Letting Go WITH Love

by Kalayna Colibri

letting go with love

Letting go WITH love… this phrase is becoming more poignant now, bringing with it deeper meanings. We are being invited to really feel it. It can no longer mean letting go and closing a door for good or with numbness. This is being challenged by so many disasters and tragedies, all intended to evoke, not dampen or inspire numbness and escape. A broken wall becomes a doorway into another reality, another timeline. It is happening with our need to feel more now, to be faced with our shadows, to go INto it all, as it flows through and moves us too. No process is without fluidity. It is all a moving current, moving with what you are currently feeling, being and healing.

There is less and less stagnancy possible now. All is moving, even the ‘stuckness’ feelings and patterns. As you are invited to let go, you are invited to do so with love, with a full heart, and with deep care that begins from you to you. There are some things that cannot be let go of right now. Not while parts of you need them still. This is okay. They won’t need them forever. Eventually, these ‘needs’ which can look and feel like addictions, move too as you go inward, holding mourning processes with parts of you while also letting in that this ‘need’ was never all that loving towards you or them in the first place. This can be a romantic relationship, your relationship to your pet, a friend or birth family member. It can be a drug, prescription or not. It can be sex or shopping. It can be a part’s escape through your mobile phone or computer or gaming system. It can be and often is food too. There are so many ways that loops of ‘I want love, but I’m settling for this pattern and stuckness instead’ can express. These too want to be felt and moved WITH love… let go of with love. But only if there is love powerfully present in your heart and in your life, can this become possible for you.

Letting go becomes a practice of being… holding an open hand and open heart, feeling ‘attachments’ where your heart and parts have been invested, holding it all as good, letting in the space for the tears of mourning and eventually the tears of joy. Both sometimes happen at once, as timelines emerge and collapse and emerge again.

Letting go becomes an experience of the heart… feeling the fullness of feeling all there is to feel. Baking in the goodness and the sadness, giving all relationships their due. This is hard, especially for your Inner Protector, as he/she would prefer to just ‘move on’ and suppress the lessons, the mirrors, the love that wants to come to you through these emotional landscapes within, that when taken in deeply could transform your life and end suffering loops too. Your Inner Protector can be felt in this desire to numb out instead of feel and share with you why it has been this way and why allowing you to feel on your way out the door has been scary. Outrage is far easier to lean into at times, wanting to blame many or even just a few… or yourself too. Yet this is numbing somehow too. Numbing to the reality of where the experience wants to take you…. the journey and process to self-forgiveness and a greater sense of your love and worth. The journey and process of finding out what’s underneath it all, what led you here, what is underpinning the whole experience.

Letting go WITH love wants to live and breathe in your being. Letting IN with love is the reality at your doorstep. Perhaps eventually it all leads to simply letting love, period –  where the comings and goings are not really events anymore, but instead, there is a way to just be and move with it, with fluidity and fluency, stillness and grace. For now, the feeling part is often the hardest…. but the one that will lead you to more of the love flow that so wants to flood your every part and every ache and every single bit of joy too. ❤


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.



The Ways Our 3D/4D/5D ‘Selves’ Experience The World

by Kalayna Colibri


“I want to focus on how I look to others and try and control what they think of me. I want success and I want peace. The world is mostly black and white to me… ugly or beautiful, full or empty, alive or dead. What I want more than anything else is to be satisfied with life just as it is. And if I’m never quite ‘satisfied’, well, that’s okay. No one else seems to be living the life they really want to anyway! Why ‘take the road less travelled’ when this road is so paved and comfortable?” Says the 3D self that doesn’t think much about dreaming of more for itself, though the longing may be there for a different way to see itself and to experience life in a more expansive way. Yet, it finds contentment sometimes in simple content that doesn’t necessarily satisfy but does keep basic needs met at least. It is a simpler approach to life and one that less and less people are able to inhabit anymore these days.

“I want to fix and focus on the world outside of me… everything is falling apart or needs to fall apart. I can see the possibilities for the future and it all pretty much looks and feels like Hell. The world is anything but simple and it seems to be getting more complicated every day, with the lies that are told and the awful stances that most are taking! Wake up, world!!!” Says the 4D self, awakening more and more into an awareness of the turmoil, angst and outrageous circumstances in this world of ours. Feeling that everything happening on the outside is what needs addressing and that doing and battling is how to ‘win’. It is hard to feel satisfied by life in any way… or that there is much hope left for this world of ours.

