By Jelelle Awen
I had one of those beautiful, expansive and celebratory days with Raphael yesterday beginning with making love in the morning, a long, much needed walk in the gorgeous mountain valleys near us, and celebrating the passionate expression weave that came through in our Beltane livestream. It was an opening out after both of us going inward to feel despair and heaviness of a mostly karmic sort together as I shared about recently. It felt like an exhale too after so much being activated by the recent energies coming through in the solar flares, eclipse, and more.
This goodness seemed to push up some more ‘oil’ to feel, as it so often does for all of us. I was feeling today with a new inner mother part of me named Hera (yes after the wife of Zeus) about the aging process for women and all that it brings up in terms of self consciousness, insecurity, feeling like you don’t matter or ‘count’ or are invisible somehow, and ‘fighting’ aging rather than embracing it.
My birth mother would ‘battle’ these signs of aging with everything she had and would be encouraging me to do the same if we were still in relationship together (which we haven’t been by my soul’s choice for over ten years now.) She would probably be encouraging me to use the ‘tools’ now at our disposal such as fillers, plastic surgery, hormone replacement therapy, and more. So I feel this emptiness in any template for aging gracefully and naturally, in the culture and in my own experience.
I have always been more the holistic and natural sort of soul. With my medicine woman and priestess roots being so strong in my soul, there is a sense of connection to the natural and the pure as being the most beautiful and resistance to anything inorganic, chemical, and invasive. Even with this strong soul grounding, I could feel in this part of me how the programming and conditioning to feel unworthiness as you age is ingrained at a cellular level.
This is becoming more heightened in me as I turn 50 next month. To my soul consciousness age really means very little and my soul ‘eyes’ do not even see it or notice it, especially in others! Yet, to my conditioning and to this part of me, there is a meaning in moving out of my 40s. And the physical signs of aging are being noticed more too now as my metabolism slows and I gain a bit of weight even while I continue to eat quite light, do yoga and other exercise. Also, I am experiencing more gray hairs, wrinkles, more sagging skin and the period cycles with hormonal dips that are becoming more intense yet also more sporadic as I move into the deeper stages of perimenopause.
I started to feel as I let Hera cry it out with me this morning that Divine Mother wants to wrap us both up with love in response to this. I could see/feel Mother Mary coming forward and just holding us both with so much sense of our beauty and grace. It started to go in and I am also blessed to be able to share all of this vulnerably with my beloved, my daughter, and my precious community and be felt by them in it too.
The aging process and our relationship to it really has been so hijacked by the matrix to idealize young beauty and suppress the wise woman beauty and wisdom from coming through. I can feel what a powerful ‘force’ this wise woman is and how much she is missing from our culture. There will be lots of interesting things to feel and teach about this feels like as I continue to experience it myself.
And I feel this is true for men as well who may not have as much judgement on them physically as they age, yet have their own internal pressure built up around their competency, adequacy, relevancy, performance, potency (esp sexually) etc. And relationships/sacred unions aging together too is an interesting ground as well as Raphael and I shift into a deeper ‘hotness’ expression of sexuality that is more and more soul based even as it grounds in the physical. Rather than going flat or dead, we seem to be moving into more depth of intimacy together.
Mostly, I am FEELING this aging process as a portal to experience my soul and Divine feminine self within my body. Not to fight it, yet rather to embrace it…..allowing the full range of feelings that come up around it along with continuing to take care and love my body in the ways that I know work for it. And I want to help heal this fight against aging collectively and to offer a new template in the mother/daughter templating relationship too around it.
We will be doing a group call about the aging with grace process for our online community portal members on Sunday, May 22nd with more info about that coming up soon. You are welcome to join us there to connect, share comments, read the many personal/vulnerable sharing there and also to join in our group call. Membership details at: https://soulfullheartportal.mn.co/feed
I also am very open and desirous to feel into and process this with other older women going through this, as I have in session space in the past as well. It is a mutual discovery even as I can feel the Divine Mother channeling my heart in nourishing ways for us both. More info about 1:1 sessions with me at soulfullheart.org/sessions.
Also, if you’d like to meet your Inner Mother (or Inner Father) you can find guided meditation videos to do that here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZWeBviA18Y…
Love in tenderness as we all experience the process of aging together,