Healing Karmic Soul Patterns W/Your Metasoul In The Quantum Field

By Jelelle Awen

Processes have been going DEEP lately, much more into the quantum space beyond where traditional therapies and spiritual practices have been able to go before. Deeper, previously more subconscious layers of wounding and traumas, layers beyond the veil, are being accessed for healing….both personally and collectively.

The quantum love field is expanding all the time to support this next level healing in response to our evolving sacred humanity. This is healing that is possible not just in your current lifetime timeline, yet in ALL of the timelines/lifetimes that your soul has been fractured into as well from the original, individuated soul source of your Metasoul/Monad.

This depth, this deep dive, becomes more possible as the trust in your soul/Higher Self grows to hold the space for it. Your soul ‘takes over’ from your analytical mind and the parts of you that may want to control and manage the process. You more and more unanchor from 3D and even lower 4D matrix reality and into the higher dimensional, quantum frequency field of your Metasoul.

Connected to this field, you don’t have to access every lifetime/timeline in order to heal it. You don’t have to ‘relive and feel’ every trauma that your soul has ever experienced in every lifetime. You don’t have to ‘regress’ into ‘past lives’ right into the most traumatic moments, which often leads to MORE trauma to process (this happens often in past life regressions & soul retrieval as well). You don’t actually need anyone else to put you in a hypnotic state either or any kind of drug or plant to access these other lifetimes. 

Quantum connection happens as you negotiate with your Gatekeeper aspect, who is guarding your veil of amnesia and the timelines/lifetimes of your Metasoul that are happening in the Now. Negotiation and connection with your Gatekeeper allows you to become conscious of the lifetimes that MOST need your attention…..the lifetimes that you’ll get the most ‘bang for your buck’ if you access them. The lifetimes that are most vibrating in fear, pain and trauma (usually associated with killing frequencies). The lifetimes that offer the most reward and gifts if you heal them. 

As you ‘drop into’ and travel to those lifetimes with your Gatekeeper, you are meeting/connecting with your Metasoul sister/brother that is living in them. You form an ongoing relationship with the Metas sister/brother, just like having a bond with a sibling. In this ongoing connection, you exchange soul gifts with each other, you help them heal from traumas experienced in their lifetime, you are able to identify and see karmic soul patterns too. You support them to make more self loving and empowered choices that actually CHANGE the outcome of their timeline from tragic to redemptive. This then changes YOUR lifetime too as you gain access to more of your Metasoul’s pure frequencies.

As you engage in this work with your Metasoul brother/sisters in other lifetimes, you are actually able to identify and then complete karmic soul patterns and themes. This means that you NO LONGER need to incarnate as a soul into 3D and lower 4D timelines to play them out in order to heal them. I’ve been offered that many of us choose to come into this current timeline during Ascension in order to have this opportunity to no longer incarnate into denser realties. In this way, it may be our ‘last’ time of choosing this.

I am seeing this capacity to identify, dive into, and heal karmic patterns in sessions with women that I’ve been working with for longer term now and on a regular basis (weekly or bi-weekly). In the consistent space holding for the SoulFullHeart process, the Inner Protector and Gatekeeper is able to start relaxing and resting more. I feel the SoulFullHeart process and approach to karmic healing is completely unique, powerful, and held with a loving and collaborative energy WITH you.

I highly recommend beginning 1:1 sessions on a regular basis with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator if you are drawn to the kind of quantum healing opportunity that I am sharing about here. SoulFullHeart Facilitators Raphael Awen, Gabriel Heartman, and Kalayna Solais all have space in their schedules and a deep desire to work with new clients. They are currently offering a free 30-45 minute intro call over Zoom to answer any of your questions about the process, etc. More info here about that: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Love is holding the space for the completion of karmic, suffering cycles. Now is the time to experience the power of what love can heal!

There is more in this video about Metasoul timeline portal access and healing with teaching and guided meditation with me: https://youtu.be/9jWgpQbXTZo

Love,

Jelelle Awen

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

 

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Gratitude As A Doorway To Reverence And Abundance

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada. It feels different than in the States. MUCH less collective energy to wade through. It has given me the chance this morning to really tap into Gratitude, Reverence, and Abundance. There are so many things that I felt I could right about this morning but this one felt timely. The full moon energy is wanting to open up something for all of us around these tones. 

Gratitude can be a hard one for us to fully embrace. Parts of us can feel how much there isn’t to be grateful for. To give thanks to the universe might be akin to thanking one’s abuser. Without feeling this very real part of us, the authentic gratitude we do have may be a bit shallow in its depths, if that makes any sense. 

