Journey Of The Ascending Masculine: Sometimes You Have To Be The ‘Bad Guy’ In Order To Be The ‘Real Guy’

A man’s emotional maturation and spiritual journey inevitably comes to a crossroad with his relationship to his mother.

I write about this today because I was recently contacted by my own mother and could feel the old energies of guilt and shame that underlied the old dynamic between us and within her. These were very subtle and yet not so subtle energies.

On the outside, or from another consciousness, one would view me as an awful son for drawing my boundaries I did years ago and choosing not to communicate unless we were in a similar transactional frequency. This recent message was a clear indicator that nothing much has changed.

The timing was auspicious as well as I had just had a process not just a few days ago where I felt more residual energies in my emotional and psychic bodies in regards to my mother and how her wounding affected me as a young boy and have lived in me through my inner child and inner teenager.

These frequencies of guilt and shame are huge energetic anchors that serve no one’s growth yet are portals into that very thing. The process was to say no more to those frequencies and to feel the part of me that needed to be a bit matter of fact about how it all made him feel growing up.

This is a big part of any man’s journey. Saying no more to what has lived between us and our mothers that has not been healthy. These can be really subtle the more you keep going in, especially when you are in an intimate, romantic relationship with a woman. There is stuff that has a very long shelf life unless we keep up the conscious exploration within.

The dichotomy of a man’s journey is that he needs to seek individuation from mom while entering The Mother at the same time. Moving from one womb to another. This can be a bit of a maddening process and one that I want women to have a perspective on to understand what this is like for the men in their lives. Not and excuse, mind you, just an understanding.

Sometimes this individuation process can come while in proximal relationship to our mothers, and other times it is just not possible. Some of the triggered responses can be how we could do such a thing to someone who did all they could for us and gave birth to us. Therein lies the trap. The guilt and shame.

I am grateful for all my mother did for me, and even in this process, continues to do so. However, birthing does not give permission to retain a free pass into my emotional body. It prevents any of us from arising into the man we ARE and having the kinds of sacred unions with women that no longer perpetuate this dynamic.

Sometimes you have to be the ‘bad guy’ in order to be the ‘real guy’.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Authentic Masculinity & The Return To King

Authenticity and masculinity.

These are two roads that are intersecting for me recently. They are actually running parallel seeking to become one. As my inner work continues with my own personal sessions, I am finding this nexus of authentic, masculine leadership to be my next going on place. It reverberates with a lot of questions and curiosities.

Who is this authentic masculine within?
When has it showed up and when has it not?

These are self-loving questions and not a judgement as to when it hasn’t.

As a man that has realized his own inner feminine leanings, this is sacred ground. I have been feeling my inner feminine, Geneveive, becoming more comfortable in my heart as an integral part of who I am as a man. With this relaxing, the suppressed masculine within is coming to the surface to find His authentic place on the throne next to her.

As with any suppressed masculine, it comes with an edgy, maybe even defensive, energy, as it has not really had much practice being out in the world. As that energy comes into me I feel this a part of me. His name is Sarge (for Sergeant). As repressed masculine, he came to me as an inner punisher. Yelling and judging to be heard. That was a deep process of feeling him and his vulnerabilities and needs.

What I felt recently in my session with Jelelle, was how this authentic masculine energy had been neutralized in protection against my father’s rage and the perception of my mother’s fragility. A dynamic that stunted this initiation into the world. In some ways, at the age of 48, I feel like this is the beginning of this initiation. I had to be with some reaction to that only to feel how this is the way it has just played itself out.

In this initiation, I am dropping this old relationship to Woman (via Mom) and Man (via Dad) to feel what my authentic masculine leadership needs/wants as well as its effect on my feminine and younger parts. It is a process of moving from Knight to King on the chessboard of growth. I feel the kings of my Metasoul eager to guide me and activate me on this journey.

In the past this felt like a scared place, but now it feels sacred. It feels natural and ripe. With is comes uncertainty and unpredictability, but that feels alive to this arising masculine. It is the wounded masculine that seeks order and the known. The true King has the Order within and brings that energy to all that is around Him. I feel Divine Father in this moment than I ever have.

It is this Return to King that I want to make transparent to all the men that feel this in their hearts and souls. It is from this place that I seek to serve and lead. Amen.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Anxiety: A Peek Into The SoulFullHeart Process

By Raianna Shai

A couple of nights ago, I experienced anxiety in a way that I hadn’t in quite a long time. One thing that was very different this time was simply my awareness of it. I never totally realized that I had quite a bit of anxiety in the past. I always thought that because it wasn’t inherently debilitating that I was just an overthinker.

But I feel that this experience is quite prevalent in most of us, and is a mix of different relationships between parts of us.

For myself, it felt like my inner child feeling scared of “getting in trouble”. She wants so badly to love, feel joy and play in the beauty of life. But when things happen in my life that are more “adult” and difficult, my Protector will put her out front so that it’s harder for others to get mad at me. Who really wants to yell at a child?

My Inner Protector also has fear, for getting in trouble means he has somehow failed me. So he tends to try and avoid these situations as much as possible in order to protect my other parts such as my inner child.

Then my Inner Punisher comes into play by judging my Inner Child for getting something wrong in the first place. For he’s constantly looking for things that she could improve. When deep down, he really just judges himself for the way he feels he has to be.

All this to say that no matter how bad my anxiety or depression gets, the biggest thing that gets me through and allows me to grow from the situation is feeling the dynamics going on inside.

It’s different for everyone but what’s the same is that all of our parts ultimately want love and to be heard. So if we take the time and space (if we can) to get to know these parts of ourselves then MAYBE we can begin to draw these feelings and situations less and less.

Here is *sort of* a poem I wrote to illustrate the process I had that night!

————————————-

Tears of hopeless frustration

Feeling lost in a sea of emotion

Stomach tense in fear and expectation

Anxiety takes hold with intense ferocity

Sleep is lost to the silence of the night

Tossing and turning with measured repetition

Then I remember the family inside of me

Waiting to be felt

Waiting to be heard and loved

“What can I do for you, my loves?”

“How can I help?”

“I’m scared and just want to have joy”

Says the little one

“I fear failure, that I put you in danger”

Says the fierce protector

“I don’t like this, and I need to to fix it”

Says the punishing voice

“You are all loved, supported and heard”

I say

“You, little one, need not to worry of things in the adult world. You are the joy and love I need to tell my truth with compassion.”

“You, my loving guard, need not to protect the others. I am here now, to hold the space with intention and strength.”

“You, my precious critic, need not to judge yourself or others. You were needed once before, but now you may rest.”

And with that

The child tucked in

The protector at rest

The punisher soothed

I sleep in peace

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Finding Real Love When You Come Undone

Our hearts and souls are entangled. Of course they are. We are One. But I can feel deeply, and receive guidance about the nature of our entanglement. We are seeking how to authentically love ourselves as the Divine loves Itself. We have chosen Entanglement to work so many edges and polarities of the human and celestial experience.

First you come to an awareness of entanglement either with a family member, a lover, a mate, a belief system, a conditioning, an addiction, your ego, and the plethora of psychic energies and entities that exist in this multiverse. It is mind blowing the number of entanglements we have chosen to enter into in order to fully understand the nature and embodied experience of Love.

When seen from this place, the part of you that may punish you for getting into these entanglements can start to be felt for what is truly wanting and needing to be felt. It is the fear of becoming Undone. Unseen, Unloved.

Parts of us have become so accustomed to the energy of the entanglement. It actually feels like home to them. It is known and knowable even if it isn’t healthy or if it is limiting. These parts can go on ad infinitum until one day You decide You can’t. Then the unraveling begins.

The unraveling can be a scary place to be. However, it is the most real place and the most alive. In the unraveling you are held. The degree of that truth is really up to you. It does not have to be some traumatic event that takes you into an intense Dark Night experience. It can actually be held as a birth. A process over time.

The Dark Night experience is a fusion to the part/parts of you that feel separation, void, and abandonment. This is very real to them and yet can also be mid-wifed into a new reality by the You that was never entangled in the first place. Feeling that You arises simultaneously from the disentanglement. It is a sacred paradox. Your Phoenix rising.

As you allow yourself to become Undone, with love, compassion, space, and time, a magical alchemy happens from within. You feel the parts of you that have been in hiding, scared, in trauma, as well as the protected parts that are still in joy, in magic, and in love because they were sequestered and guarded by your Inner Proctector. This process of disentanglement does not start without them. Feeling their fears and concerns first and having a relationship with them is what greases those wheels.

