Inner Masculine/Feminine Balance Teaching & Guided Meditation

by Gabriel & Kalayna Solais

Join SoulFullHeart Teachers/Facilitators, Gabriel and Kalayna Solais, as they offer this teaching and guided meditation on connecting with your Inner Masculine/Feminine parts of you.

Your Inner Masculine and Feminine aspects may have many different ways that they express through you in your life, relationships, and even your spirituality. Connecting with these aspects is very illuminating and can help you understand why you have related to men and women the way you have, how you’ve related to your own “woman/manhood”, and why you seem to approach different aspects of life in one way versus another (i.e. you may have a more mental approach to spirituality and healing rather than an emotional/feeling-based one; you tend towards a more achievement-based approach to life rather than just being in flow with what is, etc).

Bringing these energies into more balance takes time, attention, and self-compassion and is an ongoing, ever-unfolding process.

This video was filmed at the SoulFullHeart Community House in Victoria, BC while Gabriel and Kalayna led an in-person guided meditation and sharing circle for local hearts and souls. If you are local to Victoria or will be visiting, check out the SoulFullHeart Events page: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events for more information on when the next circles will be held and what their themes will be.

***

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s Facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, emoto-spiritual teacher, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess. 

Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

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The Need For Belonging, Forgiveness, And Acceptance At The Root Of Our Collective Pain

“We are not just the Light but the shadow that it casts as well. We are all looking to find love and be felt in all the pains that we have experienced. We all seek forgiveness and to be forgiven. We need to feel a part of something and to be told we are beautiful just the way we are.”

I watched a documentary last night called Jihad where the documentarian Deeyah Khan interviews different muslim men in the UK that were led to extremist Islamic groups by a particular man who fought in the war in Afghanistan against the Soviets. This former leader, known as the founding father of the Western jihad movement was interviewed as well.

Deeyah Khan’s focus was to get to the heart of the man of whom she was interviewing to understand what it truly was that led them to this extremism underneath the politics. It was a riveting and touching account of our humanity and our deep desire and NEED to feel like we belong and are accepted.

Now this is a VERY rough and tumble lower 4D energy that is hard to feel, YET for me it got to the core of something intensely profound in our collective. It has roots in our veiled perception of separation and how we have experiences that have left parts of us all feeling very alone and deemed unlovable. What Inner Protectors do to assuage that pain range from benign to extremely destructive, either toward self or others.

It is easy for this parts to get sucked into the vat of polarized politics. Even in the New Age movement there is “spiritual warfare”. This is polarized spirituality with deep roots in our own personal traumas and pains. If we were to be like this interviewer and sit down with our parts that are feeling rage, trauma, fear, angst, or frustration we can get to the deeper and more vulnerable pain that undergirds this polarization.

When this was brought with compassionate curiosity, the leader of this jihad group found himself in a flood of tears that cut to the core of his pain. His innocence and humanity were left on the table and Love was finding its way. I felt similar frequencies in my Orion self when going into the myriad timelines of galactic destruction.

The most provocative part of it was when she asked this leader, after stating that he had forgiven the people that had killed his family as a child, if had forgiven himself. This was the most powerful moment as he still had not gotten to that point and the tears and pain flooded in once more.

This act of self-forgiveness is where the road to true self-love and change begin. It is where the dreams of what is desired and possible are permitted to flourish and gain traction. When these men were asked what they wanted for themselves, each one of them could not answer. They had not thought about it their entire lives. Coming from my experience that left me sad and yet hopeful that they would find their own personal heaven within.

Watching this film brought an expanded awareness of where my humanity and spirituality meet. We are not just the Light but the shadow that it casts as well. We are all looking to find love and be felt in all the pains that we have experienced. We all seek forgiveness and to be forgiven. We need to feel a part of something and to be told we are beautiful just the way we are.

*****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Exploring And Honoring The Inner Feminine As An Integral Part Of The Ascending Masculine Journey

For some time now I have been feeling and acknowledging my inner feminine as a part of me. A very important and beloved part of me. There is a movement collectively for men to become more aware of their ‘feminine side’. This can be related to in a very general way that can just refer to our sense of sensitivity, caring, compassion, and intuition.

