King Arthur’s Call To Men

By Raphael Awen

I believe this is a moment like no other, a moment of opportunity, a moment to choose deep and profound change, a moment to embrace all of you, from your highest leading ‘I Am’ Self all the way down to your ‘lowest’ edge where parts of you live in doubt and insecurity. 

Nothing is actually lower or higher. You will never become any more sacred than you already are! If that is true, then you and I finally have the freedom, to look deeply into the mirrors of our lives, our circumstances, our relationships and take the deepest inventory of what’s also true there, as none of it can take away or add to the fact that ‘I already AM, all that I ever might become’. 

I am very deeply interested in all that I might become. I am also very deeply interested in all that I already am. While this has always felt true for me on some level on my journey, I can tell you that it has felt like my biggest challenge as well. It has waxed and waned. At times, even very recently, I’ve seen my bigness stare me in the face and it has scared parts of me to the core. Numerous hideouts and comfortable ceilings have again been discovered and negotiated with, and let go of, only to be faced with another layer of vulnerability, insecurity and desire. I suspect that this is the whole deal of being here. It gets to move for me from more private to more service-based as I transparently live this out loud. 

I’m no longer of the illusion that these kinds of challenges where I must face a new place in me feeling contracted or small will somehow become ‘healed’ or a thing of the past. If I AM is truly infinite greatness, then any and all achievements or attainments, no matter how great, how relieving, how homecoming, how much of an entrance into my personal promised land – they still remain a humble kindergarten. I’m starting to get used to that! – another celebrated ‘attainment’ in and of itself, where any and all movements either forward or backward are part of the magical and infinite I AM that I AM. 

The other big thing all of this offers me is that the only one I can ever be a saviour for, is me and me alone. I can’t offer you anything you don’t already possess. With this clarity, I can however, hold space to offer you, YOU. 

When Moses, standing in his small self perceived stature before a burning bush manifestation of God, hearing the voice of God calling him and sending him, asked God a very understandable question: “Who do I say sent me?” and God answers, “Tell them thee I AM that I Am has sent you.”

I’m here today standing before mankind, my kind, saying “The I Am that I Am, has sent me to you.” I’m here, in your hearing, speaking to your I AM that I AM, before the burning bush of your desires, your heart aches, your heart passions, inviting you into something tangible, alive and real, inside and outside. 

I’ve crossed a threshold into my own promised land and feel it is more important than ever to invite other men who are ready to enter theirs with me. I can’t do what I’m called to do, or be what I’m called to BE, in a box or on my own. I get to walk out my more in the resonance field that’s generated with other men doing the same.

I’ve done that primarily with Gabriel Heartman for many years in a time where most efforts to expand numbers were met with more inner expansion than any kind of outward expansion. Time and process was needed mostly in private. I feel and see that changing now. Something is shifting in men and in the core of my I Am, informing all of me with a new resolve, as well as a sacred and ongoing completion of my own very real push-pull relationship with my own bigness. I want that more than I want life. This is life to me.

What is life to you? What do you most deeply want? Are you prepared to reach out for a lifeline when one is thrown to you, or will you continue praying for a lifeline instead? There’s a time to ask and a time to act.

I may be sounding fearfully close to a promo salesperson now, and to be sure, I AM trying to sell you on something. I AM called to sell you on something. I AM called to sell you on you. It’s strange though, because no words that I might write or speak could ever actually achieve this. It’s only and ever achievable by living it out inside of myself, and you picking up on that and choosing the same for yourself. 

Our mutual benefit is then easy and natural, whether we go any further in any kind of together way. 

If however, the particular signature frequency of my deal feels like it may be or wants to be a part of your signature deal, then I deeply invite you to check out who I AM and what I offer. 

This video is me here in the Abbey ruins in Glastonbury, offering a connection with one of my beautiful Metasoul brothers; King Arthur. How fitting as he knows how to assemble and lead a round table of men! 

