart and soul back together again to wholeness within that can no longer be severed. Love is the juice that catalyzes the transformation from within. Yours is the love your lost and world-weary parts most need to feel, to remove their own sheep suits… for they were never meant to be ‘sheep’.

They were meant to be ‘lions’.

Much love! ❤

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Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.