The Anniversary Of Choosing Love

By Raianna Shai

It has been exactly one year today that I moved to Mexico. Not only that, but it has been one year that I really began to see myself. To honour the unique and different parts of me that may not always coexist in harmony, but that I have come to realize care for me and each other so deeply.

One year ago I began a deep dive into my emotional body and spirituality that shone a light into the dark corners of my existence. What I uncovered were often scared parts that felt unworthy of love. From a fierce protector that did anything it could to protect me and my other parts to those young and pure parts that I felt needed protecting.

The biggest and most beautiful thing that I learned this year was how to love. How to love these parts of me, because that’s all they really need and want. To love others so genuinely that I can let them go knowing it’s best for the both of us. To love all of the souls I haven’t met yet by cultivating love within myself first.

I have learned and felt how setting boundaries (with love) is the biggest way to nourish your soul and to send the message to your parts that they matter. That the energy I choose to be around and take in, matters. I have learned that boundaries don’t mean hate or not accepting someone for who they are. When done from the heart, boundaries are the most loving thing you can do when someone you care about cannot yet see their own bigness or yours.

I spent a lot of time away from my family before moving here but something has changed. They aren’t just my family anymore, they are my soul family. I’m at a place now where I don’t have to hide. I don’t have to put everyone else first because I know that they are taking care of their own parts as lovingly and fully as possible.

I’ve always loved helping others. Talking through what was going on in their lives, making them feel better, finding solutions or a silver lining. But I wasn’t giving that to myself at all. I was so scared of the dark places inside of me that I couldn’t even nourish the light. I would help anyone I could to escape the emptiness I felt inside. I felt so disconnected from my soul and judgement towards the intense emotions I could feel sometimes. It was like a drug hit to be able to feel someone else because in some ways I refused to feel my own parts.

Even when no one asked, when they would never expect me to hold as much as I did, I was there. It was my vice, my escape, to be able to be in their world and not my own, knowing I wasn’t happy. Knowing I wasn’t doing what was really in my heart. While also knowing I couldn’t help anyone in the way that I really wanted to.

I’ve got a lot more exploring to do but I feel that I am where I am meant to be in this moment. I am happy, I am becoming more fulfilled each and every day, and I am open to whatever it is this life (and others) lead me to next. I chose everything I have experienced this life and I’m more than happy that it led me here.

So thank you. To SoulFullHeart, to my soul family, to everyone who has ever touched my heart, to my parts, to my experiences, and to myself. For this journey we’re all on is precious. It’s hard, it’s arduous, and it can feel complicated to parts of us. But wow does it keep on giving us gifts!

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter:

INside Starts The “Day”

by Kalayna Colibri

ying yang beach

THIS is the Yin-in time

before the penetrative sun

blazes high and hot

giving heat and depth to activations

of all who keep from blocking it


This is the “time”,

the phase of a “day”,

when waves are gentler along the beach.

As we rise from sleep

We feel our first rumblings

of a day blessed

and starting from withIN.

How will we choose

to begin our inner “day”


Sand love, ocean love, pigeon love,

SELF love…

ALL surrounding as I enfold myself

in me and in Gaia.

BEing in quiet…

except for the writhing and steady ocean waves

(the Yang needs to be here somehow

and so does the more penetrating aspect of Yin).

Words float in

on the wings of fluttering feelings.

An opening out of heart

after a few “days”

of cave-IN process,

BEing and FEELing some buried-ness


Providing a Yin nest for thrashings


tiring, running-out-of-ground

life strategies,

old, beating, relationship to self

that must be burned away now

to let in the balm

that was always waiting

with soft, warm blankets

and silk pillows.

I feel MY love.

I feel HER love

and HIS…

and I dream of a “his” love

that’s on its way

as he continues to find love

in himself

and me

in myself.

We wake up every “morning”

yet we wake throughout each “day” too…

in triggers


ups, downs, flatness, no-thing-ness…

sleepiness, weariness, nappy-ness,


ALL BEing-ness!