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If you’ve read this through this far, then I know you are feeling the truth of the first words I spoke today – that this is a moment of opportunity like no other. Other moments will be sure to come, if that’s what your I AM needs to orchestrate for you, but what if this moment right now is your moment, or at least one of them? What if what I’m offering you is offered to you for you to make a deeper personal connection, to see where it takes you, to see if what you are feeling right now, continues to self validate as a truly profound going on place? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Gabriel would love to hear from you. 

I can tell you from the depths of my heart and experience that I Am wanting, willing and ready to serve you, to show up for you as you show up for you. 

If you are a woman who’s read this all the way through, bless you! And allow yourself to take in all these words directed at men, and feel them for your own inner masculine parts of you. Also, let your sacred yearning and desire for men and the missing masculine to rise up and claim the inhabitation of their long awaited I AM selves, be a gift of alchemy transmitted to all the men feeling this, whether by my words today, or by the same download that’s being broadcast into the collective from many different sources right NOW. 

If you know of other men who you feel are ready for such a time as this, please share this post with them. 

May we each arise to this occasion to find ultimately that there was ever only one of us and one occasion all the while, one truly worth showing up for. 

Much Love,

Raphael Awen

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

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Avalon/Cornwall Activations: Tintagel Castle & Masculine Energies

By Jelelle Awen (originally written on September 28)

We are here now on the Cornwall coast at Land’s End since yesterday and I can feel the energy shift from Glastonbury/Avalon. There is much more masculine energy here with the Michael line running right through offering sacred energies to heal the wounded expressions. We visited Tintagel Castle ruins, the birthplace of King Arthur and site of some hearty settlement in the Dark Ages.

There was a foreboding and almost off putting energy to the ruins, amplified by the strong gusts of wind, rolling foggy mists, and bursts of rain. It wasn’t somewhere that you really wanted to linger and soak in, yet rather felt to explore it as a portal. Letting it open up what might resonate within the soul and also needing to be felt.

The patriarchal dominance energy of these lands, so hard to conquer and yet so many kings tempted to try, as the climate reclaimed all of their structures and turned them into ruins again. This seemed so represented in the King Arthur Gallos statue and when touching it, I could feel the activation of my High Priestess/Avalon aspect wanting to bring a feminine energy in to balance it. I felt these energies flow through me as needed.

So many years of isolation and desolation for those who choose to make their home here or rather were stuck here. So much slate everywhere and its sturdy hardness, somehow softened by the mosses and grasses that now cover so much of it. We all did a brief meditation visualization together of pink energy spreading across the lands, offering a Divine Mother healing when needed. Raphael tossed rose petals to the wind from his chalice as offerings to the Mother in this land that has hardly called on her from the mouths of men.

There was the magic peeking out too, especially when we could spot Merlin’s and other caves carved out by the fiery ocean waves on the beach below the castle ruins. These caves would offer respite, play, magic, initiation, and a sense of adventure in a place often devoid of it. Onward today to our next adventures here on the Cornish Coast to visit some fairy portals and more stone structures, to see what is activated, what is called into co-activate, and what Divine Mother/the Magdalenes wish for us to feel.

Love from Cornwall!

Jelelle Awen

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A Man’s Inward Holy Grail Quest To Find Real Worth, Value And Meaning

By Raphael Awen

King Arthur’s knights were ever drawn to escape the mundane, the everydayness of their lives. 

These sensitive and hungry souls had grown to despair of the emptiness of their culture, and their lives within that culture. 

They sought an escape into deeper meaning and purpose and an outer form of nobility and purpose to answer an inner unfelt loss of connection with their own nobility. God forbid that they should live out their days without a conscious quest to fill their sails. 

Is a monk of any stripe really any different? Or a renunciant – one who gives up something lesser for the attainment of something higher? What about the man seeking to make himself ‘independently wealthy’ – having no need of anyone or anything, or the hedonist pursuing every pleasure that men may come to know? The hedonist and the renunciant share a common hunger for something truly comforting.

