Matched by Love

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By Leena Colibri

“Wanna wrestle?” Love asks, “it’s no fun without you”.

“Don’t I already?”

“When you want to stop, when you would rather not, when you are tired, just tell me.”

“Does that mean you’ll go away?”

“Only the human who can ask this in earnest gets any sort of answer that could satisfy them. I do not satisfy on command, but seek to satiate myself and my needs first.”

“And with me that comes down to wrestling right now?”

“…if you would like.”

“But is that what you want, Love?”

“Perhaps. If it is what part of you wants.”

“…I like you, Love. I feel my parts are feeling some liking of you too.”

“ 🙂 ”

“…can we go slow?”

“…of course, Loved one. Though I can’t guarantee that I won’t still win!!”

“You’re on!” “…Love…I think I want you to win.”

“Good. I was right about you then. But I still want to be matched. I still want us to challenge each other. I still want to work to find my openings in you, just as you seek to find more of me. We will get there, Loved one. If we can just keep going. I know I want to keep going more rounds with you.”

“Me too, Love. Me too.”
**

Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

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Throw-Away Love

heart-in-trash

 

By Leena Colibri

 

In a world made for the throw-away
life
love
plastic anything
romance
friendship
god

 

…self

 

How can real love show its colours
of brilliant black, blue, red and gold?
The bruises and dents on the quest’s trail
and the blood bled from the freshly opened heart
can barely shine through the muddle
the muttering
the utter grossness of our need for something more to pitch.

 

The pliable heart with plastic implants placed by dense fingers with no dexterity just reaction
nearly made impossible to open.
Nearly patented to be perfectly beyond reach
and beyond the touch of real, sacred human love.

 

There’s a way to see it
there’s a way to be with it
there’s a way to look and love beyond it
there’s a way to penetrate the din within that all-too-sacred noise and static
created by a static life
with static means
running out of ground too quickly
…or not quickly enough.

 

Love, breathe the hot air of passion down my neck.
Let it run out onto my swollen chest
barely holding my bare, aching heart.
Whisper that it’s over those times of war within
and that you are here to stay
so long as I claim you, want you, breathe you, need you.

 

So long as I can stand to keep letting you in.

 

So long as you can stand my insatiability.

 

May the world cry rumble below
into the caverns of the depths of soul and heart
showing the cracks on the walls of the ache and the pain and the need for more, more, more…

 

love
synthesis not synthetic
surreal but real

 

To heal, to feel…to ask for the real, live, moving, passionate, messy, sacred, ultimate piece
driving onward, inward, upward and out
bringing us to that longed-for place of release
realizing we could have seen it, held it, had it all along
if we had just asked.

 

** 
Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

A Gatekeeper’s Plea

daemon 
By Leena Colibri

Could you love me…
if I showed you the scars,
the wings that aren’t pretty?

 

…maybe they never were…
but I can’t tell anymore.
I’ve forgotten what they look like.
I’ve forgotten how to see them.
I’ve forgotten that there is a mirror
and that that mirror can exist in an open human heart.

 

Can you see tears on my face?
I can’t feel them anymore.
My cheeks are numb.

 

Has life smacked me down or have I?
Has it all been as violent as it feels to me? Who is ultimately responsible? Am I? Are you? Is God?

 

Am I a product of my own faults? If I am, will I ever feel remorse? Could I ever feel remorse?

 

Did the war end or just ebb?
Why am I able to talk to you?
Why are you able to feel me?
Am I dying?

 

Did the soldier I was give way to an angel of peace?
Am I acting out of what was and is no longer?
Or is it all just beginning again and this is the calm before the storm?
I certainly don’t feel calm.
And I certainly do feel the storm…
In fact it is all I can think about.

 

Why can I suddenly see you?
Do you see me?
Are you pretending, as you have before?

 

Are you ready to believe that I am wounded?
Are you ready to believe that something beyond “me” is wounded?

 

All I am is questions,
a quester on an unending quest,
finding no answers, just more questions…
but for the first time,
I am asking them out loud and I am not afraid to let them fall from my lips and drift over to you, and into an unknown love that I no longer fully trust…
but want to…but want to again…as I did before.
As I did before the war. As I did before the battles I was partly responsible for starting.

 

Where am I?
How can you hear me?
Why do you even want to?

