The Healing Of The ‘Matrix Masculine’

This past Equinox gathering of hearts and souls pushed up a lot for me that has roots deep in my soul. I also felt how it was connected to the collective as well. When that happens it can be a lot to sort and move through. Yet, this is why I am here. This is why my soul has guided me to be a part of an intimate community so that I can feel and heal what needs feeling and healing on a personal level, which in turn makes waves in the quantum world. 

After the completion of my sacred union relationship with Kasha, I found myself in a ‘doing’ mode that seemed to put a wall around my deeper grief. I have had tender moments of loss and remorse, but it was made clear that a part of me had a strategy to ‘avoid the void’ of the deeper grief that lives inside. There is a great separation wound that exists inside that I have skirted the edges of, thinking I have met it fully, when in fact I have been swimming in the shallow end of the pool to some degree. 

This is not a prescription for me to dive into the deep end willy-nilly, but rather to be aware of the territory and let it arise in its due course. My soul will know when I am ready. Alongside the Sacred Grief, there was also another layer of inadequacy and unworth that came into my field with the acknowledged strategy of avoidance. This is tricky as I felt it in an inner masculine aspect of myself that I have worked with for a long time. He represents so much of my own personal masculine as well as a connection to what I have felt as the ‘Matrix Masculine’. 

This aspect was born/constructed from the womb of the False Mother/Father matrix we are all a part of to some degree or another. He has been wrapped up in it like a fly caught in a spider’s web. At times, he is motivated to fight against it, find freedom from it, or learn to master it. Either way there is still a relationship to it that is at odds. The history of being stuck in this loop has created a deep seed of suffering, grief, shame, and feeling lost. He has been separated from his own feminine counterpart on the inside which exacerbates the condition. 

I was shown this disconnect from my own inner feminine part as well as from my own Divine Essence or Self. It was an illumination of the wounding within the Holy Trinity of Self-to-Self, Self-to-Other, and Self-to-Divine. This masculine part of me, named Marcus, is at the hub of this. He represents so much of my power, truth, and vision. He also represents the pain, the pressure, and the punishment. 

Beside the disconnect from my inner feminine there is also one with my inner child and him. He has forgotten the art of play and the presence of innocent joy that it brings. The reconnection of all three feels like another Holy Trinity of masculine, feminine, and innocence. When we as men can have contact with all three in a sacred dance and flow, we have found ourselves on a new strata of personal experience of the world we live in. 

This compartmentalization happened for protective reasons as well as wounded ones. It is now bringing these aspects of me back into the same room and starting the healing and reunion process. I also feel a need for my beloved wounded masculine to be seen and felt as the Divine Son that he is rather than the Lost Son. That is an ongoing process that will take time as reintegration and ascension does. 

On the integrated side of the journey, it opens up more of my divine masculine heart to be in love with myself and those close to me. It opens up my trust and leadership as well as my creativity and play. It offers me a new timeline of what it means to be a human man merging again with Spirit and Source. With the Shadow and the Light. 

Thanks for taking this all in as I hope it gives a doorway into this process for others that feel a resonance with what I continue to work with inside of myself as a man in a very intimate community and healing process.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Feeling & Honouring The ‘Inner Masculine/King’ Within The Feminine

by Kasha Rokshana

Kings on the outside are returning to themselves. Men are awakening to their masculine core essences. They’re playing in the polarities they need to in order to discover themselves anew and reclaim their Kingship. There’s a lot to this process for the masculine that we as feminines can’t totally understand, except we ARE afforded a portal of some understanding through feeling our own inner masculine aspects/parts, who are in a similar process at times. 

Actually, the feminine equivalent of this process for men is a reclaiming of our Queen. She is an energy of benevolence but also has deep pain and often quite the missing of an authentic masculine counterpart – a King – in order to truly experience herself AS a Queen. Yes, I AM saying that as women we do need the masculine in our lives, in our hearts, in our bodies… as beautiful and necessary as our independence also is. 

Enter now the process of feeling your inner masculine, or you could say, your inner King. This process now offers a way for your Queen to show up in relationship to a King energy, even if it’s polarized for a while as the aches and pains of want, desire, and deep hurt now surface more so than they could have before. 

Having recently been in a long term Sacred Union bond, I can say without hesitation that my Queen got to blossom because of relating to the masculine on the outside. Also though, I couldn’t have drawn this opportunity without first having had a lot of process ground with masculine energies inside of me. I’ve experienced and felt the polarized reactions in the inner world… the hesitations and hang-ups, the love and the fighting for more love. Even today I feel there’s some tension in moments between my masculine and feminine energies, yet most of the time it feels like there’s more harmony and understanding there, more feeling of each other, and more overall unity/oneness.

