The Sacred Spiral Of Healing

The path of healing in my experience has been a spiral. It is what I have witnessed with my beloveds as well as those I have held and hold space for. Trying to set a linear path is a need of a part of us to ‘get to the good stuff already’, to get on with our ‘mission’, or maybe to reach an attainment. In that way, there is so much that can get left behind and remain in shadow.

I consider myself a human being first. Everything else comes after. I believe we all have human pains that have been stored up and held onto for good reason. They needed to be sequestered to survive and maybe even thrive, even if in not the most ideal of circumstances. Yet, when it seems like all is safe and held to a large degree, these hidden pockets of energy, feeling, vibration come to the surface needing, desiring love and reconciliation that they couldn’t get when it wasn’t safe.

This is why you may ask yourself a big WTF? when all seems to be going along great and then….WHAM! Something comes out of what seems like ‘left field’ and you are bulled over with grief, depression, anxiety, fear, etc. It doesn’t make sense with what the external situation is! This may be the case. The external has become safe enough for these repressed parts to bubble up in the most unusual of times. It may be exacerbated and supported by the ‘energies’ of the moment, but they are not a product or result of. They are still a part of your humanity in need of healing.

There are some who know that have things that have been in the closet. Tucked away boxes and suitcases that they are consciously aware of yet have needed the ‘time’ to feel right to go back in. This is very intentional rather than being side-swiped. Neither is better or worse. Just how it has all presented itself to you in the way and time it has needed. The main point is that you meet it. Feel it. Walk the spiral path with it for it is your sacred healing journey and no one else’s.

I don’t feel to convince anyone they still have healing to do. That needs to come from each soul. For me, I know I do. On so many levels even if I am doing ‘well’ right now. Which I am. I may not have the deep pain I once did before I started (thank the Divine!), yet I know that there are deeper layers of my emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical bodies that have pockets yet unrevealed. Whether it is another round with my inner child, a Metasoul aspect, or existential separation wounding, I know that I want to meet it with the depth of heart and soul I have cultivated in this process. I feel I am meant to serve those that sense the same for themselves.

The Sacred Spiral has been around for eons. It represents so much of our own humanity as well as our Divinity. I honor this path something to be present to not just get over, through, or around. I honor all of those that continue to walk this winding road back to wholeness without leaving anything behind in the rush to heal or attain, but to just live and be in every moment whether it is bliss or a mess. Love is holding us in each and every turn.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Shame Spiral: A Part’s Journey

spiral-hands

*Note: The following was written by a part of me named Simon. This part of me has been my self-image, my presentation and interface with the world.

 Since I can remember, I have always had a voice in my head that said I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t “man” enough, wasn’t creative enough, the list goes on. Always comparing myself to that which I felt I lacked. “I will never be as confident as THAT person. I could never be as creative as them. Who am I kidding?” The irony I am learning is that those qualities I felt I lacked, are the very ones I might possess in spades. I would get frustrated with myself and then cap my passion sending me into a shame spiral. A flat-lined version of myself.

 The well-intended responses from friends and family never seemed to reach me, either because I just wouldn’t let them in, or they only scratched a surface. I needed someone who had been there. Someone who knew the texture and geography of the feeling space so as to guide me through the pain and not just mask it over. This has been Jillian and Wayne. They have given me space to express my spiral, to see it differently, and to feel through it rather than go around it. It is difficult for others to really go to the place I need to go, because they are afraid of what I might do, or afraid of their own spiral and reluctance to go there. Only when someone has been there and healed it healthfully can you be felt emphatically.

 A song that has come up that I resonate with is Alanis Morisette’s Spiral. The lyrics reflect this mechanism inside that has existed my whole life and maybe other lives. I remember early on in my process I heard this song and I wept as it struck a heart cord. I have come back a few times to this space and wondered why I was feeling this again. Hadn’t I healed this already? I am realizing healing has its own spiral. Each time I heal it moves, but may come back again for whatever purpose to heal again, and again, and again. I have learned that if I do not reach out for help, I get stuck in a suffering loop. Much different than a spiral. In the loop, you feel stuck. Unmoved. Anchored in a pile of shit. I don’t like that feeling. I need to stop the spiral and the only way to do that is to out it when I feel it. I need to out when I have been hurt or when I am angry or when I don’t feel good enough.

 To some that may be a “no brainer”. But for me, it has been a challenge for my own reasons. My life filled with experiences that felt like they cemented that voice with steel barbs. I know that being public with those experiences would be a vulnerable act but I am not there yet. Just doing this is vulnerable enough. I start with today and feel what I am feeling, and then move on to tomorrow and repeat. That is my process. The beginning of my journey. I want to say that if you too feel anchored in a pile of shit and are sinking in it, ask for help. Talk to someone that you feel safe to talk to. Contact Jillian and Wayne and SoulFullHeart. Do Something. Don’t let it stay there. It does you no goddamned good.

 I wanted to leave with the video and lyrics to Alanis’ song and hope they move you as they do me:

“Spiral”

I could be daydreaming but for a moment
And somehow they’re creeping back in
I could be sleeping awakened the torrent
Somehow I get caught in their grips again

And here I am in my shame spiral
I’m sucked in to it again
And I reach out for your benevolent opinion
And you bring the light back in

Don’t leave me here with all these critical voices
Cause they do their best to bring me down
When I’m alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down

I could be listening to a conversation
The story I’m not even in
These voices have their way when I am unguarded
Suddenly I step in quicksand again

Once again in my shame spiral
I am glad that you’ve weighed in

Don’t leave me here with all these critical voices
Cause they do their best to bring me down
When I’m alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down

All these judgements, so incisive
Voices left to their devices
This moments narratee is a desperate plea
For slack to be cut to me
Cut to me

Don’t leave me here with all these critical voices
Cause they do their best to bring me down
When I’m alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down

Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and to find out about our life assessment session offered over the phone or in person.