Tag: sustainable living

Eighteen Months In (Raphael’s Version): Life At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

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By Raphael Awen

As my wife, Jelayan said in her blog yesterday of the same title, it has been 18 months living here in a remote sanctuary. Four of us along with three dogs and a bag of cash set out in two vehicles packed with everything we owned, to leave Canada, drive south through the United States to find sanctuary in Mexico.

The decision to leave behind home, country and career was strangely both difficult and easy.

It was difficult in that I was choosing to let go of the security of a 30-year long career as a painting contractor that had gotten easy and comfortable over time. In our last 2 years in Canada, we had relocated from busy Vancouver to the quiet of a ferry access only community on the Sunshine Coast. We had simplified life considerably, went through personal bankruptcy as part of that, and at every juncture, asked ourselves ‘What are we doing and why?’

What made the decision easy was the conviction that my calling in life was not to maintain a standard of living, and then see if there was any leftover time, money or energy to pursue what really mattered to me. I knew, with ever increasing awareness, that to hang on to a career whose time was winding down, even though it was more rewarding than it ever had been in many ways, was to miss a window of purpose and calling.

Jelayan and I had been intensely together for the past six years before we left Canada. Our love and connection seemed to burn up setting after setting in our life together. Just putting in time in some collectively idealized lifestyle of ‘getting ahead’ we both knew would be the end of us. Every spirituality or healing modality we checked into did not draw us. The one we were offering in Canada wasn’t drawing people’s attention beyond a very select few. Life was calling us and asking us to take a big step into the unknown. My attention had been given also to a growing awareness of the unfolding collapse of industrial civilization. Expecting life to continue as it had I knew to be a child’s demand.

We ended up here at what we named Soulfullheart Sanctuary, a place to ‘be’ what we are about and offer to others who feel drawn to what we offer. The external changes were rapid fire. Living without an income meant that every purchase had a feeling to digest connected to our dwindling nest egg. We began by living in tents out of suitcases and plastic tubs. The tent zippers and poles soon gave out and keeping up with some sort of jerry rigged repair regimen soon fell apart. A feeling of powerlessness came up often related to not being able to just haul off and buy new stuff, or go out and get the tools and materials to perform a skookum repair. Our two wheel drive vehicles had to be parked on the other side of a river a kilometer from home. That meant doing more things on foot, like carrying groceries and hauling dirt. Our single panel solar system was a god-send, but was soon tested by lightning and our 2000 watt inverter had to be replaced with our 250 watt standby. Holes in shoes and shirts, and straps falling off sandals were and are a daily part of the commentary here. I’ve never seen what a pair of shoes could come to look like if I simply kept wearing them.

The nest egg of money pooled together has since run out, and we have found new ways to draw modest income, after learning to live on less than 10 percent of what we used to. I was shocked after a year in doing some budget arithmetic to learn that the four of us were living off less than what I used to spend on a daily trip to Starbucks habit.

The transformation of lifestyle change is almost too difficult to describe to someone deeply embedded in a western culture and lifestyle. I couldn’t have imagined how this would have looked and felt before choosing it. I knew we would survive. I knew life would help us find a way. I knew that I needed to choose a lifestyle that was about giving back to life the deepest gifts I had to give and that only then could I ask life to support me and help me live into the transformation that would follow. I didn’t know what it would come to look like.

As Jelayan wrote, the experience of rarely hearing a sound of industrial noise, being with plants and animals, being with constructing homes from natural materials (our first cob structure has all of 100 dollars invested) has expanded us to feeling and tracking inner guidance and reflection. My personal sense of being a human being continues to expand and grow. My sense of connection with love, with god, with parts of myself, with guides, with nature opens out more and more.

The quiet here and the natural beauty here has also been a challenge to let in and be with. After 50 plus years in cities and towns along with the industrial trappings, one doesn’t let go of that without a reaction. Many could easily project onto the picture of our setting and choice an idealism that doesn’t square with the reality. No, we don’t need an alarm clock; we don’t commute to work. I am in a vehicle for less than a couple hours a week, instead a few hours a day. All of that could look quite appealing to people who are feeling stuck in a dead-end lifestyle. There are deep challenges to come to terms with that come with these changes.

The dead-end lifestyle, as difficult as it is to bear and be with, has for most one thing that makes it nearly impossible to part with. That something is a feeling of predictability and security. It’s not that I no longer have these needs. I am more in touch with those needs than I ever have been. Because I feel my need for feeling provided for and cared for, rather than suppressing it, I have chosen a lifestyle that allows me to feel that for myself. Above all, there is time, space and permission to feel everything.

