Category: Inner Punisher/Critic

Healing Inner Punishment Through Currency and Love

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

Something has been shifting deep within me to a place I haven’t quite reached yet before. I’ve always struggled to access and allow the parts of me that have opinions, reactions or feelings that are judged inside of me. They were invalidated as too much, unnecessary, unfair, harsh, immature, unimportant and anything else you can imagine.

I’ve been working with this part of me called the Ursula who is very matriarchal and has been deeply hijacked by the matrix. On the other side of the coin is my inner punisher who shows up as a dark cloud to instil this feeling of dread, foreboding and shame. Their names are Octavia and Nimbus.

I first started connecting to Octavia, many months ago but much deeper the last few weeks, and realized that she was a large source of my power, discernment and truth as a woman. She would feel opinions or reactions to things and Nimbus would shut them down immediately and go straight to the logical and more docile response. For example, if someone said something to hurt my feelings and Octavia had a reaction to it, then Nimbus would set those feelings aside and jump to the knowing that “They didn’t mean it that way” or that “It came from a certain part of them for a reason”.

Now I’ve finally let in the fact that this strategy doesn’t allow for Octavia to be felt and often she is feeling something very valid and useful for the other person to hear. Allowing her to share her reaction would bring me a greater understanding of myself and of the other person. It would bring us closer and drop any walls that might still linger between us. But this was far too intimate and could lead to hurt in Nimbus’s eyes.

Over the last few weeks I’ve finally felt ready to release Octavia from this bind and let her speak her heart and mind when she needs to. I’ve shared some (albeit small but current) reactions with some of my beloveds in this community and honestly it couldn’t have gone better.

With Bianca we were able to understand each other on a deeper level and learn more about ourselves and the ways we have operated throughout our lives. With Kasha I was able to uncover a habit of mine that kept me from connecting with others more deeply. We ended up having deep tears about how much we love each other and how much we have been through together.

Each experience allowed me to validate whatever Octavia was feeling no matter how small or “trivial” it might be judged as. Every reaction has a purpose whether it’s to understand more about yourself or to become more intimate with others. I finally understand what it feels like to be current and not hold back in the name of being polite, nice or easygoing. Those are all ideals that have kept me small and in a box of my own creation, not allowing all the flavours and colours of my being to show up and be seen.

Ever since this started I’ve felt this existential change in my being. Last night I imagined it like all my molecules have been thrown up in the air and are coming back down in a new arrangement. I am being changed by this and I can see and feel it in a way I never have before. I am claiming all that I deserve to feel inside and out and giving all the love I can give – inside and out.

Hopefully this sparks an inspiration in you to feel the parts of you that are judging any reactions you have and are preventing you from being current with those around you. Love is current and currency is love. ♥️

Raianna Shai
Soulfullheart Experience

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Our Perfect Imperfections

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

I remember when I was a kid being asked what my favorite number was and I just blurted out, “Ten!”. I think I might have been ten years old at the time. That was either a sign of self-focus or I just really liked the number 10! While growing up I did have this need for things I did to be perfect to whatever degree perfect was to a part of me. Whether it was perfect scores on tests or doing some art, perfection was a pervasive overlord in my life.

Somehow ‘perfect’ was a way to avoid failure or need for improvement. The antidote to an inner criticism of myself and, in the Shadow, the criticism of others. So much need in my subconscious and soul at the time to bear witness to, or to be, Perfection. I feel it was both nature and nature. I came into this world with it and was supported in its cultivation through my conditioning.

It came out as wanting to be the perfect student, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect son, the perfect husband. I found myself in a prison made by the Tyranny of Perfection. Being perfect was to be seen as Good or Righteous in the eyes of God in my Metasoul that I had come to realize during my early inner healing journey. It was quite the burden to bear as a young boy and my poor parents were at a loss to know how to deal with it. What resulted would be punishment for ‘unacceptable’ behavior.

When we come to Earth, we may view our caregivers as representatives of the Divine Perfection from which we are sourced. When they prove to be otherwise at a very early age, a Holy Shit moment may occur and we realize we are not in Heaven anymore only to don a new set of eyes from which to view the world with some deeper existential questions. ‘If they aren’t perfect and I come from perfection, where does that leave me? Where the hell am I? How do I navigate this place?”.

