Day 22

I can feel how there is this compartment inside me that puts love in one box and soul purpose in another.  Like they haven’t been compatible before.  So my daemon is trying to remind me that along with love there is also something pressing my soul to feel on a global level.  They both can be compatible.

Christopher:  Hello, Mother.

Mother:  Blessings, Christopher.  I feel the world in your heart in this moment.

C:  Yes, it is.  Since my existential exchange with Simon, I was drawn back to reading The Hope by Andrew Harvey.  I opened to his description of the Dark Night of the Soul, both individually and collectively.  This led me to a part about the state of the world and how we are all, on some level, in a state of disbelief.  I could feel that in myself.  That I can get how we, as a human family, are on the edge of a big transformation, the likes we haven’t seen in our current consciousness.  Or is it?  I need some flushing out of this to feel my heart.

M:  I am so touched about your desire to feel the plight of your brothers and sisters, the animals, and the Earth.  I want to feel that with you, Christopher.  But let’s feel together what that might be covering.

C:  Hmmmm.  Okay.

M:  I don’t doubt for one second you have an authentic heart about this.  I just want it to be clean and real.

C:  Yes.  As do I.

M:  Good.  You have started a new relationship, correct?

C:  Yes.

M:  What can your heart tell me about that?

C:  When I feel my heart, I feel joy when I am next to her.  I feel like I am with someone who sees me, feels my genuine heart.  I feel like I am a King, or at least inspired to be a King.  I feel a woman who will challenge me to my bigness.  There will be conflict in that, but I want to be in that with her to bring that out.  Not just for me, but for her too.  For both of us.  I feel we could be growth mates.  Uncovering, discovering, supporting, challenging, grounding, flying, collaborating, and inspiring.  That is what my soul felt when we first got together, but we were just not ready.  I want to explore this with her and see where we go together.

M:  I feel your leading edge in that Christopher.  It is solid and loaded with spine.  You have a King in you, my son.  I know, because it is your destiny, this life or the next.  But what about your trailing edge?

C:  Right.  The part of me that hid most of the time when we were last together.  I feel my trailing edge will have reactions to the challenges and the intensity.  This is still new to Simon.  A relationship that is not based in codependence, good girlfriend/ good boyfriend, or ignoring emotional truths.  I want to advocate for him and make sure I have enough of me this time that he feels he can be honest and I will be there.  He felt he needed to take care of a part of her last time.  This time he feels she is holding and taking care of that part.  I feel him not wanting to feel that again and will say something.  Last time there was this feeling of “pressure” in making it work because of a fantastical projection we both put on each other.  That manifested in the idea of marriage.  That was felt as a heavy weight to Simon, who was going through so much life change at the time, and didn’t have any me to lean into.

M:  And now he does.

C:  I think so.  I hope so.

M:  Do you feel so?

C:  Yes, Mother.  I do.

M:  I do too, Christopher.  I don’t know where this goes either.  It is co-created between you both.  You be you and she be her.  Lead with your King’s heart and spine, but most importantly with your trailing edge vulnerability.  This is what makes a real man.

C:  Yes, Mother.  I want to be a real man, so does Simon.

M:  I have nothing but trust that you will be all that you are and become more of that in the process of this exploration of love.  Don’t forget that what may feel like a push off a cliff is just a way to get you to fly.  Real love is not just a walk in the park.

C:  Yes, Mother.  I get that now.  Thank you.  I will always try to remember that.  So, I have to ask, why did we go here from the state of the world?

M:  I will have you answer that.  Why do you feel I did?

C:  Let’s see.  I could feel I was in my head a bit.  What better way to get to my heart than to talk about love.

M:  True.  What else?

C:  Hmmm.  I can feel how maybe a part of me is feeling nervous about this exploration and could be covering that over with big issues to keep me from feeling vulnerable.  I also just felt that my daemon is using it as a means to communicate with me.  I can feel how there is this compartment inside me that puts love in one box and soul purpose in another.  Like they haven’t been compatible before.  So my daemon is trying to remind me that along with love there is also something pressing my soul to feel on a global level.  They both can be compatible.  Jillian and Wayne have shown that.

M:  It all comes down to desire.

C:  Yes it does.  I feel romance desire and soul purpose desire at the same time.  This is a good thing but also very new and uncharted in my history.  These two are meant to blend, and I want them to blend.

M:  Sacred Union

C:  Yes.  Wow.  Okay.  My eyes are getting googly from the screen and I have to eat.  This was a different conversation than I thought it would be.

M:  You thought I was predictable?

C:  Maybe a part of me did.  He knows better now.

M:  Go eat, my human son.  That is a sacred act as well.  We will speak soon.

C:  Okay.  Thank you, Mother.

M:  My honour, my love.  Thank you for being you and taking this unknown journey.

C:  : )  and  : /

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and I hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.