Invitation and love and ness


sharing intimacy THROUGH self

WITH others.

No victims,

only powerful choices

with outcomes

and INcomes…

welcome and not

yet always, ALL ways


with all we need

to enter a new birth

of renewed life

and rediscovered




Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at

Always More To Learn In The Face Of Near-Term Human Extinction Possiblities: Life At El Rancho Blog



By Jelelle Awen

“Whenever the need for sanctuary presents itself, tomorrow or ten years from now, you will wish you knew more. So start learning right now, and go hard.” Brace For Impact, Thomas Lewis

It seems there is always so much to learn. Just in living this way there is a constant invitation to learn more. Learn more about both practical things and esoteric things; both external and internal things. What I’ve learned since moving to the ranch wouldn’t be taught in any university. Too bad since it has mostly been things crucial to survival. Or things of self discovery that are, again, crucial to my long-term survival and critical to my future as a co-founder and leader of our community here.

The locals here, most of whom didn’t finish high school and haven’t left the local area, know so much more about crucial things than I do. Things about what grows here; about what weeds, plants, fruits and cactus are edible here; about horses and raising livestock (although I don’t philosophically agree with that one); about how to get the body to work hard, very hard, in high temperatures without getting heat exhaustion; about singing Mexican songs at the top of their lungs at the end of a workday. Their earthy groundedness and capacity for simple joy aren’t taught in western universities, but will be so valuable in facing the changes that are coming.

As there is so much to learn, I feel pressed sometimes over what feels like an ever shortening time frame. Nothing truly significant, no major global crisis, has happened since we hatched our plan to move to the ranch from Canada a year ago. This is surprising to me, actually, as we felt like Chicken Littles screaming about the sky is gonna fall soon to anyone who would listen (most people wouldn’t.) I’m glad nothing major has happened (other than continuing economic tensions in Greece), of course, because there is so much to learn about living on a homestead in the meantime. And, there is so much transformation happening for us in living here. And, we want to draw others to join us here which will take time and mostly the internet to accomplish.

Yet, still, it just doesn’t feel like there are many years left of industrialized society,’ the empire’ as Guy McPherson calls it. In our human history, all empires have eventually fallen, especially when they overreached, leading to eventual under inhabitation and corruption. The empire had something that worked for them in one setting as in Rome, but then, they got greedy and imagined mini-Rome franchises sprouting up extending to all the areas they could imagine around them. The locals in these far off franchise locations didn’t have the same enthusiasm at being colonized and franchised. The actual establishment of the Western Empire happened when the first settlers came, entitledly took what they wanted, and created devastation instead of betterment. This same cycle has been repeating over and over again the last three hundred years or so with the levels of destruction and damage deepening with the rate of industrial and technological advancement.

Empire can’t sustain; it isn’t scalable long term. I’m beginning to wonder if anything really is scalable and especially industrial dependent society established on a planet with restricted resources to support it. Our focus as a species has been about growth and profit at any costs and without regard to any long term consequences. The consequences could be very dire, including the possible near-term extinction of our entire species. Guy talks about this in his book Going Dark. He is a former biology professor who has studied climate chaos (as he calls it) as his life passion and ‘left empire’ and his teaching position several years ago to set up a sustainable sanctuary near Tucson, Arizona. Due to climate chaos, environmental devastation, and the 400+ nuclear reactors that have no means to be shut down responsibly, he believes that it is highly unlikely that any life will exist on this planet by 2050. It’s a lot to take in but, also, it brings a poignancy to the moment. An urgency that every moment matters and counts.