A protection forms that can also be comprised of a punishing layer whose intention it is to protect, but not necessarily in the most loving or effective way. It is trying to form a self that is acceptable to this imperfect world out seeking the perfection from which it came. A bit of a hot mess scenario but here we are! It is what we came here to work and to shift for ourselves and for the collective for we are inextricably connected.

Coming to terms with our imperfections, our ‘faults’, and our ‘missing of the mark’, are all portals back to the perfection from which we were sourced from and continue to be held by. We can all look forward to a higher timeline that may be different than the one we live in now, either inside or out. That is a deeply inherited part of our nature. We want and need bigger, better, and brighter. We don’t need to build any of those back, we just need to love our way back.

Today, let’s love the parts or aspects of us that feel imperfect, unworthy, or not ‘good’ enough to have, or be, it all. That is not to say it is okay to stay there, but it is okay to feel that way as long as we are feeling it and loving it and not just setting it aside when it comes up. It has been an ongoing process for me to keep loving and moving these parts of me into a position of feeling perfectly imperfect. That all the ‘dings and dents’ are a part of the larger tapestry that make me who I am. They are the fruits of what have healed and the seeds of what have yet to be watered.

Ten is a powerful number. It can be a reminder, a goal, or a tyrant, all depending from which direction you are looking at it. Today, it can just be a number and you can just be human. It’s okay. It’s all perfect. It’s all Love even when it doesn’t feel that way.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for men.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Healing Perfectionism With Divine Love

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

Perfectionism is expressed by many different parts of us, in varied ways and for so many reasons. I’m sure many of us can relate to the constant need to control the outcome or appearance of everything we do. The fear of doing something wrong or being judged for it is running in the background of our minds even in everyday, simple tasks. We often feel tension and anxiety when something unfolds in a way we did not expect or control. Maybe it comes up when you have reactions you don’t want to have, or there’s conflict you wanted to avoid, or you chose to do something that you realize others would judge.

Perfectionism is often used as a way to protect the most precious and vulnerable parts of us which has been so needed in certain phases of our lives. Overtime it becomes so ingrained in us from messaging by society, matrix coding from as far back as birth, personal desire to appear a certain way, and to avoid judgement and loss. But it gets to a certain point where it prevents those vulnerable parts from growing into their bigness and recognizing that they don’t need that protection to the same degree anymore.

Perfectionism for myself has been so strong my entire life. I strived to be a perfect student, perfect friend, perfect girlfriend, perfect daughter, perfect community member. And slowly but surely I’ve come to unwind this ingrained desire to avoid any and all judgement and conflict. Much of this has been rooted in the idea that I’m not good enough and that I’ll lose everything I love so much. The moment we separated from the Divine, we were given an underlying feeling of guttural and tragic loss of our home frequency of love and connection. So much unworthiness stems from that loss and everyday we try to prove we are good enough to the divine in some way, shape or form.

Freedom can be found in the moments when all parts of us are nourished and aligned: heart, body, mind, soul and spirit. When we allow ourselves to let in true divine love, we are then able to realize that we can truly do no wrong from the perspective of the Divine. This is really the only place we can find unconditional love and acceptance. When we let go of expectation, obligation and self consciousness – we find liberation.

Freedom for me was felt in the picture I’ve attached to this post. That week I felt the words from the Divine rumble through me when she said “You are my everything”. The energy and truth of these words started to unlock this strong hold parts of me had on the idea of not being good enough. We truly are everything to her – everyone of us and in every way. In the moment of this picture I stepped away from something that was bringing me tension and took in beautiful nature and sunset codes with my beloved Kasha and every part of me felt nourished and aligned.

Freedom is found when we take the time to remind every part of ourselves, even the ones that are hard to love, that they always have been and always will be good enough. Even when there’s room to grow, even when there are regrets, even when the future is unknown – they are good enough and more. And the more we see this bigness in ourselves, the more we can see and feel it in others. And from there, the love spreads like wildfire.

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Healing The Inner Punisher-Shame Dynamic Within You

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

In sessions with women recently, the Punisher-shame dynamic has been coming up for feeling and healing as it is illuminated in the loving and safe healing field that we create together. It can be SUCH an ingrained and deep dynamic that is largely unconscious and ‘off the radar’ for most people, even those awakening for quite awhile. It can create an ongoing sense that life is hopeless, heavy, confusing, bleak, and without consistent inner/outer movement.

There is ongoing suffering looping that happens when the Inner Punisher part of you is continually criticizing/putting down/creating doubt in other parts of you that respond in shame reactions, usually the Inner Child and Inner Teenager. This punishment/shame loop is an effective way of keeping you safe from moving into your soul bigness, risking hurt/rejection, and is a way to ‘match’ the punishing frequencies around you so that they do less harm. Many Inner Punishers over the years have confessed to me that creating this inner punishment/shame dynamic is the only way to survive it happening on the outside with others (usually caregivers/parents.)

I have discovered that it is one of the MAIN ways that Protector and Punisher parts keep us safe and is actually done out of an intense love for you (even though it can feel anything but loving). It is also a necessary acclimation to the Matrix reality, which runs hugely on polarized energies of judgement of self and others. The Matrix is about division, separation, and push-pull frequencies, so we are programmed and conditioned to them from birth, in addition to our social, educational, and family systems often energizing these frequencies as well.

In the SoulFullHeart process during sessions, we connect with your Inner Protector and eventually your Inner Punisher to create a feeling-based compassionate bridge to them. As you more deeply embody your Divine Self through the process, you are able to truly come to love this part of yourself and understand/feel WHY it has been creating this punishment-shame cycles within you. This allows the Punisher to relax into its TRUE essence of humble discernment and truth telling with love. Also, your Divine Self becomes loving parent to your inner child/teenager, and the Inner Punisher can relax into that as well and stop shaming them, allowing their natural joy, magic, and innocence to express more.

Many healers/teachers also operate from an unconscious ‘fusion’ with their Inner Punisher, which can create ongoing shame loops in their clients/followers. They are sharing truths yet there is a shaming frequency in them that leaves a residue for those receiving them. Usually they have not worked with and connected to the punisher/shame energies within them in a conscious way or unplugged from the judgement Matrix either. This is part of the False Light Matrix in spirituality that can keep it ‘capped’ in polarized energies and abuse cycles between teachers and followers.

I had a very strong Punisher-shame dynamic within me that took a conscious focus over the years to heal, including working with an Inner Mother/Punisher aspect for awhile. I was very self conscious with large amounts of self doubt and ‘drew’ Punishers on the outside to be in relationship with and as my teachers. I now experience little to no self judgement of myself and others in the charged frequencies that I once did, can share my truth/gifts without self consciousness, plus I am surrounded by others and in relationship with a mate who lovingly accept/see/get me. It can be challenging to love these Punishing parts of ourselves, yet with support and some necessary separation/differientation, they can transform to become very beloved aspects of ourselves.

Another Punisher/Shame dynamic can be from the False feminine punisher aspect that we call “Ursula”, named after the evil sea witch character in the Little Mermaid movie. Ursula is hugely plugged into the Matrix, energizing hijacked false feminine/evil queen energies, competitive, jealous, possessive, and very difficult to separate from unless consciously connected to. Through more Divine Self embodiment and connection with Divine Mother, she is able to unplug from the Matrix and express her unique and powerful energies of the Divine Feminine, plus open up more soul access/activation for you.

If you’d like to dive into these grounds in a deep yet gentle way, 1:1 sessions with me or another SoulFullHeart Facilitator are 90 minutes over zoom and start at $77 USD, yet we are open to negotiation around that rate, especially if you are wanting to meet more regularly (which we recommend.) We offer a free 30-45 minute intro session beforehand to discuss with you about the process, answer any questions you may have, and give you a sense of who to meet with and where we would go in a session. I meet with women, as does Kasha….Gabriel and Raphael meet with women and men. There is more info about sessions and each of us at soulfullheart.org/sessions. PM me if interested or email through soulfullfullheart.org.

Here is a meditation to connect with the Punisher-Shame dynamic within you:

Here is a meditation and more teaching about your Inner Ursula with Kasha and I:

I share much more about the False Light Matrix and Inner Punisher in my book Free To Be 5D, available as an audio, ebook, print and PDF editions with links at soulfullheart.org/books

With much love and direct/conscious connection with these aspects, you can experience much more love and compassion for yourself and others….along with healthy discernment, passionate truth telling, soul gift embodiment/expression and loving boundary setting.

Love,

Jelelle Awen

How Some ‘Spiritual Truths’ Dull Divine Passion & Personal Soul Truth

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

By Kasha Rokshana

So many popular ‘spiritual truths’ feel so empty and tinny to me, and they can sometimes be used by parts of you to quell your genuine passion and divine fire. They become such dull platitudes and yet they are revered and held as THE irrefutable Truth for so many souls.

There are so many different ‘truths’ that indeed ARE true in different ways, yet just like affirmations, they can so easily be used in a manipulative way that also dulls intuition and raw instinct within yourself and others. It’s about how they are related to, not about the words themselves…

Taking the “high road” that some of these sayings offer really isn’t as interesting to me as going into the messy road, the one that has brambles and needs some bush-whacking, for that is where realness is and also some very catalytic Divine energies. It’s not that being elevated enough to see the bigger picture isn’t important, but sometimes it’s the grind and grist that leads us to our deepest growth AND our truest exit from the need for grist to appear in the same way.

These ‘truths’ which are so often hijacked by the false light matrix, can be used to gaslight, to divert attention away from a need to actually own what’s rumbling in yourself or another, to keep you from dropping into a realization about a shadow play-out that’s been happening in your life or your spiritual healing/writing offerings.

And, they do anything BUT support you to go into more intimacy grounds within yourself, to truly cultivate and embody your Divine Self, and in that same way they do not support a deepening intimacy ground with others built with true compassion and love.

On my own awakening and Ascension journey, I haven’t personally been drawn to very many of them or the leaders/teachers who spout them off and justify the abuse they dole out through them. Yet, I also feel in my heart why some souls would be drawn and even ignore any intuitions they may have about them, especially if this to them is what love is or must be and it sure seems much more alive than what they’ve endured in the past.

There are so many I could highlight today, yet I’ve chosen just a few to share about that seem to really show up a lot.

“If you’re triggered by me, it’s not about me, it’s all about you”.

While this is true to some degree, this so often gets used to divert away from your own accountability, the mirror of your own shadow showing up. Even though you may have innocently triggered someone, sometimes there is still room to own your own side of things, to see and feel someone in their trigger, and discern if this is a reflection you truly need at this time or not. None of us are perfect, and we DO get to choose whose opinions and reflections of us we value the most, yet there is so much data in all of our triggers for ourselves and our relationships to absolutely everything and everyone.

Also, where is the heartfelt care in saying this to someone that you supposedly DO care about?

“Make sure you heal before you enter in romantic relationship so you don’t project your wounding onto your partner.”

Rare is the soul who is fully done with projecting. It is so challenging at times to be the receiver of projections and sometimes, again, we can innocently trigger someone into this ground, yet this is ALL a sacred part of our exploration of deeper intimacy with others. Sometimes parts of us HAVE to project in order to see and feel themselves from a different light. Without allowing each other to have ‘stuff’ we are working when in relationship, we have missed the point of even going into it in the first place.

In the past it was hard for a time for parts of me to get that we have this permission inside to get messy with others or to let them get messy with me without any true ‘winner’ in the situation, without anyone needing to be ‘wrong’ or ‘right’, and without anyone needing to pretend to be perfect and have it all together. Yet what gets me through the pretense and old conditioning around conflict, is the reminder that we’re all in this together, we’re all imperfect, and if we can at least hold a common ground of doing deep inner work and wanting the mirrors that true intimacy offers us, then we will be just fine and heal in ways we never imagined possible.

And here’s one more which has recently been on my radar: “It doesn’t matter if someone steals or takes credit for your writings or creations made in the service of love. It never truly belonged to you anyways”.

If you have created something from the fires of your inner work, your passion, your hard-earned Divine access inside and out, and someone takes credit for that who has absolutely NOT done the same work you have and may actually be using your words/creations to seduce and create their own platform and following (something many ‘leaders’ do, unfortunately)… why would that be considered ‘ok’? If you genuinely feel unattached, I would say there’s a missing Divine passion in you that some part of you is afraid of and concerned about what it could do if untethered.

Advocacy and reasonable self-defence are not separate from Divine passion. You can keep your heart open, refrain from getting nasty, and stand solidly in your truth all at the same time. I’ve done it, my beloveds have done it, it’s possible and it’s accessible. It also shows that instead of trying to control your emotions, which aren’t ultimately controllable, you are willing to explore what is actually happening in this scenario from all angles possible.

“What’s the lesson I need to learn here?”

Whenever I hear someone say this, I immediately feel an Inner Punisher playing disciplinarian inside of them. It can feel so harsh to say this to yourself or to have a beloved ‘teacher’ say this to you. It takes the humanity out of the equation or worse, tries to discipline your humanity and make it bad or wrong or off or even ‘not ascended enough’.

I don’t feel that the vast majority of ‘teachers’ out there are even remotely qualified enough to ask such questions or make such judgements of you or anyone else, but that’s another piece I’ll share more about soon…

When something goes sideways in my own life, I don’t ask myself if there’s a ‘lesson’ to learn because I’m not in school anymore. What I do is look into the mirror that’s been offered and ask my parts/aspects, “what do I need to feel in myself that’s been off my radar but that I couldn’t see without this situation?” Even with this question sometimes I’ve had to feel a shame spiral my parts have fallen into… yet grounding it back into them and feeling where that comes from helps so much, as well as feeling the situation from as many angles as possible, truly ‘milking’ it for my growth and inner reconciliation while inviting the Divine in to support and love me through it, and then moving on. Nothing will help you move on the way real love does and that is always, without any doubt in my heart, seeded first within.

There’s such an important discernment that is being asked of us in spirituality and beyond. It’s as simple as asking questions about what is truly real, what your heart and intuition both tell you is possible, and feeling how the Divine is guiding you in every moment… whether this means you are able to ‘follow the crowd’ and wherever the current fanfare is around this or that ‘truth’ or ‘teacher’, or if you’d rather stay in your own lane for a while, feel it all out from deep within, and continue to find your own empowered connection to yourself and the Divine.

This has been such an important place to go for me personally and I imagine that we have all struggled at times to find our way to what’s pure, true, good, and loving amidst all of the din.

If my truth stirs or inspires your own in some way, please do be in touch and if you’re curious about 1:1 sessions with me (for women), we can meet for a free intro call to talk about the SoulFullHeart process and community and if it might be a fit for you at this time: soulfullheart.org/sessions

Love,
Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Inner Mother & Daughter Guided Meditation: Video 20 – Deepen 2022 (Video) | Jelelle Awen & Kasha Rokshana

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

In this twentieth video of our 31 day video series called Deepen 2022, SoulFullHeart Teachers/Co-Creators Jelelle Awen is joined by SoulFullHeart Teacher/Facilitator Kasha Rokshana as we explore Sacred Feminine Embodiment over the next five videos. Kasha and Jelelle have held many women’s group calls together exploring these topics through teachings, guided meditations, and taking in sharing from female participants on the calls.

In this video, we share about the parts of you representing your Inner Daughter and your Inner Mother, plus the dynamics between the two of them. We share about how the internalization of your relationship with your birth mother opens up deeper access to feel the maturation of your inner daughter and your mature feminine essence. We can often be caught up in loops of tension and polarization between the Inner Daughter and Inner Mother, recapitulating our relationship with our birth mothers and limiting our sacred feminine growth and embodiment.

We also share about how the Inner Mother gives us a sense of deeper compassion toward to birth mothers, understanding of how you relate to men and sexuality (as a reflection of her templating), and a bridge to Divine Mother. Your inner daughter holds the pure essence of your sacred feminine which is able to merge with the Divine Mother into an arising sacred feminine Queen expression.

In the guided meditation, you invite your Protector/Gatekeeper to connect you with your Inner Daughter in her room within your castle. You then bring your Inner Mother into the room with the Inner Daughter to get a sense of their relationship dynamic with each other. You are then both inviting to join Divine Mother in Her healing garden outside of the castle and to submerge into the waters of her healing pool.