I have a few feelings bubbling up right now. A big one is gratitude. I actually ‘get’ to do this. I get to be in this adventure. Another feeling is anticipation of things to come. Life never stays the same unless we are employing some big resistance mechanism trying to keep it that way. I get to live into that unknown and that anticipation. Even if that means something fearful like running out of money and facing hunger, (something that hasn’t come up yet) I get to be all of me; I get to experience that from my heart in touch with all of life; I get to experience that and navigate that in deep and profound connection with my mate, with myself, with others and with the divine.

THAT’s hot stuff people!

Raphael Awen is an author and teacher at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. Visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and virtual sessions. Please visit our Patreon Page if you’d like to support SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. 

Always More To Learn In The Face Of Near-Term Human Extinction Possiblities: Life At El Rancho Blog

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

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By Jelelle Awen

“Whenever the need for sanctuary presents itself, tomorrow or ten years from now, you will wish you knew more. So start learning right now, and go hard.” Brace For Impact, Thomas Lewis

It seems there is always so much to learn. Just in living this way there is a constant invitation to learn more. Learn more about both practical things and esoteric things; both external and internal things. What I’ve learned since moving to the ranch wouldn’t be taught in any university. Too bad since it has mostly been things crucial to survival. Or things of self discovery that are, again, crucial to my long-term survival and critical to my future as a co-founder and leader of our community here.

The locals here, most of whom didn’t finish high school and haven’t left the local area, know so much more about crucial things than I do. Things about what grows here; about what weeds, plants, fruits and cactus are edible here; about horses and raising livestock (although I don’t philosophically agree with that one); about how to get the body to work hard, very hard, in high temperatures without getting heat exhaustion; about singing Mexican songs at the top of their lungs at the end of a workday. Their earthy groundedness and capacity for simple joy aren’t taught in western universities, but will be so valuable in facing the changes that are coming.

As there is so much to learn, I feel pressed sometimes over what feels like an ever shortening time frame. Nothing truly significant, no major global crisis, has happened since we hatched our plan to move to the ranch from Canada a year ago. This is surprising to me, actually, as we felt like Chicken Littles screaming about the sky is gonna fall soon to anyone who would listen (most people wouldn’t.) I’m glad nothing major has happened (other than continuing economic tensions in Greece), of course, because there is so much to learn about living on a homestead in the meantime. And, there is so much transformation happening for us in living here. And, we want to draw others to join us here which will take time and mostly the internet to accomplish.

Yet, still, it just doesn’t feel like there are many years left of industrialized society,’ the empire’ as Guy McPherson calls it. In our human history, all empires have eventually fallen, especially when they overreached, leading to eventual under inhabitation and corruption. The empire had something that worked for them in one setting as in Rome, but then, they got greedy and imagined mini-Rome franchises sprouting up extending to all the areas they could imagine around them. The locals in these far off franchise locations didn’t have the same enthusiasm at being colonized and franchised. The actual establishment of the Western Empire happened when the first settlers came, entitledly took what they wanted, and created devastation instead of betterment. This same cycle has been repeating over and over again the last three hundred years or so with the levels of destruction and damage deepening with the rate of industrial and technological advancement.

Empire can’t sustain; it isn’t scalable long term. I’m beginning to wonder if anything really is scalable and especially industrial dependent society established on a planet with restricted resources to support it. Our focus as a species has been about growth and profit at any costs and without regard to any long term consequences. The consequences could be very dire, including the possible near-term extinction of our entire species. Guy talks about this in his book Going Dark. He is a former biology professor who has studied climate chaos (as he calls it) as his life passion and ‘left empire’ and his teaching position several years ago to set up a sustainable sanctuary near Tucson, Arizona. Due to climate chaos, environmental devastation, and the 400+ nuclear reactors that have no means to be shut down responsibly, he believes that it is highly unlikely that any life will exist on this planet by 2050. It’s a lot to take in but, also, it brings a poignancy to the moment. An urgency that every moment matters and counts.