For me, it brings me back to that point about there being so much to learn. Whether near term extinction or just collapse happens or not, this lifestyle is the one that brings me the most nourishment and is the most authentic reflection of who I am. I, too, have walked away from Empire. I plan to live my life, for however many years I have left, centered in this authentic life in union with nature.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Summer Season Of Swarms And Storms: Life At El Rancho Blog



By Jelelle Awen

Today is June 21st, summer solstice, the day with the most hours of daylight and the beginning of summer. It means something different here on the ranch then it did in Canada. In Canada, the beginning of summer is the beginning of better weather. Maybe. Or at least you can count on July and August to be fairly decent. Summer in Canada is beautiful sunsets, hikes, dips in the water, watermelon, gatherings outside on patios, less clothing and usually more sex, an exhale and a shedding of a water logged skin in exchange for a tanned one. Summer is an event because of the tempestuous weather the rest of the year. Summer was always my favorite season and I would mourn deep down in my bones every time it turned cold and rainy again.

Here in Mexico, summer is different. Summer is the rainy season and the low tourism season. It is called the ‘off season’ for that reason. Summer on the ranch will be about navigating the increasingly bulging and rapid river that cuts off traffic and even people at times. Summer means that we can no longer drive our van on the ranch road and need to get rides with the couple who lives here who has a 4X4 and is gracious to give them to us. Summer will be stormy and windy with lightning storms and sometimes tail ends of hurricanes. In some ways, I can’t wait.

To experience extreme weather is to be thrust into the uncertainty of life. A rumble of thunder, a crack of lightening, a gust of wind…violent and uncontrollable. Reminding us of our fragility. The gift of being alive here. And Now. We’ve experienced two storms here that brought this into focus for us, both tail ends of hurricanes. Their power was undeniable. This is a good kind of humbling at times, especially for humans who feel that we must conquer nature rather than be in union with it.

We experienced another extreme here last week after the first rains since March. A huge swarm of flying termites, set free from their cocoons sheltering under the roof tiles. They were a horde surrounding every house. “It’s like the house is on fire!” exclaimed Wayne as I was quickly shutting every shutter that I could. But they got in anyway and we spent a restless night flicking them off of us and spent days cleaning up the wings that they shed. “It was gross,” part of me says. And, it was. But yet, also, it was another example of the uniqueness of experience here at the ranch, things that just couldn’t happen in cities. Some we like better than others, for sure.

The swarm seemed to offer us a message of masses, a group rising, born, arrived. We were hopeful that maybe it represented what we are feeling more and more: a desire for others to join us here in community. We feel the possibilities of expanding our community here to offer others the goodness, transformation, and intimacy that we’ve experienced. We envision building cabanas for people and sharing community space, united by a desire for healing and living sustainably. If you are interested in becoming part of our swarm, please visit our website at and contact us at

Summer is the season of Magdalene, lover and wife (I feel, as do a growing number of historians) of Yeshua. Magdalene offers sisterhood and brotherhood experience within community. Sexuality without sinful feelings between connected lovers. She invites us to explore metaphysical realms, feel the magic of the natural world, discover our latent soul gifts. And all of these while adoring and inhabiting our physical bodies. Magdalene is easy to connect with as an ascended teacher. She is quite the talker and loves to tell stories and have dialogues. If you want to feel her, just ask her to speak with you or tell her that you’d like to feel connected to her. Imagine a beautiful woman with long, red, curly hair and bright eyes. Imagine her deific smile and earthly laugh. Imagine Her smelling of sandlewood and lavender. Play some Lorenna Mckennit. And, there off you go together.

The season of swarms and storms. The season of connection and community. I welcome it.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Beginnings And Endings: Life At El Rancho Blog


By Jelelle Awen

Beginnings and endings. Death and rebirth. Life cycles this way and especially here and now at the ranch, during the season of Dark Mother and spring. A beautiful duck died this week, adrift on the pond, while the only three ducklings to survive the spring are growing larger every day, becoming independent, paddling around without mom. The ground is bone dry, thirsty, in drought conditions as the end of the dry season comes and rainy season sets to begin. For every dried out bean plant that I pull, I plant a brand new seed to replace it. As I become more in touch, in union, living daily with nature, I feel the textures of the beginnings and the endings much more. A harvest one day, pulling a dead plant out of the ground the next day. All of life is arising in aliveness even as it courts eventual deadness. Life moves to death, and death moves to life.