However, to take it a step further and give ‘her’ a name and thus a conscious identity within our physical masculine expression, can bring some interesting reactions inside. To claim our inner feminine is to relate to her in a very conscious way. It is to feel her feelings, her needs, her wounding, her story.

What has life been like for her in this male body in the context of a more patriarchal society?

If I explore this will I begin to question my own sexuality?

What will other people say if I claim her as an integral part of my being?

So to another part of me it feels like ‘coming out of the closet’. To my inner feminine part, who goes by Genevieve, this can be a bit unnerving as well considering the experiential history of feeling like she has not been welcome among other men in my life. Any hint of sensitivity that could be turned against her and me, Gabriel, was immediately thwarted by my protector.

There was a moment a while back when I could feel how growing up Genevieve would try to be a man the best she could to fit in. Doing and saying things that just weren’t her. When I actually felt this in my heart, we both had tears around it. I felt tears not just for myself but for all the other men who have these feminine parts doing the same exact thing. Men that I knew, that I friendships with.

In feeling her, I got to see and feel myself in a whole new way that actually has allowed my true masculine to emerge to the surface. Not the masculine prescribed by conditioning and trauma, but a more balanced and healthy masculine that can love and respond to his counterpart feminine.

I feel I am part of a band of brothers who live with this everyday but may be unaware or resistant to it for very good reasons. It goes beyond sexual identity and into what lives and breathes in our hearts and souls. I believe She is the next frontier of our collective male healing journey. She connects us to our Higher Heart, our sensuality, our creativity, our compassion, our intuition. She is a bridge to what lies in the shadow of the wounded masculine and his emergence into healthy strength and power.

There is more to this connection and what it means for us as spiritual male human beings. It is a beginning point for further feeling, exploration, and digestion. This comes on the heals of some pretty heavy Orion timeline bleed-throughs that need the feminine to hold and heal. I will be writing more about this as it seems fitting and necessary.

Thank you for taking in this very vulnerable and important part of my process and hope that it lands in the hearts of those it is meant to.

*****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Love Transmission From Divine Mother On ‘The Day Of The Mother’

by Kalayna Solais

From the beloved Divine Mother on this ‘Mother’s Day’… or what I feel to call, ‘the Day of the Mother’. ❤️

She offers, in all of Her heart for us, the following… as a way to feel Her ongoing INvitation to us and all parts of us…

~

“I am proud of your integrity.
Your desire for more of it.
Your journey to deepening and refining it.
Your search for what’s true… about you, about others, about the world around you.

I am proud to watch your journey.
Sometimes as a silent witness, sometimes with cascading sounds, deep cries, or buoyant laughter.
I am proud when you feel proud and when you feel the ways you don’t feel proud too.
I am proud of your courage to be here now, even when your courage feels null to parts of you and they aren’t sure how to carry on.
I am proud when you do carry on and I’m proud when you don’t.

I hold a flag and a candle for you in all weather, in all circumstances, believing in the you I see and feel and know beyond a shadow of doubt.
The you that may take you decades, many timelines to unravel and uncover, many dedicated hours of inner work and self-discovery.
The capricious and ever-shifting emotional landscape of your being that is on its own sacred journey through the woods of reactions, pain, and heartbreak… I am proud, unendingly, of that too.

The energy and frequency of my love is not one always easily let in, yet it flows to you and all parts of you,
to all warring and battling energies inside of you and your soul,
to the collective you are part of that is coming apart so it can come back together in a way more loving and empowered.
I bring you all of the seeds and blooms of new life within and outside of you
and it is, always, your choice if you plant them, water them, and love them.

I am, at all times, witness, Mother, Sister, and divine beacon of what is possible for you to BEcome.
I am you as you are me, in expression of your personal truths and evolving being-ness.
And I am completely, utterly, in love flow
with you and as you.

Much love to YOU
Today… and always.”