I so deeply welcome you to join me and Jelelle Awen as we co-lead an upcoming women’s call focused on this process of feeling your inner masculine! It’s by donation and if you can’t attend live you’ll receive the recording, though I highly recommend coming live if you can as the womb room we create together as a group is always warm and inviting!

You can donate by visiting our shop here: soulfullheart.org/shop or via PayPal: paypal.me/jelelleawen

I’ll include the call description below so you can take in some more details about where we’re going with this one.

Love,

Kasha ♥️

~

Description: 

The Inner Masculine within a woman has many different expressions as a very sacred part/energy of our inner worlds. This range of expression can move from highly protective, fatherly energies that can be punishing to more of an ‘ideal masculine mate’ in pursuit of the feminine. The inner masculine is an aspect/part that helps women navigate the patriarchal frequencies of the Matrix in whatever ways he feels are necessary. This can sometimes bring out something overbearing in him, though he can also feel quite defeated and deflated too, especially if he hasn’t been able to help or offer support in the way he’d most like to, or helped you/parts of you avoid difficult or dark situations.

Having an intimate relationship with your Inner Masculine as a woman, whether you are single or in union with a mate, helps to illuminate your relationship to the Divine Masculine/Father expressions of the Divine. You can get a sense then of why you may feel blocked to letting them in as well as why there may be a pattern of difficult or even non-existent relationships with men on the outside. Connecting deeply with the Inner Masculine offers us (and them) so many layers of healing from the impact of other men, whether mates, fathers or other authority figures, which eventually and ideally leads to a deep forgiveness that makes room for a whole NEW experience of the masculine inside and out.

In a two-hour women’s group call on Sunday, September 18th at 5:00/17:00pm WEST (Lisbon/London)/12:00pm EDT/9:00am PDT, SoulFullHeart Sacred Feminine Teachers and Facilitators Jelelle Awen and Kasha Rokshana will explore connecting with the Inner Masculine through sharing our personal journeys and also experiences in supporting women through our SoulFullHeart quantum healing process. We will share about how through a personal relationship with your Inner Masculine, you will also come to know your feminine parts/aspects in a whole new way and on a new ground of beginning or deepening your Inner Sacred Union, which moves between your masculine and feminine parts, as well.

During this call, we will co-lead a guided meditation to connect with your Inner Masculine with the support of Divine Masculine guides, who will help hold space for this exploration and invite your masculine part(s) into a nourishing and empowering energy where they can be real and even vulnerable. You will meet with your Inner Masculine however he is expressing at this time, and feel into the relationship he currently has with your feminine parts. We will also repeat affirmations as mantras together to recode our relationships between us and our Inner Masculine individually and together as women.

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Ode To The Healing Man

Thank you, Brother
For going into your heart
And setting the sails for a new course
A course set by the prevailing winds
Of the call to heal

Thank you, Brother
For the courage to feel
All the things that have been locked away
For they have needed to be
Until the closet got too full

Thank you, Brother
For your willingness to take responsibility
Of what lies right in front of you
The impact and consequences
Of not facing the shadow

Thank you, Brother
For looking in the mirror
And loving the man you are now,
The man you were then,
And the man you want to become.

Thank you, Brother
For your honesty
For your bravery
For your vulnerability
For your passion
For your vision
For your alignment of Heart and Soul

For you are a part of the next generation
The next incarnation
The next evolution
Of what it means to be a healthy human man.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Entering The Portal Of Our Growth & Embodiment

I’m getting a personal and private download about you as a masculine being in your life as you know it right now. (It also happens to apply to all men, but I invite you to see if fits for you personally…)

There is before you, percolating, bouncing, calling for your attention – in the circum-stances of your life, standing in circumference around you – a portal. In the drama playing out in your life right now, there is what amounts to either a big block or a big portal, depending on how you relate to it.

Like a henge of standing stones, you may know and sense something profound was intended in these constructs of these circumstances, yet, it’s unknown and mysterious at the same time as to why they are here and where they might take you, depending on how you respond to them.

This portal is an offer to go to your next places of soul growth, human embodiment, and healing of wounds. This portal also wants to yield to you the soul gifts that were intended for you. Gifts that you’ll never know unless you consciously receive them.