For me, it brings me back to that point about there being so much to learn. Whether near term extinction or just collapse happens or not, this lifestyle is the one that brings me the most nourishment and is the most authentic reflection of who I am. I, too, have walked away from Empire. I plan to live my life, for however many years I have left, centered in this authentic life in union with nature.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebook. Visit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Summer Season Of Swarms And Storms: Life At El Rancho Blog

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

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By Jelelle Awen

Today is June 21st, summer solstice, the day with the most hours of daylight and the beginning of summer. It means something different here on the ranch then it did in Canada. In Canada, the beginning of summer is the beginning of better weather. Maybe. Or at least you can count on July and August to be fairly decent. Summer in Canada is beautiful sunsets, hikes, dips in the water, watermelon, gatherings outside on patios, less clothing and usually more sex, an exhale and a shedding of a water logged skin in exchange for a tanned one. Summer is an event because of the tempestuous weather the rest of the year. Summer was always my favorite season and I would mourn deep down in my bones every time it turned cold and rainy again.

Here in Mexico, summer is different. Summer is the rainy season and the low tourism season. It is called the ‘off season’ for that reason. Summer on the ranch will be about navigating the increasingly bulging and rapid river that cuts off traffic and even people at times. Summer means that we can no longer drive our van on the ranch road and need to get rides with the couple who lives here who has a 4X4 and is gracious to give them to us. Summer will be stormy and windy with lightning storms and sometimes tail ends of hurricanes. In some ways, I can’t wait.

To experience extreme weather is to be thrust into the uncertainty of life. A rumble of thunder, a crack of lightening, a gust of wind…violent and uncontrollable. Reminding us of our fragility. The gift of being alive here. And Now. We’ve experienced two storms here that brought this into focus for us, both tail ends of hurricanes. Their power was undeniable. This is a good kind of humbling at times, especially for humans who feel that we must conquer nature rather than be in union with it.

We experienced another extreme here last week after the first rains since March. A huge swarm of flying termites, set free from their cocoons sheltering under the roof tiles. They were a horde surrounding every house. “It’s like the house is on fire!” exclaimed Wayne as I was quickly shutting every shutter that I could. But they got in anyway and we spent a restless night flicking them off of us and spent days cleaning up the wings that they shed. “It was gross,” part of me says. And, it was. But yet, also, it was another example of the uniqueness of experience here at the ranch, things that just couldn’t happen in cities. Some we like better than others, for sure.

The swarm seemed to offer us a message of masses, a group rising, born, arrived. We were hopeful that maybe it represented what we are feeling more and more: a desire for others to join us here in community. We feel the possibilities of expanding our community here to offer others the goodness, transformation, and intimacy that we’ve experienced. We envision building cabanas for people and sharing community space, united by a desire for healing and living sustainably. If you are interested in becoming part of our swarm, please visit our website at soulfullheart.com and contact us at soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

Summer is the season of Magdalene, lover and wife (I feel, as do a growing number of historians) of Yeshua. Magdalene offers sisterhood and brotherhood experience within community. Sexuality without sinful feelings between connected lovers. She invites us to explore metaphysical realms, feel the magic of the natural world, discover our latent soul gifts. And all of these while adoring and inhabiting our physical bodies. Magdalene is easy to connect with as an ascended teacher. She is quite the talker and loves to tell stories and have dialogues. If you want to feel her, just ask her to speak with you or tell her that you’d like to feel connected to her. Imagine a beautiful woman with long, red, curly hair and bright eyes. Imagine her deific smile and earthly laugh. Imagine Her smelling of sandlewood and lavender. Play some Lorenna Mckennit. And, there off you go together.

The season of swarms and storms. The season of connection and community. I welcome it.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebook. Visit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Living “As If” Collapse Is Coming

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

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By Jillian Vriend

Today, finally, I feel somewhat settled. After more than a month of travelling and short stays in various places, we are landed in a place that feels temporary yet stable. We repeat to each other, “We are renting an apartment in Mexico,” just to let in the reality a bit deeper. It feels like we are parked at the mouth of the river, waiting to (literally) begin the journey down it to hopefully claim our piece of sanctuary at an ecovillage located on 700 acres about one hour from here. There are still some unknowns about how it will all unfold, but inside of me it feels like we have found home. We have been claimed by life and by others here in a way that feels warm and welcoming.

Kathleen writes vulnerably about our experiences during the last five weeks in her two exodus journal entries here and here. Ups and downs. Ebbs and flows. Moments of joy and goodness. Moments of pain and constriction. The joy moments seeming to be impossible to occur without the constrictions and vice versa. For me, always there has been a deeper trust that everything would be all right and that we had been guided by the Divine to journey this far. Even when those around us were doubtful, critical, and, in one case, even cruel about expressing their skepticism about the way we were responding to our decision to come here….I still felt a sense that our trust and surrender to follow guidance would draw everything we desired.

