Day 5

After getting the okay from my daemon-soul guardian, Nathaniel, I began the initial journaling questions with my feminine part, Angela. But first I had to wake her up.  Some questions may have been omitted due to a negotiation with my self-image part, Simon.

Christopher:  Okay, Nathaniel.  How are you feeling about waking Angela up?

Nathaniel:  I feel ready, but nervous.

C:  Of course.

N:  You feel like a man on a mission.

C:  Lol!  Yeah.  I certainly am.  Okay, here it goes.

We both lift the glass container and set it to the ground.  Angela is a beautiful young woman.  She looks to be in her mid twenties. She has long, curly red hair.  She has stunning green-brown eyes.  Her clothes are somewhat masculine but worn with a feminine flair.  A long sleeved renaissance type shirt, riding pants, and boots.  There is a bow and quiver tucked to her side.  I lean down and kiss her on her forehead.

Angela (waking):  Who are you?

C:  I am Christopher.  You are a part of me.

I help her up to a seated position.  She looks around in bewilderment.

A (she notices Nathaniel):  Nathaniel!

She gives him a huge hug.

C:  You remember him?

A:  Yes, of course.  He was my protector when you weren’t around.

N:  Are you upset with me Angela for putting you here?

A:  No, Nathaniel.  I was getting weary of all the attacks.  Thank you for guarding me.  I know you were doing what you felt like you had to do.

N:  You aren’t the least bit upset?

A:  Well, I wasn’t chained up and left for starving.  I can feel love in your actions.

N:  Well, that has yet to be revealed, Angela.  My motives may be less than admirable, but I do feel there was heart in my actions.

A:  Well, whatever those motives were, I feel like I could forgive them.  If I am put away again, however, I will not be happy.

N:  Of course.

C:  I would not be happy either.

A:  So, you are my Christopher.  My Prince Charming.  My knight in shining armour.

C:  Uh…I am he. I am not sure about Prince Charming, but I do admit I like the sound of it.

A:  We have some getting to know each other.

C:  Yes, we do.  Do you feel up to it?

A:  I have been asleep for a while, I think I am rested enough to answer some questions. : )

C:  Wow.  Okay.  What did your world look like before coming here?

A:  I lived in a room with lots of dolls and a doll house.  I had a ton of stuffed animals.

C:  That sounds magical.

A:  Oh, yes.  I used to write a lot of stories about princes and princesses.  Must be why I love the TV show Once Upon A Time.

C:  I would love to hear one of those stories sometime.

A:  Maybe. We’ll see.

C:  How old are you?

A:  25

C:  What part of my body do you relate to?

A:  I feel myself in your heart.

C:  How do you feel about my mother?

A:  I feel sad and angry.  I am sad because she feels stuck in a man’s world.  She feels like a prisoner.  But I am angry for the same reason.  It is self-imposed.  She has given up her soul for security, her feminine for masculine “safety”.

C:  How do you feel about my father?

A:  There is a part of him that is scary and rough.  Not tender.  The way he talked about women in your youth hurt me and angered me.  His anger was frightening.  But there is also this gentle giant part of him that was kind and thoughtful.  I wish that part was out more as a child.

C:  You and Simon both.  What about the relationship between my parents?

A:  It was messy and hard to be around.  So much angst and anxiety.  Not much true love in the air, if at all.  I can feel true love and that wasn’t it.  They weren’t vulnerable enough except at the end when they divorced.  Their current relationships feel stuck. Unmovable.  Lack of passion and desire.  I cannot be around that.

C:  How do you feel about my former romantic partner?

A:  She reminds me of me, in a way.  She has a fire in her belly and a longing to be loved.  She had a lot of angst that blocked her true feminine but she feels to be balancing that out.  I love her new found independence.  “You go girl!”.  And I don’t mean that in a feminist way.  I like feeling women with ownership of their lives.  It’s hot and sexy.  I can say that cuz I’m a girl and you’re not. : P

C:  Hahahaha!  You’re a hoot, Angela.