I feel myself disentangling from others this life and other lives as well. It is an ongoing process until it isn’t anymore. No judgement, just understanding, remorse, responsibility, and compassion. Loss, grief, and fear eventually transmute into trust, self-love, and clarity. Next stop is flow, joy, and the blissful mystery. Sometimes you need help, other times you just need You.

*****

Photo by Heather Evans Smith
http://www.heatherevanssmith.com/

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Feeling And Healing The Inner Punisher In Service Of Love

When you are in a profession such as medical, education, business, etc. you are in a constant state of learning the new data, trends, and practices that will keep you up to date and on the leading edge of the field.

As a healer and a light/shadow worker it is very similar. I am in constant ‘professional development’ to better serve myself first and then in overflow to my facilitants/clients. Without me keeping dibs on my emotospiritual needs, I run the risk of a kind of malpractice in a way. This is not a form of shadow hunting, just being keenly aware of what my next steps are.

I came to hold space for a deeper layer of what we call the Inner Punisher. My current facilitants have had this show up for them at the same time, so it felt like a reflection to feel in myself. This is part of the development. Of becoming aware of what we may still be unaware of. The signs are right there in front of us when we are open and willing to see them, even if it feels uncomfortable.

This lead to a deep process with what we also call the Inner Father. These two energies were both merged as I had a lot of early childhood trauma with my biological father. There was a legacy of harshness and rage that had been handed down to the males in my family tree. It can’t help to be transferred from one son to the next. However, for me, this inner critical voice was internalized and expressed as self-punishment.

As I held this as a part of me, an Inner Father that wanted me to be normal and successful, I began to feel the vulnerability set in. I asked many questions to unearth what was at the root of his rage and anxiety. Once we got there, the tears began to flow for all that he felt like he had become as a mirror of my outer father.

He called himself Sarge like a Sergeant in the army. Both my father and grandfather were Marines and this was imprinted in my DNA. It has many Metasoul connections as well. I felt my compassion for him and even offered him forgiveness. That was hard for him to let in.

This is a deep energy that takes time, through rounds of healing and feeling, to get to the core of where the punishment comes from and how it has played out in so many ways. When it is coupled with a mother or father imprint it can pack a lot of energy but also a lot of healing. Our birth families offer us a lot of fodder for growth and transformation.

I have not been in contact with my father for many years. However, I could feel his higher self with me, offering remorse for what he was unable to offer me this life. That lead to another deep healing inside of me. I felt his old energy leave my field and felt a newer one integrate inside of me.

This has been years in the making and I feel a renewed sense of my own Gabrielness for lack of a better term. It is this Gabrielness that is the heart of my Service to Other. It is what lets me upgrade my system in order to let in more Light and Love to hold space and guide with compassion. I offer that space to you as well if you feel the desire to get to the core of this critical energy or any other energy you feel is keeping you in a lowered state of frequency of being. This is the reason I am here and the reason I continue to heal.

Gabriel Heartman
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

We offer a free 30-45 minute intro call via Zoom to see how the SoulFullHeart process may serve you in your healing and growth. Click the above link for more info or you can PM me. 🙂

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Feeling Manifestation As A Birthing Process And Relieving The Inner Punisher

My last two sessions have been very powerful when it has come to feeling the Inner Punisher. This energy is very intense and heavy when fully activated. Judgement swirls inside from self-to-self (or from our point of view from part to part), and it is outward from self-to-other. The outer circumstance is a reflection of what is happening on the inside.

If this is left unfelt, manifestation works to draw this energy in even more. The Multiverse responds. This punishing/judging energy can be rooted in our early childhood relationships, our Metasoul, and/or the Gatekeeper’s relationship to life and people. When wanting to manifest a particular timeline, this part of us can really wreak chaos internally and externally.

However, when you get to truly become acquainted with it (though it has usually been a more masculine energy in my experience), you stare to get an understanding of how much of your life may have been spent in deep fusion to this part. For many of us, it is not an attractive side of us, but has a TON of gifts!

The Punisher (which sounds scary in and of itself) is really a lamb in wolve’s clothing. There is a soft underbelly to all the barbs and jabs. There is a tenderness that I have felt once we got to feel it more. So much of that judgement is being waged against itself and trying to manifest that which is sitting in your Desire Bank, as well as trying to get the hell out of 3D! That is a lot to hold and feel responsible for.

I offered a lot of compassion and love to these parts, along with my facilitants, and when that happened we could feel how hard that was to let in. They are always in a state of outward or inward judgement mode that they don’t feel safe with being vulnerable. The biggest reason is that they are the most tender and vulnerable of them all.

When this part of you gets to be in relationship, they begin to move more into a role of Discerner. It is non-charged intuitive/opinion place that just sees the forest for the trees. When the charge is removed, manifestation feels a lot less like pulling a rabbit out of a thimble, and more like a birthing process. It takes the Divine time it needs to come into this physical dimension. The Punisher almost becomes like the excited partner along the way, seeing what needs to be done next to let self-love be the mid-wife.

We manifest what we need to heal. We give birth to what we are born to share and serve.

I am giving birth to my heart and soul gift into the world with each of these words. I offer my gift with a free Intro Call into how the SoulFullHeart Process can help to heal your Inner Punisher/Judger/Critic. Check out the website link below for more information.

Together we can help to shift so much of that energy in the world into a force of loving change. First from within your heart and then into the heart of humanity.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Harvesting The Fruitful Darkness Into Love

The last few days have been quite a slug for me as I have been revisited by an energy that has ebbed and flowed in my field since I was in my early 20s. It is a very despairing energy that can be triggered in many ways, most notably in relationship to 3D money needs and intimacy.

I have felt both a masculine and a feminine energy in that despair. A feeling of not feeling like things are ever going to get off the ground and into abundance and flow. A feeling that I am not deserving or worthy of a lofty and joyous place. A seemingly inescapable condition of self-judgement and criticism. It is like a rolling snowball downhill that expands as gravity has its way.

This energy in me calls itself DC which stands for Dark Cloud or Don’t Care. It is a primordial energy that is quite ancient and collective. It lives in a very dark world yet in that darkness there is a deep need to be felt and heard even if it doesn’t admit to it. Forging a relationship to it helps to create the space for compassion and love to enter the space even as it feels hard to do so.

I have admittedly given it way too much power in my life. It has been a work in progress and is much different than it used to be. I have come to know this as an aspect of my soul but I needed some external reflection to really let that into my heart. This is a fusion that we know we are in but just need an outside mirror and lever to tilt it back into the Higher Heart and Consciousness.

I feel how these ongoing energies are ramping up that which is still embedded in our soul and is taking up residence in our bodies. It leaves little vacancy for our Higher Self to come into the space until we chose to relate to it on a personal level.

In our continued journey to wholeness, we are also healing the collective and that can be quite a chore. It is a process of personalizing the energy that takes it out of that well and into your own heart space. It loses some of its intensity and density and becomes more open to feeling in its own time.

Today’s Harvest Full Moon is another opportunity to harvest the fruit from this darkness and finally get to the root of what keeps us from truly embodying all that we are meant and desire to be. We get to do this together through our sharing and our connection. We may even seek the space of another to help transmute it back into Love from whence it came, it just has forgotten and felt forsaken.

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Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

 

Sometimes Real Love Can Feel Like A Bully

Real love presses and invites with compassionate passion. It wants more of Itself to shine and be shown. When it feels that it is being hidden away, defended, or downplayed, Love goes for the cracks. The places that it can sneak under to find more of Itself to heal and flourish.

To the part of us that takes a defensive stance to being “infiltrated” in the name of self-preservation, it is just wanting what is known to stay in stasis because it is all it has ever known…even if this is suffering or crisis. So if love is advocating for itself, which lies on the other side of those walls, then Love would feel like a bully to this defended part of us.

This can only feel true if there is a bully inside that provokes that response. An experience of being punished or persecuted, either this life or others, creates a knee-jerk protective stance toward anything that feels encroaching our inner sanctum of vulnerability. 

“Tough love” comes to mind when I ponder this more. Tough love has an edge to it that can be an inner punisher part of one person that is using this term as an excuse to off-gas abusive energy. There may be a true loving intention, but this energy can be tainted with some toxicity. If there is an experience of this within a spiritual or psychological framework, your Protector most certainly can have some reaction when Real Love is being offered. 

What is the difference? 

It comes down to feeling your own inner bully dynamic and how that may be being projected out and even drawing these situations. It is also about being vulnerable with the feeling of being bullied that draws out this inner energy. There is a sorting out that takes place to parcel out what is “tough” and what is “real”. Real love can be intense and may be tough to a part of us, but it is never toxic or rough. It does not pry or demand, but invites and passionately advocates. 

