Inner Punisher And Shame Healing Guided Meditation: Video Seven Deepen 2020 Series W/Jelelle Awen

By Jelelle Awen

In this seventh video of my video series called Deepen 2020, I (Jelelle Awen, SoulFullHeart Teacher/Facilitator) talk about the often intense and largely subconscious relationship between an Inner Punisher part and a corresponding shame reaction in another part (usually an Inner Child or Inner Teenager). This dynamic of Punisher and shame creates a suffering loop that can lower your vibrational frequency, draw MORE judgement/shame from others in relationships, and diverts wisdom into judgements rather than discernment/intuitions felt with love.

I share about my own deep process to heal this Punisher-Shame loop inside myself (which was an internalized dynamic from my caregivers) and how I no longer experience these frequencies inside myself. I talk about WHY this dynamic exists and what the purpose of the Punisher-Shame loop is and it’s this investigation that allows you to ultimately offer compassion towards the parts that are involved in it.

In the guided meditation, I bridge to your Inner Punisher with Mother Mary and Yeshua, who provide a compassionate and forgiving energy of illumination and love to this part of you who can start to feel their essence as discernment and wisdom. We then tune into the part of you that is responding and triggered into shame in response to the Punisher’s judgement. We offer love to this shame-filled part so that they can start to feel their TRUE essence of innocence and goodness again.

Here is a guided meditation to meet your Inner Punisher, which is a good place to start before doing this video: https://youtu.be/SXlufQ_WBUU

Thank you for joining me in this video….as we move into Deepening energies together…..one beloved part of us at a time!

You can watch each video in the Deepen 2020 playlist on my SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNmrHdaQSAvLjwm17eBBTRhE3dbezYJdu

You can watch videos from my previous 33 Day Deepen series from 2019 here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNmrHdaQSAvLiLpw1qSOmQE-tsqhGSAD3

Money donations are so appreciated and received with gratitude as an energy exchange to support me and SoulFullHeart to continue providing free offerings such as this video series.

You can donate through paypal: paypal.me/jelelleawen or become a one-time or regular patreon donor: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

This video series serves as an introduction and bridge to the powerful SoulFullHeart quantum healing process and cutting-edge way of life experienced and offered through 1:1 sessions with Jelelle for women and women and men with Raphael Awen and group calls/events/writings and more. For more information, visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

Anxiety: A Peek Into The SoulFullHeart Process

By Raianna Shai

A couple of nights ago, I experienced anxiety in a way that I hadn’t in quite a long time. One thing that was very different this time was simply my awareness of it. I never totally realized that I had quite a bit of anxiety in the past. I always thought that because it wasn’t inherently debilitating that I was just an overthinker.

But I feel that this experience is quite prevalent in most of us, and is a mix of different relationships between parts of us.

For myself, it felt like my inner child feeling scared of “getting in trouble”. She wants so badly to love, feel joy and play in the beauty of life. But when things happen in my life that are more “adult” and difficult, my Protector will put her out front so that it’s harder for others to get mad at me. Who really wants to yell at a child?

My Inner Protector also has fear, for getting in trouble means he has somehow failed me. So he tends to try and avoid these situations as much as possible in order to protect my other parts such as my inner child.

Then my Inner Punisher comes into play by judging my Inner Child for getting something wrong in the first place. For he’s constantly looking for things that she could improve. When deep down, he really just judges himself for the way he feels he has to be.

All this to say that no matter how bad my anxiety or depression gets, the biggest thing that gets me through and allows me to grow from the situation is feeling the dynamics going on inside.

It’s different for everyone but what’s the same is that all of our parts ultimately want love and to be heard. So if we take the time and space (if we can) to get to know these parts of ourselves then MAYBE we can begin to draw these feelings and situations less and less.

Here is *sort of* a poem I wrote to illustrate the process I had that night!

————————————-

Tears of hopeless frustration

Feeling lost in a sea of emotion

Stomach tense in fear and expectation

Anxiety takes hold with intense ferocity

Sleep is lost to the silence of the night

Tossing and turning with measured repetition

Then I remember the family inside of me

Waiting to be felt

Waiting to be heard and loved

“What can I do for you, my loves?”