These circumstances can either close in on you to shut you down, or they can be embraced, negotiated with, owned, and entered into, to allow yourself to be taken into your next soul growth and human embodiment, bringing both endings and beginnings.

The circumstances are so tailor made for you, and are so ready to shape-shift as you relate with them, rather than avoid them.

A difficult and humbling piece in all of this is that we never get free of these growth portals, in the sense that a current part of you may feel bothered by the challenge before you. The courage and humility you respond with now won’t actually be any different than the courage and humility that will be called upon years from now. It becomes easier and more natural for sure, but not something we get beyond in this life.

So a question arises, that deserves your heart attention; do you still want to continue on an awakening journey if the challenges cease? What if the challenges actually increase instead? I know, that’s not very good marketing, to kill the false hopes, but I feel how you’ve been fed and are now fed-up with false hopes and the emotional charades of a false-light spirituality.

Something more is wanting arise in your heart, soul and body. Something more is wanting to radiate out from you. Something more is wanting to be shared and partaken of together in community of soul family and awakening brotherhood.

Regardless of the shit flying overhead, you have a choice and choices to make.

How you respond to that choice is what allows you to sanely navigate the storm without regrets in the end, and even to endure deep loss with self love and love for all others involved. You can even make a wrong choice and it will be transmuted into the right choice in the end if it’s made from this kind of heart opening and humility.

There is a real hopeful outcome to embrace, but it’s not exactly relief in the way parts of us have related to just wanting relief. Real relief brings new growth and new challenges. In some ways, the storm picks up. That can’t be denied.

Maybe the deeper relief a part of you is hoping for in the relief of circumstances is the soul relief in finally stepping into, and no longer avoiding your larger soul choices? That would be a profound relief, but on a whole other level.

You can show up to feel each part of you and their reactions to the polarity in the circumstances at hand. That’s why it’s a pretzel, because parts of us are attached to opposite outcomes or desires. And before we use that word ‘attachment’ in a negative way, let’s feel how boring and empty of a human being you’d be without any ‘attachments’, and how useless to others around you, except possibly is dressing up that old false god of being ‘so spiritual’.

Forget about friendship or romance. Forget about being alive, really. Without any attachments, I can’t locate you, or actually have a relationship with you. You’re not actually here.

Don’t ‘zero-point’ out your humanity in your embrace of your divinity. They both want to fire at the 100% mark. That’s 200%! Arithmetically, that’s 200 parts per 100…, huh, that’s makes no sense! Exactly. It’s better experienced than explained. There is no separation actually between your humanity and your divinity unless you create one for yourself. (Which we all did, and do, so no judgment there) 💚

Love to you as you sit in the center of your standing stone henge of circum-stances and embrace and transmute what lies before you – whole universes of magic await you.

Back story to this photo:

This photo was from this early morning here at the Golden Beach, Albufeira where Jelelle and I feel so grateful to have the opportunity to take in the sun codes here, spending a few days, on the 2 year anniversary of our departure from Canada!

How we frame what we are surrounded by composes what we see and that then in turn effects our next choices.

Beauty can so be overwhelming to us, leaving us disempowered, separated from the beauty, reminded of what we don’t have, can’t have and won’t have…, unless we change the frame around how we are seeing and feeling the beauty around us.

What if the beauty is a mirror? For men, I’d ask you, what frames of beauty do you struggle to take in?

Does it show up in pornography? Is it in over energizing achievements that once nourished you, but no longer do? Is it in the pretense of spiritual achievements or status that leave you separated from actually partaking of meaningful personal enduring relationships? Is it in amassing money, but feeling more and more personally bankrupt as you do so? What if all these things of beauty are holding not just a message for you, but also a means to change your life?

What if the darkening skies above you of addiction, in whatever form you are facing it, are actually this sacred portal, awaiting your awakening choice to enter into to see what wants to come next for you?

*****

Raphael Awen is a Sacred Masculine Love Ambassador and Co-Creator/Teacher/Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group calls, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheart.org

A Man’s Heart Is His Greatest Gift

A man’s heart is his greatest gift
And his greatest fear
He can stand in the fires of hell
With his courage and conviction
Or seek cover and asylum in his shadow

A man’s heart can be a paradox and a parable
Of the journey back to himself through the womb
There is a Warrior and a Lover
A King and an Ambassador
A Scientist and Poet

It is a journey that is lined with mirrors
He may choose not to look at
If he wants to maintain
All that he has constructed,
Assumed and been convinced of.