 

I could be your essence.
I could be that spark inside you.
I could be a part of all you are outside and inside your body.
I could be a part of everything in the world while also only a speck of dust on this great plane of existence.
I want to be with your essence…
I want to be with the you that could lead me Home.

 

Please…
take me Home.
 

*Find out more about connecting with your daemon/soul guardian here*
 
 
** Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

The Rearview Mirror

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So this is how it goes…
You let go
and you trust
and you realize what you let go of
and what you are letting go into.

 

Never have I had such a trampoline inside
where I can leap and know no bounds
where the sky inside is the limitless one
and the gravity of the fall is into nothing at all.

 

You were a mirror of a different colour
a different density
and I expected you to work differently
…and not mostly in hindsight.
But here I go into a retrospective reflective surface
where I realize
not only could you not see me
but holy shit…
I didn’t see myself.

 

In a big way
I couldn’t, didn’t, wasn’t planning to.
Not while I had your eyes
your promise
your mouth, hands, lips, body, touch
and heart.

 

I poured water on my feathers
but the Pheonix fire didn’t cease
and my maniac heart
bent on healing
kept on beating it’s drumbeat tone with steady, thumping steps.

 

The thrumming goes on
even as you and I don’t
and you and I don’t
and you and I don’t either.

 

Love. I am your channel.
I am your healer.
I am your student.
Make and give me more me
so I may be
more of the me I couldn’t see
until I realized I am what I was missing all along.

 

** 

Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Wedged

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I’m somewhere inside the in-between.

 

What do I like, again? What am I like, again?

 

My skin erupts into a fiery red spread
crawling through the cavities and crevices
of what was once intact and clear.
A skin that hasn’t been comfortable
yet I have always worn it.

 

I’m malting and melting
scrambling for the ground
of what is coming.

 

The corner to turn is up ahead.

 

But how far?
I can’t see…
My depth perception is altered.

 

I feel a million miles away
yet the hot breath of change is on my neck.

 

No more enabled
In fact
I am disabled
in a really good way.
In a really scary way.
In a way I haven’t felt before
and I don’t know if I like it…
Yet somehow…
it could be…
that I secretly love it all.

 

If this wasn’t what I wanted
the path beneath my angry yet tired feet would change state
and I would change course.
But I don’t.
And I don’t want to.

 

So if this is what’s next
I will wedge myself here for you.
All of you.
And my eventual freedom
will change the snow to raindrops
and nourish all
and be with all
and surrender to my own All That Is
All That Was
All That Will Ever Be
There I will find you
and me
and them…yes even them.
Because we can never be disconnected. Not really.

 

And maybe that is all I ever need to know
and could ever need to truly surrender to.

 
 
**
Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

From the Realm of the Watchers

angel-krylya-nebo-oblaka

 

It’s okay if you don’t remember.
We aren’t going to leave you.

 

It’s okay if you don’t know.
There’s not much to know,
just to experience over and over again
until experience turns into the page love is written on,
not the words of love themselves.

 

It’s okay if you don’t know who you are.
We don’t care how many carousels you ride,
how many spins you take,
you will still have your essence in the end.
In the end, the only path that matters,
is the path you chose in every moment.
And no… we don’t care how you were or weren’t,
just how your experiments end.
The inconclusive conclusions you come to
along your way back to
love.

 

Love.

 

The only Ground Zero.
The only ground from where you rose,
and the only ground on which you fall.
The place where seeds are scattered,
and growth happens no matter what.

 

Yes. All else is an illusion.
But…
It’s the illusion you need.

 

That holographic something isn’t nothing.
It’s the most important thing
right now
right now
and
right now.

 

So… walk, run, fly, dream, make love, make war, make peace, get messy, clean up, climb up, and fall down.
Your sacredness won’t break, for it is not porcelain.
Your birthright to live into all realities remains intact.

 

Here we sit.
Here we watch.
Here we wait for you to remember
that the path is love,
the game is love,
and the light, dark, hard, easy stories
are the love you are learning
and remembering that you are.

 
 
**
Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Though Love Feels Hard

2244700-red-heart-on-a-fence
 

By Leena Colibri
 

There needs to be the perfect flavor
The perfect texture
The perfect moment
For this love to be let in.

 

Love, though, doesn’t deal in perfection
Love is the only ad infinitum
Love is the only eternal
Love responds to our fenceposts
And still somehow sneaks itself under them.
The only magic carpet ride I want to be on…

 

“In theory”, she adds.

