On ‘Father’s Day’: Letting In Sacred Masculine LOVE Frequencies

by Kalayna Colibri

I feel Him offering me His arms when my heart responds to my mate in Sacred Union. I feel Him offering me His heart when parts of me need healthy ‘dad’ energy. I feel Him energizing healthy sexuality and beholding of me as a woman. I feel Him in my beloved connections with men, including my mate and my beloved soul friend, who aren’t afraid to go INward, seeking and finding parts and soul aspects of them that need healing, with an undying curiosity and love that then gets to overflow to me in connection with them. I have experienced so much healing and softening because of the love I get to share with these conscious and heart-healing men.

Yet, it wasn’t always this way for me.

In 2011, my birth father passed away. Even then I had a sense of reality around my relationship with my father… that many tones and frequencies that I needed as a growing, budding woman were missing in my relationship with him. I experienced a lot of intense grief when he died, and over time I began to realize that some of this grief wasn’t really about losing ‘him’ but about lost opportunities in our relationship. Parts of me were actually quite angry with him for having ‘bailed’ before he ever became the father to me that he could have been. I’ve had process too around how he could never really see me, especially as a woman, and how he hadn’t been able to energize anything healthily towards me about my budding sexuality, offering me no healthy template for what I was looking for in a mate. I don’t hold my father in contempt around any of this anymore, as this was clearly a contract we both signed up for and quite frankly it feels like without these and many other voids and gaps in our relationship this life, maybe I wouldn’t have been as compelled towards the growth trajectories I’ve now been on that have made me who I am today.

Letting in the Sacred Masculine in the form of guides and as I mentioned, sacred friendship, vulnerable teacher/student, and Sacred Union relationship, has been a deep process for me of feeling through these ways in which my own father couldn’t ‘show up’, feeling how this relates for parts of me to the Divine Father and also to mates, and working with ‘inner father’ frequencies of patriarch and also masculine protectors. I’ve had blocks to truly being able to see, feel and experience the sacred masculine in its beautiful willingness to get messy and tangle with whatever it needs to in order to discover itself anew, its ability to feel and embrace the sacred feminine without wounded frequencies of control, belittling, distancing, or abuse of any kind, and its embracement of the mirror that allows it to go back into itself, finding the shadow pieces it needs and wants to work, coming out the other side with even more sense of personal power and potency. The sort of masculine frequencies that make you go ‘RAWR!’ in response to its lovingly penetrative energy and melt into its open-hearted desire for you to be the woman you are meant to be, in all of your curves and softness and self-discovery and healing of your own, in response, in an exquisite partnered dance, through leaning into the organic (and orgasmic) leadership of the authentic and vulnerable King…

It does feel as if we can miss out on letting in these incredible energies, even as they knock on our heart doors, wanting to come into us, to love up our entire being, if we aren’t willing to look at our relationship with our birth fathers. It’s a brave journey and one that can be quite hard too, yet with the right support from those who have been there, it is held in the sacredest of spaces and at a rate and pace that you and your parts are ready for. The yumminess of what I am able to let in more and more now, only lights me up more as I continue to feel it and feel the unfolding mystery of its unfolding in my life. There is no single definition that describes it and in its ever arising love and creativity, I feel so much warmth and comfort for my healing woman’s heart and my ever-deepening femininity. I feel how this could be true for all women who embrace the process of feeling the mark of their birth fathers and also other masculine influences in their lives, but I also feel this for men, who so feel to be aching for something missing inside of themselves that they long to experience, that is so different than how their own fathers were or are.

The sacred masculine wants to offer you space to explore yourself within it, providing a dock for your self-made container for all of the YOU-ventures that await you. And if it’s truly ‘time’ for you to do so, you won’t be able to ignore the clarion call of the fire and love it wants to gift you with to help you illuminate and be with your personal process of opening your ever-healing heart. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 35, emoto-spiritual teacher, WayShower, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Redefining Family From The Heart Up

me and Shai

Today is the day that my daughter, Shai, comes to join us in SoulFullHeart community.  It is almost surreal, to be honest, even though she was here in February and we have been in contact quite a bit.  It is surreal because it will be her coming in her full authority and self-choice to be a part of this healing path and community.  Admittedly, she knows all of us and that makes it an easier choice but this was not always the case.