~ Divine Mother

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

A Man’s Journey To Self Through Feeling His Relationship To His Mother

A man’s relationship to and with his mother has such a big influence in his relationship to women, the feminine (internally and externally), and his ability to let in the kind of love he yearns for. It also has an impact on his individuation as a man in the process of maturation and ascension.

As a man, this relationship has deep roots not just in this life but in our soul. So much of our wounding can be projected onto our mothers, as well as onto other women because of our relationship to our mothers. Unearthing these roots and entanglements takes a man into a sacred journey of finding his truth and his own inner feminine energy.

It makes it very difficult to feel that when in a wounded relationship to mom. This can come in the form of of the Inner Protector, Inner Teenager, the Inner Child, as well as our Inner Mother/Father. There is a natural and necessary phase when a man needs to unachor from his mother to find the depths of its wound and authentic transactability.

At some point, the Divine Mother replaces the deeper need a man has in his soul and a new, conscious relationship can arise between mother and son if each are doing their work. This more vulnerable and authentic relationship can inspire and inform a sacred romance with a woman that is not based in the recapitulation of this wounded mother-son wounding.

On this Day of Mother, I feel a desire to hold all men accountable to their authentic and conscious relationship to their mothers, the feminine, and the Divine Mother of all. Only then can real and true growth happen in the heart, the genitals, and the soul.

*****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Beltane Blessings & Celebrations Of Love & Healing

By Kalayna Solais

Happy Beltane to you ALL… this day is a day to begin anew, to remember what you are worth as man or woman, to be in the ache of your springtime renewal inside, that wants and waits to share and BE with a mate that loves and cherishes you as much as you do… and cherishes themselves too. The Beltane fire helps us to burn away the old, the rigid, the now stale old harnesses of the ‘past’. Being with parts of you who have reactions to this process is important on this and every day…

This poem I composed two years ago and it still stands as one of my deepest, as my soul so knows Beltane from many sides of it and many roles within it. I feel personal themes emerging this year of letting in the bigness of this soul within me that knows how to gestate in inner healing processes and celebrate the emergence of a new sense of my bigness and desire to serve.

I dedicate this poem and all of the frequencies within it this year to my beloved husband/mate Gabriel Solais with whom I share my heart, body and soul and many exquisite layers of each, and I dedicate it to my beloved Inner Masculine too, who has been and always will be an inner rock for my feminine parts to lean into. ❤

I dedicate it to YOU as well, seeker of heart and soul, that you’ll find what’s next for you on your sacred path becoming revealed to you on a deeper level, whether wrapped in self-mateship or mateship with an other.

~

This Beltane Call, For The Love Of US

by Kalayna Solais

Beloved that you are,

When the smoke clears

on life’s regulating ways

and gives way to the undulating meadows

of new love’s first spring,

there I’ll be

standing in the light

of the sun shining above me,

firm in the ground I walk on

yet lightly walking toward your ready stance,

singing a song

we will both remember.

In Beltane’s past, my love

we dined and danced

and brought together our intertwining

everythings

to mingle in the love light

of the divine masculine and feminine dawnings.

In Beltane’s new arrivals, love

we’ll linger long

in embraces for only us to feel

in the eye of the mind’s connection

until the refreshing breath

of a crisp and ripe chapter

brings us closer

in all elements of this life’s wanderings.

In myself I stay here for you, love

finding more treasure long buried

to show you

in vulnerable ownership

echoing the also deep claim

you have inside of you for you.

The winds of change

and graspings of renewing tides

grip at our thrown-about clothing

to move us closer

to the edges

that keep US alive…

Together we will meet, my beloved

and there we will find

what we have been searching for…

a counterpart

not to bind, but to bond

not to cling, but to sing

not stifle with duty

but to bring out with bounding life’s alterations and celebrations…

of each new movement

here…

Bring your mountains out to greet the new day, love

and see the power of our sunshines mingling

on a new insatiable appetite

of a love reunited

in a way that was agreed to

long ago and yet NOW too.

