By Kalayna Solais
Feeling behind. Feeling as if we are risking being ‘left behind’ if we aren’t able to tune into what everyone else that shares awareness of Ascension is tuning into and feeling personally. Fearing that we aren’t going to be enough to ‘ascend’ or to be ‘chosen’ TO ascend, perhaps.
These are feelings that I think so many of us can resonate with on some level. These fears feel existential and like they live in our Metasoul aspects in other timelines who HAVE been ‘left behind’ by others and on a deeper level still, there’s more to feel about ‘abandonment’ by the Divine too… maybe also in this life parts of you have trauma from the ‘competition’ conditioning, from growing up in a culture where you are always striving to be THE best, not YOUR best or even just where you are at and having that be ok. There are so many layers to this and for me, I’m still discovering many of them personally and how deep they go.
I’m a part of a highly catalytic process and soul family community that we always say is on a ‘moving conveyor’. The more work you do within you, the more your outer world changes and the more shifts you feel invited to take of your own volition too. The more parts of you that you feel in their traumas and begin to have a relationship with, the more you realize the changes you need to make in your life in ALL areas of your life.
This means that at any time, one of us could decide unilaterally that there is something we need to address, move on from or move toward, and that could be a big thing or a small thing. There are always next and next and next steps too as the inner awakening and openings deepen. There are new discoveries and new strata of consciousness that begin to open up and out. New relationships are drawn. New alchemy on all levels. All of these are sacred journey markers that are very individual and a result of the individual journey. It look and feel like pure ‘magic’ and it really is, but it’s also worked very hard for.
When you have conditioning in your soul’s timelines and the heart of your parts from this lifetime that there is something always to envy in others for the sake of feeling badly or ‘not good enough’ inside of yourself, this isn’t that easy to digest all the time. Jealousy can be kicked up. A feeling that you must be lacking something or have something ‘wrong with you’ if you aren’t experiencing what they are experiencing. This is one of the major reasons why I needed the break I did…. so that this comparison dance and suffering loop could be deeply felt into by me, so that I could arise for myself with more respect and self-love. This could only happen if I got big enough for my most intense and self-punishing parts/aspects to lean into me. This was the crux of my process at times in relationship to the lives of others around me too… feeling parts of me envying their skills (that they’ve worked hard for), their fitness level, their relationships, etc. This has gone on and on for me for as long as I can remember… and only now is this starting to shift into new ground.
Why is it SO hard to just BE with our own journey? Why do we look to others for templating but then resent them for it at times?
These questions feel complicated and like the answers lie within every individual. I think it’s so hard to remember that we are ultimately here to experience Ascension in a PERSONAL way, though we are returning to oneness too. I’m discovering, especially as I feel a relationship beginning with a Reptilian aspect of me, just how deep this ‘programming’ of avoiding the individuation process of our healing and Ascension actually goes and why it can feel a bit scary.
I had a yoga teacher once, many years ago now, who offered something during class that made us all laugh but it was actually quite poignant. She was showing us the many stages of one particular posture. When she got to the most advanced one, she said,
“See? There’s NOTHING there! There’s no need to rush yourself into this ‘advanced’ place when you have so much to discover along the way”.
That really impacted me at that time and it remains with me today because I think I was supposed to take that in deeply for my own ongoing experience of spirituality and of life itself… it really IS about the journey and not the destination. Ascension is a journey. ‘5D’ is not really a destination so much as an invitation into a new frequency in which to anchor our consciousness as much and as often as we can. Every individual’s soul expression and attainments are their own, often worked for over multiple lifetime experiences and deep inner work too. There’s nothing left to ‘envy’ if we can see it this way… but there could be a lot to be inspired by!
Plus, our own journeys, when we have the space within to honour them, are proof positive of our own inner work and also the growth and healing phases that we personally need that are a reflection of our bigness in order to be with them. Maybe there is no ‘ultimate destination’ but in fact, it all keeps deepening and expanding from here. This is such a humble way to look at and hold ourselves and this whole Ascension process on a collective level too.
I wanted to share this bit about my own journey and discoveries as an expression of my own uniqueness that I’m learning to embrace more and more. I hope that it helps you feel more love and respect for your own too… for the journey you’re on as YOU.
Much love! ❤
Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.