Love’s Push Pull

By Raphael Awen

Love is the thing we crave the most, but strangely, it is also the thing we resist the most.

How in the world could both of these be true at the same time?

I feel it has to do with how we are love in search of itself.

If we set out to define what we are, we soon see the inadequacy of a biological description of what we are or any kind of mental description, and we are left parked at the door of reverence.

Awe and wonder opens us out to seeing and feeling the love that is at core of the universe (or multiverse, or whatever other word you currently use to attempt to describe the largest container that we all swim in).

Love itself set out to know itself, through the challenge of opening itself out to what it isn’t. Love set out to grow beyond the fullness of bliss that it already was, admitting that an emptiness was beginning to invade the fullness of itself.

In other words, it simply came to want more. It grew dissatisfied.

If this is true, then the very lives we are living today, (rather than the one you imagine living after attaining some grand spiritual attainment) are already deeply grounded in love’s holding and expansion. Everything in your life that feels like not-love is an opportunity for love to come to know itself inside of circumstance. Prior to your and my circumstances, love had no mirror like circumstance in which to see or know itself, as it was all there was.

Then if this is true, then how do we ground this into our waking reality, our livelihood, our relationships, our anxieties, our dreams?

I believe the most effective way to act on this is to ‘real’-ize it into everyday life, to enculturate it into your life the same way your present reality came to be enculturated in you. What it feels like to be you today came to you relationally. It came to you through the dynamic of relationship exchange. It involved a you and an other. If you had a somewhat normal development, at around 2 years of age, you began to feel yourself as an other, leaving the oneness bliss oroboros of being one with your mother. From then on, you became conditioned as a distinct and separate you through the relational (you to other) experiences that you have had since then.

Very fortunately for each of us is the truth that what we are made up of is in fact many separate and distinct others. Our personality is in fact more of a family presentation than it is what we think of as a single person.

This now gets to the core of our question at hand – how could we both crave love and resist love at the same time?

As a soul being, that existed prior to our human inhabitation and expression, we set out to know love. We did that by entering a human domain where the matrix perception reality is one of the scarcity of love. Our human experience is well versed in learning how to survive in love’s lack, how to minimize our needs and function on as little as possible. But what we are and where we came from is all about the superabundance of love. We know this in every cell of our being, regardless of the poverty that may be at play in our life’s dramas.

We are living two stories at the same time. The plot is one where everything has been put at stake for the re-realization of love’s fullness. Love risked everything it had when it put its greedy wager out on you, and it won’t be satisfied until you are basked in love’s utter immersion and return to the oneness from whence you came.

You get to be an active facilitator of this process when you reach out relationally to these parts of you that make up what you’ve called you. You get to be this beacon of love’s superabundance to these aspects of your being that we’re hoodwinked into the scarcity side of the matrix equation. The lack was necessary until now. Now, you are invited to shift into part two of your life’s story.

Let love be felt and experienced by every part of you in a sacred relational reparenting process, where every bruised leg and skinned knee is an opportunity to discover what real love is.

When you become reconvinced of the superabundant love world, the scarcity world takes leave of your consciousness and takes leave of your ongoing life story.

You are the story of love waiting to be told and retold for the millennia to come.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Emotionally Conscious Education: What’s Possible Between Adverbs and Algebra

By Chris Tydeman

I was invited by Jillian to write an article about emotionally conscious education and how our current school system supports or does not support it.  I am a third grade teacher.  My experience for several years has always been with children between the ages of 7-11.  An age I feel is ripe for setting a foundation for the turbulent world of the middle school years.  In this age range, children are more open to be honest and receptive to authentic emotional guidance.  If they like their teacher and see them as a real human being rather than an authority figure alone, they will “hear” us rather than just listen (if we are lucky!).  In this case, “hearing” is an aspect of feeling what I am saying.  You feel me?

I spend many hours a day with a population of children who come from a wide range of family dynamics. I chose not say cultural or economic dynamics because both of those, in my opinion, are included within the family dynamic as a whole.  At this age, they are beginning to form the early stages of their relationship to the outside world.  Their assumptions and feelings of themselves and others begin to take shape.  These formations are greatly impacted by their family dynamic.  If a child is neglected emotionally at home, they come to school depressed, angry, or needy.  What they need more than math is love.  More than cursive, is a place where they feel safe to express themselves.  Others come with a “what’s in it for me?” formation.  What they need is to feel empathy for others and the joy received from lending a helping hand or an encouraging word.

As a teacher, we call these “teachable moments”.  Unfortunately, they are not units or even lessons.  Just moments.  As someone who is becoming emotionally conscious, I find it my desire to be as authentic as I possibly can.  Just doing that, I hope to provide a model for being an authentic human being, not a robot.  If all teachers could be that, it would begin a shift toward an authentic respect from the students.  They would “buy” into us.  From that point, I try to provide a space where the students feel comfortable to express themselves in a way they ache for.  To be heard, understood, and felt.  Not judged or punished.  I let them know they can come to me if they need to.  The more students feel comfortable with me, the more willing they are to share.  It is imperative I be there “with” them during these times or I lose that trust.  When they do come, it is a great time to get the children to express their feelings.  This takes a long time, as it is foreign to them and to most of us.

During the school day, I have my students applaud other students for being brave at sharing their writing or math problem.  This hopefully supports and acknowledges self-worth.  When they have to cooperate, I must continually act out how they can respectfully communicate and how to bridge differences.  This is REALLY hard!  Probably the most difficult lesson to teach.  Their opinions of each other are so definitive that it is a challenge to deal with sometimes.  But with any challenge comes opportunity.  However, by this time, most teachers are so emotionally drained themselves, we lose our own patience.  It is a daily workout, but one that can bring the gift of a child hugging you for no reason other than the desire to show you that they love you.

As I began to write this, I was prepared to conclude that emotionally conscious education is a false hope.  But after reflecting on what happens on a daily basis, I feel it is possible and have experienced myself in moments.  For it to truly have legs, there would need to be more emotionally conscious teachers and administrators.  The curriculum doesn’t need to change, just our relationship to ourselves and our students.  It is possible because emotionally conscious education is what can happen in the moments between adverbs and algebra.

Note from Jillian: Children represent the young parts of ourselves. In loving and feeling them (whatever our role in their life is), we are also loving these young part of ourselves. Also, the more we create an emotionally conscious relationship with young parts of ourselves through journaling and having them felt by us and during sessions, the more our self love overflows to the children in our lives. Chris, who is engaged with the SoulFullHeart process, is growing in capacity to love and feel his parts, which opens up his heart to feel and care for his students in a deeper and more emotionally authentic way  beyond just teaching them academics. What shifts internally impacts our external world as well.

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