By Jelelle Awen
You may be seeking MORE light, more activations, more awakening and altering experiences from and with others. For moments, these activations feel GOOD. These activations remind you of your soul essence AS light.
These experiences jolt and bolt. They vibrate and activate. Their energy is of the churning and burning kind.
There can be a kind of ‘mode’ in this activation seeking. The mode looks like finding the next thing to join and belong to. The next thing to ‘take’ that will heighten and lift. The next thing that will spark the fire that will light up existence to feel more worthwhile. It is like the thrill seeker wanting ever greater heights to fling themselves off of.
The afterglow of these profound activations can be temporary. They last as long as the retreat/seminary/workshop/session lasts. They are somehow ‘outside of your life’; they are also, somehow, outside of your body. And, usually, outside of your heart.
So often there is cost to your well BEing afterwards. There can be intense symptoms felt in the body of this over saturation of activations. There can be undigested traumas that have been pushed up from the lifetimes where this light was called in and then used in an abusive way toward others or yourself. There can be acute frustration for parts of you about WHY the suffering and pain continues in your life even after intense activating experiences…….as if they are in the aftermath of these experiences, rather than being healed and transmuted by them.
The NEW and NEXT invitation for our Ascension into our sacred humanity is for the focus to be on the digestion of all these activations, not just the seeking out for more of them. It is for us to be aware of how important the INtegration of these light codes IS to our ongoing sense of well being.
Integration happens as LOVE comes in. Love allows for the light to digest into every cell. Love allows for the light to integrate into daily life. Love makes the space for the feeling and healing of the traumas previously in the shadows that also get pushed up by so much light.
Love comes from the heart and womb of the Feminine and the embracing energy of the Divine Mother. Love is provided by Her compassion, her forgiveness, her NURTURING, her acceptance of wherever you are in your awakening process and journey.
Embodiment (or ‘in-the-body-meant’ as I recently saw it wonderfully called) is about the balance of the light and of the feminine. The balance creates a fireplace so that there isn’t harm as the fire of light sparks up, yet provides place for it to bake into MORE revelations of love. This balance becomes possible as the Protector/Gatekeeper aspects of your soul can be negotiated with to allow more love to come into your BEing.
Your Gatekeeper aspect may have learned to distrust love in favor of the light even as they resist the light too in some ways. The Gatekeeper may feel that love has been scarce, whereas light has been more bountiful. The feelings of this part of you can often connect very directly to the wound of your mother experience from this life and other lifetimes as well. They connect to the original pain of separation from the Divine during this life and other lifetime incarnations and, therefore, feelings of being ‘kicked out of’ and dispelled from the Divine Feminine womb space.
I wrote more here about healing from the original separation wound from the Divine to return to wholeness: https://soulfullheartblog.com/2019/06/27/healing-from-divine-separation-3d-experience-to-return-to-wholeness/
You may recognize and resonate with what I am offering here as an up/down indigestion experience that you are repeating for yourself in your awakening journey. To cultivate a space from within that can hold and digest and integrate the light WITH love is what we are being invited to BEcome. A balance of the Divine Feminine and Divine masculine aspects of your being that doesn’t sacrifice your well being for enlightenment (even and esp. to serve others).
The Divine wants us to experience this balance, where joy/magic/alchemy are sustaining in EVERY moment for us. And, we are experiencing the increasing sense that we ARE the light of love finding its way home inside every cell of our very human bodies.
Here is a guided meditation to connect with your Gatekeeper aspect, who allows access to other lifetime/timelines and also seems to regulate flow of light/love into your BEing:
Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions and group transmissions events with her and other SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.