 

It’s the knowing
And feeling
That crumbling into Love’s outstretched arms
Means being caught Once and for all.
It’s a trust that isn’t easy
But maybe it can be…

 

“If I can let go enough”, she tells me.

 

There’s a line here, you know.
A spine.
A border framed by eloquence,
And attempted grace.
Meanwhile, Love cares only for the trying
For the willingness to wrestle
Knowing that if I can at least do that
That Love will, ultimately, win
As Love was always supposed to do.
 
 

**

 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

A Wrap-Up

heart-wave-_photobycherrielaporte_  
By Leena Colibri

 

When it’s not a game anymore.
When the pieces have fallen out of place
And out of reach…

 

When the tides turn red and violet
With desire and spirituality
Both
That will be when I surf
Those waves of radical, changing material.

 

That will be when you can catch me
Turning to you
Within me
Within you.

 

I went to that place today… You know the one.

 

The question marks fall from your mouth
As you realize what you see
Is not what you hear In the furnace that burns
Inside your head.

 

Experience will teach
Will scar
Will tattoo
And I will be there to bring it all back inward
To a place where I can digest it

 

And you are welcome to the party
As usual
Whenever it comes to you
On feeling winds
That blow down your carefully placed
House of cards.

 

I don’t know if you’ll know me
When this phase is through,
But I do know
That the truth…
It lingers on and comes back.

 

I may not come back.

 

But rest assured I didn’t open you up for nothing…

 

Did you?

 

 
 
**

 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

The Hearth of My Opening Heart

 
 

Tremors move from your heart space to mine.
An overflow. A love place.
A warm hut with a burning fire.

 

I seek to understand what I cannot yet,
what I may not ever,
what I may know in spite of myself.

 

There is a garden behind the heart door.
A secret wooden manifestation of many years of collapsing memories and ever-arising lessons.
Love waits for me there,
with more surprises,
with tourniquets,
with salves,
with the ointment of new life and renewal of my essence’s light.

 

As the door creaks open wide,
I feel the dust fall from my shoulders, into my healing palms Where I can see it.
Where I can feel it.
Where I can touch its textures and hold it close
As it cries full tears of rippling red shadow pulses and black and blue figures dusty in their own rite
Peeling off the once invisible armors they treasured for so long.

 

Disarmed yet newly anchored in the safety of my own now opening heart
I rest amongst the silk cushions and wait by the roar of the fireplace
Until you come knocking.

 

After filling your pockets with your own dusty past and present
And rimming your heart with the sugar-coated candy of a caramel-filled chocolate,
Bringing your sticky-sweetness out to be tasted,
I will meet you here, my love.

 

In brightness and darkness, with sweets and savories I will wait.
I will work.
I will pry my heart open first for me,
Then for you,
And together we will find the fumbling and not-knowing
To be the greatest fun we ever had
And the biggest challenge we have ever faced,
And the greatest dragon we have ever owned on our own, Together, and with the Divine.

 
 

**
 
 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Following Our Authentic Path To Draw Abundance: Meditation With Lakshmi

By Leena Colibri

lakshmi-vrindavan-das

I felt drawn to meditate with Lakshmi* the other day, feeling like she would be an interesting energy to connect with around questions I’ve been holding about abundance and drawing money. I like that she doesn’t represent easy abundance but instead seems to show us that if we are in our dharma or on our life’s authentic path, abundance is a flow we will have access to. I’d never been drawn to meditate with her before, but I came across an image of her online and felt like she may have something to teach me.

What follows is the story of our meeting together…

I close my eyes and invite my angels to help me ascend to where I can meet Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of abundance. In a flash of light, I feel my soul rise to a higher stratum of existence, where I sit amongst what looks like baobab trees and there is a waterfall in the background. I see Lakshmi appear before me in a more woman-like form than most pictures of her depict. Her long, straight black hair is adorned with gold jewels and what seems to me like a beautiful and ornate tiara on top of her head that is quite enormous. She moves with grace and ease.

As we connect, I feel my heart searching for hers. She feels a bit distant and this could be because she is familiar to my soul, yet I haven’t explored much connection with her in this life. Plus, if my soul has experienced a lifetime (or several) in India, it is possible that humanizing her was against the rules, so feeling her heart may be difficult for a time. I don’t think much about this in the moment though, as any connection will do for now. I begin to ask her questions about whether or not I am blocking the abundance of money flow in my life. I acknowledge and let in the abundance I feel I am living into in many others ways, including the ways of love flow and spiritual awakening. She acknowledges this and I feel her warmth. She comes closer to me and places a gold coin in my right hand.

