By Raianna Tydeman
I wanted to share from my own process experience today because I’ve been feeling some self consciousness while working with what we call an Inner Punisher part.
For me, the doubt comes out around writing. This part of me can’t help but to compare myself to how much output my beloveds in SoulFullHeart seem to produce. He doesn’t have as much concern for what I write about and how it is received, although some of that is still there. It’s more about just having the desire for it or not. I felt with him this morning about his desire for me to be able to write from my heart and inspiration rather than out of duty or obligation to those in SoulFullHeart.
I, as Raianna, have a desire to serve love in any way I can. I know that my process can help others to either decide if they are interested in SoulFullHeart or to deepen their process if they are already in the process. Maybe my writing can even help those that have a particular situation that they’re feeling and living out. As my highest self, I know that no matter what I choose to share, as long as it is from my heart and my desire, it will serve someone, somewhere. Even if it’s just me.
So as I think of what to write about I feel this is perfect – the exact feeling that keeps me from writing in the first place. I have a lot more love flow with this part of me than when I first started this process due to a relationship we have grown together. He used to be much more intense, creating stress and anxiety within other parts of me that were scared to upset him. And he was scared to upset anyone outside of me. This became a difficult cycle to be stuck in, as it felt impossible to leave to these parts.
One thing I know I want to offer is that these parts, no matter how much they throw at you, are looking desperately for your love. They may frame it as a desire for love from anyone else except you, but you are the ultimate source of love that will never leave them, if you so choose. This degree of love is so pure, raw and already known in our souls that it comes so naturally once we are healed enough to allow it.
Connecting with this part of me allowed him to realize this for himself, too. He realized that chasing approval was his way of looking for love. Giving him the time and space to feel how he deserves love and that he’s forgiven for anything he feels he has done wrong has shifted something inside me so deeply. This process with him isn’t over but feeling him everyday will get us one step closer to feeling the deeper roots of his pain.
Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, retreats, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.