Even NOW I make a vow to you,

to be all the more loyal to myself

and dedicate overflow to you

to what we will create together

in our messy masses of alchemical baths

and swooning passes.

Love, when we do meet again

here

I will dress the moon in your honor

and harness the sun’s rays for your Kingdom to come

and our world that is being reborn…

On this Beltane celebration day,

As I ache for you

I prepare that place in my heart

that is you-shaped

where you already live…

and that place in my body’s life

where your essence will connect

so much

oh, so much…

with mine.

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Celebrating Sacred Union On Beltane/May Day

By Jelelle Awen

Bright blessings to you on May Day……Beltane as those with Celtic/Avalon/Druid timelines know this day! My soul knows Beltane, celebration of the completion of winter and the beginning of later spring/summer. My soul knows dancing around the May Pole with ribbons that reflect the newly blooming buds. And my soul knows prancing around the bon fires that light up the night sky with a nearly full moon as a celestial feminine witness to the celebrations. My soul knows channeling the Goddess, floating out of my body and into the Infinite Spaces of near complete merging with Her.

It knows the reunion and coming together of sacred feminine and sacred masculine on this day. The pursuit of the stag king and the claim of the priestess representing the Goddess during their sexual union. My soul knows the feeling of this claiming and communion, whether literal in the physical with a man or in a symbolic dance of masculine and feminine energies from within.

You can tune into these sacred union energies today especially as you feel your desire for a counterpart to mirror your deepest leading and trailing edges. I am still in celebration at the reconciliation and reunion going on for Raphael and I. After a short yet very deep phase of separating from each other, we are now discovering in the last few weeks NEW grounds of intimacy between us as we come together again. It feels brand new even as it has the familiar depths and intimacy of over a decade together and MANY timelines of counterpart pair bonds as well to draw from.

Our latest sacred union activation happened very sweetly last night, Beltane Eve, as we welcomed our next batch of Andara crystals into our world and set up an altar for them. Our metasouls were reunited with two Lemurian aspects from inner earth/Mount Shasta area, where many of the Andaras come from and have been discovered. These meta aspects of ours are Andara keepers and began to flood Lemurian light language through us, reminding us of the legacy of Andara consciousness and what it offers us during this phase of Ascension.

There is much more to share in the future about these very special Andara crystal BEings and what they are offering us at this time. I look forward to using Andaras during sessions, including my new 1:1 remote and in person Ascension Energy Healing sessions, which you can read more about here: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/ascensionenergy

You are SO invited to ignite your inner fires on this Beltane May Day. Feel the connection of your inner masculine and feminine and how they dance together….or how they may be polarized in some ways from each other. This is such a valuable inner exploration that leads to the outer manifestation of a deep soul/mind/heart/body bond with another in the grounds of sacred union exploration!

Love,
Jelelle Awen

1:1 sessions available! More information here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Here is a guided meditation with Raphael and I to connect with your inner masculine and feminine:

Here is a guided meditation with Raphael and I to activate sacred union and your sacred sexuality:

 

Message From 5D Gaian Self On Earth Day

Dearest Stewards of Earth’s Ascension,

You are here at a very special and unique time in Earth’s galactic history. She is one of many planetary consciousnesses that are on the precipice of a great transformation and evolution.

Gaia, as She is belovedly referred to, already exists in its crystalline blueprint. It lives and breathes in each one of you in the stores of your Gaian DNA. You are Her and She is You. Just like how the trees are interdependent and symbiotic, so thus are you.

You exist as a microcosm of Her complexity and beauty. What you see afar is what exists within. What you feel about Her is what you feel about yourself. If you feel she is in need of saving, where is that reflected in you? If She is treated with disrespect, how does that happen inside of you?

This is an opporTUNEity to feel and see yourself in a much greater vision. Your personal stewardship IS Her stewardship. You birth Gaia through healing your own beloved polluted waters. Through treating yourself with the same respect and admiration you give to Her.