When we can tap into that part, the tender reasons can come to the surface even after all the thrashing. It may appear to be an entitled teenage energy or a despairing Gatekeeper tired of holding all they do across dimensions. What is there to be thankful in that?! Being seen and felt in their pain is what opens the heart to that genuine gratefulness. 

It is feeling all these edges where we get to see how authentic our gratitude is. It is not about gauging the level of our appreciation, but just feeling what is real inside of us. When that has space, Gratitude becomes like a clear, gorgeous sunrise after a very long and stormy night. You see the trees, hear birds, and see the light in a much different way. 

This is what then becomes the benchmark for our authentic gratitude. After my last deep process about a month ago, I see the world through these heart eyes. I feel what I wasn’t truly grateful for. What I had taken for granted inside of me. But now the sun is shining again and I see more than I have in any time before. But I needed to go to this place first.  

I am grateful for the Love I am surrounded by, the soul family I am apart of, and the inner world inside of me that continues to grow and be cultivated. I am grateful to be a healer, a way-shower,  a light/shadow worker, a teacher, an ambassador, and a human being. From this place I am lead to Reverence and ultimately to Abundance (more on those in next posts).  

Thank you to all that have followed my heart and words these past 3 years. Many blessings and real love to each of you. 

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

 

Introducing Free Intro Calls!

In this video, I talk about our new 30-45 minute Intro to SoulFullHeart call via Zoom. During the call, we would feel together the most presenting issue that you consider most affecting your current timeline.

As I state in the video these are varied and numerous for each of us. Either myself, Raphael, or Kalayna would clarify how the SoulFullHeart process can support you through the feeling, healing, and transformation of where you feel you need the most help.

Prior to the call you would access your Inner Protector via one of our meditations and answer a few short questions, though they may not have short answers. This helps us orient to you and your emotional and energetic bodies as well as gives us a place to go focus when on the call.

You can go to our website for more info at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions or email us at soulfullhearts@gmail.com to set up a day and time.

Looking forward to meeting any of you who are seeking a different path to healing and seeing the world.

Love,

Gabriel Heartman

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

It’s OK Not To Be OK: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Oct 7, 2019)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

We are so often told either directly or unconsciously, that it’s not OK to feel badly, to feel anything ‘negative’, and that we need to deny or transcend these ‘lower frequencies’. In this week’s featured article, SoulFullHeart Teacher/Co-Creator, Jelelle Awen, offers that it’s actually in the making space to FEEL these and ALL feelings that we can then create more space for the higher frequencies to come in and live within us more and more:

“The most amazing high frequencies of bliss and joy find MORE room is made for their arising when the deeper pains are being felt. When no feelings are being denied, there is no energy going toward suppression, no energy toward transcendence of feelings. Then, this energy is freed up and your heart space opens for yourself, for these parts of you that need you, and bliss can flood in again eventually finding rich, grounded soil in your open heart.”

There will be a Group Transmission led by Raphael and Jelelle Awen tomorrow! The focus of this group on Saturday, October 12th at 10am PDT is to learn more about the light body activation process that is ongoing as our carbon-based, 3D conditioned/programmed physical bodies transition into crystalline, living on prana/light energy bodies. The process of this seems to come in phases and cycles of detoxification of 3D chemicals and toxic food digestion energies along with activation on cellular, DNA, levels. They will especially focus on what the best fuel as food is for the light body to support its transition.

Jelelle Awen and Kalayna Solais will be leading a virtual women’s group towards the end of October. The focus of this SAFE group on Sunday, October 27 2019 at 10:00am PDT over Zoom is to provide a continuing conversation about what the sacred feminine is and isn’t, plus the process that is needed (both to let in and to let go of) for more embodiment of the sacred feminine. Jelelle and Kalayna will teach about sacred feminine embodiment from their own years-long exploration into it through working with women in session space….plus, working with parts of themselves (both masculine and feminine), Metasoul (soul fragments) from other lifetimes, and the Divine Mother as a beloved template and bridge.

There will be another online Group Transmission coming up in November with Raphael and Jelelle Awen. The focus of this group on Saturday, November 9th, 2019 at 10:00am PDT is to learn more about the Ascension codes that are coming in through cosmic energies (from sources such as our Sun, the Great Cosmic Sun, other Planets/Galaxies, etc.) and from Gaia and Inner Earth as well. We will also talk about what codes ARE and how to bridge to your personal experience of them as images, sounds, number sequences, etc. We will also talk about the parts of you (such as Inner Protector/Gatekeeper) that need to negotiated with to bring the codes into your field through the crown chakra and what the fears/resistances can be to doing that stemming from other lifetimes/timelines.