“How can I help?”

“I’m scared and just want to have joy”

Says the little one

“I fear failure, that I put you in danger”

Says the fierce protector

“I don’t like this, and I need to to fix it”

Says the punishing voice

“You are all loved, supported and heard”

I say

“You, little one, need not to worry of things in the adult world. You are the joy and love I need to tell my truth with compassion.”

“You, my loving guard, need not to protect the others. I am here now, to hold the space with intention and strength.”

“You, my precious critic, need not to judge yourself or others. You were needed once before, but now you may rest.”

And with that

The child tucked in

The protector at rest

The punisher soothed

I sleep in peace

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Increasing Light Exposing The Dark Knight: Response To Mass Shootings

Somehow this is becoming a tragic reality of the unfolding drama within a country. Within humanity. After two back-to-back shootings on the heals of another just days earlier, it becomes clearer that a country is on a verge. I say a country because the US leads the world in these types of events. The mass shooting. The most numbers in one incident happened in Norway, but the volume of incidents and deaths happen in the US. 

It is also by the hands of men. Young men who all had deep emotional issues prior to the event. They have been described as outside the bounds of intimate community with a deep feeling of rejection and disenfranchisement. Yes, they are mostly white, and many have used their own hate as the fuel for their actions. The hate has been both indiscriminate and specific. We are all affected. 

I get that there is a war going on. It is undeniable to me. It is going on in the heart and soul of a populace of men. This saddens me deeply. It has edges of despair and hopelessness at times. These men have faced their own experience with violence and feeling unloved. When a part of them feels rejected, either by an individual or a group, this part needs to find a way to get its power back. It is a dark knight that seeks the throne of attention in any way it can, and being steeped in violence it has the means already at hand. 

This is a Violence Matrix. One that permeates the heart and soul of the wounded masculine. This aspect of men is permeable to influence in order to feel power. They can become pawns in a much larger game going on. They can create useful distractions and reactions that lead toward a specific goal. It is a soul history of being a soldier for The Cause. A 4D matrix that has deep roots. This is where the healing is if we can get there. The one great effect we have as men is to go into this and find out where that wound lives. That disempowerment, that rage, that violence. 

We all have our reactions to this from despair to indignation. When this happens the Rage of Change comes out loud and clear, but until we learn to love our own Dark Knight the cycle seems to keep recurring. As Gaia continues to enter more and more of the photonic light belt, we are going to see increased exposure of what lies deep within our collective shadow. These men are us. If we disconnect from them, we disconnect from a deeply wounded part of us seeking Love. We disconnect from a soul brother that is still in war and in battle. Fighting for his continued right to hate himself above all else. This brings me to tears. This brings me to wanting to love him and give him a home. No gun control legislation can heal this, even if it can stem it. 

We are being given the opportunity to feel something deeper. This is what Disclosure is offering us. It is not pretty. It is not overly welcome. But it is real and we need to face it. Otherwise, the wheel goes around one more time.

*****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

 

The Velveteen Rabbit Within Us All

Digesting a lot in the aftermath of completion. My heart and consciousness still calibrating to a new reality post-marriage. There are ghost-like sensations throughout the day, things that I would normally have responded to are no longer there. It is a bit of a emotive and cognitive dissonance yet that is the very thing that lands me back into me.

Me.

Who is that even? I am beginning to become aware of who I was and which parts of me were in response to all of the relationship dynamics. I do feel a core self that has been there but the degree to which “he” showed up is still in question. That is the current process. Taking stock of where “I” was and who this “I” even is.

It is not so much existential or judgmental as it is curious with compassion. That is what allows the shadow to come out and be seen and felt. Just hanging outside the cave entrance and letting it know that I am here to be a friend and a caring advocate. Not a punisher or a hunter looking for extradition.

When we go through emotional times like this it can be so easy for a part of us to go into “fix it” mode or into the blame/shame game. Instead there is an opportunity here for us to get to some tender and profound understandings of what make us who we ARE and who we want to be going forward. This makes all our experiences sacred and meaningful. We get to come in contact with aspects of ourselves that are deep need of love and forgiveness.

