Tag: divine guidance

Day 5

After getting the okay from my daemon-soul guardian, Nathaniel, I began the initial journaling questions with my feminine part, Angela. But first I had to wake her up.  Some questions may have been omitted due to a negotiation with my self-image part, Simon.

Christopher:  Okay, Nathaniel.  How are you feeling about waking Angela up?

Nathaniel:  I feel ready, but nervous.

C:  Of course.

N:  You feel like a man on a mission.

C:  Lol!  Yeah.  I certainly am.  Okay, here it goes.

We both lift the glass container and set it to the ground.  Angela is a beautiful young woman.  She looks to be in her mid twenties. She has long, curly red hair.  She has stunning green-brown eyes.  Her clothes are somewhat masculine but worn with a feminine flair.  A long sleeved renaissance type shirt, riding pants, and boots.  There is a bow and quiver tucked to her side.  I lean down and kiss her on her forehead.

Angela (waking):  Who are you?

C:  I am Christopher.  You are a part of me.

I help her up to a seated position.  She looks around in bewilderment.

A (she notices Nathaniel):  Nathaniel!

She gives him a huge hug.

C:  You remember him?

A:  Yes, of course.  He was my protector when you weren’t around.

N:  Are you upset with me Angela for putting you here?

A:  No, Nathaniel.  I was getting weary of all the attacks.  Thank you for guarding me.  I know you were doing what you felt like you had to do.

N:  You aren’t the least bit upset?

A:  Well, I wasn’t chained up and left for starving.  I can feel love in your actions.

N:  Well, that has yet to be revealed, Angela.  My motives may be less than admirable, but I do feel there was heart in my actions.

A:  Well, whatever those motives were, I feel like I could forgive them.  If I am put away again, however, I will not be happy.

N:  Of course.

C:  I would not be happy either.

A:  So, you are my Christopher.  My Prince Charming.  My knight in shining armour.

C:  Uh…I am he. I am not sure about Prince Charming, but I do admit I like the sound of it.

A:  We have some getting to know each other.

C:  Yes, we do.  Do you feel up to it?

A:  I have been asleep for a while, I think I am rested enough to answer some questions. : )

C:  Wow.  Okay.  What did your world look like before coming here?

A:  I lived in a room with lots of dolls and a doll house.  I had a ton of stuffed animals.

C:  That sounds magical.

A:  Oh, yes.  I used to write a lot of stories about princes and princesses.  Must be why I love the TV show Once Upon A Time.

C:  I would love to hear one of those stories sometime.

A:  Maybe. We’ll see.

C:  How old are you?

A:  25

C:  What part of my body do you relate to?

A:  I feel myself in your heart.

C:  How do you feel about my mother?

A:  I feel sad and angry.  I am sad because she feels stuck in a man’s world.  She feels like a prisoner.  But I am angry for the same reason.  It is self-imposed.  She has given up her soul for security, her feminine for masculine “safety”.

C:  How do you feel about my father?

A:  There is a part of him that is scary and rough.  Not tender.  The way he talked about women in your youth hurt me and angered me.  His anger was frightening.  But there is also this gentle giant part of him that was kind and thoughtful.  I wish that part was out more as a child.

C:  You and Simon both.  What about the relationship between my parents?

A:  It was messy and hard to be around.  So much angst and anxiety.  Not much true love in the air, if at all.  I can feel true love and that wasn’t it.  They weren’t vulnerable enough except at the end when they divorced.  Their current relationships feel stuck. Unmovable.  Lack of passion and desire.  I cannot be around that.

C:  How do you feel about my former romantic partner?

A:  She reminds me of me, in a way.  She has a fire in her belly and a longing to be loved.  She had a lot of angst that blocked her true feminine but she feels to be balancing that out.  I love her new found independence.  “You go girl!”.  And I don’t mean that in a feminist way.  I like feeling women with ownership of their lives.  It’s hot and sexy.  I can say that cuz I’m a girl and you’re not. : P

C:  Hahahaha!  You’re a hoot, Angela.