Rather than this awareness adding a morbid feeling to life, it enlivens me with an appreciation for every changing thing around me. I feel my senses amplified here, all of my sensitivity given free reign to let it all in without industrial noise, electric and internet grids, crowds of people, shopping malls…without all manner of numbing agents to dull my experience of experience. I have become much more acutely aware of my surroundings, now that my head isn’t buried in a computer screen, plugged into a virtual reality that disconnects me from my body and physical surroundings. This makes contrasting sensations more acute and enjoyable or not enjoyable: sweet and hot touches from Wayne, irritating itchy bites from mosquitos, cooling effects of a dip in the river or a cold shower, the pressing sweatiness caused by the heat.

With this acute sensitivity also comes more overall detachment to things and people that aren’t right in front of me. Email can bring virtual intimacy, substituting real time conversation for a shuffle back and forth that can span weeks. How was this enough for me? When I read emails now, I copy them at the internet place and bring them home to savor here at the ranch. I take days to feel my reactions and my responses. Very few emails bring real time responses now. So, I’m just not as interested in exchanging this way. I would rather have someone join me in one my gardens, pull weeds with me, water plants, plant seeds and we’ll talk and connect and feel each other. Let me pause, look you in the eye and hear the tone of your voice. Let us get our hands dirty together and see what needs to be expressed in exchange. Email doesn’t allow for any of this. Only a response into the void with no sense of how it really landed. When did this become our main form of communication with each other?

This is why I’ve felt both sensitive and detached in response to a fairly major change that arose this week over an email related to something big from my past. I was involved in an emotional and spiritual healing group for almost five years. EBE was an intense, elite group led by a charismatic, gifted, and often emotionally abusive leader. There was beauty and there was pain, both, and I was left forever changed by it, including meeting my husband Wayne in this group. I was ‘kicked out’ of the group after receiving an ultimatum from the leader, Daniel, about my relationship with Wayne being grossly codependent and that I needed to choose between the group, agreeing to stay away from Wayne for a year, or leave. And, all of this was offered over email, no face-to-face digestion and no one (including my facilitator) having actually seen and felt Wayne and I together as a couple. Our relationship was all of three weeks old at the time…..but I received strong guidance to leave the group and choose the relationship and, ultimately, myself. My book shares a six year span of time of journals and blog entries written while I was in the group and after I was out. The recovery period after leaving the group, with none of my friends in the group talking to me any longer, was excruciating and painful, only bearable because I had Wayne’s support and because I had a deepening connection with the Divine that saw me through the worst of it.

It’s been almost seven years now and my thoughts and feelings on a daily basis rarely go to the group or anyone in it. However, I found out over the last few weeks that the group has dissolved with the people in it realizing and finally owning the harm that Daniel has done to them. A couple of days ago, we received a forwarded copy of an email Daniel sent out, an apology addressed ‘to the good people whom I have harmed.’ I had different reactions to all of this, ranging from not much care about it to relief to some feelings of renewed outrage and hurt. I didn’t expect to ever receive an apology from Daniel, so it really is surprising to feel him own the harm he has done to others. He said that he didn’t realize what he had done until recently, which doesn’t feel genuine to me. Part of him had to have known exactly what it was doing; its own evil cruelty, and without any feeling for others. Until he truly differentiates from this part and admits that it is there, I can’t totally buy the apology. Even with this, I can feel compassion for the pain and suffering he must be going through as the world he built up falls apart. I know how this feels.

But, also, in all of this, something good completed finally for me and for Wayne. Something that had been hovering over our relationship from the beginning, a pronouncement by Daniel and also my friend at the time, that we were ‘off’ and codependent. Contrary to this proclamation, we continued to deepen with each other, experiencing degrees of intimacy and healing together that have been nourishing in a way neither of us thought were possible. We ‘proved them wrong’, yet, at the same time, it feels freeing to no longer be pushing up against anything at all now. As my former group goes up in flames, I feel compassion for those who spent seven years more than I walking through the fire. I know from experience how grueling and wrenching their recovery process is going to be. Well, I somewhat know, because love called me sooner to claim it and to end the cycle of cruel male authority figures in my life.

So, as something ends, so something new begins as we get ready to host our first volunteer here at the ranch in a couple of weeks. Maybe this is the beginning of the community that we dream of eventually, one joined in the desire for healing, authenticity, and sustainability.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Modern Homesteading In Rural Mexico: Life At El Rancho Blog


By Jillian Vriend

The foundation walls of our first cob (straw, clay, and sand) structure are growing. It is like a puzzle, taking random stones and fitting them together to form a sixteen inch wide wall. This first structure is a sleeping and living cabana for Christopher with an outdoor veranda. We will also create one for Wayne and I up on the hill by the large boulders. Our next building will most likely be the common area kitchen and dining building with storage and a pantry. Or maybe the pit/compost toilets and shower stalls. Some days it feels as if there is so much still to do and it almost feels impossible. Other days it seems amazing the progress we are already making by taking it poco y poquito (little by little.)


I have become fond of the idea that we are homesteaders or perhaps home/heart/soulsteaders is even more apt. Homesteaders live sustainably and independently. A homestead is a sanctuary for individuals to grow their own food, including raising livestock (although we have only adopted the chickens here on the ranch to eat their eggs occasionally), to live much more simply, and to be unplugged from the grids. A modern homesteader is able to combine some of the conveniences of the modern age with techniques from our ancestors. The modern homesteader sees the bigger picture about the long term unviability of our industrial, profit-based, and growth obsessed culture. They feel that they don’t want to contribute to the consequences any longer of this culture and want to take providing of their own needs ‘into their own hands’ (and hearts and souls, as it were.)

For us, the awakening about the consequences of industrial society and its seemingly inevitable collapse, is what motivated us to set up a homestead here in Mexico. Our biggest priority was to find a place with its own water source, fertile and unspoiled topsoil to grow organically, land for us to build homes on out of natural materials, and at a cost that we could afford since we were leaving Canada with a finite nest egg and without definite means to earn money in the future. We also felt that the rural Mexican culture would be more able to withstand collapse as they tend to live much more simply and cheaply and resourcefully than we do in the US and Canada. The village near the ranch just got electricity in 2008 and still doesn’t have wired up internet, only satellite service. This is an agriculture and ranching area. Many of the adults and land owners here grew up in this area and there is a love of for the land and nature that is palpable in the people here. There is also a heartiness in the people here that we all admire and especially notice that older men here are quite robust and healthy.

The learning curve over the last five months since we moved to our homestead has been huge. We have gotten some advice and guidance from locals here, but most of our guidance has been from a few good books and our own intuition. I am amazed at what I have learned and what I continue to learn every day about plants and how to grow them for food. My current learning curve is around saving seeds and what to plant in anticipation of the hot, humid, wet season that is coming soon. The ‘rainy season’ (which goes from June to September and into October sometimes) here is looming a bit large in the moment as we haven’t been through it before. Rising water levels of the river that runs in front of the ranch can make it challenging to get here and usually the only way to cross it is by the couple of horses that are ‘great swimmers.’ Two other people who live here on the ranch, a couple from Washington, are planning to buy a boat which we are hoping to use to boat here during the rainy season.

We are getting used to living with both unknowns and with a growing sense of security and safety about our choices to come here. We are becoming increasingly less reliant on industrial society and finding that giving up things that felt like necessities but are actually luxuries afforded to us through cheap oil primarily are not that hard to give up. And the benefits of appreciation, humility, and more connection with one another and the planet are huge.

Come visit us! Please visit to learn more about no cost volunteer opportunities to engage in healing, organic gardening, and natural building at a sustainable 700 acre eco-ranch in Mexico.