Through this experience I will find something that may not look “good” or feel good, but if my Higher Heart is leading the way I can guarantee I will find something that will be real and that is what any of us can hope to aspire to. Just ask the Velveteen Rabbit.

******

Loving UP Your Body-Vessel

by Kalayna Solais

It has become so important to love the body beyond any measurements, beyond any sense of “not good enough”, beyond any shame once held by parts of you about looking this way instead of that way.

For years parts of me have judged and battled with my body and body image. They have especially struggled with accepting my legs, which have always been bigger, and my tendency to yo-yo a bit in my weight.

Parts of me have judged themselves for eating emotionally, for continuing to make food mean ‘love’ somehow. They have struggled so much over the years with relating to food more so as survival and even something not as necessary as we are taught it is.

Even in this world of spirituality and Ascension consciousness, there is a tendency for parts of us to judge the body for not yet being ‘light body’ worthy or for going through the many changes and shifts it needs to go through as we continue to transition into crystalline forms.

The body reflects the emotional reality, always, and this manifests in so many different ways, giving us so much valuable information to be with and digest.

These judgements come often from an Inner Punisher part inside of you that is concerned about sticking out, about you inhabiting your leadership, about Ascension on all levels.

For more about the Inner Punisher, here is a video from Jelelle where she also leads a guided meditation to connect with this part of you:

They criticize and poke because it means love to them somehow. It helps them feel empowered, ironically, because in the judgements of self is a defense against judgements from others. A preemptive strike within that hurts you first before someone else can hurt you. Wow. It might sound convoluted but if you really feel this one, it’s very true, and often unaddressed or felt through with love and self-compassion. The Inner Punisher does not respond well to more punishment… this energy can only transmute with love.

Here is a guided meditation co-created by Gabriel and I, narrated by Gabriel, that you could use as another tool to connect with this part of you:

This part is so ingrained in our 3D Self that it’s become natural to feel the punishment that becomes a white noise in our lives, always sort of there yet so naturalized we hardly notice how much it’s bringing our frequency down. This is so one of the major pieces that needs to shift into love in the 3D Self before this Self, this version of you, can really start to integrate and move into higher frequencies consistently.

I’m sharing this photo today because it hallmarks a new beginning for me and an outing too.

I no longer want to subscribe to the adage of needing to look a certain way and I don’t want parts of me to feel this way about themselves either.

I no longer want to hide how my body looks because it doesn’t comply with typical beauty standards.

I suspect my body will continue to go through more changes through my own personal Ascension process and to truly be IN it without feeling like I have to force it to be one way or another in order to be worthy of anyone’s love let alone my own, is my deepest intention in this moment.

Our bodies are part of our Ascension journey… to honour and love them UP, even as they are now, is so, so important.

Much love to you and YOUR beautiful vessel too! ❤

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

April Energies Invite You To Come Home To Yourself

Coming home to ourselves is the greatest work we can be doing at any given moment.

In recent sessions that I have had there has been an underlying theme of this very thing. So much of what we ache for or about on the outside is really about what is missing on the inside. A need of being seen and validated by another, a fear or anxiety about financial needs, or a deep feeling of loneliness, depression, or anger.

If you can begin to explore that nothing on the outside can ever make you feel anything that wasn’t already there on the inside, then you have just offered yourself, and your inner parts, the gift of empowerment.

In the process of inner work, using the imagination and memories helps to locate where these core needs and fears are stemming from. This can be a very natural process when the curiosity and desire to sort and heal these are aligned. It is one felt step at a time.

Inside lay the wounded, the hurt, the afraid, the pissed off, the rejected, as well as the joy, the passion, the vision, and the love. They all have their roles and needs. They all have their ascension journeys. Their deaths and rebirths. There you face all the things you really need for your growth and validation. They get to be offered a home in you.

No mantra, book, or medication can take you there quite like opening the portals to your heart and soul with self-loving compassion. It is a process I inhabit everyday with different layers of depth and discovery. Let these current energies support you in that coming home journey as well as those that have been there too. I open my heart space in the self-led exploration and embodiment of your deepest desires and gifts.