When we all decided to leave Canada nearly 3 years ago, Shai was firmly planted in her Vancouver world.  She had no desire to join us and go into the healing journey.  She was in a construction phase.  A time to individuate herself from us.  It is actually the way it really needs to be for someone in their late teens.  The difference is that we would not be in contact because the energy of our worlds would be so different and nearly impossible to relate to.  We both needed to go all into our worlds and lives and trust that if we were meant to be in healing and community together we would.  It was a very difficult process to be with as it is so not the norm in terms what is “normal” from our societal and familial conditioning.

My inner Dad had so many concerns and judgments about “leaving her behind”.  All the voices of my personal family and the collective family.  It was a codependency to self-image and also soul legacies of abandoning and being abandoned.  This provided a HUGE growth ground for both us.  She learned to navigate life on her own terms and being with her own challenges.  I got to feel very wounded aspects of myself that would be medicated with care-taking.  I got to feel myself as “not Dad”, but as a man on a journey to self-discovery.

Through our space apart we eventually got back in touch with each other sometime last year, but I couldn’t tell you how.  If we are all meant to be together in a soul family, the hows and whens just seem to arise.  We had touching and tear-laden conversations of reconnection and she began a process with Kalayna as she had been feeling a fairly empty emotional and spiritual life in Canada.  Being raised in SoulFullHeart like she was, makes it hard to really relate to a world that has a hard time feeling its own emotions, and she admitted it was hard for her to feel hers.

She eventually began to feel parts and was opening up a whole new world inside her that was not based on pleasing Mom or Dad, but about her own growth and bigness. Now, there are undoubtedly mom and dad pieces that we will be feeling together, but this is something she is taking on in  her own right.  It is a truly remarkable choice for someone at her age of 22.  She is a leader of a generation, along with Kalayna, and that is such a gift to us and the world.

Now we get to reinvent ourselves as father and adult daughter.  We get to heal the old dynamic to make way for a new more genuine one that is between two souls on a path together.  It is about teacher/student (of which she will be my teacher on many occasions), being mirrors to each other, and being in close intimacy as two human beings in reverence and soul bond.  We get to explore metasoul places together and I get to be a recipient of all her gifts, and she mine.  None of these were possible in the old ground as we were both capped in roles that we placed on each other.

This is a grand experiment as she will be reunited with her birth mother and father in a totally new dimension of experience.  Where does this happen on this planet?  It is so damn compelling and one that I am really excited to see where it leads.  There will be much to feel between us and that is what we are ready for.  Shai represents a new start for the SoulFullHeart community even as it too is all unknown how it will all develop. This is about redefining family from the heart up.   This a template for what could be for all birth families as each individual finds their own way and trusts the bond that exists to bring each back into more authentic heart and soul space if that is what is meant to be.

Much more to come in this new chapter of SoulFullHeart! Stay heart tuned.

If transformative healing and soul family resonates with you, I invite you to check out our website and sessions page to learn more.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

 

 

 

On ‘Father’s Day’: The Process Of Letting In Sacred Masculine Frequencies

by Kalayna Colibri

cosmic sun

 

I feel Him offering me His arms when my heart aches for a mate connection. I feel Him offering me His heart when parts of me need healthy ‘dad’ energy. I feel Him energizing healthy sexuality and beholding of me as woman. I feel Him in my beloved male friends and teachers in SoulFullHeart, offering me connections with men who aren’t afraid to go INward, seeking and finding parts and soul aspects of them that need healing, with an undying curiosity and love that then gets to overflow to me in connection with them. I have experienced so much healing and softening because of the love I get to share with these men who look at their shadows and bring love to me that is clean.

Yet it wasn’t always this way for me.

In 2011, my birth father passed away. His passing was a year before I started my SoulFullHeart process, and yet even then I had a sense of reality around my relationship with my father… that many tones and frequencies that I needed as a growing, budding woman were missing in my relationship with him. I experienced a lot of intense grief when he died, and over time I began to realize that some of this grief wasn’t really about losing ‘him’ but about lost opportunities in our relationship. Parts of me were actually quite angry with him for having ‘bailed’ before he ever became the father to me that he could have been. I’ve had process too around how he could never really see me, especially as a woman, and how he hadn’t been able to energize anything healthily towards me about my budding sexuality, offering me no healthy template for what I was looking for in a mate. I don’t hold my father in contempt around any of this anymore, as this was clearly a contract we both signed up for and quite frankly it feels like without these and many other voids and gaps in our relationship this life, maybe I wouldn’t have been as compelled towards the growth trajectories I’ve now been on that have made me who I am today.

Letting in the Sacred Masculine in the form of guides and as I mentioned, sacred friendship, vulnerable teacher/student, (and soon!) a sacred union relationship, has been a deep process for me of feeling through these ways in which my own father couldn’t ‘show up’, feeling how this relates for parts of me to the Divine Father and also to mates, and working with ‘inner father’ frequencies of patriarch and also masculine protectors. I’ve had blocks to truly being able to see, feel and experience the sacred masculine in its beautiful willingness to get messy and tangle with whatever it needs to in order to discover itself anew, its ability to feel and embrace the sacred feminine without wounded frequencies of control, belittling, distancing, or abuse of any kind, and its embracement of the mirror that allows it to go back into itself, finding the shadow pieces it needs and wants to work, coming out the other side with even more sense of personal power and potency. The sort of masculine frequencies that make you go ‘RAWR!’ in response to its lovingly penetrative energy and melt into its open-hearted desire for you to be the woman you are meant to be, in all of your curves and softness and self-discovery and healing of your own, in response, in an exquisite partnered dance, through leaning into the organic (and orgasmic) leadership of the authentic and vulnerable King…

It does feel as if we can miss out on letting in these incredible energies, even as they knock on our heart doors, wanting to come into us, to love up our entire being, if we aren’t willing to look at our relationship with our birth fathers. It’s a brave journey and one that can be quite hard too, yet with the right support from those who have been there, like those of us in SoulFullHeart, it is held in the sacredest of spaces and at a rate and pace that you and your parts are ready for. The yumminess of what I am able to let in more and more now, only lights me up more as I continue to feel it and feel the unfolding mystery of its unfolding in my life. There is no single definition that describes it and in its ever arising love and creativity, I feel so much warmth and comfort for my healing woman’s heart and my ever-deepening femininity. I feel how this could be true for all women who embrace the process of feeling the mark of their birth fathers and also other masculine influences in their lives, but I also feel this for men, who so feel to be aching for something missing inside of themselves that they long to experience, that is so different than how their own fathers were or are.

The sacred masculine wants to offer you space to explore yourself within it, providing a dock for your self-made container for all of the YOU-ventures that await you. And if it’s truly ‘time’ for you to do so, you won’t be able to ignore the clarion call of the fire and love it wants to gift you with to help you illuminate and be with your personal process of opening your ever-healing heart. ❤

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Letting Go With Love: Healing Codependency Between Fathers And Daughters

By Christopher Tydeman

Throughout the SoulFullHeart healing/growth process, much is felt into around our relationship to ourselves (i.e. our parts), our birth parents, our friends, and our mates.  We have written extensively about those in this blog.  The one relationship we have not written much about is our relationship to our children.

Each combination of relationship (mother to son, father to daughter, etc.) has their own specific dynamic.  When our children arrive in this world, both past and current life agreements we subconsciously made with them begin their construction and playout.  Our experiences with our birth parents, our societal/religious conditionings, and our past life woundings, all coalesce to shape the dance between parent and child.