Building Foundations: Life At El Rancho Blog


By Jillian Vriend

Our world has been about seeds and plants and now, it is about rocks. Round river rocks and jagged creekbed rocks. Rocks stacked in a wall to form the foundation of our first cob house. We are using cob (a combination of sand, clay, and straw) mortar, which is getting us used to the sensation of mud on our hands and feet (you mix the cob with your feet). I feel my inner child in glee; we get to play in mud for a good reason! The rocks seem to have personalities and I didn’t realize that they can talk just as plants do. They seem to tell me where they will fit in the rock puzzle. And they all seem to want to be part of it. We are building foundations which could remain for centuries to be discovered by generations in the future.

Life cycles are ending in our first garden by the river, which we call the ‘rio garden.’ The bean plants that are over three months old and have been giving us beans for a few weeks are starting to die and wilt. The tomatoes are wilting in the sun and the ones that the caterpillars don’t get are a welcome addition to salsas. Every time I harvest a bean pod I think of the plant’s will to live encompassed in the drying out pods. Each seed represents life even as the plant itself is dying.

As I talked about in this blog entry about death and rebirth, it is the season of the Dark Madonna or Kali. In this spring season, there is a feeling of anything can happen and if you’ve been running from change, it will find you. Kali offers a stark mirror for that which we’ve been avoiding or haven’t wanted to face in our own shadows. But, always, She offers a rebirth after the death into what is more real and less false. This can be a painful process, however, as parts of us attach to what is current and what we’ve become familiar with. It can be a very intense experience to let go of what we have known, even if it wasn’t making us happy or fulfilled.

For us, a big shift is happening in our personal world. It looks most likely that Kathleen will be moving on, probably staying local in the Puerto Vallarta area. Kathleen has been with us since the beginning of our arrival here in Mexico in October and off and on for over three years. Besides being a friend, she also has been engaging in our SoulFullHeart process since the beginning of its inception. The process for which she has come to the decision to leave and our process around it is quite vulnerable and raw still in the moment, so I feel to leave that for our private digestion. But, in her going, I can feel the death and rebirth cycle in a very intimate way. I’ve been through enough of them, usually by choice in the last several years as I’ve surrendered more to the Mother, to trust that whatever is lost or dies in this process will end up birthing me and others into a more authentic place. A place that we need to be. A place that ends up being the best one, even if it is hard to see that in the moment of loss and adjustment.

I feel even more how the ranch offers a hugely catalytic growth opportunity for those who desire it. Being unplugged from so many of the western world’s grids and immersed in nature the way we are here pushes up conditioning for us to feel and heal. I feel that anyone coming to stay here or visit here doesn’t remain unchanged. I certainly have been changed and continue to be, as have those around me have as well.

Please visit to learn more about no cost volunteer opportunities to engage in healing, organic gardening, and natural building at a sustainable 700 acre eco-ranch in Mexico.

The Emerging Me Through Natural Education


By Christopher Tydeman

In my former life, I was a teacher. I taught a range of ages from 7 to 12. I taught reading, writing, mathematics, history, science…et al. While I was teaching I was wondering if I was really teaching anything at all. I mean, yeah, I was helping with some basic fundamentals that are the building blocks of an education. But the content was a mixture of somewhat useful and interesting to downright drab and boring. I tried my best to bring in something meaningful and engaging but, to be honest, it was a lot of work. It all had to tie into the “Standards” of the prevailing curricula. Oh yes, the Standards.

We want our children to be “competent” so that they are “successful in today’s highly competitive world.” As a former parent to a school-aged child, I bought that with half my heart and all my mind. I passed that down to my students and their parents and care-givers. If they could demonstrate “proficiency” they would have a much better chance of “making a better life for themselves”.

I agree that my use of quotes is a bit tongue and cheek seasoned with sarcasm. That is my intention. Even while I was buying and selling those words, I could feel how devoid of humanity they really were. The Standards System, or Core Knowledge, or whatever the hell they are calling it now, is nothing more than a conveyor belt by which the Industrial Machine can create its submissive robots. I couldn’t participate in that system anymore without being guilty by association.

Why am I writing about this now? Great question. It has been two years now that I have left my teaching career. I am also now just learning what real education is all about…self-sufficiency, emotional awareness and fluency, and a place to discover and nuture our Divinely-given gifts. I guess I just realized I am in school for the first time since I was a child, where learning happened through creative play and experimentation. As an adult, I can add a lot of physical work to that list. This was the education I wished I could have given my daughter and my students. This is the shit that really matters. I knew it mattered because my students went crazy for nature, food, play, and art. They, as well as us older children, were born with the Divine Fingerprint. The desire to be with what we need most as human beings.

Somewhere we forgot that along the way. Convinced ourselves it must be more complicated than that. But as I sit here in Mexico with gardens literally popping out the ground from our own research, intuition, play and labor, I can tell you it isn’t. Granted, it is hard work. I have worked hard before, but this is for our food. Our sustenance and currency. Our hearts and our souls. You can’t get more real than that. I am learning more about myself and nature, as Mother intended. This is the real classroom.

So, I am back to being a student again. That is hard for the Industrial part of me who thought we had it all figured out. Put in the time and retire in peace. But once you feel your true, wild, natural self you can’t stay in the System without feeling the rub, the pain. The un-naturalness of it all. The insanity. This part of me is becoming more aware of how much happier he is now than he was then. I am beginning to feel a new me arising from this transition from teacher to student. From Industrial Self to Natural Self.

At some point I see myself teaching again. Not sure what that would look like, but I know what it wouldn’t. Been there, done that. I see being a part of a new reality for education. One that will emerge from the collapse of the old. For now, I am enjoying the ride of sitting in the student seat. Learning from my SoulFullHeart family, the ranch workers, the animals, the plants, and the Divine. They are the best teachers I have ever had. Time to rewrite the standards from the inside out.

Building The Ark: Life At El Rancho

By Jelelle Awen


The ark is about learning what I don’t know; remembering what my soul knows; and using my intuition to feel out the rest.

I have felt like Noah at times; holding a prophecy of a big storm coming and making plans and taking actions to survive that storm. Like Noah, with some foresight and surrender to the Divine, doing something for which most of the culture is not understanding or seeing. My version of the ark was my passenger van and the human and dog companions that came along with me on the journey from Canada to here in Mexico are as treasured as the pairs of animals saved to repopulate the earth. We landed here in our ark on the shores of what feels like our safe sanctuary. A place where water flows not from city taps but from natural springs. A place where exotic fruit grows year round from trees. A place where no insulation is needed on homes or on bodies. A place where having no electricity or refrigeration is not a big inconvenience but a manageable work around. A place where many people ride horses to get around and cars are just another option. A place where traffic slowdown is caused by a swarm of cows not frustrated commuters.

The storm is growing, building strength in the skies of the world. These are dim skies to me right now; they feel far away from the daily realities here on the ranch. But, I can feel the thunder rumbles of war in ISIL occupied areas and the Ukraine; in the economic contentions of European nations faced with growing debt that can’t be repaid; in oil price fluctuations due to diminishing reserves and bubbles bursting fracking empires; in the diminishing fresh water resources around the world and especially the southeastern United States. And maybe the lightning from these events is still far off and hasn’t charred the ground and struck near or in your world. But, as so many people have foretold, the storm that will end this industrial age as we know it is coming. Whether in ten days or ten months or ten years, the world as it being run and experienced right now just isn’t sustainable in any kind of long term picture.

We’ve become so out of touch with our intrinsic nature as hunters and gathers and growers. Becoming so out of touch has made us disconnected about where our food comes from, how it is grown, how it is treated (in the case of animals), how chemicals are used on it, and how synthetic or natural it is. Becoming so out of touch has made us easy victims for the storm that is coming. Rather than being able to tough it out relying on ancient instincts of survival, so many people will be unable to respond in any way that is beyond feeling helpless, hopeless, and immobilized. Many people, sadly, will simply end their own lives rather than have to find the will to survive in a world without all the easy conveniences that they are used to.

