Today is the day that my daughter, Shai, comes to join us in SoulFullHeart community. It is almost surreal, to be honest, even though she was here in February and we have been in contact quite a bit. It is surreal because it will be her coming in her full authority and self-choice to be a part of this healing path and community. Admittedly, she knows all of us and that makes it an easier choice but this was not always the case.
When we all decided to leave Canada nearly 3 years ago, Shai was firmly planted in her Vancouver world. She had no desire to join us and go into the healing journey. She was in a construction phase. A time to individuate herself from us. It is actually the way it really needs to be for someone in their late teens. The difference is that we would not be in contact because the energy of our worlds would be so different and nearly impossible to relate to. We both needed to go all into our worlds and lives and trust that if we were meant to be in healing and community together we would. It was a very difficult process to be with as it is so not the norm in terms what is “normal” from our societal and familial conditioning.
My inner Dad had so many concerns and judgments about “leaving her behind”. All the voices of my personal family and the collective family. It was a codependency to self-image and also soul legacies of abandoning and being abandoned. This provided a HUGE growth ground for both us. She learned to navigate life on her own terms and being with her own challenges. I got to feel very wounded aspects of myself that would be medicated with care-taking. I got to feel myself as “not Dad”, but as a man on a journey to self-discovery.
Through our space apart we eventually got back in touch with each other sometime last year, but I couldn’t tell you how. If we are all meant to be together in a soul family, the hows and whens just seem to arise. We had touching and tear-laden conversations of reconnection and she began a process with Kalayna as she had been feeling a fairly empty emotional and spiritual life in Canada. Being raised in SoulFullHeart like she was, makes it hard to really relate to a world that has a hard time feeling its own emotions, and she admitted it was hard for her to feel hers.
She eventually began to feel parts and was opening up a whole new world inside her that was not based on pleasing Mom or Dad, but about her own growth and bigness. Now, there are undoubtedly mom and dad pieces that we will be feeling together, but this is something she is taking on in her own right. It is a truly remarkable choice for someone at her age of 22. She is a leader of a generation, along with Kalayna, and that is such a gift to us and the world.
Now we get to reinvent ourselves as father and adult daughter. We get to heal the old dynamic to make way for a new more genuine one that is between two souls on a path together. It is about teacher/student (of which she will be my teacher on many occasions), being mirrors to each other, and being in close intimacy as two human beings in reverence and soul bond. We get to explore metasoul places together and I get to be a recipient of all her gifts, and she mine. None of these were possible in the old ground as we were both capped in roles that we placed on each other.
This is a grand experiment as she will be reunited with her birth mother and father in a totally new dimension of experience. Where does this happen on this planet? It is so damn compelling and one that I am really excited to see where it leads. There will be much to feel between us and that is what we are ready for. Shai represents a new start for the SoulFullHeart community even as it too is all unknown how it will all develop. This is about redefining family from the heart up. This a template for what could be for all birth families as each individual finds their own way and trusts the bond that exists to bring each back into more authentic heart and soul space if that is what is meant to be.
Much more to come in this new chapter of SoulFullHeart! Stay heart tuned.
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Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
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