I woke up into this new year feeling a palpable bittersweet-ness. For me, and perhaps many others, it has been a big year of letting go and then deeply grieving those losses. In a sense it has been a year of saying “no”. To tired patterns, old versions of ourselves, relationships, environments, tensions, and anything that brings a sense of unworthiness or heaviness.
The phase of saying no is SO sacred and tells all the precious parts of you that they are worthy of love and deserve all the desires and needs that live in their hearts. Letting go and deeply feeling the grief of it is something that not many are taught to do. We are taught to let go and forget or hold on for good. But to feel every inch of sadness, relief, confusion, heartbreak, or deep despair that comes up from letting go is so much more meaningful than letting it all sit underneath the surface.
Feeling the depths of these emotions allows more room for all everything you want to say “YES” to. That’s how I feel 2023 will unfold, the year of yes.
Yes to healing Yes to love Yes to the divine Yes to transformational relationships Yes to inner growth Yes to opening out the heart again
Saying no to so many things can feel so depleting and disheartening. It’s hard to open yourself up again to the new possibilities that can fill the void that has been left. In the meantime, we can fill the void ourselves with our own inner relationships and inner growth. But soon we can open up again and let in the magic of the new.
Everything we’ve dreamed of is on the horizon just waiting for us to be ready for it. We can hide in the shadows in fear of hurting again, or open our hearts to love and loss knowing that we’ll always find our way back to love. I feel so much honouring of all that has been let go of this year, including an old layer of myself that is ready to move out. And now I welcome in more alchemy, flow and intimacy than ever before! Wishing a REAL New Year to you all ♥️
✨ The pictures attached is an incredible creation by Kasha as a Christmas card this year!✨
Love, Raianna Shai
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Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
You keep opening your heart to love. You do, because it is WHY you are here. To open, to share, to risk….even, sometimes, to break. So it feels like…..your heart is breaking into pieces and the parts that seem shattered speak to you then, saying, ‘This is me, all broken up. Will I ever come together again?’
These parts of you speak of hurt and loss that runs deep, much beyond this moment and even this present timeline and this current situation or circumstance. They flash you the slideshow scenes of previously forgotten pain that is now acutely aching again so you can understand it better, feel it, BE with it…..eventually help them be FREE from these frozen in fear moments.
These parts of you cry with you their tears that often weren’t allowed, permitted, or felt in the moment the pain was caused and harm received by others. These parts of you…..sometimes so, so young, precious, and innocent….can then be held by your and the Divine Mother’s forgiveness and compassion. They can become pure again under the light of your loving sun.
You keep holding the space for this process….being with what is real, allowing space to feel it ALL with ALL parts of you. You keep feeling because, on the other side of this pain, is the joy that is contained in every part of you.
On the other side of the fear…..is the love that is the essence of every part of you.
On the other side of the shame….is the innocence in every part of you.
On the other side of the judgement….is the acceptance of every part of you.
On the other side of the unworthiness….is the sense of your innate goodness as a reflection of the Divine.
Your Divine Self keeps finding support to trust this transmutational process. You trust it because it always moves to the other side eventually. Every movement offers the opportunity and possibility of moving on….even if it looks like ‘going in’ or looks like mourning.
You hear ‘it’s time to move on now and let it go’ and so parts of you do, your previously occupied heart now empty, vacated, and ready to be filled up again by love…
You keep feeling the love that life is bringing, holding, offering you and these parts do too until they become more and more whole and integrated.
You keep listening as Life says, “Keep opening UP, BEing with what is real and trusting the process. All that you desire and deserve is here……waiting until you are ready to receive it.”
This ground of feeling, healing, and being with parts of you and soul aspects is what we explore with much tender and deep initiation in 90 minute 1:1 sessions over zoom, which range from 55 to 100 USD/Euros depending on Facilitator. For more information about a free intro and sessions, visit soulfullheart.org/sessions
As women, we all want to be chosen, claimed, initiated, and above all, deeply loved.
Even if parts of us feel scorned and in pain and claim this is NOT the case… underneath the denial of these desires is the ache for more than what they’ve been given and for an answer to all they’ve felt unworthy of receiving, let alone dreaming of.
As women, we don’t just experience these desires in our ache for a masculine mate to meet us there. We also feel these desires in our ache to be claimed by our caregivers, authority figures, and most importantly, our mothers and fathers.
Many of us did experience some kind of claim by our parents or guardians, yet it was so often mixed in with their own pain living in parts of them, of not being met in their own desires to be claimed by those who parented them. Or it was altogether an experience of being left abused, confused, neglected.
We weren’t shown that our aches could be met, or taught how to answer them within ourselves, or especially taught that these aches are really about a desire to return to a feeling of being claimed deeply by the Divine, as the sacred daughters we are… which our souls SO remember the experience of.
Such sacred daughters are we in fact, that we have nothing to prove to earn this claiming. We have nothing to change about ourselves to be embraced by our Divine Parents. We have mirrors to look into, but with support and care, and those parts of us who have denied themselves access to true love can be felt as this process is offered us by our Divine Parents.
Yet… our birth parents have often had no way to show us this, to overflow from their own realizations and embodiment of this truth. Instead, they overflow to us their embodied self-criticisms, their sense of unworthiness, their fears, and their longings that have never truly been answered.
Divine Mother especially has been so important for me to bring my parts to who have felt these missing pieces, these pains of not being truly claimed as a feminine daughter. Under Her loving gaze and in Her loving arms I feel the puzzle come together, the cob-webbed corners of my soul and gifts swept up and rediscovered in due time, the nectar of nourishment that only She can provide, even during the darkest times.
Sometimes, She presses into my wounded places, bringing waves of intense inner processing with parts and soul aspects as I venture back into my shadowland to retrieve another long lost diamond. At other times, the intensity is dialed down and the love waves and balms are much easier to feel and let in. The Kundalini rushes up from the base of my spine and I feel at home in myself, in my feminine body, all in Her midst. I feel inspired, enlivened, and whole. I feel more solid in my reasons for being here, no matter the adversity, and I feel supported to keep FEELING it ALL.
Divine Father has been so vital to my sacred daughter inside as well, in order to feel a template of mateship claim on top of being claimed as a daughter. His arms have held my heart and my parts through so many difficult phases and His hands have guided me through some intense periods of awakening. His support of my feminine spine has been just as important as Mother’s, as has his watering of my feminine heart.
My Inner Daughter process has been vast, deep, and involved the necessary movement out of relationship with my own birth parents and family. It’s been necessary to let go of other forms of the ‘false mother and father’ as well and to get very real about what is most nourishing for this essence within me and what simply isn’t. This is one of the most challenging truths to realize and reconcile with, as it can be a lonely road. Yet the void is filled up by the Divine when and if you and you parts feel ready to let in that energy and level of claim.
✨Join me and Jelelle Awen as we explore the Inner Daughter connection and deepening process in a group call for women this coming Sunday, Nov 27 at 5pm WEST (Lisbon/London), 12pm EST. ✨
You can find more info here. It’s by donation to join us or receive the recording and you can donate via our shop or PayPal.
Looking forward to having you there with us if you do feel to join and explore this precious process for yourself.
Love,
Kasha ♥️
***
Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
“It’s October 2019 and I’m spinning, whirling, wondering what’s really going on within me, why I can’t seem to help parts of me truly let go of comparison, of feeling ungraceful and ungrateful, of feeling unworthy of the love of my intimate community, let alone the love of the Divine within and around me. I’ve been asked to take space from my community of beloveds to go into and reconcile what has continually been coming up inside of me and not yet been truly held, let alone felt, by me as a centred, adult woman, who is calling herself ‘Kalayna’.
I am in a panic, feeling an avalanche of self-doubt and absolute heartbreak, knowing that this space-taking is likely leading to leaving my beloveds for at least a phase, if not the rest of this lifetime, if I can’t find my way into more of my own bigness and inner ‘home’. I feel the love that would always flow between us as souls, even if I need to go off and be with myself to reconcile something quite deep in my own shadow that they can’t be impacted by so harshly anymore.
I am in some deep self-punishment and shame, but also recognize after years of this inner work, that this pattern of suffering is keeping me from experiencing the depth of love I really want and need within… a depth of love that can then overflow to others with more grace and ease, even in the messiest of conflicts or the burning up of old relational ground.
As I lean into myself more and more each day, and feel the Divine within supporting my ongoing process, I begin to open out something so deeply ingrained in my inner shadowland. I find an aspect who calls himself ‘Hades’. Hades doesn’t care much for others, let alone other parts of me. Well, he does, but his care is complicated as it involves trauma-bonding with these other parts, making them need him somehow and find comfort in his more twisted way of feeling things, his way of making the uncomfortable, the suffering loops, feel somehow ‘normal’ and even necessary.
It turns out that Hades is one aspect while there are a few others for me to feel, and that he is the Gatekeeper holding the veil to feeling them. I begin to feel them all, one by one, and where they live in my Metasoul and my being in this life too. I feel patterns of being a scorned priestess, even a Queen who couldn’t make it work and was shunned, and a few different lifetimes of not quite being able to get up and out of a fear of my/their own bigness and power and truly live into it. I feel the pain of these aspects and how fusing to them has played out in my life many times. I also feel the frequency of having killed others for the sake of power and jealousy… something that is excruciating for me to feel.
I feel how humble I’m becoming as I feel all of this and how I’m learning to surrender to my own unknown inside of myself… how I just can’t know what the Divine truly wants me to do or become. Even as I surrender to the unknown however, I begin to feel clearer and clearer about the energies I am learning to love inside of me and what my true potential is.
It takes me a few months to truly live into this daily healing journey of diving deeply and even finding a renewed sense of joy, all while still showing up for daily life and holding jobs. I still miss my beloveds so deeply, especially as I go on to spend Christmas alone, but I feel my icebergs that were once parked in my shadowland melting day by day and my growing clarity about what I want in my life and the sort of soul family energies I want to be intimate with on the outside coming up so strongly. I also feel who I want to BE as I let in those energies and relationships and the ache for living into that from the inside out.” ~ Kalayna
It’s now 3 years later and here I am, as ‘Kasha’ and no longer ‘Kalayna’, having graduated not only that heartbreaking and heart-opening phase of my life, but also several other challenging and growthful phases in different geographies, different relationships, and in service of love expression too. All because I’ve been willing, even through deep pain, to go into my shadowland AND work my way through to the other side.
It is a huge honour to now be leading a women’s call with Jelelle that will focus on shadow exploration for the feminine… serving alongside Jelelle was always the dream and even as this was starting to happen back in 2019 with the very first women’s call we ever led together, I could barely let that in. I had so much pain and unworthiness come up that it was sabotaged… my dream was sabotaged. My shadow came up to be felt and when she came up, she was practically screaming with frustration, mostly at herself.
As we explore the feminine shadow, there’s so much power packed in there. There’s so much to these energies of self-punishment, shame, and blame, that actually wants to become the flip side of that… that actually wants to become genuine heart-based service of love within and without and wants to have nourishing relationships as much on the inside as on the outside.
The feminine shadow has a LOT to unpack, not just in these trailing-edge energies that can keep us in smallness and pain, but also in leading-edge energies, access to feminine magic and alchemy, not to mention DEEP access to discernment, clarity, and care.
Join Jelelle and I on Sunday, Oct 30th for a by-donation women’s group call, focused on discovering and feeling your Shadow Feminine, however she shows up now! The call will be at 5pm London/Lisbon time and you can donate via our Shop or through PayPal or via Wise (formerly TransferWise). You can find more info about this call here.
Sending so much love to you and your ‘shadow’, your hidden seats and seeds of empowerment and heart, even if there is also pain and ache to wade through and feel along the way!
Love, Kasha
***
Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
Grief is a much bigger part of our lives and our emotional bodies than I think we realize. We don’t just grieve passed loved ones or the end of relationships. We grieve old versions of ourselves, nostalgic places, past habits, other lifetimes, the state of the world – really anything that is coming to an end. It’s also one of the most complicated and pushed away emotions we can have as humans.
It’s deep, existential, nonlinear and shows up when we least expect it. Everyone I know who has experienced the deepest versions of grief have described it as coming in waves. It crashes over you and suddenly you feel like you’re drowning. One day you’re the happiest you’ve been in a long time and the next you’re weighed down with an intense heaviness.
I know that grief is not exactly easy to feel but I also know what happens when it’s left unfelt. It harms us in our physically bodies through different aches and illnesses, it causes us to push down any emotion that comes up in fear that it will uncap all of the unfelt grief we’ve left bottled up and it can keep us from connecting to the deeper parts of ourselves that are beyond the grief.
Grief is deep but it does have another side. It is tender, real and honest. It shows us what we really care about and where our deepest fears and desires lie. It shows us so much truth and if truly allowed to come to the surface when it needs to – it can help us love deeper, trust more easily and stay current with every new emotion.
This has been the biggest emotion that I’ve felt this last month and though it’s been painful, it’s also taught me so much about myself and all the varied and important parts of me. It’s shown me that I can feel 50 emotions in one breath, 100 thoughts in each tear that falls from my eyes, a depth so vast it feels like I’ll never feel anything else.
