Day 16

You have been through many painful and difficult times.  I feel how you need to be healed in those in order to pursue your new role as guide.  These are not easy to feel but it is necessary for both you and Christopher.   We have been together a long time and I desire us to choose a different path this life.  A different arrangement.  This will all unfold over time and as you heal.

Christopher-  Good morning, Nathaniel.

Nathaniel-  Morning, Christopher.  How are you this morning?

C:  I still feel a little sleepy, but I had a great sleep.  I feel a lot bouncing around in regards to the future.  I wanted to check in with you to feel more into what we discussed in our last post.

N:  The weight of the world?

C: Yeah.  Still holding it?

N:  Feels like I am somewhat.  There are times I just want to let go of this role of guide and just go to sleep like Angela.  She looked so peaceful.

C:  I can feel that.  There is a tiredness in your energy for sure.

N:  Feels like I have been doing this forever.  So much attention to guarding and being attentive to danger.  I have a pessimistic view of the future sometimes, if not most times.  I am so used to seeing humanity as a threat rather than an ally.  Hopeless rather than hopeful.

C:  Hard to feel energy for the future feeling that way, huh?

N:  Yeah.  I want to be a part of your awakening, Christopher. I am just in a transition right now.  Trying to feel my new role.

C:  What do you want that to be?

N:  Well, I know I don’t want to feel the burden of protection anymore.  But I have been doing it for so long.  I want to use my gifts of clairvoyance to help guide you along.  I want to be a part of tearing down the false structure that permeates this whole dimension.

C: I see you clutching your sword.  You feel like you want to go into battle.

N:  Part of your past lives.  Your soul has been a part of many noble battles to fight against tyranny.  I fought along side you.  Old habits die hard.

C:  Wow.  I can almost see them.  They don’t end well for me.

N:  No.  I feel your soul had enough of war and death.  I had enough of it.

C:  Do you feel what I am embarking on is like a battle?

N:  Like I said, old habits.

C:  Well, we can create new habits.

N:  I would like that.  I am weary of the futility of war.  I want to be a part of something different.  So much blood, pain, and fear.  All in the name of power and control.

C:  We can be a part of an army of love, Nathaniel.  We can’t hide and sleep though.  We must be awake and engaged.  We don’t have to take up the sword.  We will use the magic of the heart.  The Grace of Divine Love.

N:  I like the sound and feel of that.  That feels more natural to me, even though I haven’t felt it in a long time.

C:  You are not a fighter Nathaniel.  My soul chose that for its own reasons and you felt duty bound to protect.  You are seer.  A prophet.  A wise guide.  I have a warrior aspect, but that is not you.  I need your gifts to help me grow and help others heal.  That is how we defend against the tyranny of the false structure.

N:  This is beginning to sound like a movie.

C:  We are in it right now.  You are a supporting actor.

N:  I liked Gandalf in those Hobbit movies.

C:  Really?  Why?

N:  There is just something wise and powerful about him.  I like the staff instead of this sword.

C:  You can change that if you wish.  The sword belongs to the warrior anyway.  Give it to me and I will see that he gets it.

N:  That makes me feel a bit nervous, but I really don’t want this anymore.

C:  Hold this staff and see how it feels.

N:  Where did you get this?

C:  Amazon.  A Black Friday special.

N:  Huh?

C:  Nevermind.  A dense human joke.  How does it feel?

N:  I really like it.  I feel different just holding it.  I could get used to this.  Thank you so much, Christopher.

C:  You are so welcome, Nathaniel.  My soul thanks you for all the lifetimes of service and guarding.  I can feel it wants to talk to you.

N:  Uh…okay.  This is a twist.

C:  Let’s just go with it.

Soul:  Hello, Nathaniel.

N:  Hello, Soul.

S:   I wanted you to feel my love and gratitude for all you have meant to me.  You have been through many painful and difficult times.  I feel how you need to be healed in those in order to pursue your new role as guide.  These are not easy to feel but it is necessary for both you and Christopher.   We have been together a long time and I desire us to choose a different path this life.  A different arrangement.  This will all unfold over time and as you heal.

N:  Thank you, Soul.  I feel how this will take time for me to digest.  We have been through so much, you and I, even though we were never conscious of being separate.  It will be hard to go down that road but I can feel the benefit for both of us.

S:  Mother will be with us, Nathaniel.  She can help hold us through the darkness.

N:  I need to rest now, Soul.  So much to take in.

S:  I understand, Nathaniel.  Take all the time you need.  Thank you so much again, Nathaniel.  I am forever grateful to you.

N:  Thank you for that.  I am trying to let that in.

S:  More time.

Christopher:  We will check in later, Nathaniel.  Enjoy your staff.

N:  Thank you so much, Christopher.  I will.

 My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.