Creative Process – Page 4 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

By Christopher Tydeman

I have received three callings. A calling to heal, a calling to create, and a calling to serve. My healing has taken the form of journaling and sessions through my way of life called SoulFullHeart. For years I have felt a desire to reclaim my passion for art, whether it be visual or written, as I share in this previous blog post. I have done much writing, and the visual is beginning to reemerge. The connection with parts of ourselves, which is the bedrock of SoulFullHeart, is made possible through our imagination. Parts of me send pictures to express deep joy and pain. Sometimes words can’t quite express a feeling tone as efficiently and dramatically as a picture. The process of creation itself is a healing, in and of itself. But it doesn’t stop there.

It was only a natural to feel the power of integrating healing with art. And by art I don’t mean just visual. Poetry and music can also deeply lead us to places we feel deep woundings. These creations reflect back to us, like a mirror, an aspect of ourselves. A part of us that desires to be felt, even if it feels defensive or resistant. I would say the more resistive, the more desire there is to be felt.

The world is full of beautifully tragic creations of art. Someone’s vulnerability outed for the world to see. As I feel this with my Soulfullheart, it feels like a part being prostituted for attention or profit by another part. This pArt (I use this as an integration of the part of us behind the art) dangles on the walls of galleries, or in the cloud of the virtual world. What I would love to feel is an intimate dynamic between the artist and their art BEFORE this occurs. The art becomes a doorway into feeling rather than just a reflection to ponder. It is a gateway to a part of you that needs to felt by you. This pArt can hold a range of congested trauma with symptoms of depression, rage, anxiety, hurt, control, or shame. While there is relief from expressing these emotions, by not “going in” to them, they persist without healing into a more healthy frequency.

I have no experience with art therapy, but can see how what I have described must sound like it. I prefer to call it Healing Art, in the most literal sense. It is a process of you, your art, and a facilitator, someone who provides a safe container for your pArt to be felt by them and you. This is a self-authorizing process. You and your parts determine the depth and pace of your healing. But this is not some meandering and disconnected process. There are fenceposts. Places to go and grow, only to find more places to go and grow.

I am beginning my own Healing Art. I will be sharing these along with any journaling that comes from them. They are my mirrors and doorways. They are sacred to me and will only be shared after fully felt by me. I will be feeling the parts of myself that hold my inner critic, my inner muse, and inner sensitive. I am also going to be hosting an introductory talk about accessing these parts of ourselves through engaging with art in my local area Sunshine Coast, BC, Canada.

I feel it important to express that this is meant for anyone, not just those who consider themselves “artists”. At our essence we are creation, so we are by birthright creative. You just need your heart and your passion to heal yourself and the world. The feeling of disqualification comes from our inner critic ultimately protecting us from pain. I know I feel my inner critic up as I write this and prepare for this unfolding, unknowable journey. I have some healing to do with this part. This is where I begin. I am curious to feel where this takes me…and maybe you?

Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

By Christopher Tydeman

I am an artist. That is what I have been told by many artists to tell myself. “If you create a doodle, you are an artist.” A part of me would disagree since I don’t have many pieces to justify that claim. That is my inner critic voice. The one you hear about in most art classes. The one that decides what an artist is or isn’t. What art is or isn’t. Will my time be rewarded by money and/or accolades? A litany of excuses why I shouldn’t even put in the effort.

Then there is my muse. My creative spark. My constantly open third eye that scans for beauty, genius, and energy. It is in resistance to this quelling of my inner critic. Throw water on it and it finds a way to not be silenced for very long. I can hear my inner critic exclaiming, “Why won’t you just surrender?”. The response back is the same. My muse has a major advantage. It is what makes me… me.

Since I was a child, I had an imagination. I played with Star Wars action figures (not dolls!), Hot Wheels, Legos, Lincoln Logs, Playdough, crayons and pencils. I loved to build forts and play Star Wars at recess with my friends. Eventually, that imagination was sequestered and replaced with sex, schoolwork, and then adulthood. Even as an art student in college, I was graded and critiqued. Though, I did find some classes to be inspiring. After graduation, I had a child and needed to be a provider, not an artist. At the time, I convinced myself I couldn’t be both.

Years later, I found myself a teacher of children ages 7-12. Being around an age where I left my creativity, I found myself wanting to wake up my muse, to bring life to an otherwise dull curriculum. I had an explosion of creativity and passion. So many great ideas and lots of work, but it was worth it. But the constant behaviour difficulties and the micromanagement of teaching led me lose my umph, yet again.

I tried to replace that with my own creative projects, but they wilted as soon as they began. Not enough light, not enough water, not enough me to ground them into. I took classes occasionally to rekindle that spark, but the inner critic prevailed once again. I find myself aching to create once again. My muse sitting beside me waiting to be heard, felt, and seen. Beside me is my critic. My fear. My judgment. I choose to dialogue with this part of me so I can give it space to be heard and felt. I cannot create without doing so. It has an intimate relationship with my muse. The more I can feel this part of me, the more I can open the doors of creativity and inspiration, of power and self-love. It has good reason to keep me from my essence. I do not wield an ax to sever it from who I am. It is a part of who I am. It is me, just not all of me.

I may choose to share my journaling with this part of me, if it agrees. I hope that it will illuminate something for you, as it will for me. I have no idea where the journaling goes or what it will manifest. I just have my desire, intention, and choice. I desire to create, I intend to create, I choose to create. That is all I can do today and the next. The rest is a mystery.

Join me….