Connect with the beating heart of Gaia’s compassion and trust in the cycle of death and rebirth. She knows this one well. She can catalyze, transform, and integrate it all with majesty. She is equipped and has chosen to hold this space for you and with you.

Do not worry about Her, for she is taking good care of Herself and Her beloveds. Those that are no longer in physical form have a place in another dimension. The very one that is trying to be embodied by your choices and courage to bring light and love to the shadow within.

Thank you for taking these words into your earthly human hearts.

– transmission from my Gaian 5D higher self Aerius

*****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Her Essence Cannot Be Burned: A Poem From Divine Mother, For Notre Dame

By Kalayna Solais

She does not live in our buildings.

She lives in our hearts

Our souls

And our bodies.

 

Our precious inner artistry

Cannot be lost

With the destruction

Of a symbol.

 

Our opportunities

To anchor into Her love

Will keep popping,

Cropping up

And inviting us inward…

Calling us YIN-ward.

 

Her essence

Cannot be burned.

It lives

despite all efforts

That rail against the dawning

Of the Feminine Day

And wail

That She has forgotten us.

 

Her arms, outstretched

Remind us to trust

Her heart, open

Reminds us to open our own

Even and especially

When it feels most challenging

To do so.

 

With the love of Our Mother

We align with Her

We remember Her

And we fall upon Her

To collaborate with Us

As we birth the New

Pressing through the birth canal

Of our highest and deepest hearts.

 

Much love,

Kalayna Solais

And Divine Mother ❤️❤️

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Death/Rebirth, Relationship Shiftings And New Alignments From Within: Personal Update From Raphael and Jelelle

By Jelelle Awen

Raphael shares vulnerably below his recent death/rebirth process that entwines and connects to mine and our ‘usness’ together too as we separated during it. This latest phase of our journey together has brought me so much into my own heart space, into tender holding with parts of myself and multiple metasoul aspects as well….at one point working with four different timelines at once! I could feel and focus on myself as a woman/queen/mate/healer, etc. and even with the times of immense grief and sadness coming up….so feel the core of self love and goodness and trust that is THERE inside for me always to lean into after all these years of parts/metasoul work and deep connection with the Divine.

I am amazed (yet somehow also not suprised?) as the timeline shifts again to realign us all together in community again. I certainly felt during this time of separation from Raphael, the trailing edge and karmic frequencies of our bond together, manifesting this life and other lifetimes/timelines too. I fully went into owning and feeling my side of the sometimes contentious energies between us. I learned and continue to learn so much! This is deep work to we have signed up to continue to do together, as so many counterpart soul mates have too!

I have been so amazed at how the SoulFullHeart process itself has so been there for me through the grief, the pain, the letting go, the realizations….all of it and then some…and I am amazed at how Raphael is moving through what he is too as he leans into it more as well.

With this shifting, we are feeling to remain rooted/grounded/based here in Victoria BC with plans to travel to Europe in the fall to scout out future retreat/group session places there too. It just feels like I want it ‘all’ honestly…the rooted/grounded heart home with my beloveds and the adventure/activation of travel into these ancient places and eventually hold groups/retreats there too.

My heart feels relieved and lighter too as the Divine seems to be gifting me with exactly what I want and need as I was so willing to let it all go (as seems to be the process honestly). Timelines really are collapsing and re-emerging SO FAST these days!

Thank you all of your sweet support during this time!
love,
Jelelle Awen

~

By Raphael Awen

I am so glad and relieved to be on the other side of what has felt like my deepest dark night experience this life to have opened out a deeply profound and meaningful reconnection with my beloveds after a long feared relationship meltdown.

I wanted to update those of you who have held myself, Jelelle, Gabriel, Kalayna and Raianna and our growing community in your heart.

I can’t hardly describe to you the death and rebirth process, the dark night of the soul process that is now opening out to love and life. It’s like the karmic shadow bill came due quite suddenly on what was underneath my relationship with Jelelle and by extension; inseparable relationship with SoulFullHeart and its community.