So common to men of any background is the seeking of purpose and power within that purpose. Men are fleeing meaninglessness. Men will readily settle into a career or a family role because it stems this aching pain and discomfort coming from not knowing and feeling who they really are at a deeper level. 

Men who are not in touch with these deeper needs, the ones that really drive them, are then easily manipulated by agendas too numerous to mention – be they of the highest spiritual orders or the lowest callings known to men. Wouldn’t most of us trade in control or our sovereignty in exchange for comfort?

Men want more than anything to feel good about themselves, and if that means dedicating one’s life to helping others in order to feel good about themselves, then so be it, as long as it promises that they will get to feel good about themselves in the end.

The problem however comes in the constant delay of that promise – the futureness of it. ‘I’m so noble, I can delay my gratification of this need till later, in service of others.’ Men slip into settling for any kind of lessening of their pain of their disconnect from actually knowing and feeling their worth and their meaning, having long ago settled that they are not meant to ever know or actually live from a place of their worth, their value and true comfort. 

True embodied worth, that flows from within, that doesn’t rely on any outer circumstance or creed, that you can feel, that can colour your moments with the deepest creativity and engagement has long been written off as a dream, a myth. We are only left with a kind of nobility that makes the best of a really hopeless situation.

These kinds of dedicated happy campers, god bless them, are everywhere. Each of them with their alms begging bag extended before them. ‘Bestow upon me some spare change of worth and acknowledgment for the choices I have made and the example I am willing to be, during such a time of unprecedented loss’.

This all hits so close to home for me. At fourteen, I recall feeling so bored of being bored, longing to find freedom in anything that promised relief. The Christianity of my family heritage felt so compromised and lacking in passion, that I broke away into something much more engaging with a much higher bar of commitment and dedication. As a man to be, I needed to set my sail with a worthy quest to navigate the sea of meaninglessness that was all too real on every side, at every turn. 

It has taken a number of decades this life, and in numerous lifetimes beyond this one, to get to the place where I can feel that the true holy grail quest; from which flows every grail quest; from which flows every draft of any purpose ever imagined or set sail into; is actually about realizing the value and worth that lives inside, that has always lived inside, that awaits our choice and discovery. I can say I am truly coming to know and feel this worth and have my own experiential emerging felt reality of this kind of aliveness. I also feel the invitation for this to be the magic of an ongoing process, rather than some quest-ending instant gratification of these god given and god being kind of needs.

Only a man in growing touch with this inner worth has hopes of being enough for a woman, for a career, for a calling, for a quest, for belonging to a true circle of men who live in shared resonance with one another.

Having landed here in Glastonbury, England, a ‘fortnight’ ago, I am especially feeling King Arthur as a Metasoul brother wanting to digest and feel together with me the dissonance that still lives in men, especially in the men of the highest attainments, whether of spiritual or material pursuits. He says, ‘We got hoodwinked into thinking that if we chose nobility, duty and obligation, we would be guaranteed to find the deepest fulfillment, only to come full circle, after a long time spent in the desert in that lease of consciousness, and patterned brotherhood, having attained many things that felt so meaningful at the time, only to find out that we were ever still searching for the true holy grail, which was hiding all that time in plain sight, and yet for most, still remains hidden.’

The problem now comes in when feeling how to embrace such an inner quest without needing to enroll men into it for the purpose of feeling better about ourselves. Men must choose this for themselves, in their own time of sacred awakening, when the clock has run out of the necessary time spent in these previous domains – all of which are equally sacred and necessary to the inhabitation of the quest now arising. It can’t and won’t arise until it does.