Here is a link to the descriptions of women’s group calls with Jelelle and Kasha and links to purchase the recordings: https://www.soulfullheart.org/womengroupcalls

You can watch each video in the Deepen 2022 playlist on our SoulFullHeart Experience You Tube Channel here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZWeBviA18Y&list=PLNmrHdaQSAvJPnLzbEKl4OsQBXBYw2XwI

For more information about the Deepen 2022 series including a full listing of the content covered over 31 days and information about a Deepen 2022 group call on January 30th, visit https://www.soulfullheart.org/deepen2022

For more information about the SoulFullHeart quantum healing process, Jelelle Awen’s latest book Free To Be 5D, videos, and events, visit https://www.soulfullheart.org.

We also invite you to join us for free membership on our private, online community SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks for sharing, asking questions, and connecting with others engaged in the series: https://soulfullheartportal.mn.co/feed

For more information about a free intro call to find out more about 1:1 sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions

We are offering this series for free of charge, yet we would be so grateful if you offered an energy exchange/donation to us for the value you receive in this series. You can donate through paypal: http://paypal.me/jelelleawen or at https://www.soulfullheart.org/shop

Inner Punisher & Shame Dynamic Guided Meditation: Deepen 2022 – Video 6 (Video)| Raphael & Jelelle Awen

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

In this sixth video of our 31-day video series called Deepen 2022, SoulFullHeart Teachers/Co-Creators Raphael and Jelelle Awen share about a challenging, yet rewarding aspect of your 3D Self that also has links to your soul experiences called your Inner Punisher. We describe how your Inner Punisher shows up to criticize you and shame parts of you (usually your Inner Child) as a means to protect you and keep you ‘small.’

We focus on how the Inner Punisher and shame reaction loop has been amplified by the current C and V narrative with polarized judging frequencies on both ‘sides’. Punisher frequencies have been a duality program of the Matrix to keep humanity divided and fighting with itself, which is peaking with the current narrative. We share about how connecting with your Inner Punisher and shame allows for healing of this dynamic into one of humble and loving discernment, non-charged truth-telling, clear decision making, and innocent expression.

In the mediation, we connect with your Inner Punisher through access provided by your Inner Protector and with Yeshua and Mother Mary joining us. You then connect to the setting in which the punishment in happening and any people that may be in this room with you who are causing judgement/shame reactions. We offer healing and love to these energies for transformation and beginning negotiation.

To watch another video with Jelelle Awen about the Inner Punisher/Shame loop guided meditation from her Deepen 2020 series, go here: https://youtu.be/3XvxkuX9YYs

And here for the Meet Your Inner Punisher guided meditation video from Jelelle’s Deepen 2019 series: https://youtu.be/SXlufQ_WBUU

You can watch each video in the Deepen 2022 playlist on our SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZWeBviA18Y&list=PLNmrHdaQSAvJPnLzbEKl4OsQBXBYw2XwI

For more information about the Deepen 2022 series including a full listing of the content covered over 31 days and information about two Deepen 2022 group calls on January 16th 30th, visit https://www.soulfullheart.org/deepen2022

For more information about the SoulFullHeart quantum healing process, Jelelle Awen’s latest book Free To Be 5D, videos, and events, visit https://www.soulfullheart.org.

We also invite you to join us for free membership on our private, online community SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks for sharing, asking questions, and connecting with others engaged in the series: https://soulfullheartportal.mn.co/feed

For more information about a free consultation call to find out more about 1:1 sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators Jelelle Awen, Raphael Awen, Gabriel Amara, and Kasha Rokshana, visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions

We are offering this series free of charge, yet we would be so grateful if you offered an energy exchange/donation to us for the value you receive in this series. You can donate through paypal: http://paypal.me/jelelleawen or at https://www.soulfullheart.org/shop

From Self-Created Smallness To Embodying Your Vastness

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

The pain can come from being small. From learning to act small and conform to the smallness around you. The suffering comes from their projection of smallness onto you and the acceptance of this that then becomes your reality….and theirs too. It is a co-created agreement to be and remain in smallness.

The smallness is the 3D agreement of filtering. It makes up the veil of amnesia and the belief in it keeps the veil in place. The pain comes from the long term fusion to this sense of smallness as the truth of who you are. It comes from the forgetting of the truth of your VASTNESS.

