Collapsing The Internal Tug Of War

By Raphael Awen

Is it at all a possibility that an anxious feeling or thought about the future is actually more to do with a fear of letting go of something familiar in the present, a kind of projection onto the future?

If that feels true, then it’s up to you to go find the part of you that holds the fear of loss – feel their reality, as distinct from yours. Feel what they fear losing and why. Find the tears underneath the triggers. Now, a new and self loving new possibility is much more free to arise and flow into your energy, your reality, your ‘life’.

When we don’t feel parts of ourselves and their reality, we are left with a kind of flatlined waveform reality that we call our life, but in reality is an unaddressed tension of living immobilized between the tension and polarity of these parts of ourselves, each of them exerting strong energetic and emotional reality broadcasts across the screens of our lives.

When we go in to simply feel each part’s reality, without trying to fix anything, we feel the part that wants to stay in one place forever and we feel the part who has already long left the building. When these parts of us feel the feelings of what it feels like to be felt by us, their reality and energy simply shifts. The internal tug of war collapses, and life and love are free to flow again.

I’m feeling this for myself in a renewed way again as Jelelle and I are thirty some days away from moving ourselves and a few suitcases of belongings to Canada (Victoria, BC), leaving behind 4 years here in Mexico. The geography change is part of the shifts and changes of livelihood and passion-purpose expression in the world. Anxieties about money (which is really a form of love), or the community building that we feel drawn to do there (another form of love), are really more to do with a fear of having more; of feeling unprepared for that unknown and untried ‘more’, of not knowing how to navigate more – for a part of me, that is, who has become familiar with living in less in some form or another.

Here now, I get to see and feel how anxiety is not a limiting energy on the more that I and other parts of me consciously desire, but rather a portal, and a direct portal at that, to the gold my heart and soul longs for.

What if the anxiety, depression and the long list of other unwanted emotions we work hard to mask and avoid are really supergate portals to the new world, to new earth, Golden earth realities that our hearts and souls know is possible?

If that’s true, then it’s time to let go, (or begin to at least) of letting go of ways of life, spiritualities, relationships, that are really about numbing ourselves to our pain.

Many are finding to their surprise that between them and their trusted beloveds exists an unconscious, but ironclad non-disclosure agreement that states that if either of us break the code of disclosing our real pain to ourselves, to one another or to our world, that we agree to be banned forever from connection. It’s a device that a powerful part of us set in place and cocreated to ensure that we would stay safe and securely small.

What would it be to make new connections in relationship where something like the opposite was true; where people were only in relationship with you for the currency exchange of your realness and radical self-honesty and vulnerability?

We haven’t explored that reality yet very far as a collective consciousness, but I can tell you that I have explored it seriously as a single consciousness, with a small band of ‘others, and find it utterly expansive and a journey like no other. I invite you into this exploration of yourself if it calls to you. I can aid you in making light years of consciousness growth come alive in your world if this is something your heart and soul are ready to undertake.

Raphael Awen

Please check into the link above as a decision point of your next steps into life and love in the frequency I speak of today. Thank you for tracking me and my words.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

2 thoughts on “Collapsing The Internal Tug Of War

  1. Being not only a fellow lightwriter but streaming it in poetry to boot I am, as seems de regeur among Western poets of the last few centuries, classically unable to finance bridging sessions or sometimes even Kleenex 😂

    However, I am seeking conscious community.

    Unfortunately the income which permits me to meet my most basic needs as well as offer a little contribution to the whole, is USA based or I’d be reaching for the possibilities of joining my energies and offerings with your own in BC.

    America being the Land of False Advertisement, most IC’s which are listed, even on the alternative sites, are actually covers for all manner of endeavors having very little to do with human communion in the Light…

    If you have any insights or connections regarding genuinely intentional communities arising here, and if it seems easy and harmonious to do so, please do put me in the loop.

    Thank you from all of us for all the good you do,


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