A:  Awww…thanks, Charming.  : )

C:  Okay, now I am blushing.

A:  You’re cute.

C:  Thanks.  May I continue?

A:  Fine.  Go ahead, Christopoopoo.

C:  I am never going to live that down.  Thanks, Peter.

A:  You leave him alone, mister!  I love that boy.

C:  I do too.  So, who do you like most in my life and why?

A:  I like all of your SoulFullHeart family!  Jillian is real, strong, and pretty.  I love Aurora!  Wayne is tender and handsome.  Marvin is totally funny and cute.  Kathleen is resilient and pretty.   She is like a sister.  Raianna is fun, goofy, and pretty.  Everyone has a great heart.

C:  Who do you like least in my life and why?

A:  Well, currently nobody.  I would have to say that before you came here there were members of your family that had overly masculine energy that was controlling and angsty.  I did not like being around that.  There were tender sides but they were pushed down by this other part.

C:  What is your favorite food?

A:  Hmmm.  Good question.  I like soup in the winter.  I love the way it makes me feel inside.  In the summer, I like crunchy salads.  Of course, every girl loves chocolate!  Hint, hint. ; )

C:  Okay, Angela.  We can get some today.  What is your favorite music?

A:  I like Alanis, Avril, and Kelly.  Oh!  And Loreena too!  I am sure there is more but you don’t have much else on your iPod, goof.

C:  Guess we have some music searching to do, eh?

A:  I love music.

C:  What else do you like?

A:  I like art, dancing around, writing stories, and puppies!  I also like walking on the beach holding someone’s hand.

C:  You are a romantic!

A:  Of course I am, knucklehead.  I’m  a girl!

C:  Right.  There’s the fire.

A:  : )

C:  What are you afraid of?

A:  I am afraid of never finding true love.  I am afraid of being attacked by a man.  I am afraid of snakes.

C:  That feels very past life.

A:  Hmmm…

C:  What is your biggest despair over?

A:  Not feeling able to express myself or be myself.  To be felt for who I am in my essence.

C:  What is your biggest desire?

A:  To be seen and felt for who I am.  A beautiful, passionate, and compassionate being.

C:  How do you feel about God?

A:  I love the Mother!  She is beautiful and amazing. I have bad memories of the Father God.  The way others used violence in His name.  I feel like I was one of those that was attacked for being different.

C:  We can feel into that more.

A:  I feel like that would be better for later.  I just like doing this with you.

C:  Okay.  This question is still heavy….how do you feel about dying?

A:  Geez!  You guys really get to the bone.  Um…I am scared of dying in pain.  Dying peacefully feels okay.  I feel the Mother would be there on the other side.  With a plate of chocolates!

C:  Of course!  When you are feeling bad, how do you cope?

A:  I like to write, cry on the couch or bed, sometimes sleep.  Ironic, I know.

C:  When you are scared, what makes you feel safer?

A:  Talking to Mother.

C:  What do you do when you feel lonely?

A:  Talk to Mother, go for a walk, cry.  I like to watch movies too.

C:  How do you feel about meeting Jillian and Wayne?

A:  I am very excited!  I have been wanting to for a while.  I feel like I would be a celebrity since they have been waiting for me for a while.

C:  They are excited to meet you!  As well as Kathleen.  You should meet them this weekend.

A:  Yay!  Can Nathaniel come?

C:  Of course he is.  He will always be there.  He has a relationship with them too.

A:  Cool.  Well, ironically, I am feeling tired.

C:  This was a lot.

A:  Talk later, my prince?

C:  You bet, Angela.  It was a pleasure to get to know you.

A:  Awww…yep, he’s a keeper.

C:  Lol!  Thanks, Angela.  As if I was going anywhere.

A:  Let that in, mister!

C:  I did!  Honestly!

A:  Good.  : )

 My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Day 4

Today I will be sharing some journaling that happened after my initial conversation with Nathaniel, my daemon. I complied sections of conversations we had over the course of a week.