Parts of you form to support this smallness picture. These parts of you repeat the message of it over and over in self punishing tones and voices. The unworthiness message battles your body, your emotions, your spirituality, your choices….whatever can be picked on or is vulnerable to attack.

This punishing frequency forms layers of protection and guardedness over your innocence. Your innocence becomes covered over with shame and feelings of wrongness. Your trust in life and yourself gets layered over with distrust. Your sense of goodness about yourself becomes buried over with unworthiness and self hate.

These parts of you feel then that they ARE unworthy, are shameful, are wrong by their very nature. So much suffering in this usually unconscious looping of the punisher part and the corresponding reactions of shame in the younger parts of you. This is a well oiled and fuelled system inside designed to keep you small, created to cap your growth, and reinforced to maintain itself. It is designed to keep you protected, even if it is limiting.

There is not some evil force of aliens or demons or negative entities or abusive spiritual teacher that keep this personal hell in manifest form from within you. This is not being done to you BY others, even as it can very much feel that way. The others in your life that reflect and reinforce this smallness picture are there only to offer you a reflection of this inner polarized state for it continue to come into your awareness….over and over again if necessary until you wake to it as being sourced from INSIDE of you.

This is a self created smallness that your soul chose for good reason….until it is the time and phase to complete it. Only you can realize when that time is and only you can end it.

You end it by bringing love to all the parts of you that have felt so unworthy, including the parts of you that punish, judge, attack, and shame you and others. You separate from these parts in order to have a relationship with them and not just become them in their routinized reactions.

This creates an increasing sense of your goodness, of your worthiness and….of your vastness. This inner ambassadorship to all frequencies inside of your BEing connects you to the truth of your bigness again. To your innate goodness again. To your innocence again.

Who ARE you? You ARE Infinite Love in human form….arising into your bigness expression for the service of and because of love. Any picture less than that is ripe to be loved into this infinite love realized manifestation state again.

Welcome back to the VASTNESS of you….love can show the way!! ~

Message from the Divine, Star Family Guides/Aspects, Angelic Aspects, ALL of your parts that ache for something NEW that is based in love……..

*****

Jelelle Awen is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador and Co-Creator/Teacher/Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group calls, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheart.org

Unplugging And Healing The Black Widow Program And Aspect Within

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

A week from Sunday, Raphael Awen and I will be hosting a men’s group call about the subject of Sovereignty and Surrender, joined by our brother in heart, James Elphick. We will be diving into a topic that feels to have a lot of vibration for us men (as well as the masculine in women).

I have been in process of feeling a deeper layer of my mother wounding that is connected to a shadow feminine matrix programming called Black Widow. This is the name I received from this part/aspect of me I have been connecting with around this energy. She first showed up as a black widow spider to illuminate the nature of this woundedness and the programming itself. Then she morphed into a dominatrix with whip, heels, and all.

After some time of connecting with her and feeling who she really is underneath that all, I could feel something lighten and begin to get more clarity about this energy that may live in a lot of us men. This energy that uses guilt, shame, judgment, sexuality, comfort, and fear to keep us locked in a lower frequency, a state of suffering, a lulled state of disempowerment, or inner and outer judgment/punishment.

It is an inner battle of wanting to free ourselves from this web she weaves that I feel we as men are really trying to feel sovereign from. When we are engaged with other women in intimacy, this can really flare up. It triggers this need to be independent yet also the need to be connected in one form or another. There is a part of us that is in a push and a pull toward this energy and it is hard to feel fully empowered and vulnerable at the same time.

When she has this wounded Inner Mother energy, our Inner Teenager can feel the need to push back and seek independence. If she comes as Punishing energy, we may feel defensiveness and another need to push back. When it comes in as Fear, we may go to fight or flight. When she comes with sexuality we lose ourselves in our need for validation.

This Black Widow program/wounding has lost her connection to Innocence and to her own worth. She guards as well as feeds off this energy. Possessing it for herself out of need, not really out of some negative agenda, though it certainly feels that way at first. When I connect more with her with Love, the more she goes into her pain and her fear. Here is where healing and true sovereignty begin.

I can start to feel when this energy frequency of doubt, judgement, anxiety, or fear come in and I go to her. I feel her afraid to lose touch with me. I recognized those feelings were a tactic to keep my younger parts close to her. I am now going to her and bring her with me into the New. Into the Light from the dark crevice I first met her in.

