Day 13

Real, honest, sacred masculinity feels, honours, and claims the feminine within.  I agree that it is almost never talked about, and when it does it is dismissed quickly so other men, and many women, don’t catch wind of it as it would shatter the preconceived collective picture of what is means to be a man.

Christopher:  Good morning, Angela.

Angela:  Good morning to you, Christopher.

C:  I have to admit, I miss the prince part.

A:  Awww…yeah, I wanted to say that but felt a bit self-conscious.

C:  This relationship between us is, to say the least, non-traditional.

A:  Lol!  Ya think?

C:  My brain wants to file you somewhere as how to relate to you.

A:  Geez. How romantic.  Your brain is making me swoon.

C: Hahahaha!  Brains aren’t meant for that, huh?

A:  What does your heart say, dear Christopher.

C:  It says that it wants to feel close to you.  To get to know you more.  My heart wants to feel your heart.

A:  Really, truly?

C:  Yes.  Really, truly.

A:  I’m blushing…

C:  : )  What do you need from me, Angela?

A:  I guess to be felt and heard.  I want to feel like I have expression in your life and not be suppressed.  I want to feel loved.  I want to create with you.  I want to dance with you.

C:  I would like that very much.  I can feel Simon in the moment wondering what all this means.  Good morning, Simon.

Simon:  Morning.

C:  What is coming up for you?

S:  It just feels awkward to be outing this relationship to, and wooing of, your inner feminine.  It just feels like people are going to see this and make fun of you for it, or call you crazy.

C:  I can feel how hard this is for you around my self-image.  Yes, I could be laughed at, made fun of, but that is a reaction they are having to their own lack of comfort with themselves.  Real, honest, sacred masculinity feels, honours, and claims the feminine within.  I agree that it is almost never talked about, and when it does it is dismissed quickly so other men, and many women, don’t catch wind of it as it would shatter the preconceived collective picture of what is means to be a man.

S:  I can get that mentally, Christopher.  It is just the reality that very few actually go here.  I have not been one to do things outside conventions.

C:  I would have to disagree.  There have been times when you opened up to some unconventionality.

S:  Yeah, but there were always quite a few others who were doing the same to feel the safety in numbers.

C:  Ah.  Yes.  Safety in numbers.  That is big for the false self, isn’t it?

S:  As of now, it is just you and Wayne.  It feels good to have him supporting us through this.  It doesn’t seem as weird to me when he talks about his experiences.

C:  It is inspiring to me as well.  To feel a man who has the masculine energy penetrating outbound, yet at the same time has an open heart inbound. You can’t get that without feeling your inner feminine.

S:  Sometimes it feels like we are going to get the attention of manly man and he is going to sniff out this feminine piece and challenge our “manhood”.

C:  I feel like this comes from your youth of being bullied.

S:  Yeah, I guess it does.

C:  There are men that may do that.  I emphasize may.  But if that is the case, to sit in one’s self-assured seat of masculinity telegraphs that we are not buying into their projection of unworthiness.  It is like a force field of vulnerability.  Sounds paradoxical I know.  It is not a reactive act of “sticks and stones”, but an active grounding of our own self-worth and self-love earned by claiming our inner feminine.  And if we get in a fight, we get in a fight.

S:  I was hopeful until you said that. : /

C:  I am not looking for a fight, Simon.  But I will not allow myself, you, Angela, and Peter to be bullied anymore.  Erick will kick their ass.

Erick:  You need to lift more weights, dude.

C:  Hahaha!  I should probably take some self-defense classes, eh?

E:   Could be helpful, stickman.

C:   Easy there, Thor.

E:  OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

C:  Unleashing the Wildman.  So, Simon, I want you to feel safe.  I feel that getting to know and feel Angela will strengthen our masculinity.  Other men will be drawn and others put off.  That is the nature of being authentic in an unauthentic world.  We can help other men come into their own true masculinity and have the numbers that help you to feel comfortable.

S:  Okay.  Thanks for talking with me again.  It will take me time but I am feeling better.  Sorry I took your time away from Angela.  Sorry, Angela.

A:  Awww….it’s okay, Simon.  I know this is hard for you.  If you feel uncomfortable, then I don’t get felt.  I want us to be friends, not enemies.

S:  Me too, Angela.

A:  I wanted to apologize for making you feel uncomfortable before.  It was not nice of me to put you on the spot like that.

S:  Thanks, Angela.  I like being around you.

A:   I like being around you too, Simon.

S:  : }

C:  I am sorry we didn’t much time today, Angela.  I feel my eyes getting googly again from this computer screen.

A:  It’s okay.  I was admiring your defense of me and how important I mean to you.  It was touching and brave.  Thank you.  We can talk later.

C:  Thanks so much for understanding.

A:  You can always buy me chocolate ; )

C:  Yes I can, and I will. ; )

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.