And then I do. I keep moving, keep feeling, keep letting myself dive into this well of despair and come back out feeling even closer to these parts inside of me. Letting go of every hope and dream I’ve had and making way for new ones. In allowing these feelings to surface, I’m telling these parts of me that they are valid, real and loved. And that is where the healing really happens.
Pictured is me feeling real grief during a recent group circle with SoulFullHeart. The community support and love was huge for allowing myself to go to these depths
Love, Raianna Shai
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Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
Through being born into this Matrix, we are taught to be concerned, always, with the opinions that surround us. We end up scattered, shattered, divided inside. This division has created ‘parts’ that formed in response to this mandate to always look outside of us for answers, for the modeling of ‘best behaviours’, for learning how to be compliant or even how to rebel properly, and certainly for any sense of ‘home’, belonging, or reconnection with the Divine.
It has been such a huge part of my personal process over this last decade to truly bring ALL of that back inward, to follow the threads of pain that have led to parts of me, and to then untangle those threads from other parts and find integration over time. These pain threads have been complex, not straight forward, and also have been co-created and maintained by outer relationships, jobs, etc. They have also been tugged on and at times entangled with the threads within others and their own parts, making the sorting out a process of what’s mine and what’s someone else’s quite messy in moments.
The only way I’ve been able to deeply address and heal the pain and parts has been by bringing them back inward, to my own heart, to the home/nest I’ve been creating and cultivating there for so long, which now also overflows to others in 1:1 sessions as I hold space for other women’s own parts to come forward and their own inner ‘homes’ to be created.
There is always an invitation to create this inner heart and soul home inside of you and so much support being offered for that from the Divine within you, from your Metasoul aspects, from Star Family, even from all the beings in your inner world also known as ‘parts of you’ – though many of them may have a really hard time letting in that this home within is even possible at first, as they’ve had to have so much outer focus for so long.
The codes of Homecoming that are steaming in these days are an opportunity to re-code what it means to truly take care of yourself, your body, your emotional and spiritual realities, and not only within you… they are also supporting you to draw to you those resonant relationships you’ve maybe only dreamed of, or only experienced virtually so far. If there’s a resistance or reluctance in your heart toward truly embracing your beloved online relationships in the physical, there are very likely some parts of you that feel afraid perhaps of the cost to your life as you’ve known it… for nothing ever changes us like letting love in, especially love for ourselves and especially, also, saying ‘yes’ to love’s flow as it moves between us and others in ways unpredictable.
My beloveds, Raphael and Jelelle Awen will be leading a group call this coming Sunday, Oct 16th, that will be focused on these Homecoming Codes – letting them in, feeling what they mean for you personally, and connecting to your inner ‘home’ in a deepening way. The call will be by donation as always, and held over Zoom. If you’d like more info, visit soulfullheart.org/events.
So much love to you and with you as you feel into these Homecoming Codes and what they mean to you at this time!
Love,
Kasha
***
Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
Feeling your Inner Masculine as a woman is a powerful, multi-faceted experience! Tomorrow, Sept 18th at 5pm WEST (Lisbon/London)/ 12pm EDT/ 9am PDT, Jelelle and Kasha will be leading a women’s call focused on connecting with your inner masculine in any expression he currently has. You can donate to attend live and/or receive the recording via our shop or PayPal and we will email you the Zoom link and recording after the call.
If you’d like more information on any of our upcoming group calls, visit our Events page.
There are a few new writings to take in this week, featuring some messages from the Divine and star family too, poetry, and other heartfelt sharings.
There is also a brand new guided meditation video from Kasha, focused on creating a ‘Safe Haven’ within you where you/parts of you can return to whenever they want to, yet especially during those times when life on the outside seems unsafe or unstable in any way.
If you’d like to subscribe to receive our Museletters and other announcements in your own inbox, you can do so on our website or you can scroll to the bottom of this issue and click “subscribe”.
You know… sometimes it’s truly in your self-permission to imagine, to just be in play or even in pain, to immerse yourself in a world that feels ‘made up’ to others around you… that you find your deepest growth and most profound healing.
Dive into those waters of what could be real to find what IS real for you. And finding playmates on the outside in the form of soul family who also feel the depth and realness of everything inside of you as if it’s theirs too is a gift that keeps on giving.
Maybe it’s the pursuit of facts and cold, hard evidence that brings in the most confusion when your purest heart and parts of you just want to experience love unfolding… especially within you, and especially in response to all things in life whether hard or easy, challenging or simple.