But if he chooses to look
To feel all that he has been afraid to see
He actually stares into his own death
His loss of control
That can only be replaced by surrender

Surrender to the burning of feeling
Of bringing himself back to life
Through this death
The death of loneliness
Of suffering
Of protecting
Of hiding

This man now stands naked
An emperor without clothes
To be seen as he is
In his humble vulnerability

This is where he rises anew
In Heart
As Soul
Surrounded…
By Love
By Divinity
By Intimacy

~Poem from a book I am writing titled The Quest about my personal masculine healing journey

Art by Katia Honour

https://www.redbubble.com/…/Sacred-Heart…/8410634.1G4ZT

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Re-homing, Re-wilding, Re-integrating

This past week I have been living in an area of land just outside a village near my soul family of feminines. They live in an apartment together I have been calling the Magdalene House. So, not quite wild camping by definition, but not campground, on-grid camping either. A bit in between. A balance between the domestic and the wild.

Since my recent completion with Kasha, I have felt a need to ‘re-home’ myself more than rewild myself. I do feel a draw to get more wild by going deeper into nature but for now, practically speaking, I need a balance for many reasons. So this itches a scratch and a need.

I have felt a split inside myself between polar parts and aspects such as the domestic/wild, the practical/spiritual, the masculine/feminine, and the calm/passionte. It is interesting when I look at those in this moment and I organize them by what came first and then second I get this polarity:

The domestic, practical, calm masculine vs. the wild, spiritual, passionate feminine.

Now there are other ways to organize this list but this one in particular symbolizes something for me personally. It represents an archetypal pattern inside of myself that has played out externally but is occurring inside of me from self to self.

I feel this re-homing period is about creating a space between these parts, aspects and energies to find a safe haven to come and be felt, seen, heard, and hopefully back into union. Being a part of a sacred union off and on, I have tended to focus on the bond rather than my own unification. I have had a history of care-taking that I am in still in a process around to shift into care-giving.

True care-giving is holding a line of goodness and honesty within oneself to bring an overflow of care, compassion, and challenge if needed. If this is not being felt and intergrated internally, it just doesn’t happen on the outside. It turns into obligation, compliance, and the dreaded care-taking that really does no one any good. It may solve a short-term uncomfortability, but does not address core need and growth.

So this care-giving goes internal now. It goes into feeling and bridging these aspects inside of myself through journaling, inner dialogue, and meditation. It is feeling myself and parts in their needs, truth, and desires in each moment. Any dissonce in my field felt as a portal to this reunification inside.

It is like a zipper. I am sitting staring at one in my tent. These parts and aspects need me to zip myself up into a cohesion. A unified field of masculine/feminine, practical/spiritual, domestic/wild, and calm/passionate. I, as Gabriel, am the piece of metal that bring them together and bond them in union to form a more solid pillar of Self, both divine and human. More real and raw. More me, less other.

This has been an ongoing journey for me that has just taken the time it has and the path it has. Any self-judgements just set me back again. Yet, if they come, I will it with them, honor them, and heal them with Love. I desire that my own journey around this re-homing be an inspiration or a guide for anyone else experiencing the same, especially for men. I know there is lot for us to heal and show up for in this ongoing ascension process that just keeps getting more activated by the arising Divine Feminine.

I am having some more ideas about the different types of masculine energies that live within myself and the collective that I will be sharing soon that may be a marker for other men who may feel the same. It is becoming a deep passion of mine to serve other men on this quest for Self, Love, and Purpose while re-homing themsleves.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Love Stories Don’t End, They Start New Chapters

This was a hard post to write. It is always vulnerable to share about intimate pieces of our lives, yet in service, in transparency, and in honoring it is needed. This past month there has been a deep rumble in my union with Kasha. She and I have been in this process, community, and sacred journey for nearly 10 years together. We have been romantic for about half of those years, in and out. We even got married three and a half years ago to initiate our bond even deeper, even as that completed shortly thereafter.

There has been something deeply core between us and within each of us that has been challenging to reconcile. Each time we have gone in together, we have found new layers of intimacy together, yet also a pattern that has been undeniable between us. In our recent group session, we had to come to the honest truth that we are just not the pair-bond we thought we were.

Yes, we have so much goodness between us. Enough to power a typical relationship to the end of our lives possibly. Yet that is not why we are here. I am still coming to terms with what a sacred union even is. How scary and yet powerful it can be! There is something in me that has been polarized to letting all of that in. This inner split in me has come to my awareness recently and needs a lot of my attention and love. It has colored a lot of the way I have related to Life and Romance. I lost my Lover somewhere along the way.

I am curious how much of my soul history has been involved in these kinds of sacred bonds. I have a seed for union inside of me yet I don’t know how much it has been expressed in my lifetimes. Regardless of that possibility, I am in deep need of resolving something core inside of me that has been difficult to access in our bond together. I don’t want to be an anchor to where Kasha is needing and wanting to go in her soul around sacred romance and union.

There is a lot still to mourn and grieve around this for me. A lot to see and feel inside of myself that comes with me going forward. I said these words before and yet they still hold true today and will 10 years from now. There is always a peeling of the onion and each time we do, the tears fall. The heart gets heavy and the work begins again. Yet, for both of us, we ultimately want what is the highest calling for each of us, even if that might not be in sacred romance together. A tough pill to swallow when there is so much goodness.

A love story doesn’t always just end. It sometimes just takes on a new direction. We have been here before and we know what needs to be felt and addressed along the way. Because of what Kasha has given me, I get to see myself in a real way not only in a good way. This is the gift of sacred union whether they prolong or complete. They offer us back to ourselves and to the Divine in a new way. We see where we have grown and what still needs healing. I could not have done that without beloved Kasha. She has been a portal and catalyst for so much of my growth as well as my joy. We have had so many incredible moments together and in service.

So the road back to me begins again. The road to another layer of my authentic self and my relationship to the Divine in both Mother and Father frequencies. I have been blessed by these experiences with Kasha and have much to own on my side. Sometimes a spade is a spade, even if it looks like a heart.

Thank you to you all who have been a part of our love story. I know that there will be personal reactions to it. For those that have been around us long enough, know what we have had together and will continue to have in the decade to come. I will write more about my own process soon as I digest more of it in time. For now, thank you for taking this, and our former Usness, into your hearts.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Sirian Gateway, The Feminine Rising, & The End Of A Great Cycle

Cycles are ending and beginning. Small ones and big ones. Many of which are happening at this grand juncture of time. A coalescence of all that began a decade ago for many, including myself. I had chosen to feel and heal all that had been haunting me in my emotional and spiritual bodies. Haunting in a suffering sense as well as a calling and longing for something ‘brand new’ from my 3D perspective at the time.

Yet, it was never really new, I was just longing for Me. Longing for my needs, my truth, my gifts, my creativity, my power, and my service for and with the Divine. I know that is a lot of ‘my’s but it needed to be. Parts of me needed the permission to want something more for themselves than what they had created even as good as it was from a particular vantage point.

I am still unfolding this Me into the world. This unfettered power of realness, desire, and purpose. Just like the proverbial Russian doll. Or the ever-peeling onion. One cycle, one gateway, one portal at a time. This particular junction has been a doozy for me personally, and I know for many of you as well. So much is getting shaken and stirred that it has been hard at times to know which way is up or where the North Star is. Of course it is always within, but when we get knocked sideways we may get our bearings off-kilter.

It has been about riding the waves in whatever fashion they come without judgement or expectation. The Divine Feminine is rising, is becoming more embodied, and that is creating ripples and waves in the Masculine. My masculine has been on the edge at times and it has been a little crazy-making to be honest. A vibration that is poulticing out so much in the shadow and all that has been suppressed.

If there is any ounce of control or fear, this energy WILL find it and seek its reconciliation back to a state of Grace and Love. It is not forcing, it is just a reality of what IS. We cannot hide from ourselves and our rightful gifts and service any more. We are being asked to embody our deepest selves with compassion and passion both. There is only one world that we wish to be in and that is in the world of realness and love. Real Love. That feels like what is at the root of this Lion’s Gate passage.

I will be exploring and writing more about my own masculine experience of this ongoing Divine Feminine rising and how we as men may be responding to it either consciously or unconsciously. That feels like my greatest service to myself and to others who resonate. We are getting shaken and stirred and we are all relating to it differently. I hope that it will be a service to women as well who find themselves in connection to men who may be struggling. May it provide a perspective and an understanding from my own personal heart and soul lens.

Sending you so much love as we navigate and support each other through this very turbulent yet alive time in our history.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Being Spiritually Practical

Am I being spiritually practical or practically spiritual?

That is the question I have been asking myself lately as I am navigating another life change at the moment. The Sirian Gateway is stirring the pot again and that has left some practical things to consider while at the same time letting them unfold.