In any authentic and safe healing space, the healer must also be in tune with their own emotional and spiritual bodies and be willing to feel and see their own “stuff” that may be a part of any advocacy or difficult love offering. This allows the protective part of the one receiving healing and guidance to feel safe and open. 

This is why those of us in SoulFullHeart are always asking ourselves, and each other, if where we are coming from has tinges of an energy that may feel “off” so that we can feel how that may be affecting our facilitation. As a community, it is a system of checks and balances that is about our own personal growth as well as our commitment to being the most authentic healing modality out there. 

If you have experienced this wound of toxic love, my heart goes out to you. I am sorry that happened. I want to invite that part of you to experience something different and possible. Something genuine and real. Something that leads you to experience a new relationship to the pain and trauma, with transparency, honesty, and heart-open advocacy.

******

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Increasing Light Exposing The Dark Knight: Response To Mass Shootings

Somehow this is becoming a tragic reality of the unfolding drama within a country. Within humanity. After two back-to-back shootings on the heals of another just days earlier, it becomes clearer that a country is on a verge. I say a country because the US leads the world in these types of events. The mass shooting. The most numbers in one incident happened in Norway, but the volume of incidents and deaths happen in the US. 

It is also by the hands of men. Young men who all had deep emotional issues prior to the event. They have been described as outside the bounds of intimate community with a deep feeling of rejection and disenfranchisement. Yes, they are mostly white, and many have used their own hate as the fuel for their actions. The hate has been both indiscriminate and specific. We are all affected. 

I get that there is a war going on. It is undeniable to me. It is going on in the heart and soul of a populace of men. This saddens me deeply. It has edges of despair and hopelessness at times. These men have faced their own experience with violence and feeling unloved. When a part of them feels rejected, either by an individual or a group, this part needs to find a way to get its power back. It is a dark knight that seeks the throne of attention in any way it can, and being steeped in violence it has the means already at hand. 

This is a Violence Matrix. One that permeates the heart and soul of the wounded masculine. This aspect of men is permeable to influence in order to feel power. They can become pawns in a much larger game going on. They can create useful distractions and reactions that lead toward a specific goal. It is a soul history of being a soldier for The Cause. A 4D matrix that has deep roots. This is where the healing is if we can get there. The one great effect we have as men is to go into this and find out where that wound lives. That disempowerment, that rage, that violence. 

We all have our reactions to this from despair to indignation. When this happens the Rage of Change comes out loud and clear, but until we learn to love our own Dark Knight the cycle seems to keep recurring. As Gaia continues to enter more and more of the photonic light belt, we are going to see increased exposure of what lies deep within our collective shadow. These men are us. If we disconnect from them, we disconnect from a deeply wounded part of us seeking Love. We disconnect from a soul brother that is still in war and in battle. Fighting for his continued right to hate himself above all else. This brings me to tears. This brings me to wanting to love him and give him a home. No gun control legislation can heal this, even if it can stem it. 

We are being given the opportunity to feel something deeper. This is what Disclosure is offering us. It is not pretty. It is not overly welcome. But it is real and we need to face it. Otherwise, the wheel goes around one more time.

*****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

 

The Velveteen Rabbit Within Us All

Digesting a lot in the aftermath of completion. My heart and consciousness still calibrating to a new reality post-marriage. There are ghost-like sensations throughout the day, things that I would normally have responded to are no longer there. It is a bit of a emotive and cognitive dissonance yet that is the very thing that lands me back into me.

Me.

Who is that even? I am beginning to become aware of who I was and which parts of me were in response to all of the relationship dynamics. I do feel a core self that has been there but the degree to which “he” showed up is still in question. That is the current process. Taking stock of where “I” was and who this “I” even is.

It is not so much existential or judgmental as it is curious with compassion. That is what allows the shadow to come out and be seen and felt. Just hanging outside the cave entrance and letting it know that I am here to be a friend and a caring advocate. Not a punisher or a hunter looking for extradition.

When we go through emotional times like this it can be so easy for a part of us to go into “fix it” mode or into the blame/shame game. Instead there is an opportunity here for us to get to some tender and profound understandings of what make us who we ARE and who we want to be going forward. This makes all our experiences sacred and meaningful. We get to come in contact with aspects of ourselves that are deep need of love and forgiveness.

Through this experience I will find something that may not look “good” or feel good, but if my Higher Heart is leading the way I can guarantee I will find something that will be real and that is what any of us can hope to aspire to. Just ask the Velveteen Rabbit.

******