We didn’t take years to plan the move here. Christopher and Wayne especially had been feeling the rumblings of industrial collapse coming for many years, yet our trajectories in the last several years have been around focusing on our emotional and spiritual health and deconstructing our false selves. When we gave up our residence (and the $1600 a month rent associated with it) and moved into an RV in January of this year, we felt we were on the right track. It was surrendering to Mother’s flow, but it wasn’t known what would unfold for us after that decision. The campground felt temporary with an energy of inflow and outflow of visitors with even the permanent residents feeling like they could move on at any moment. We liked this energy for awhile; it was freeing after committing to year long rental leases and feeling the noose of mortgages around so many people’s necks.

In June, I felt clear guidance that it was time to feel into leaving the campground and Canada altogether. I just didn’t feel like I wanted to go through another Canadian winter and I asked Wayne and Christopher, “Where would you go if you could go anywhere?” A rhetorical question, for sure, yet also, for the first time we really could go anywhere. Our daughter was an adult and completely independent. The painting contracting business Wayne had run for 30 years felt that it was at a completion. We hadn’t drawn new people to SoulFullHeart on the Sunshine Coast despite our efforts to hold talks and connect with local people. We could go anywhere that our desires would lead us.

Their answer was clear and quick, “Somewhere warm. Somewhere in the southern hemisphere. Somewhere we can get to by car.” These answers were fueled by desire for warm weather, yet, also, our sense of impending collapse was growing. I felt very clear guidance that in the next year major events would most likely take place that could make it impossible to leave Canada. Canada itself didn’t feel sustainable with its short growing seasons and deep reliance on fossil fuels and false self-based infrastructure. We wanted to live in a place where the local people lived more simply, more sustainably, and where there was a long growing season. We felt into various places in Central America and finally decided on Mexico, mostly because three of us had been here before and were somewhat familiar with it.

Mexico. I am falling in love with Mexico. It is a dance, just like in romance. It feels so foreign in moments- the concrete homes, the Spanish language, the accordion-heavy music, the dogs that wander free, the lack of self image.Yet it feels like home too. I love the way that life comes first here and work comes second. Every business seems to be run out of someone’s home so that the gap between the two is even less. They inhabit every square inch of their homes here, no matter how humble the dwelling is. Home is where the heart is here, yes. There are moments of culture shock, where I feel a rub inside of me after searching for anything comfortable or familiar and finding nothing. Dimly lit and un-air conditioned grocery stores. High heat plus humidity that seems almost hostile in its relentlessness. There is the challenge of being vegan, saying ‘no queso or carne’ over and over and getting confused looks back from waiters. Just like romance, the back and forths provide depth to the lust, to the desire that brings us here.

One desire, our desire for land, is strong. To grow seeds. To harvest and to eat of our own labors. This is the one thing that feels sane in a world that has become insane from fossil fuel addiction. Even here, in a state where so much produce is grown, many locals go to the grocery store still. Then comes the truck driven by local farmers full of watermelons or papayas or lemons…announcing over a loud speaker their price….and affordable freshness is in your hand and soon in your belly. Still, now, we are buying our food but soon, we hope, in the next six months or so, we will be eating mostly only what we grow. Is this a naive vision? Have we not planned well enough? Are we fools?

What feels naive and foolish to us is those who do nothing to become more sustainable, those who continue to live fossil fuel dependent lives without awareness, those who dream but do not follow their dreams because they need to earn money to keep their disatisfying lifestyles afloat, those who stay so busy that they cannot let in joy and breathing. Those who will most tragically and certainly die in the coming collapse if they do not change their lifestyles very soon.

And, even if we are wrong about the timing of collapse, why not live ‘as if’ it is a real possibility? Why not make changes to live more sustainably, including growing your own food, living off the grids of city electricity and water, living in community providing support and connection, letting go of false self attachments, healing your heart and soul? Why not truly experience your life in every moment rather than medicating with false food in so many forms?

We have jumped off a cliff into the unknown…and found that there is a river at the bottom that catches and submerges us. A river that is made of love and trust and surrender and courage. A river that has an unimaginable depth and a steady current…taking us onward and around the next bend and the next toward a destination where anything is possible.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a  book about connecting with the Divine Mother and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher.