Day 13 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 13, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here:

In today’s entry, we are guided by Metatron into a surprising guided meditation to feel how good and evil are not actually separate, but all contained inside of and part of love. Then from there, we get quite the digestions of this from Martin (from the Martin Luther timeline) and Arthur (from the King Arthur timeline).

This is Day 13 of an ongoing Journal Series called ‘Journal To The Demiurge’. This series is an ambassadorship within to connect to the Demiurge. The Demiurge is another name for the Christian God, Jehovah, or Yahweh.

Here is Day 13:

Good Morning Heart Family! This journey keeps moving on, doesn’t it? I feel asked to show up for it again. I need to ask, Metatron, for some guidance about where to go today, if you would?

Metatron: Let’s do a little guided meditation together, if that works…?

Raphael: Perfect…

Metatron: Okay, settle yourselves in for a ride. Get comfy. Set up a physical space to match an inner space, and let’s travel. See yourself transported to a meadow opening inside of a forest. Though you are by yourself, you are not feeling alone, as you feel held by Gaia, as a delightsome presence. The opening, the warm sun above, the tall green grass, the forest surround, the sounds of many other creatures; all afford you a feeling of being an intrinsic part of nature herself. Here, there is no feeling whatsoever of anything being wrong, or needing to be fixed, as all is submerged in love and super-intelligence. Care and love oozes from every pore of all that you can see and feel. Let this flow into you and reach a saturation point, where you feel like you can’t let in any more. Got that?

Raphael: Working on it…

Metatron: Okay, now, I’m going to ask you to do something strange in comparison. Create another imagination portal to a scene of great abuse. It could be a parent sexually abusing a child, or a government performing some kind of ethnic cleansing atrocity. See if you can also stay in your meadow as you witness and feel the harm and abuse that is perpetrated by what appears to be the powerful upon the powerless.

It may seem like you are watching a movie. Feel the movie, but feel it from where you are. Feel the contrast of these two colliding worlds. Feel both at the same time if you can.

One world has nothing that needs to be fixed and the other has everything seemingly that needs to be fixed. Feel how both worlds are true, and neither cancels out the other. See if you can see any pathway between the worlds.

What are you feeling, Raphael?

Raphael: It’s kind of crazy making, Metatron, to try and hold both realities at the same time. I’m tending to go into one at the expense of the other.

Metatron: Exactly, as they are pretty much at the opposite energies to each other. Put yourself fully in the meadow, and what do you feel about the abuse?

Raphael: It needs to stop. It’s not Okay.

Metatron: Now, put yourself in the abuse. What do you feel about the meadow?

Raphael: The abusers don’t know about the meadow. They need to know and feel the meadow which would take care of the abuse. If they knew the meadow, they couldn’t carry out the abuse.

Metatron: So, your saying, it has to stop, and it would be impossible to carry out if these worlds could be joined. The abuse can only occur while the worlds remain separate, right? So, how then do you join the two?

Raphael: You see that the two are not actually separate, or at war with each other. We’ve just been convinced that they are.

Metatron: I thought you were going to take a while to get there, but you’re right, even if a bit anticlimactic.

Raphael: Well, you kind of got right to the point as well. I’m not sure your guided meditation would be a bestseller though, it’s a bit jarring.

Metatron: Here, here. We’re on the same wavelength then. It’s time in the earth zone and beyond to get the picture. It’s time to see that what appears to be in opposition to one another, in a dual of duality, is actually a part of the same whole. Contrast was needed for consciousness to go deeper into itself.

Raphael: This feels so true to me, Metatron. Are you saying that we’ve made up ideas of what tranquility should look and feel like that are based in a picture of love and fear being in opposition to each other, when they are in fact, not?

Metatron: Precisely, if I could use that word…

Raphael: This has felt like my truth for a long time now as well. I’m ready to accept this as a ‘working hypotheses’, if you will for our task at hand of approaching the Demiurge. I’d like to pause a moment to see if anyone here today doesn’t agree, or has questions. This one feels important to grasp, to align ourselves around, and to not presume an alignment if it isn’t real. So let me ask, if anyone feels differently or has questions.

Merlin: This feels true. It has felt so true for a long time, and has waited to blossom into this now.

Martin: Unlike you, Merlin, I feel like I’m really seeing this for the first time. I saw the Catholic Church hierarchy as the enemy of God, and protested like my life depended on it. Now, I’m seeing that I led a movement that was born out of my own resistance to my own inner darkness. This is so expansive to feel. I was actually afraid of my own inner darkness and was projecting it onto a made up enemy at hand. I mean, that wasn’t that hard actually, for all the crap they were pulling, but wow, it was actually myself that I was actually fighting with. My God, what a mess! There’s whole movements of people named after me, all on board with this same imagined war with self, in the name of battling for God, or battling for the light. The light doesn’t need any warriors, or even workers for that matter, even. This changes pretty much everything, for me.

Raphael: Wow, it feels good feeling you feel all of that, Martin. Thank you for feeling it all. It lets a whole bunch of us fly lighter and freer. Who else?

Arthur: I believe you call this Cosmology, this picture of what is. I too, must make changes to my picture, and I want to, and more than that, I need to. Camelot failed and came to ruins from such great heights. Our loyalty, and camaraderie was based on fighting for the good. It seemed to have made total sense at the time. It took us places and into adventures that I wouldn’t trade for the world. It also, however, came to an end. This puzzled me greatly, and even brought my heart a pain so great, I just came to accept that I might not ever recover from. As I have been so welcomed here to be a part of this round table, I feel my heart trusting again that a place for loyalty, and even a sense of duty, can arise again, but it is a loyalty and a duty to self first, rather than other.

Like Martin, I’m finding this so, expansive, and what’s the words, Andy?… ‘mind blowing’ is about right. It was our picture that faded. It was not wrongs that needed to be righted, but instead the direction of our service to others that needed to begin inside, to and from aspects of our very selves we were fighting, thinking we were being of service to God and Man. I chuckle now at the mess of it all. No wonder it came to an end. More than anything, my heart rejoices at the dawning call to service once again, but inside of a new picture. Women’s and men’s hearts get to ride again, and I shall be most rewarded to again join that ride.

Raphael: Whoah…, Arthur, that changes about a million timelines and hearts, you being willing to feel and heal all of that.

Arthur: And the idea we had of the grail quest…. everyone to this day asking, ‘what was the holy grail?’

Raphael: Yes, please, say more.

Arthur: The holy grail was whatever it needed to be at the time to rally hearts and souls to great purpose, great discovery, true greatness. The grail quest today is the inward journey, and that alone is the path to the true greatness that we already are, and that we wish to embody. That’s what I hear you saying now, and my heart is so revived. I figured this life was nearing complete for me. Now, I’m not so sure.

Raphael: Yes, please take that unsurety and check in for another great quest, Arthur. I so want to learn from what you led, and so do the rest of us here. Your legend lives on, not because you were right, but because you lived from your heart, like you are still doing, and never stopped doing. This is what drew the hearts of men and women, and stirs my heart deeply in this moment. It’s all still here. Nothing that actually matters is ‘in ruins’, Arthur. The old has simply entered death and rebirth to make way for the new, which we can expect to keep on happening. The grail pursuit lives on. Camelot lives on. You live on, in my heart, and the hearts of many.

Arthur: Thank you.

Raphael: Ahhhh, yes, yes, and yes. My goodness, what a day of reconciliation. Who else, if you can find presence of mind to string words together?

Animalea: I can find some words, I think…

Raphael: I was hoping. We could so use a feminine perspective. We were so afraid of the feminine, inside and outside, and I suspect that had so much to do with how we made duality into a bad, and even an evil thing, that then necessitated a ‘Devil’ and a ‘Demiurge’.

Animalea: This feels so true to me, Raphael. I’d like to share with you, and all of us, the story of Sophia. The story, and, Sophia herself, feels really resonant for this stage of our preparations to meet with the Demiurge, and all that we’ve been feeling together up till now.

Raphael: It feels like we’re going to need the night to get ready for that story. Could we save it for tomorrow?

Animalea: I’d like that. I’d like to prepare my heart to share it, anyway. It’s a true story, made up by consciousness itself. It’s a guide for hearts in the darkness.

Raphael: I so want you to energize this story and let it land in me, again, and us all here, and all that are joining this journal. We are about to enter a dialogue that I’m not aware of ever having occurred before.

So let’s pause and reconvene soon.

(to find this entire series to date, go here: You can find the entire series here:

(To receive this series as a free ebook in pdf form, email me at and ask to be put on the list for a free copy of ‘Journal To The Demiurge’)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s