I’m returning today and plan to return many times to the burial site and tomb of King Arthur here in Glastonbury inside of the Abbey ruins to feel this great cycle of death and rebirth that all men and mankind must grow into and go through. The once great Abbey that was the wealthiest in all of England, that held so much power and purpose in its many iterations over many centuries, by and for men of so many stripes, is seen to be coming from a worldview of domination, both of oneself and of others. Men of meaning and influence had to be in exchange with this centre of power to be granted lease and influence among men. Now, it sits in ruin as a 3D tourist attraction for tourists to scratch their heads in bewilderment at how and what such a thing was really about. 

I feel Arthur saying that he knows all too well now, what such a thing was all about – It was about the willingness of men and women to pool unimaginable resources into a patched together harmonious flow that promised this deliverance from meaninglessness. It was ultimately and humbly to serve as a bad example, of what couldn’t ultimately work, for the real needs of sacred human men and women, even as it shone a bright light and moved us in powerful new directions that were necessary and needed to bring us to this current flow of consciousness that is now arising – finding true worth and meaning that can only be found within, as Yeshua said, ‘where moth and rust does not corrupt, and where thieves cannot break in and steal.’ Domination itself as a way of life is in its sacred death and rebirth phase and we who are feeling it are the Ambassadors and the Death and Rebirth Doulas that are holding space for this sacred shift, along with its attendant new way of being. 

This is the true kingdoms and queendoms of heaven on earth that we are invited now to explore, to choose as deeply as we can in any and all moments, that thread meaning and deep purpose into the very fabric of your life as you currently know it. This is the true grail quest that we are invited to embrace, that gives purpose, direction, guidance, meaning and empowerment to all of life.

Much love, and wishing you deep strides on your sacred grail quest.

Raphael Awen 

I work one on one with men in session space and the SoulFullHeart process to assist in this kind of personal awakening. If this calls to you, I’d like to hear from you. I’ll send you a few questions and a guided meditation for you to undertake to find us a starting place together and we can go from there in a way that is tailored to your needs and life. More info is here:

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

Metasoul Timelines Coming Through On Halloween: Personal Sharing

By Jelelle Awen

Halloween was an opportunity for us to channel and tap into energies in our soul to express and allow ‘out’ for an evening. Raphael reigned as King Arthur from our porch, giving out candy with huge generousity and presence to over 300 children! A community bonfire raged right across the street, which added to the feeling of teleporting to another timeline.

I got to bring forward my inner Priestess and Queen too…remembering how it is walk in the woods with a long dress and sleeves, feeling feminine in a regal way, making sure there was enough food, warmth, magic and fun for everyone.

Nic joined us again for the evening, adding his unique, fun, and open hearted joy to ours and with Raianna, they made a sweet and lively Elven pair. Gabriel channeled his Victorian, Steampunk self, both dapper and a bit madcap.

Feeling grateful for the community feeling that extended beyond our little SoulFullHeart den last night….and hopeful for a taste and glimpse of what New Earth community could feel like.

Hope you are having a rich, deep, and explorative Halloween, Samhain, Day of the Dead, etc.

Jelelle Awen


Day 13 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 13, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here:

In today’s entry, we are guided by Metatron into a surprising guided meditation to feel how good and evil are not actually separate, but all contained inside of and part of love. Then from there, we get quite the digestions of this from Martin (from the Martin Luther timeline) and Arthur (from the King Arthur timeline).

This is Day 13 of an ongoing Journal Series called ‘Journal To The Demiurge’. This series is an ambassadorship within to connect to the Demiurge. The Demiurge is another name for the Christian God, Jehovah, or Yahweh.

Here is Day 13:

Good Morning Heart Family! This journey keeps moving on, doesn’t it? I feel asked to show up for it again. I need to ask, Metatron, for some guidance about where to go today, if you would?

Metatron: Let’s do a little guided meditation together, if that works…?

Raphael: Perfect…

Metatron: Okay, settle yourselves in for a ride. Get comfy. Set up a physical space to match an inner space, and let’s travel. See yourself transported to a meadow opening inside of a forest. Though you are by yourself, you are not feeling alone, as you feel held by Gaia, as a delightsome presence. The opening, the warm sun above, the tall green grass, the forest surround, the sounds of many other creatures; all afford you a feeling of being an intrinsic part of nature herself. Here, there is no feeling whatsoever of anything being wrong, or needing to be fixed, as all is submerged in love and super-intelligence. Care and love oozes from every pore of all that you can see and feel. Let this flow into you and reach a saturation point, where you feel like you can’t let in any more. Got that?

Raphael: Working on it…

Metatron: Okay, now, I’m going to ask you to do something strange in comparison. Create another imagination portal to a scene of great abuse. It could be a parent sexually abusing a child, or a government performing some kind of ethnic cleansing atrocity. See if you can also stay in your meadow as you witness and feel the harm and abuse that is perpetrated by what appears to be the powerful upon the powerless.

It may seem like you are watching a movie. Feel the movie, but feel it from where you are. Feel the contrast of these two colliding worlds. Feel both at the same time if you can.

One world has nothing that needs to be fixed and the other has everything seemingly that needs to be fixed. Feel how both worlds are true, and neither cancels out the other. See if you can see any pathway between the worlds.

What are you feeling, Raphael?

Raphael: It’s kind of crazy making, Metatron, to try and hold both realities at the same time. I’m tending to go into one at the expense of the other.

Metatron: Exactly, as they are pretty much at the opposite energies to each other. Put yourself fully in the meadow, and what do you feel about the abuse?

Raphael: It needs to stop. It’s not Okay.

Metatron: Now, put yourself in the abuse. What do you feel about the meadow?

Raphael: The abusers don’t know about the meadow. They need to know and feel the meadow which would take care of the abuse. If they knew the meadow, they couldn’t carry out the abuse.

Metatron: So, your saying, it has to stop, and it would be impossible to carry out if these worlds could be joined. The abuse can only occur while the worlds remain separate, right? So, how then do you join the two?

Raphael: You see that the two are not actually separate, or at war with each other. We’ve just been convinced that they are.

Metatron: I thought you were going to take a while to get there, but you’re right, even if a bit anticlimactic.

Raphael: Well, you kind of got right to the point as well. I’m not sure your guided meditation would be a bestseller though, it’s a bit jarring.

Metatron: Here, here. We’re on the same wavelength then. It’s time in the earth zone and beyond to get the picture. It’s time to see that what appears to be in opposition to one another, in a dual of duality, is actually a part of the same whole. Contrast was needed for consciousness to go deeper into itself.

Raphael: This feels so true to me, Metatron. Are you saying that we’ve made up ideas of what tranquility should look and feel like that are based in a picture of love and fear being in opposition to each other, when they are in fact, not?

Metatron: Precisely, if I could use that word…

Raphael: This has felt like my truth for a long time now as well. I’m ready to accept this as a ‘working hypotheses’, if you will for our task at hand of approaching the Demiurge. I’d like to pause a moment to see if anyone here today doesn’t agree, or has questions. This one feels important to grasp, to align ourselves around, and to not presume an alignment if it isn’t real. So let me ask, if anyone feels differently or has questions.

Merlin: This feels true. It has felt so true for a long time, and has waited to blossom into this now.

Martin: Unlike you, Merlin, I feel like I’m really seeing this for the first time. I saw the Catholic Church hierarchy as the enemy of God, and protested like my life depended on it. Now, I’m seeing that I led a movement that was born out of my own resistance to my own inner darkness. This is so expansive to feel. I was actually afraid of my own inner darkness and was projecting it onto a made up enemy at hand. I mean, that wasn’t that hard actually, for all the crap they were pulling, but wow, it was actually myself that I was actually fighting with. My God, what a mess! There’s whole movements of people named after me, all on board with this same imagined war with self, in the name of battling for God, or battling for the light. The light doesn’t need any warriors, or even workers for that matter, even. This changes pretty much everything, for me.