A:  Awww…thanks, Charming.  : )

C:  Okay, now I am blushing.

A:  You’re cute.

C:  Thanks.  May I continue?

A:  Fine.  Go ahead, Christopoopoo.

C:  I am never going to live that down.  Thanks, Peter.

A:  You leave him alone, mister!  I love that boy.

C:  I do too.  So, who do you like most in my life and why?

A:  I like all of your SoulFullHeart family!  Jillian is real, strong, and pretty.  I love Aurora!  Wayne is tender and handsome.  Marvin is totally funny and cute.  Kathleen is resilient and pretty.   She is like a sister.  Raianna is fun, goofy, and pretty.  Everyone has a great heart.

C:  Who do you like least in my life and why?

A:  Well, currently nobody.  I would have to say that before you came here there were members of your family that had overly masculine energy that was controlling and angsty.  I did not like being around that.  There were tender sides but they were pushed down by this other part.

C:  What is your favorite food?

A:  Hmmm.  Good question.  I like soup in the winter.  I love the way it makes me feel inside.  In the summer, I like crunchy salads.  Of course, every girl loves chocolate!  Hint, hint. ; )

C:  Okay, Angela.  We can get some today.  What is your favorite music?

A:  I like Alanis, Avril, and Kelly.  Oh!  And Loreena too!  I am sure there is more but you don’t have much else on your iPod, goof.

C:  Guess we have some music searching to do, eh?

A:  I love music.

C:  What else do you like?

A:  I like art, dancing around, writing stories, and puppies!  I also like walking on the beach holding someone’s hand.

C:  You are a romantic!

A:  Of course I am, knucklehead.  I’m  a girl!

C:  Right.  There’s the fire.

A:  : )

C:  What are you afraid of?

A:  I am afraid of never finding true love.  I am afraid of being attacked by a man.  I am afraid of snakes.

C:  That feels very past life.

A:  Hmmm…

C:  What is your biggest despair over?

A:  Not feeling able to express myself or be myself.  To be felt for who I am in my essence.

C:  What is your biggest desire?

A:  To be seen and felt for who I am.  A beautiful, passionate, and compassionate being.

C:  How do you feel about God?

A:  I love the Mother!  She is beautiful and amazing. I have bad memories of the Father God.  The way others used violence in His name.  I feel like I was one of those that was attacked for being different.

C:  We can feel into that more.

A:  I feel like that would be better for later.  I just like doing this with you.

C:  Okay.  This question is still heavy….how do you feel about dying?

A:  Geez!  You guys really get to the bone.  Um…I am scared of dying in pain.  Dying peacefully feels okay.  I feel the Mother would be there on the other side.  With a plate of chocolates!

C:  Of course!  When you are feeling bad, how do you cope?

A:  I like to write, cry on the couch or bed, sometimes sleep.  Ironic, I know.

C:  When you are scared, what makes you feel safer?

A:  Talking to Mother.

C:  What do you do when you feel lonely?

A:  Talk to Mother, go for a walk, cry.  I like to watch movies too.

C:  How do you feel about meeting Jillian and Wayne?

A:  I am very excited!  I have been wanting to for a while.  I feel like I would be a celebrity since they have been waiting for me for a while.

C:  They are excited to meet you!  As well as Kathleen.  You should meet them this weekend.

A:  Yay!  Can Nathaniel come?

C:  Of course he is.  He will always be there.  He has a relationship with them too.

A:  Cool.  Well, ironically, I am feeling tired.

C:  This was a lot.

A:  Talk later, my prince?

C:  You bet, Angela.  It was a pleasure to get to know you.

A:  Awww…yep, he’s a keeper.

C:  Lol!  Thanks, Angela.  As if I was going anywhere.

A:  Let that in, mister!

C:  I did!  Honestly!

A:  Good.  : )

 My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child