When I have been met by big life changes, parts of me can get swirled up in a lather. I drew the picture below many years ago when another life change happened. It was quite the cacophony of energy that got kicked up. When there is no differentiation of particular parts it is all felt as a giant storm at times. Yet, there are individual aspects that are floating around in there getting battered and bruised.

I have felt my more ‘practical’ parts or aspects come to take over the situation like a tactical team of experts that come repelling from the skies to manage it all. I am grateful for that team. I need them. Yet, I realize how much in my past I have fused to that energy at the cost of my emotional and spiritual bodies. One big brain walking around until it exploded or passed out.

When I was in my 20s I had hallucinogenic drugs for the first time and they tore down the more mental and practical veil I had clung to like a safety net or security blanket. I realized I had a ton of fear and anxiety that I was managing with the mental and the practical. I was also preventing Love from entering my inner house at the same time to help heal that well of fear and anxiety.

Fast forward 30 years and I don’t feel the same depths of that fear and anxiety as much, but it is still there waiting for me to continue to meet it and Love it. I still feel my tactical practical team coming in, but I am wanting to take a breather to feel what has seemed to get set aside in those moments. Is there something deeper to feel here? Can I take a moment to take stock of this big change happening before me? What is mystical and emotional amongst it all?

This has just been one of my personal tendencies this life. I don’t want to judge it or make it wrong. I just want to recognize it, sense its gifts, as well as its burdens. For carrying the practical can be a burden to parts of us. As a man, this may come at the cost of my inner child and inner feminine. Two aspects that are intrinsically connected to my Heart and Spirit.

I am still walking and waking out of the matrix. It has been ingrained and conditioned in me for a lifetime and beyond. It is true for many of us, especially the masculine. It takes the time it takes to keep untangling and unfurling our wings. The courage we can receive from our Sirian guides and aspects can be a big part of this ongoing process that continues well beyond any Gateway. It is internal and eternal.

I am looking forward to connecting to these energies more this Monday when Raphael and Jelelle Awen host their Lion’s Gate Activation group call. Even if you can’t make it I highly recommend getting that recording for the recoding. More info on our events page here: www.soulfullheart.org/events.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Returning To The King Of Hearts

“Which of you to gain me tell

Will risk uncertain pains of hell?

I will not forgive you

If you will not take the chance

The sailor gave at least a try

The soldier being much too wise

Strategy was his strength

Not disaster”

~excerpt from Terrapin Station by The Grateful Dead

I remember this part of the song as if it was yesterday. It was a moment at a Dead show that had me recognize that a prominent part of me was in defense and safety mode for most of my life. I was feeling this inner urge to let my body go into a euphoric dance but was holding back. I could sense it yet still stayed within a narrow bandwidth of expression. 

When those lines came out of Jerry’s mouth and landed in my ears they went to my heart and then my soul. I had been playing the soldier. I was not the risk-taking sailor in this tale. In that moment I felt a surge of desire move through me to let go and just be me and let my body do its thing. I felt alive and in joy. 

Granted I was under an influence of chemistry, but the moment stuck with me from that time on. The soldier would take the lead over the sailor and at times they would switch. It has been an ongoing challenge for me to be more rooted in my heart, my truth, and surrender. Being in this intimate community and in a deeply intimate and sacred union relationship, this soldier has had to deconstruct and to let my sailor more into the ebb and flow of daily realness and trust. 

I won’t lie. It has been very challenging. I feel that I am being confronted with eons of strategy and protection that have kept my woundedness in a holding pattern until new light shines that it must either be felt and gone deeply into or risk losing so much potential for a love beyond what my soldier could possibly let in. This feels like a perennial masculine challenge and conundrum. The surrender into and the trust of our divine mandate to heal and recode this legacy of pain, fear, and inadequacy. 

I have felt how much has had to be constructed, maintained, and eventually popped in order to feel and see the depths of our woundedness. It is not our weakness, but our strength that resides inside of it. It houses our resilience even if it has been in suffering or in a numbed state. Having deep compassion, care, and curiosity are what help to bring out this defense and woundedness. 

It is in this loving state that the true King of Heart can emerge to guide the inner factions back home into wholeness and realness. Not some perfected image of what it means to be a man or a king, but what lies at the core of our being and our own personal truth and needs. That is where our kingdom truly lies. 

In the meantime, I sit with the soldier, the fallen angel of the Divine, and we feel together in trust and in grace that we are on our way. That we are healing, we are held, and we are more than enough in the eyes and heart of the Divine.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.