A Gatekeeper’s Plea

daemon 
By Leena Colibri

Could you love me…
if I showed you the scars,
the wings that aren’t pretty?

 

…maybe they never were…
but I can’t tell anymore.
I’ve forgotten what they look like.
I’ve forgotten how to see them.
I’ve forgotten that there is a mirror
and that that mirror can exist in an open human heart.

 

Can you see tears on my face?
I can’t feel them anymore.
My cheeks are numb.

 

Has life smacked me down or have I?
Has it all been as violent as it feels to me? Who is ultimately responsible? Am I? Are you? Is God?

 

Am I a product of my own faults? If I am, will I ever feel remorse? Could I ever feel remorse?

 

Did the war end or just ebb?
Why am I able to talk to you?
Why are you able to feel me?
Am I dying?

 

Did the soldier I was give way to an angel of peace?
Am I acting out of what was and is no longer?
Or is it all just beginning again and this is the calm before the storm?
I certainly don’t feel calm.
And I certainly do feel the storm…
In fact it is all I can think about.

 

Why can I suddenly see you?
Do you see me?
Are you pretending, as you have before?

 

Are you ready to believe that I am wounded?
Are you ready to believe that something beyond “me” is wounded?

 

All I am is questions,
a quester on an unending quest,
finding no answers, just more questions…
but for the first time,
I am asking them out loud and I am not afraid to let them fall from my lips and drift over to you, and into an unknown love that I no longer fully trust…
but want to…but want to again…as I did before.
As I did before the war. As I did before the battles I was partly responsible for starting.

 

Where am I?
How can you hear me?
Why do you even want to?

 

I could be your essence.
I could be that spark inside you.
I could be a part of all you are outside and inside your body.
I could be a part of everything in the world while also only a speck of dust on this great plane of existence.
I want to be with your essence…
I want to be with the you that could lead me Home.

 

Please…
take me Home.
 

*Find out more about connecting with your daemon/soul guardian here*
 
 
** Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

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