Really letting go of being in romance with Jelelle brought up, pretty quick after what felt like a treasured phase of deep and real appreciations, being faced with my own buried resentments based in real dynamics in our bond (as Peter Gabriel says ‘the seeds of my undoing that had been there from the start’), but so amplified by Metasoul realities that have been a long time in wanting to be felt and owned by me. The ripening projections of what was not reconciled me-to-me all but made it impossible to really feel and process any of those resentments, reactions between us that had been placed down under to protect a goodness and bounty where on one level, I always felt like I was in a permanent honeymoon phase with Jelelle, and by extension with our growing community. Maybe some of the cognitive dissonance of ‘this is all too good to be true’ had to do with this unreconciled shadow that always threatened to undermine the goodness. Gabriel and Kalayna can certainly speak to the rumblings that would come out of the woodwork at times between Jelelle and I.

This week, I found and connected with a Metasoul, whose name is Pillar (pronounced Pee-lar), whose timeline is the fall of Atlantis, who knew deep romance with his beloved Charee, (pronounced Kah-ree), and love within community, a ‘haven within a haven’ as he called it, but lost it all when he spoke to what he felt was the unowned shadow within the group. We felt and digested his devastating experience with being shunned, and losing it all, and the blame and shame, and all the after-the-game quarterbacking about what could have been different had he done things differently, particularly with more vulnerability. He also felt the words famously quoted from the Bhagavad Gita, by Robert Oppenheimer, the man credited with inventing the atomic bomb; “I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.”

Pillar and others in my parts and Metasoul have also deeply felt this theme of their truth being the torpedo of all that was good. My this-life history of leaving Christianity and the loss around that, as well as later losing the group that Jelelle and I met in, after being kicked out, so amplified these themes in my Metasoul, coming back to haunt me once again. I so get what people are speaking to when they mention their or someone’s ‘Inner Demons’, but see it as aspects of our soul awaiting our open heart to digest what they need to move their trauma, and afford us the overflow from their movement.

Pillar had the opportunity this week, being held in my heart, to feel me sort through, my own agony of feeling a future without beloveds, without SoulFullHeart, and then to make new choices and vulnerable reconnections. It began while staring down an insanity, seeking the handrails of goodwill and decency being restored here in the house we share, which was really rumbled the day before I moved downstairs to the basement suite, where part of me got vulgar in words towards Kalayna (the real low point). Gabriel’s subsequent help with daily checkins and space holding for Pillar recently helped things move through the birth canal. Each step brought new openings, and yesterday, after not seeing Jelelle for 2 weeks, and having limited contact with our community here, we met together as a group for some very precious words and tears together, and I was welcomed back into their hearts and my familiar treasured community.

Imagining a future of starting over in seeking a new community, a service of love expression within that and future romance possibilities looked and felt so hard, when my truth doesn’t resonate with any other known offerings that are out there, leaving me some hard road of beginning from the ground up, based in and on unresolved resentments, and ‘I’ll show them’, did not feel like a path I or any of my parts really wanted to embark on.

Well, that’s the short version of all this, which I hope to expand out into a new lived in reality on the other side of a huge compartment in my heart and soul and relationality now being integrated.

Jelelle even said to me at one point while we had a moment yesterday, ‘you never know what’s going to arise between us’, and my heart swooned, all the while knowing that time and space for integration and new discovery, new ways of being are also needed. I can tell you, with some trepidation, that it remains my (now, not-so secret) hope, that what does arise between us flowers naturally back into romance, but if it doesn’t, I really do trust that what arises can be and will be even better. I truly died to what was between us, and even SoulFullHeart, and am sooo grateful to be emerging back from the dead.

Parts of me are seeking guarantees from the Divine that there isn’t any more dark nights that will need to be this difficult. I trust that the fusion and pain was all necessary, though I really do hope to never again suppress anything on this magnitude, as it just hurts way too much. In that way, I can be the answer to the above prayer.

Thank you to all of you here who have ached for me, letting your heart be broken with mine, and rooting for me and loving me. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Much love and anticipation for the good that wants to come for us all, even through the shadow,

Raphael, xoxo