Maybe all it really takes is recognizing the beauty of the self-permission to immerse in your own reality and make it the realest thing imaginable. There’s no way to go halfway in that, unless you feel obliged to comply with whatever realities are around you and possibly invading your own in ways less than loving and much less than empathic or compassionate.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s all there is to it when it comes to your deepest, realest Divine reunion experiences – play pretend until it feels real enough to become embodied, find ways into and through your deepest pains, and remember that the ways in which your shadow may come out through these experiences is all a part of the same sacred thing of truly owning your own reality and finding your growth path within that.
…just some notes from the road as I step even deeper into this myself!
Love, Kasha
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Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
Maybe it’s readiness That draws the curtains on our fate. And maybe readiness has never been about anything missing, wrong, or unmastered.
Maybe readiness has always been about Now letting in All the love there always is to receive, being willing to go in and feel Where, how, why Certain pockets of our being, Certain parts within our heart, Certain aspects of our vast soul Put aside love as any possible answer To any pain, ache, or desire.
Maybe… Maybe it’s the vulnerability Of humbly feeling unready That brings in the openings we crave and cave into? Perhaps it’s mostly in our humility, Our willingness to start all over again, Our ability to feel it all, Where we feel our Divine calling to love And be love To experience deep and soulful romantic love To draw to us our fated encounters, Our synchronized alignments, And our most beloved unfolding Into everything we are And are now ready to claim …And be claimed by.
The Divine, the Great Love that holds us steady through the tumult. The energy inspiring our growing centres, Encouraging, always, our deepening trust in all there is to endure, Brings us homeward to ourselves In ever-unexpected ways Through waves of grief, fear, longing, And yes, Grace too.
We are everything Rather than nothing. We are aliveness So much more so than deadness. We are alchemy brewing and moving Even in our toughest, tightest, flattest, and most uncertain phases.
We are readying, steadying, Living into The greatest fates we could imagine With every shake and quake of our hearts And awakening of our souls Into a new reality Blossoming from the depths And caverns And crevices Inside the inside of everything we are Everything we ever were And everything we are yet to embrace In our ready, open, aligned Becoming.
***
Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
Perfectionism is expressed by many different parts of us, in varied ways and for so many reasons. I’m sure many of us can relate to the constant need to control the outcome or appearance of everything we do. The fear of doing something wrong or being judged for it is running in the background of our minds even in everyday, simple tasks. We often feel tension and anxiety when something unfolds in a way we did not expect or control. Maybe it comes up when you have reactions you don’t want to have, or there’s conflict you wanted to avoid, or you chose to do something that you realize others would judge.
Perfectionism is often used as a way to protect the most precious and vulnerable parts of us which has been so needed in certain phases of our lives. Overtime it becomes so ingrained in us from messaging by society, matrix coding from as far back as birth, personal desire to appear a certain way, and to avoid judgement and loss. But it gets to a certain point where it prevents those vulnerable parts from growing into their bigness and recognizing that they don’t need that protection to the same degree anymore.
Perfectionism for myself has been so strong my entire life. I strived to be a perfect student, perfect friend, perfect girlfriend, perfect daughter, perfect community member. And slowly but surely I’ve come to unwind this ingrained desire to avoid any and all judgement and conflict. Much of this has been rooted in the idea that I’m not good enough and that I’ll lose everything I love so much. The moment we separated from the Divine, we were given an underlying feeling of guttural and tragic loss of our home frequency of love and connection. So much unworthiness stems from that loss and everyday we try to prove we are good enough to the divine in some way, shape or form.
Freedom can be found in the moments when all parts of us are nourished and aligned: heart, body, mind, soul and spirit. When we allow ourselves to let in true divine love, we are then able to realize that we can truly do no wrong from the perspective of the Divine. This is really the only place we can find unconditional love and acceptance. When we let go of expectation, obligation and self consciousness – we find liberation.
Freedom for me was felt in the picture I’ve attached to this post. That week I felt the words from the Divine rumble through me when she said “You are my everything”. The energy and truth of these words started to unlock this strong hold parts of me had on the idea of not being good enough. We truly are everything to her – everyone of us and in every way. In the moment of this picture I stepped away from something that was bringing me tension and took in beautiful nature and sunset codes with my beloved Kasha and every part of me felt nourished and aligned.
Freedom is found when we take the time to remind every part of ourselves, even the ones that are hard to love, that they always have been and always will be good enough. Even when there’s room to grow, even when there are regrets, even when the future is unknown – they are good enough and more. And the more we see this bigness in ourselves, the more we can see and feel it in others. And from there, the love spreads like wildfire.
Love, Raianna Shai
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Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
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