*****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Global Events Illuminating Shadow During This Equinox Passage

The heart is feeling heavy with this latest news coming from New Zealand. A place that represented some last bastion of civility and kindness in the world to many parts of us. Not that it has lost such distinction but I could feel a bubble being burst in the collective. Almost like a heinous act being carried out in Disneyland. I admit I do not know New Zealand very well but it is the projection I am working with. I do know it has a relatively small crime rate…and then this.

With that backdrop, the events that happened in Christchurch are amplified. Deep despair flourishes. Ignited rage and seemingly unsolvable questions. Again the reactions are all understandable and necessary. They are part of the grieving and digestion process. How these tragedies can be prevented is a much needed discussion, but in my heart and soul the sadness lies in our human condition. Within the family of our humanity. If we focus on condemnation, persecution, litigation, and legislation I feel we are missing a deeper layer to this story. We are missing the message being sent to us via the lives of 49 souls.

These human brothers and sisters are connected to so many others in the world of atrocity. So many that go unheard yet happen everyday all over the world. Too many for us to let in the depth of. The world of social media has opened this Pandora’s Box of our collective shadow and also our collective heart. It tells our story even as it is hard to read many days. We are compelled as much as we are repelled. The rush to censure it really represents our fear of what lies in this shadow. We can’t put the top back on it. It is here and we are being drawn to face it with all the love we can muster so that we can heal it.

The radicalization of hate is reaction to a deep existential fear. A fear of losing identity, of sovereignty, of control. It is a well of unworth and a need to feel powerful when a large population is feeling powerless and scared. Love is highlighting where it has been held at bay out of this fear. A survivor of the shooting even said, “A part of me wants to kill him”. Of course it does. It was taken from and seeks something to make it feel better even when in the end justice can’t heal the pain of the tragedy. So the hate lives inside us all. Still. It is just coming out through those that are closer to it.

We cannot ignore what is plainly in front of our faces. The darkness still has work to do. We are being shown that we need to go into our own shadows as we grieve, react, and propose solutions. The energies of the Equinox are here to shed light on that which has been in the dark. Hidden and suppressed. It is guiding us to harness this light so that we can really see…everything. Not just what parts of us want to. This is the real grit of Ascension. It is not all rainbows and unicorns. It is not all hell either. It is our messy way toward embodied light and love.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

The Rise And Balance Of the Mental Body During The Equinox

I think therefore I am.

This was an invitation to go beyond what we “knew” about the world around us and dive into the world that resides within us. A philosopher’s creed. There was so much to think about in regards to the nature of existence and our place within it as humans. This heightened sense of cognition and curiosity led to so many discoveries in the mathematics of life. Pythagoras finding God in geometry. The inevitable rise of knowledge leading to power.

A mental grid blanket formed over the heart. Efficiency, productivity, invention, and progress became the engine of modern civilized industrialization. The masculine drive lost touch with its counterpart of intuition, cooperation, trust, kindness, and decency. It is not they do not exist, but they do struggle to find balance and a place at the table of humanity.

Even religion and spirituality can have its mental overlays that keep it “out there” rather than right “in here”. In the heart. In the now. It is not an attack on the mind, but rather a much needed and desired relationship to it. The unbalanced and unfelt masculine has been at war with itself and the world around it.

There is a sacred energetic poultice that is occurring here on Gaia during this Equinox. This mentalized and scared sacred part of ourselves is coming to the surface to be loved. To be felt in its protection, in its need for control, and its fear. This part has a lot of discernment and can be very unsentimental which is needed in certain situations. But it can be at the sacrifice of something quite innocent and tender inside of us.

This “mental body” has a name and a story. It has a deep purpose as a guide and a manifestor. It can be an Inner Protector, Inner Punisher, Inner Matriarch/Patriarch. Yet, when left unfelt it can create blocks to our emotional and spiritual bodies.