We will be having another four-day community gathering this December 2019 for the Winter Solstice. The gathering starts at 10:00am on Wednesday the 18th of December and goes through 5pm on Saturday the 21st (each day’s events are from 10:00am until 5:00pm).

For more information on these events, visit: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

There are many new articles and audio blogs this week by Jelelle Awen, Gabriel Heartman, and Kalayna Solais. They are sharings from their personal processes, energy updates including digestions of the 10/10 portal energies that are still moving through now, some discussions about truth-telling and transparency, as well as what it feels like to be in a Sacred Union.

Raphael, Gabriel, and Kalayna offer 1:1 90min Bridging Sessions to help boost and digest your Ascension process and feel with you what your next steps are towards your highest timeline possibilities. They also each offer free 30min Intro Calls for you to explore and discuss what this process could offer you and help you move through and heal in your life and Ascension process.

soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Our online shop is NOW OPEN! You can visit it to pay for individual sessions or to attend any of our gatherings, purchase the recording of past group transmissions or pay to attend an upcoming one, or to purchase books. Keep an eye out and your heart open for other offerings in the near future! https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/shop

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.

Conversation With 10: The Edge Between Clarity And Uncertainty

Today for 10/10/10 I felt to connect with the number Ten as I did last year with number Nine. I always like to feel how these numbers live in me and what they want to impart to me and those that are reading this. It is a fun and more intimate way to derive meaning and personal understanding. I highly recommend it to any of you that are inspired and interested in seeing what it means for you. 

Me: Good morning Ten. I wanted to connect with you today to feel what messages or insights you could offer me and those that are reading this. 

Ten: Good morning to you Gabriel. I am honored to be here. I feel like I am on tour today. Pretty prestigious event. I forgot my coat and top hat at home. 

Me: Lol! I felt the same thing today. You have a lot of fans! 

Ten: I guess so. I try not to let it get to my digits as I have all the others inside of me to give gratitude for this occasion. 

Me: The others inside?

Ten; Yeah. All the other digits that have come before me. They paved the way here. Each one represents a part of the journey of completion and integration. 

Me: Hmmm…I like the feeling of that. I did have quite the conversation with Nine last year and It was feeling how existential being a Nine can be. On the cusp of great change from one digit to two. 

Ten. Oh, my. I can only imagine. It does feel like a lonely place yet full of possibility. I am fortunate enough to have two parts of me. It’s like I get to have sex with myself. 

Me: What?! Um…Ten, this is a family show here. 

Ten: Oh, for goodness sakes. Lighten up Gabriel. It’s all part of the fun! Look, if you look at me I have a lingham and a yoni, right?

Me: I think I just got cancelled. Yes, it certainly does. 

Ten: So I represent the balance and INtegration of all that has come before me. It is like a giant number orgy in here. 

Me: 

Ten: Gabriel?

Me: Sorry, I am just looking at the Want Ads right now. Integration, balance. Yes. Completion. Oh, this just keeps getting thicker and thicker. My agent isn’t returning my calls. Okay, so we are going rogue here now. 

Ten: Yes!!! Going rogue, man! Let’s find our way into a new dimension of possibility! Let’s move beyond the single-track consciousness of this OR that and move into this AND that. In that inclusion you see a much bigger picture and can let yourself have it all, man! I feel like I want to be like Tom Cruise and jump up and down on this sofa here.

Me: Hmmm…not sure about that reference but I get what you are saying. You are excited. You want to do things that are not predictable and yet you are very predictable as the base of our number system. We can rely on you to be constant. What about that?

Ten: You need to smoke some pot, Gabriel. Get loose. Be free, man. I can do both. I can hold the fabric of your mathematics  as well as I can get jiggy with it. 

Me: Okay, who are you and what did you do with the real number Ten?

Ten:  Lol! Look, I want to unshackle from my current role as some perfect number. Fuck that. Let’s go into the Mystic and see where this rabbit hole takes us. Close your eyes and just imagine ones and zeros. Let them rain down upon you and into you. Let them be like sperm and eggs of consciousness seeding possibility, vision, creation, meaning, direction, and completion. Let those little guys help make big changes. It’s all made up, man. All of it. The Joy and the Suffering. I know that is hard to let in but it’s true. It is all part of this crazy ride we are working out together. It’s not all good and it’s not all bad. The question becomes what is it that you truly want from this existence, for all of humanity. Imagine that and birth that baby, man! 