 Christopher: Good morning, Nathaniel. I was hoping we could talk some more.

 Nathaniel: What about?

 C: You.

 N: What about me?

 C: Yesterday you mentioned your loyalty to protecting the feminine. Did you accept this or were you assigned?

 N: I was given this role.

 C: How do you feel about that?

 N: Sometimes you do what you are told.

 C: You are not upset?

 N: I was not thrilled to leave, but duty is duty.

 C: There doesn’t feel like much passion or compassion around duty.

 N: What are you trying to get at, Christopher? I am not much for riddles.

 C: Okay. I don’t feel your heart, Nathaniel. There is something you are holding that is real and wants to express.

 N: I feel angry, Christopher! Is that what you want to hear? I don’t like being here but I am bound.

 C: I can feel why you would feel anger, Nathaniel. I am sorry you feel like you have to be here.

 N: Thank you. I don’t like feeling angry because then it feels like I am angry with Divine Mother, and I don’t want to be.

 C: I am sure she can handle it, Nathaniel. She can because it is real.

 N: I have asked many times ‘why this’?

 C: Maybe there is something here for you.

 N: Maybe. I do feel entitled sometimes. Like I deserve more. I know Mother is humbling me but I haven’t gotten there yet. I feel disconnected from her. I can feel Her here, but I haven’t spoken directly to her.

 C: Why do you feel that is?

 N: I feel I have been busy on guard.

 C: Earlier you said you were angry. Do you feel resentment towards Her?

 N: I don’t like to feel anything negative toward Her. I am Her servant, not Her judge.

C: I wasn’t inferring you would judge Her. Just to out what is real for you. You know She loves you. You love Her. She wants you to be real, Nathaniel.

N: I don’t know. I need to be with that. I am feeling this is a good-bye.

C: I know it is hard, Nathaniel. I will honour what you desire. But I really would like to stay….

I feel Mother wanting to say something through me but She wants your permission.

N: Okay.

Divine Mother: My noble and dearest, Nathaniel. I have not left you, my son. You know you have always been with me. I feel we have not communed due to a closing of your heart, my love. I do not judge thee, Nathaniel. I feel how you would be upset with me. I am okay with you telling me so. In truth, I need you too, for it is your heart song, your pain giving birth, Nathaniel.

N: It is hard for me, Mother. There is something blocking me from feeling you. I hear your words in my head but I am not feeling them in my heart. Have I grown so cold and bitter that I have lost my heart?

DM: That is not possible, Nathaniel. You know this. You have spent so long looking out you have just forgotten what it was like to look within.

N: I miss feeling you, Mother.

DM: I miss feeling you, Nathaniel. You are not lost, my son. I sent you here not to be a protector. I sent you here to be a guide like you once were. A guide to help Christopher steward a new heaven on Earth. To do that you need a human heart.

N: Angela

DM: It is time you let her go, Nathaniel.

N: I am afraid something will happen to her.

DM: You are afraid she won’t need you anymore.

N: Yes, Mother.

DM: Have faith and trust again, Nathaniel. Like you once did.

N: I will do my best, Mother.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

C: Good morning, Nathaniel. Is it okay to talk a bit this morning?

N: Yes. It is.

C: Did you feel more into what Mother brought you yesterday?

N: You just jump right in, don’t you?

C: Oh, yeah. I can feel my Simon part. He is very task orientated sometimes. In a rush.

N: I’ll say. I was feeling that Mother is right. I have become so focused on my duty that I neglected my real role here. I guess I never realized I had a role other than guarding. I was taken by your writing last night. About remembering who and what we truly are. As I sit here, I can feel this is not me. This is not my essence. This guarding and protecting. I am more than this. I was more than this.

C: I am honoured you took that in so deeply. I, too, feel your bigness, Nathaniel.

N: Thank you. I realized I am keeping you from yours. I cannot in good conscious do that any longer. I don’t know what part Angela plays in that, but somehow she does.

C: I feel she has a part in yours, too.