This last week has felt like another phase of ark building. The ark this time isn’t about transport to sanctuary; it’s about reconnecting with my human instinct and imprint for feeding myself. The ark now, for me, is about growing my own organic food and incorporating what grows here on the ranch already into my diet, even if I’m not familiar with it. The ark is about learning what I don’t know; remembering what my soul knows; and using my intuition to feel out the rest.

We have all been building this ark with dedication, getting up by the rooster’s call at six am to work at Tranquila, our third garden space here at the ranch. Tranquila is described in much more detail here. We’ve put in five or six hours a day during the hardscaping and shaping of earth phase that is required to sculpt raw earth into a garden space. This is the laying out of floor and wall boards, pounding in of nails process of building our ark. And inside of the ark, instead of just animals, there are beans, tomatoes, quinoa, buckwheat, amaranth, and much more. Inside of the ark is true self sustainability and connection back with a primal instinct that has been numbed by easy living.

As I watered the gardens in Tranquila for the third time today, I felt how I don’t resonate with the idea of being a gardener. For me, it’s not about being something outside of who I am just because I am growing seeds, tending them, harvesting them, and eating them. I am not a gardener; I am a human. A human reclaiming the inner gardening abilities inherent in my soul and embraced by my heart.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Finding Home And The Unfolding Mystery: Life At El Rancho


By Jelelle Awen

I’m sitting here at an internet cafe in Tule, a town about 90 minutes from the ranch. Normally I’ve been writing ahead of time and sharing it once I am in town. But, today, I thought I would try just writing and see what comes out. I feel a bit buzzed and heady from being in town, even though this is more like a small village than a town, especially in the western sense. Even the small amount of activity is a lot for me to digest now that I am used to being in the peace and quiet of the ranch. It is amazing what is becoming overwhelming and how quickly.

I have recently realized that this life is most likely the only one I’ve had within an industrial society. The only life where easy electricity, food, water, and shelter were readily available and expected. This explains so much about why modern technologies and conveniences, while I acclimated to them, still felt foreign and uncomfortable to my soul. When I am in our gardens recently, I feel this acess to my soul’s knowledge about growing food beginning to open up to me. I know how to do this, I think, and then I read my organic gardening books for validation. I like to lead with intuition and retreived knowledge first, and book knowledge second. I like for the plants to tell me what they need and want rather than use my mind to deduce it. I feel that this intuitive way of gardening is what is most natural to my soul in past lives as a healer, medicine woman, priestess, etc. Maybe this intuitive way is what is most natural for all people.

Nature is beginning to call to me. Not just in a casual way that happens when you take a hike in the woods, but in a deeper way that invites me to experience both the groundedness of the land and the metaphysical and transcendal aspects of the natural world. I have been curious about exploring parallel universes and other dimensions for a long time, yet felt to focus on my emotional healing primarily and healing my connection with the Divine in a way that was grounded in my body. After ten years of this focus, I can feel a rumbling of curiousity and desire in me to expand my consciousness and see things which cannot be seen by the eyes. This, it feels like, is more familiar to my soul than the logical and practical world I have been raised in.

This weekend, Wayne and I are going to camp out for a night in the hills. To light a fire, to feel the oak trees around us, to take in the soul opening view of the river and the lake. To connect with the Divine and our guides. To see what opens up that won’t be easy to explain to the rational mind. To feel not walls around us but the open air. We’ve been camping quite a bit the last few months but now that we are in a house, which is also very appreciated, we both feel a desire for the open air. And for whatever metaphysical journey our souls would like to go on.

It is interesting how much it feels like home to me to be without easy internet access and all the other things I have been used to. I feel that this sense of home is the core of our sacred humanity and what I call our wild self. We’ve been tamed by industrial society and lost our connection with so much of what makes us and the world sacred. I like the feeling of appreciating the home within me, the home with the Divine, the home in nature, and the home in metaphysical realms. My journey has been about finding home in all these ways and, yet, also to be open to experiencing the ongoing mystery arising in every moment.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.