Me: Whoa….I think I took too big of a hit there Ten. I feel what you energizing and it is working its way through me. I can feel how I have had parts of me feeling like they can’t have what they  want because others don’t. There is still suffering in the world and I can’t be in full Joy and Abundance until others are out of it. That is a cycle that just doesn’t end. 

Ten: Now I think I am feeling that bong rip too. Whew! Yeah, there is a way that each of us need to leave an old paradigm behind in order for others to cross that Rubicon. How do you create peace when you are always preparing for war? I think I am going to cry. Seriously. I am not just being a punk. 

Me: I feel you, Ten. That went deep really fast. I want to let digest a bit. Let the smoke clear a bit. I have no idea what you just brought in the room here, but it was like a tornado. I wasn’t expecting that. 

Ten: Awesome. That is my job. To expect the unexpected. To want the unexpected. To open up to possibility through vision, heart, and guidance. Dance on the edge between Clarity and Uncertainty. The One and the Zero. 

Me: I think I need to go eat something now. You up for some granola and berries? 

Ten: Now who the hell is the Hippie here? Nah, man. I’ll take the eggs and bacon. They look like me. Lol! Don’t worry, hippie. It’s all organic and free range. Don’t get me started on factory farming. 

Me: I have no idea what planet I am on. Okay, sounds good. Thanks for being here with me and I am sure I will have network exec at my door soon. 

Ten. Don’t worry, I will handle him

Me:

Ten: Gabriel?

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

10/10 Gateway Portal Opening!

By Jelelle Awen

Happy 10/10 portal opening to YOU! This one is powerful and seems to extend until 11/11…the ‘markers’ of these repeating number sequence days allowing for the bridge to be set and created between them. A calibration going on as ‘prep’ before we move into 2020 Next Level codes.

This also seems to be a transitional energy that is inviting us to feel what our current transition is…from which place to another inside ourselves, in life situations, in career/soul vocation, in relationships. Residues of previous traumas and conflicts are coming up during this energy too….from this life and other lifetimes.

These residues are ‘moving out’ even as they can feel, in the moment of being triggered by them, like the ‘same old thing’ that you are looping around. If you feel into it though, you’ll probably be able to sense the difference this time and that you are more anchored in your heart, your trust, and your objectivity than before. This is often now energy moving out to clear rather than energy coming up from a deeper place of unconscious unwounding.

I shared yesterday in my energy update how this can be an uneasy, odd, and even strange energy to be in as it acknowledges the awkward phases of change. The awkwardness of the in-between phases. The clearing the old to choose the New energies. Here is the energy update: https://soulfullheartblog.com/…/energy-update-odd-strange-…/

Much love to you as we journey into and through this 10/10 gateway wherever it wants to take us, ultimately into more hope, desire, love, and feeling sense of ourselves AS love!

Hope you can join us on Saturday at 10:00am PDT for our monthly group transmission to feel into these 10/10 codes and offer our light bodies some support to make this journey into the New! More info here: https://www.facebook.com/events/467546737430726/

Jelelle Awen
This photo was taken yesterday here in Victoria, BC of the 10/10 energies, you can see/feel the gateway opening!

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

Energy Update: Odd & Strange Energies As Bridge To 10/10 Gateway

By Jelelle Awen

 Energy UPdate: Strange energies….odd, as we head into the 10/10 gateway already that extends into 11/11. These odd energies seem to be pushing up the uneasy feelings and sometimes even unsettled situations that trigger them. Maybe they are just an echo or residue of these experiences from the past not the ‘real deal’ traumas or situations that cause trauma. Maybe they are just the memories of trauma that live in our every cells, waiting to be ‘kicked up’ when we are ready to heal and feel them.

The 10/10 gateway is a bridge to 2020 and Next Level living and experiencing of ourselves on all levels that this ‘clearer vision’ year offers us. As we move into these kind of bridges, there is the increasing feeling sense of where we are now, who we are now, what our lives are now……AND increasing feeling of where we are going, who we will become, what our lives will BE then.

Being on bridges is an uneasy sensation….precarious in the sense that you could fall at any moment into sometimes an unknown abyss below. They signify movement from one reality to another one. From one dimension to another. Sometimes, you are ‘stuck’ on the bridge for awhile as you make deeper choices about what to do next, whether to go forward or whether to go ‘back’. 