N: Hmmmm. You very well could be right, Christopher. I want you to look at me and promise me you will take good care of her.

C: Of course I will, Nathaniel. You will be with us, too, so you won’t be far.

N: I would like that. I release her to you, Christopher. I hope this is not the last we speak.

C: Not a chance, Nathaniel. We need each other, remember?

N: Thank you.

C: No, thank you.

My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and host of the weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Day 3

The following are journaling questions one would ask when getting to know their soul protector/guardian part or daemon. I had been invited to feel into a female part of me for some time, but wasn’t getting access to her. I was guided to feel into a part of me that was protecting her. The journaling took several days and this is just a small sampling of what came up in the beginning.

 C: Hello, I’d like to speak to my protector part, may I ask you these questions to get to know you?

 The Part: You may ask.

C: Are you male or female?

You know I am male

C: What do you look like?

Why don’t you tell me?

C: Okay. I see a dark cloak with a hood. You have a trimmed beard. Your eyes have a white light in them. You have chiseled facial features. You are handsome man with a lot of light behind your eyes.

Not bad.

C: What does the world you live in look and feel like?

Again, you tell me. You want to enhance your intuition and clairvoyance.

C: I do, but I can’t help to feel some arrogance behind your words.

Do you want to connect with me or not?

C: Yes, but I feel you wanting to connect with me too, so I would like a more respectful exchange.

Fair enough. I admit I have my judgments about humans. You are different. I feel that and I apologize. Know that I do not say that lightly or easily.

C: Thank you. I took it the way you meant it. Now I will try my hand at what I see.

Stage is yours.

C: I see a forest. It looks misty and feels cold but not freezing. I see a fire. You are alone. In the distance, amongst the trees, I see a glass box with a young woman inside. That’s Angela, isn’t it?

Yes, it is. But we are not talking about her today. We are talking about me.

C: Right. How old are you?

I don’t know.

C: What part of my body do you relate to?

Your eyes.

C: Do you have a weapon and what does it look like? Nevermind. I will tell you. It is a long bladed sword with an intricate design on the handle. You use it to guard but not kill.

Next question.

C: In what situations do you use this weapon?

I have used it to cut through appearances to feel ones true intent. Looking for the wolves in sheep’s clothing.

C: What is your job and mission?

My duty is to protect the part you call Angela and serve the Divine Mother.

C: What do you primarily protect her from?

From uncaring humans whose only purpose is to take her innocence and youth. This world you live in is full of wolves in sheep’s clothing. They stop at nothing to steal that which they do not possess. The masculine energies in your world demand to control it because they are afraid of it.

C: In what ways do you protect her?

By keeping an eye out for danger, using my sword to sense danger.

C: What does loyalty mean to you and why is it important (if it is)?

I am a servant of the Divine Mother. Angela represents your inner feminine. I have promised to always guard and protect any expression of Her.   Loyalty is important because without it I let my guard down.  If that happens she can be attacked.

C: How old was she when you began protecting her and why?

She was young. I do not know how old. I began to protect her when the people in your life felt unsafe to be around. The angry part of your father, the drowning part of your mother, and all those cast of characters in your youth that made her feel scared. I couldn’t take it anymore so I took her here and made this glass container.

C: What are you concerned will happen if I get to know you?

I am afraid you will get my defenses down and she will be unguarded. I am afraid I will neglect my duties.

C: What are you afraid will happen if you do?

That Angela will be attacked and I will let Mother down.

C: Do you feel you can trust me to protect Angela?

I feel I might, but it would take some convincing.

C: I am up for that if you are.

We’ll see.

C: Thank you for talking with me, protector part. I’d like to speak with you again sometime.

Is there a name that I can call you?

You can call me Nathaniel.

Recommended Reading:

SoulFullHeart Map To Discover Your Parts

Connecting With Your Daemon

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Recommended Listening on SFH Experience Radio Show:

Awakening Your Emotional Consciousness Through Parts Work

What Are The Five Key Areas Of Life?

From Wounded To Magical: Healing Your Inner Child