“Look at the coin,” she instructs me, “What do you notice?”

To my amazement, the gold layer begins to peel back to reveal a silver colour. Her message dawns on me…“Oh…so the value of money-abundance diminishes, yes?” I inquire, feeling like a good student in a small way, but mostly like an epiphany may happen at any moment.

“Yes…” she says, and vibes to me that she is not implying money has absolutely no value, only that it has less value than most people believe it does and that the value is not everlasting – It is temporary.

I see her face up close now, as she enters my field more so than before. She is beautiful with dark eyes, tanned brown skin with a golden hue, and a tender smile. She has a fiery energy that I resonate with, but also a sagely softness and stillness. I feel like she is enjoying this process with me, as I am not demanding answers or help, but requesting guidance and enjoying the process of connecting and transacting energy and love with her. Something about it feels natural, even though I am also having a completely new experience (or what feels new for me in this life).

Some time passes. I ask again about the flow of money and what my piece is in blocking it. I ask if there is anything else I can do to remove the block, though I can also feel that this may be a flow that I cannot control.

She offers that I look at the gold coin in my right hand again. The silver colour is now gone and it feels and looks like a more solid gold now. She instructs me to close my hand. Once I do this, she motions to my left hand, which is open with my palm facing upwards, just like my right hand was. A beautiful lotus flower appears with a golden hue and sparkles. She vibes to me the story of how receiving money is meant to transmute and flow outward into a beautiful creation like the lotus. In my case, and the case of my intimates, this flow has been love and spiritual openings, represented by the lotus.

I feel how our choices of money spending recently have been based in creating more of this love flow and bathing in it amongst ourselves and with others. Lakshmi seems to be offering me that this is supposed to happen – that money held on to for too long only diminishes its value. Its true value lies in what it is encouraged to transform into. This is comforting and validating, though a part of me still feels tension about when the money we are waiting for from my pay check will finally arrive. Lakshmi addresses this by offering that it “is much easier than I think” to draw money and that it really is arriving soon.

She puts my hands together in a prayer position in front of my heart and wraps a gold ribbon of energy around my hands. The energy and warmth flowing through my body feels like love, healing, and movement. It feels like a blessing. She tells me it IS a blessing, straight from her to me and to my community. She then tells me to open my hands again and hold them in front of me, ready to receive. Together we energize that everything I want and need is already here with me and that receiving money, or indeed any sort of abundance, is actually easy. I get the feeling that she can make almost anything feel easy, yet I trust her when she tells me this too.

As we part, I feel her honouring my heart and soul and all I am living into. I feel her blessing upon me and the blessing of being in her presence run through my body. She is with me still as I write this. She said she would help me record the meeting and she is! I look forward to spending more time in meditation with her, to feel our connection in a deeper way.

*Lakshmi (or Laxmi) is a Hindu goddess. The following is some information I’ve found about her, to help you orient to who she is and what she represents:

Goddess Lakshmi means Good Luck to Hindus. The word ‘Lakshmi’ is derived from the Sanskrit word “Laksya”, meaning ‘aim’ or ‘goal’, and she is the goddess of wealth and prosperity, both material and spiritual.

Lakshmi is depicted as a beautiful woman of golden complexion, with four hands, sitting or standing on a full-bloomed lotus and holding a lotus bud, which stands for beauty, purity and fertility. Her four hands represent the four ends of human life: dharma or righteousness, “kama” or desires, “artha” or wealth, and “moksha” or liberation from the cycle of birth and death.Cascades of gold coins are seen flowing from her hands, suggesting that those who worship her gain wealth. She always wears gold embroidered red clothes. Red symbolizes activity and the golden lining indicates prosperity. Lakshmi is the active energy of Vishnu, and also appears as Lakshmi-Narayan – Lakshmi accompanying Vishnu.

 Two elephants are often shown standing next to the goddess and spraying water. This denotes that ceaseless effort, in accordance with one’s dharma and governed by wisdom and purity, leads to both material and spiritual prosperity.

(Source: http://hinduism.about.com/od/hindugoddesses/p/lakshmi.htm)

**

 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.