Sometimes fear locks you down and you can’t take another step forward toward your higher timeline on the other side. Parts of you that guard and protect (such as your Inner Protector/Gatekeeper) are too concerned about your safety to show you the way. They aren’t quite ready yet to offer the handrails that you need to cross this bridge as they aren’t sure that you’ll be able to handle it. Negotiation with your Gatekeeper can help you to navigate the transition, providing a lift UP and a way through when you need it. This allows your soul to ‘take over’ beyond your 3D self.

As you process these odd transitional energies, you may notice your body becoming more sensitive to everything as well. More sensitive to foods, to energies for which the foods are prepared and places where the food is eaten. More sensitive to whether heart frequencies are present in sexuality and where desire is coming from. More sensitive to digestion and the process of it. 

Our light bodies are the vehicles that move us across these bridges. Our light bodies travel to these multidimensional realities where we can receive downloads and activations and gift exchanges with Metasoul fragments/aspects that we most need right now. Our light bodies need the ‘right’ fuel, the right vibrations and the right love to move into this higher frequency out of 3D density.

Raphael and I are offering a group transmission on Saturday October 12 at 10:00 am PDT to activate, support, and help with the transition of your light body with guided meditation, teachings, and powerful sound healing. We’ll talk more about the 10/10 gateway as well and what it is offering to us. You can join us live to get in on the discussion and share if you want….or we can send you the recording for $15 CAD/$11 USD. More info here: https://www.facebook.com/events/467546737430726/

And you can purchase here: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/product-page/group-transmission-1

Or via paypal for $15 CAD/$11 USD here: paypal.me/jelelleawen 

The oddness will pass as it always does. On the other side of these necessary bridges is the new land of Infinite Love experience in the human body within community. On the other side of the bridge is YOU as a sacred human…..arising wonder.

Here is a guided meditation as a bridge to your higher timeline: https://youtu.be/T0K7Ti68gNo

Love,

Jelelle Awen 

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

 

Celebrating Sacred Union/Info About Our Next Group Transmission

By Jelelle Awen

Your loving hands bring me back to me,
my woman’s heart widens to receive and give,
in this moment between us,
in this slowly arising dawn…..
it feels new, it IS new,
Even as it is ancient too….

~ For Raphael Awen and for the possibilities inside every heart, soul, body and mind for sacred union within and with a beloved mate…..

Love,
Jelelle Awen

~

Join Raphael and I for our monthly group transmission live or to receive the recording on Saturday, October 12th at 10:00am PDT for $15 CAD donation. We will be offering teachings, meditation, and a sound healing with crystal sound healing bowls to help activate your light body, bring in any galactic/ascension codes in your ‘field’ and raise your frequency for deeper embodiment to receive inner and outer sacred union!

More information here: https://www.facebook.com/events/467546737430726/

And you can purchase here: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/product-page/group-transmission-1

Or via paypal for $15 CAD/$11 USD here: paypal.me/jelelleawen

Picture of us taken at Salt Spring Island during our recent Equinox Gathering by Saralyn Bliss

Vulnerable Sharing From A Moment Of Deep Tears

by Kalayna Solais

Crying in the moment and I can’t 100% track it, what’s going on behind the tears… but, I thought I’d share and see what is coming through my heart in this moment. Take you along with me. 

IMG_3985

Sometimes there is just so much sadness that comes up in me. It’s not always linked to what I’ve gone through or am going through now. It’s not always connected to an inner process.

Sometimes it just IS. And there are so many layers to it… some of them mine, some of them not so much.

The deeper I feel it… the more I feel the sadness of a part of me coming up, but a sadness in my soul in a ‘Cries of the World’ kind of way, too.

My empath has been becoming even more sensitive than ever lately. The sense of needing the same masculinized protection inside has been healing for years. It’s time to have a more exposed, feeling, feminine heart that doesn’t need protection but needs to vulnerably share and deeply feel.

Beginning new things is always something sensitive for the younger, very feminine parts of me that care so much about being liked, being accepted, doing well… and also care SO much about others, about helping others heal, about having resonant relationships where there is genuine care, and about seeing this world we live in becoming more gentle, more open-hearted and caring, more compassionate, and ultimately much, much safer to live and breathe and emote and LOVE in.

There’s still a lingering sadness in my feminine that my last relationship is over. There’s still a way that it’s just HARD to see the growth that couldn’t happen while we were together. And there’s still so much confusion as to why this has been true. I can feel this aspect’s confusion though… her pain around relating to men in general that some of it stems from and how this relates to her relationship to my masculine inside.

