For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I feel free. Free from my FUSIONS to fear, doubt, and lack. But I am not free FROM feeling fear, doubt, and lack. Those to me are part of my human journey and integration. In states of fusion, I have become the energy of those things wholesale. No way to see through or around the density of the frequency. However, the process of feeling these emotions and energies as PARTS of me created space and distance.
This distance has been short lived at times. Well, to be honest, many times. Yet, with each separation something continued to seed inside. Each one opened doorways to deeper and deeper programs, addictions, conditions, and traumas. It has felt like a video game at times where you go to more and more challenging levels to get to the doorway to the next one!
Recently, I entered a Reptilian level. This one has proved, for me, to be a game-changer. This visceral and emotive awareness of my 4D Reptilian Self, has helped to feel a dismantling of something very core in me. This constant foreboding feeling that life is not going to go my ‘way’. A feeling that, no matter what good was in my life, it was not going to last or I was not worthy of it. This, I am realizing, has all been a part of the transmission.
I have known this in my mind, yet in my heart and soul it continued to linger. Like a phantom mechanism. When held in ‘captivity’ for so long, it is hard to reintegrate and immerse back into the fold of the way it used to be. The captive may even find comfort in the way things were as it was known and predictable. This is what I am realizing about my past processes.
But now, I am seeing and feeling something different. I am sitting with my Reptilian self outside the prison walls just witnessing. Not rushing into any definitive conclusions other than just what it FEELS like. Breathing in the air of freedom for what feels like an eternity for both of us. While we are not free to just do what we want on the outside, to feel this freedom within feels like the precursor to what is ready to manifest on the outside.
The lesson for me…free yourself from within. The key is there. You just have to feel your way through the dark sometimes.
Gabriel Heartman is a Facilitant and Collaborator with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.