So there is this chain of love that starts with the Divine, flows through me, fills me up, and then flows to you for healing and holding. A new world chain of command, where the only command is to open our hearts to real love, both sacred and human.
Christopher: Good morning, Simon.
Simon: Good morning, Christopher.
C: Beautiful sunrise.
S: Yes, it is. I love that about living here. It’s like waking up to a different painting every morning.
C: Most definitely. I wanted to check in about this new cycle of change that is coming.
S: Yeah. It is a lot. It is interesting how as soon as I start to feel grounded in a place I wasn’t grounding in, here comes another possible uproot.
C: Tell me how that feels inside.
S: There is a little bit of everything. Some frustration around the effort of it all. I feel like I am a bit lazy. I enjoy not doing much of anything, yet at the same time get jazzed up for having something focused to do. I get to manage and accomplish something.
C: We get to manage and accomplish something.
S: Right. I said that. You just typed it wrong.
C: >: {
S: Fine. I tend to take that over. I feel it helps to cope with the fear and anxiety I feel about the unknown and uncertainty of it all. My picture of the rest of this life is not turning out the way I had in my mind when we started this.
C: What were you envisioning?
S: I saw us with some cool new job that was creative and fun. Being either in Vancouver or close to it. I thought through the process this would have presented itself and we would have lived happily ever after.
C: Sounds like a fairy tale. Riding off in the sunset with the American Dream.
S: Yep. Feels like I drank the KoolAid of this false reality matrix your soul spoke of yesterday. It all just felt so good, but now, when we reflect on it, I can feel it was in reaction to the pain that was inside that really wasn’t mine but your soul’s. I thought it was mine.
C: Some of it was yours, Simon. Being false doesn’t mean you are some misty projection, like a ghost, without substance. On the contrary. You are an essential part of me that got caught up in the game, the real fairy tale. Your pain was not being held and cared for by an authentic self.
S: Wow. So when you were praying to God about wanting to know your soul, I was praying to your soul to get to know you?
C: Double, wow. We may have to divert that one to the metaphysician. What feels true is that you were calling out to be held and guided, just as I was. So there is this chain of love that starts with the Divine, flows through me, fills me up, and then flows to you for healing and holding. A new world chain of command, where the only command is to open our hearts to real love, both sacred and human.
S: You are starting to sound like Soul from yesterday.
C: I do, don’t I? It must be channeling through in the moment.
S: Are you going to start wearing flowing robes and growing a beard?
C: Lol! Uh, no. At least not for a few years.
S: > : {
C: So I feel this leads us to your anxiety that you conveniently steered us away from. Nicely done.
S: I thought you would start to orate or something and I could slip out the back with Angela and make out.
C: WHAT?
S: Kidding, Christopher. Geez. Now who is the one who can’t take a joke?
C: That was good, Simon. But back to the anxiety. What is it that you are anxious about?
S: I worry about money. I have this fear that we will wind up on the street, homeless and hungry. I fear Jillian and Wayne will want to be on their own and we will be alone. I worry about Raianna and not being close to her. I worry about how we will be perceived by others, like we are crazy people. I worry I won’t be happy.
C: I want you to feel my heart, Simon, when I say I will not do anything that you absolutely do not want to do. Did you like zip-lining with Raianna that one time?
S: Oh, yeah! It was exhilerating!
C: Remember, we had just enough desire and courage to push off. There was fear, but not enough to quelch the desire. We take one tree at a time. We might camp out in a tree for a while until the next batch of courage and desire arise.
S: I did like the way it felt when Soul said that yesterday.
C: Your fears are real. As real as you are to me. I want to be with those fears and feel them every step of the way, what ever that means. I feel you can see my soul’s vision and that frightens you. That picture is only negotiated with you, Simon. No cliff jumping, unless you want to.
S: Thank you, Christopher.
C: : ) Now there has to be something that excites you as much as concerns you. They are two sides of the same coin.
S: I do love the feeling of freedom and adventure. There is an aliveness that is so much more desirable than the deadness we were once in. I don’t have to live up to anyone’s image of me anymore. I am free of that. This will also help me with being a creature of habit. That will take some getting used to. I love my comfort and routine.
C: We will feel that every step of the way.
S: This felt good to talk about. I also like it when synchronicities happen. Those are like “you’re doing it!” markers. They help me to relax a bit more.
C: We just need to open up to them, Simon. We will get guidance along the way. We can live in faith or doubt.
S: I really want to chose faith, Christopher.
C: I can feel that, Simon. Then just hold that desire and we will feel our next step.
S: I couldn’t do this without you.
C: I there is no way I could do this without you, Simon. Let’s get ready for group.
S: Whew! Okay. I had my suit pressed yesterday.
C: When? Wait….nice one, Simon.
S: ; )
My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.
Recommended Reading:
SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts
From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child
Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:
Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work
Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart) 