When it comes to men, it’s just been SO hard to try and become what she isn’t in order to get loved, feel wanted, and belong to the man’s world. Often this has meant sacrificing something of herself for the sake of the relationship and keeping it kosher. And over the last couple of months of inner process between her and my masculine aspect(s) I’ve become more awakened to how this dynamic has lived inside of me. How he has caretaken something in her which has kept her small and how she has not been able to vulnerably invite him to actually feel her and meet her halfway in any area so that they can feel each other and really, genuinely BE together in collaboration, mutual respect for each other’s bigness, and LOVE.

So there’s that going on in this ‘now’ moment. And it doesn’t need solving or resolving… just more feeling. There’s definitely some other layer of this inner relationship coming up for me to tenderly feel with these aspects, more push-pull towards each other.

Some of the tears aren’t mine, so there’s that layer too. I don’t mind moving the ‘Cries of The World’ through my heart though. I actually feel honoured when I feel them and when I feel others and their genuine pain. This doesn’t plague me or bother me. The ‘Death Doula’ inside of me can be with the mourning and the sadness and even the frustrations. The frustrations through, because I don’t have many of my own anymore, especially in my masculine aspect, quickly move into the more vulnerable feelings of sadness that are beneath them.

Questions of “Why isn’t there more love flow in this world yet and heart warmth too?”; “Why are Disclosure people so intense still and not seeing how any focus on warfare exacerbates the problems instead of moves it all into new territory?”; “Why aren’t more souls choosing to REALLY go inward yet?”

As I feel my heart ask these questions, I know the answer already… “It’s not yet time… but it will be eventually. And the only thing YOU can do is keep going inward, keep feeling, keep sharing, and keep growing and healing, as you also respond to those who ARE ready”.

So, there it all is… different raw layers coming up on this early, EARLY Friday morning. 

I don’t often share this way because it seems to draw caretaking from others sometimes. I’m sharing this today to show how I process, the different layers I feel going on in so many moments of deep feeling, and I trust that what is meant to resonate and support your own process, will. 

Thank you so much for taking this in as you feel to for yourself. 

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

The Sacred, Healthy FU

Sometimes we just need a healthy dose of ‘F You’. I feel it coursing through my body this morning not sure of its origination. Maybe all this feminine work is gurgling up my repressed masculine. An aspect of my masculine that is fu**king tired of being good, nice, and higher frequency. I have done much better since my earlier days when I would be less than transparent about what I was truly feeling. Mostly the ire would be inward directed toward myself. It still does to some degree but not as much as before.

I got this way from what I feel I came into this world with. A soul history of guilt, shame, and despair. Well, the clouds of those energies are starting to finally lift and leave my field and what is coming up is the energy that it had always suppressed. The anger, the ugly, the raw.

So I avoided it my whole life in order to f**king care-take my mother who instilled me with fear and anxiety about life and other people. A fear that if I got too real that she would drink herself into oblivion. F You!

I avoided it with my father out of an existential fear as a boy that I would not survive the following five minutes afterward. F You!

I avoided it with my sister out of protection of her own rage toward life and a scalding criticism of my masculinity. F You too!

I avoided it with my step-father lest I got the stoic shut-down or a call to the mental hospital. And my step-mother for her rage against anything that came out of a man’s mouth that might be construed as anti-woman. F You both!

So from there the relationship to any man or woman was a combination of all these things. I was drawn by women who wanted the nice guy in their life for once, but then would lose interest when that very thing became not enough to sustain or interest. I need to say ‘F You’ to that too! I have my own ‘F Me’ in that to own too. I was a coward and couldn’t get to my f**king truth to either complete or move the relationship deeper. So in purgatory I sat.

With men, I feared getting into an altercation and being called out as a list of unmentionable words that cut to the core of my unworth. I was only in a fight once and it just took one punch and that was it. I projected my father onto many, if not all of them.

Well, f**king no more. I feel this part of me tired of that shit. It may get a little ugly at times but I guess it is better than managed. I am over-experienced in apology so that won’t be an issue. I need to work on being less apologetic even if I am in the ‘wrong’ for a period of time. THAT, to a part of me, would be progress, believe it or not.

Thank you for taking this in if you did. I feel changed already inside of me. I feel many of us could use a healthy ‘F you’ to help clean out the masculine pipes so feel free down below. I feel it is the most spiritual thing we can do if it authentic and real.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

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