As men, our fathers represent, or have represented, so much of what we have been “taught” about what masculinity is. They were a template for us at an early age. Our model for what we could expect to embody as man in a masculine world. They also influenced us in how we see and feel the feminine through their eyes and hearts. They taught us how to fight or run away. To speak the truth or keep it all buried. Our worldview has been formed through their own, in response to his father and his father before him, whether in agreement or opposition.
We were meant to be shown the doorways to our own unfolding through his guided wisdom and open heart. We were meant to be initiated into our own individuated masculinity with a healthy “F you” to him. He would have honored that had he been taught the same. I have a sadness in my heart actually on this day. What is it that is being truly celebrated? What has happened to our sense of healthy masculinity and how it lives inside of us, both as men and women?
My sadness is both personal and global. A desire from a part of me to have had a different relationship with my father that wasn’t based in fear or unhealthy idolization. How boys everywhere are looking for an authentically loving and guiding force to shape and challenge them to thrive in an unknowable world. But in this place there has arisen a passion for something new. A desire to heal that inside myself for all boys and fathers.
It is about traveling inward to find our deepest truths about ourselves and feeling the inner boy, or girl, in us that was affected, not victimized, by our father’s actions and choices. To hold space for them within us as a new model for healthy fatherly guidance and security. To bring our truths and boundaries to our fathers that allows for an invitation for something different and more authentic, if the space for that is possible. Regardless of the relationship outcome, something has moved in the collective heart grid between father and child that allows space for others to do the same and shift a dynamic that has long been overdue.
Our relationship to our parents can by murky territory. It is full of karmic binds and contracts that have long served there purpose. It is time for something new and alive. This is true even with my own daughter as she comes back into my life after a few years separation. A new ground in which we have let go of the old conditioning to build something new as two distinct individuals. I am sure old energies will surface and that is what we are here to work together. I look forward to how we navigate this new dynamic between us and what arises between us both. She is a teacher to me as much as she is a student.
I invite you to feel on this day the relationship you have or had with your father and feel how it lives in you. We can have such a healing experience within ourselves when we are able to see it and feel it that way. Our inner father has a voice and it is meant to be a guide and a teacher when we are able to feel him in all that he needs to be felt in.
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
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