In her more healed essence, she is our creativity and our sensuality. She is a face of our sacred feminine and our intuition. She is our truth and our discernment. She is our surrendered sovereignty into Divine Trust. She is our entrance into the exit of the Matrix itself. She knows the way. She knows how it works and operates. With that we can start to unplug (a sovereign choice) and surrender into the the New Earth world that is awaiting our creative power to encode New Earth inside and then on the outside.

If you are feeling a resonance or a curiosity about this programming/wounded inner mother energy and how it has influenced your feeling of your personal empowerment, sovereignty, and maybe a fear of surrendering into vulnerability, please join Raphael, James, and myself on this upcoming men’s group call. Visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/mensgroupcalls for more information. We would love to have you and feel what is moving for you in this area.

I also offer a free 45-minute consult/information call for both men and women that are wanting to feel more about how the SoulFullHeart process and space-holding may support this deeper dive into your wounding and unplugging. Visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions for more info as well.

I will be writing more about this topic in relation to romance, intimacy, and community in the following week so please stay tuned. Sending much love to all during these very intense, yet activating times.

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Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

One Year Later: Freeing Yourself From The Psychodemic

Published on by Gabriel Amara1 Comment

One year ago we all found ourselves walking through the threshold of a New World Order. An Order rooted in fear, facts, and fallacy. It was our global 9/11 moment and it has forever changed the way we experience the world we live in and those we relate to. We have become Alice in Wonderland wondering when the hell things will ‘get back to normal’.

I don’t believe there can ever be a going back. The collective psyche has been altered. Forget about your DNA, which is still being worked on depending who is doing the ‘working’, but the soul of our humanity is being altered. This has not all been for naught, however. There has been a lot that has become clear for many as this whole grand experiment/experience has awakened a population to what is real and what is not for each of us.

Science Fiction is coming alive before our very eyes. It clearly was never ‘fiction’ but a precursor to what was to come. It has become more of Science Friction. The use of science, ‘facts’, and fear as a weapon against ourselves and each other. We have been in a pinball game or roller coaster of emotion for some time now and it is becoming normalized. Life has become a dystopian novel trying to find its way into our consciousness. The question is will we let it?

As much as we may have a compulsion to go ‘out there’ to and solve the global psychodemic, it feels even more imperative to go inward. Like Neo running into Agent Smith at the end of the Matrix movie, we are being called to find the matrix tyrant within us. Who is this shady creature from the Black Lagoon of our Shadow and Control Center. The Wizard of our Oz. As so many wise and ascended masters have told us, as above, so below. What is outside, is inside.

This ‘creature’ is not a boogyperson. It is a engrained, conditioned, and legacy aspect of us from a bygone era. It is our connection to the System that we were born and raised in. It is being fed a consistent diet of bullshit that it has learned to accept as real food. Just like Neo was hooked up to the multitude of tubes when he woke up in that egg-like container. To meet this aspect of you is to meet yourself, but in this poorly-written and poorly-directed Epic of Gilgamesh we are calling ‘reality’.

I invite you to find and meet this aspect of you. It needs your sacred heart. Your soul spark. Your Divine Self to come and save it. YOU don’t need saving! This part of you does. There is NOTHING out there can can do the saving, the living, the liberating. It’s all you, my friend. This aspect of you has been judged, out of fear and control, to be a dark entity. Not so. The tag was put on it so you wouldn’t find him/her/it so that you could actually free yourself from the spiderweb that has been crafted for eons.

This aspect may not be found easily, or may even resist out of fear. The timing will present itself if you can consistently go into your heart and connect with Love. It is Love that lights the tunnels and caves of this Dark World. It is Love that holds the keys to the locked doors. It is Love that can hold the space for the fear, the hate, the unworth. It is Love that exists within you that is your saviour. It is your shamanic medicine against tyranny, injustice, and control.

I will work on a guided meditation to meet this aspect of you caught in the grids, the web, the inner caves of the matrix. This is where true freedom lives. The crossroad of the heart and soul, using the mind to create what wants to be made real or real-ized. You don’t need a degree to get there. Just a desire for a New World Order within rooted in Love and not Fear.

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Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and space-holder.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.