Through the formative years, parts of us invest a lot of energy in protecting and guiding our offspring.  They represent something to us.  Our greatest hope and our biggest fears.  We project so much onto them that the mere thought of their “failure” or lack of well-being is combated with a barrage of care-taking and/or excessive demands.  To lose them physically or emotionally feels like a fate worse than our own death to a part of us.

In this fused state, it is hard to conceive that our children have their own soul trajectory.  Their own needs and experiences they must have on their individual journey.  This becomes increasingly clear the older they get.  An emotionally healthy and awakened relationship would naturally find its completion around 18.  This doesn’t necessarily suggest we would never cross paths again someday or consciously avoid seeing each other.  It would just be the embarking of their adult journey, taking with them all the love they received in their youth.

But, we collectively are not in a healthy emotional state.  Our children are still children at 18 because we choose for them to be that way.  Our needs and inadequacies took precedent over their real growth.  They are stunted.  Sure, they may run a Fortune 500 company, but their emotional immaturity causes them to treat others unjustly, take advantage to satiate their greed, or run a company into the ground because of issues of control.  Or they may live a “normal” life with a spouse, their own children, a stable job, and a nice house.  But internally they are dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

As a young man, my father would tell me, “I don’t give a shit what you do for a living, as long as you are happy.”  My mother made it her mission to see me graduate college to fulfill something she desired in her own life and as a symbol of what was considered “successful”.  In each case, it was more about them than it was about me.

I carried this with me into the birth of my own daughter.  My fears and hopes were transferred onto her.  All a part of me felt I couldn’t be, hoped that she could.  But to be that meant her breaking away, so another part kept her small so she wouldn’t.  “Be big! No, be small!” Was the energy of my parenting.  A dichotomous push-pull.

As I progressed through my eventual healing, I had to draw boundaries with those that I had an unhealthy bond with.  This included family, friends, and later a mate.  But the one who got the “pass” was my own child.  She had her own vision for her life and that didn’t include healing toward emotional and spiritual awakening.  The others in my life who weren’t ready I said goodbye to, but a part of me could not accept that with my daughter.

Fast forward a couple of years later.  I have found myself in the belly of my care-taking.  Letting go of my need to be needed.  Feeling and seeing the impending industrial imperial implosion.  The ensuing chaos and violence, both physical and emotional.  I have entered into the Brave New World.  I can talk about it until I am blue in the face, but that won’t matter if someone is not able or willing to feel it.  It becomes a soul choice.  A personal decision.  To tug or force someone to get them to come along serves neither me nor them.  There is only one choice…let go.

To say goodbye to my daughter is by far the most difficult thing I have had to do.  It was a choice not made overnight.  It has been, as with all other difficult moments, a process.  Gut-wrenching and tear laden.  To continue a relationship with someone whose path is divergent to mine is not self-loving.  It is also enabling that person to stay in denial and smallness.  I love my daughter too much for her to be in either.  But more importantly, I love myself too much to continue to be seen as less than what I am, even if it is my own child.

As I walked away from her, tears in my eyes, pain in my heart, I could feel the Divine with me and with her.  Mother tells me,

“You make choices based in Love, you enter Love’s eternal grace.  Your kingly act of courage is the greatest gift to your daughter, to yourself, and the world at large.  There is no goodbye, for those souls meant to be together will remain so in heart.”

In that moment, I felt trust.  A trust that she will find her way in her own time, with her own choices.  A part of me is letting go of protecting her and trying to “save” her.  I will always have the desire for her to be a part of our SoulFullHeart community.  She has VIP status.  BUT, it is with her sovereign choice and my needs being met, that that can happen.  Until then I will hold her close to my heart as I prepare for the next phase of my soul’s journey.

 Christopher Tydeman is an apprentice SoulFullHeart Teacher. Visit soulfullheart.wix.com/sanctuary for more information about staying at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and virtual sessions.