Raphael Awen and I will be discussing this (with both heart and mind) in our next Sacred Masculine video. We will seek to connect to this part of us to feel what it has to say about all the doing and thinking that has kept many of us from truly feeling and experiencing the kind of joy and expanded consciousness that is right there waiting for us to embody and experience beyond the mind.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Addiction As A Portal Into The Heart And Soul

“What is gripping you as an addiction is actually a profound invitation and portal into what your heart and soul came here to learn.” – words from my teacher and partner Raphael Awen this morning.

Addiction is something anyone can be struggling with regardless of spiritual awareness. It is actually a portal INTO your spirituality that addiction can take you. At the root of this painful loop, is a feeling, an experience, a part of you that is in deep need to be felt. They can range from an inner protector/punisher, inner mother/father, teenager, child, or multidimensional self that is struggling to be and resonate in this dimension of existence.

For men, these addictions can range from alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, pornography, over-working, sex, unhealthy relationship, politics, news, depression, anxiety and even things that are intended to be positive such as spirituality itself. For women it can be closely related yet with differences. It is not the thing one is addicted to that is at question, but rather the relationship we have to it.

What is it that lies under the need for the thing itself? What is it that it is so very much wanting us to steer clear of? By accessing the inner world of parts can you then feel the one that is using the addiction as a safety net, or in many cases an blowhorn for your attention.

YOU are not the addiction. When one can find space between himself and the part that is addicted a whole consciousness comes into view that can lead to a healing relationship that is internally generated and held with support along the way. This part can begin the journey of receiving its needs through YOU, the centered heart, and not the object of the addiction. It can receive Love from the Divine and other spirits through this channel of You.

It is an ongoing and sometimes difficult journey that can only start with one question that leads to feeling. What is it that you need that you are not getting from the inside?

Raphael and I will be discussing this topic in our next sacred masculine live stream this Wednesday. Time to be announced, but it will be in the afternoon Pacific Time. The recording will be shared on our feeds and on our SoulFullHeart Experience channel. We are looking forward to hearing from many of you who are moving, or have moved through difficult addictions.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Being An Ambassador Of Love To The Wounded Masculine

“Three percent of men aged 18-24 felt that the term ‘masculinity’ meant kindness. One percent felt it meant respectfulness, honesty or supportiveness.”

This was from a report shared in Men’s Health magazine in the UK (thanks, Andy Bowker). It signifies how the current Man Meme as had an impact on the health of men in both the UK and US. One can extrapolate out to other countries as well just by feeling the conditions and geopolitics of other regions. It revealed how a disproportionate number of men commit suicide before the age of 45, and beyond that the largest cause is heart dis-ease.

The inaccessibility to our deepest feelings, under the rage, depression, and anxiety, has caused a schism in the well-being of the collective male heart and soul. The allegiance to a particular set of ‘norms’ has created a swell of unfelt emotion that eventually has its unfortunate consequence.

The term ‘toxic masculine’ has made its way into the narrative and there has been a backlash that has only fueled a sense of attack against manhood. I frankly do not like the term as it only serves to create more divisiveness.

What I want to feel is what prevents/influences this healthy need to express our feelings as men. For me, it was a fear of being seen as weak, girly, or gay. As I sought to heal this pain inside of me, I needed to confront the wounded masculine parts of me that held these judgements toward myself. A collusion between an inner protector and inner punisher. I needed to act as an ambassador to these parts of me that eventually led to my wounded feminine.

When you dig down deep enough as a man, you eventually get to her. She is alone, afraid, and tired. This inaccessibility and suppression of her can lead to some pretty unfortunate health consequences. As men, we cannot continue to ignore this innate side of our human nature. This is the balance we need to find so that we can feel more free in our masculine humanity and less confined to a fear loop.

Raphael Awen and I will be talking about this and more sacred masculine topics in our upcoming Facebook live stream this Wednesday at 2:22pm PST. It will be available on my feed afterward as well as on our YouTube channel, SoulFullHeart Experience. We look forward to your participation and engagement about this journey of the sacred masculine awakening.

For more on the sacred masculine with myself, Raphael, and Jelelle, you can check out this video: https://youtu.be/X6ueoUK4aDo

I am honored to be on this journey with all the courageous hearts and souls that have chosen to go within.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.