Raphael: Wow, it feels good feeling you feel all of that, Martin. Thank you for feeling it all. It lets a whole bunch of us fly lighter and freer. Who else?

Arthur: I believe you call this Cosmology, this picture of what is. I too, must make changes to my picture, and I want to, and more than that, I need to. Camelot failed and came to ruins from such great heights. Our loyalty, and camaraderie was based on fighting for the good. It seemed to have made total sense at the time. It took us places and into adventures that I wouldn’t trade for the world. It also, however, came to an end. This puzzled me greatly, and even brought my heart a pain so great, I just came to accept that I might not ever recover from. As I have been so welcomed here to be a part of this round table, I feel my heart trusting again that a place for loyalty, and even a sense of duty, can arise again, but it is a loyalty and a duty to self first, rather than other.

Like Martin, I’m finding this so, expansive, and what’s the words, Andy?… ‘mind blowing’ is about right. It was our picture that faded. It was not wrongs that needed to be righted, but instead the direction of our service to others that needed to begin inside, to and from aspects of our very selves we were fighting, thinking we were being of service to God and Man. I chuckle now at the mess of it all. No wonder it came to an end. More than anything, my heart rejoices at the dawning call to service once again, but inside of a new picture. Women’s and men’s hearts get to ride again, and I shall be most rewarded to again join that ride.

Raphael: Whoah…, Arthur, that changes about a million timelines and hearts, you being willing to feel and heal all of that.

Arthur: And the idea we had of the grail quest…. everyone to this day asking, ‘what was the holy grail?’

Raphael: Yes, please, say more.

Arthur: The holy grail was whatever it needed to be at the time to rally hearts and souls to great purpose, great discovery, true greatness. The grail quest today is the inward journey, and that alone is the path to the true greatness that we already are, and that we wish to embody. That’s what I hear you saying now, and my heart is so revived. I figured this life was nearing complete for me. Now, I’m not so sure.

Raphael: Yes, please take that unsurety and check in for another great quest, Arthur. I so want to learn from what you led, and so do the rest of us here. Your legend lives on, not because you were right, but because you lived from your heart, like you are still doing, and never stopped doing. This is what drew the hearts of men and women, and stirs my heart deeply in this moment. It’s all still here. Nothing that actually matters is ‘in ruins’, Arthur. The old has simply entered death and rebirth to make way for the new, which we can expect to keep on happening. The grail pursuit lives on. Camelot lives on. You live on, in my heart, and the hearts of many.

Arthur: Thank you.

Raphael: Ahhhh, yes, yes, and yes. My goodness, what a day of reconciliation. Who else, if you can find presence of mind to string words together?

Animalea: I can find some words, I think…

Raphael: I was hoping. We could so use a feminine perspective. We were so afraid of the feminine, inside and outside, and I suspect that had so much to do with how we made duality into a bad, and even an evil thing, that then necessitated a ‘Devil’ and a ‘Demiurge’.

Animalea: This feels so true to me, Raphael. I’d like to share with you, and all of us, the story of Sophia. The story, and, Sophia herself, feels really resonant for this stage of our preparations to meet with the Demiurge, and all that we’ve been feeling together up till now.

Raphael: It feels like we’re going to need the night to get ready for that story. Could we save it for tomorrow?

Animalea: I’d like that. I’d like to prepare my heart to share it, anyway. It’s a true story, made up by consciousness itself. It’s a guide for hearts in the darkness.

Raphael: I so want you to energize this story and let it land in me, again, and us all here, and all that are joining this journal. We are about to enter a dialogue that I’m not aware of ever having occurred before.

So let’s pause and reconvene soon.

(to find this entire series to date, go here: You can find the entire series here:

(To receive this series as a free ebook in pdf form, email me at and ask to be put on the list for a free copy of ‘Journal To The Demiurge’)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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