“I want to keep going in, to find the parts that still need integrating. An act that changes the world within and can’t help but change the world with-out too! I have so much energy for it all… from where I am, the world does need help, and it IS moving toward something much better, much bigger, all on its own and also in tandem with all of those who are willing to go within. To me, there is not only hope available, but love has already won.” Says the ever-present (somewhere) 5D self that acts as more than a cheerleader for our growth and expansion, but also as a beacon, a reminder that life really can be good, that we really can heal, and that in the end, there is a much brighter way for us all to shine.

Multi-dimensional you, reading this… I’m willing to bet that you resonate with all three of these points of view, that each ‘self’ of your own is standing up, saying, ‘I totally get this!’. Every stage of awakening is sacred, and yes, you do likely move between these 3 ‘selves’ quite often, depending on triggers or what’s happening in your inner and outer worlds. The ways in which you see and feel the world is expanding, contracting, moving… sometimes from simple pleasures to hope, to despair, to grief, and then maybe back to joy and bliss again. There is so much to trust and feel in each moment of this. It is all finding its way… YOU are finding your way!

Some days it can feel like there is something intense going on within… different ‘selves’ trying to edge each other out to take centre stage and to get your attention, let alone the attention of those around you. Much is being shaken up within. Much is wanting air, breathing, movement. You’re on your way, even with each intense wave of feeling, doubting, hoping, loving.

There’s a way that the world outside of you wants to press on you to feel each of these ‘selves’ and the parts of you that they’re made of. The 5D self is more like a ‘no-self’ in a way, actually, with no parts, yet it is eager to create a greater, more loving container for the other parts of you. Sometimes it can feel like such a stretch to reach for these energies of expansive holding and high-vibe breathing that somehow gets to this place of loving and Divine frequencies without transcending or losing touch with the parts that need to be felt. To be able to live more in 5D is the dream for the near future and the invitation in the NOW too!

There is so much going on within you… and it is all somehow feeling its way, learning its way., finding its way to a greater centre inside of you that feels, trusts, knows that love has already won and so have YOU… ❤



Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.


Collapse and Disclosure As A Reflection of Our Inner World



Disclosure is a hot topic in the 5D universe and beyond.  I have not delved as deeply as my SoulFullHeart friend and mentor, Raphael Awen, but I have taken in a bit and have wanted to feel it from a more contextual level.  It is easy for the masculine/linear side of us to go into the deep details as there is some incredibly fascinating information being unearthed.  So much has been hidden from us in regard to our contact with star beings, repression of technologies, and the influence of darker forces that have been at the helm up until now.  

In 4D consciousness there is a deep anger and resentment at all that has occurred.  Many people have been in the Disclosure game for a long time.  They are the messengers that have worked tirelessly to get this information out there.  There is a lot to react to.  For me it began with the story of Collapse.  The one that picked up speed after the 2008 financial crisis.  So much was happening before then but that feels like a pivot point.  There are other stories before then as well but that could be for a later discussion.  The time of Collapse in hindsight feels as though there was a collective internal collapse happening.  The structures that we were trying to hold up inside were no longer finding any solid ground to support it.  The thread of our collective tapestry was unraveling and the world was not behaving the same anymore.  There was a big outbreath of WTF?.  

More people began to wake to the reality that there was a charade going on.  But since as above, is below there must also have been a truth in that for each of us individually.  It feels reflective of a false world inside of us that was created in response to the false one on the outside.  We all created together because we just didn`t consciously know better.  But somewhere deeper we did.  We cannot play victim to it as then it takes away the power that is inherent us all.  We created it and we had to collapse it.  We couldn`t bare it anymore.  

Individually, this represents a time when we come to an awakening inside our emotional body.  The mental body just loses its grip.  For the wounded masculine, this is a very difficult process.  It has been so used to suppressing its emotions for the fear of feeling it.  I get that this is a general statement and not meant to cover individuals.  The power structure outside did its very best to hold up the house of cards, and so has the wounded masculine.  But this is was a great event!   It has helped to wake up even more men, and women, to the nature of our circumstance.  The realization that there is something happening inside us that was put to sleep in the control matrix.  

Now we are in the throws of the Era of Disclosure.  Another awakening into the deeper machinations of what has been going on behind the veil of deception.  But I feel it important to emphasize we have co-created it in order to learn from it.  This keeps us empowered.  We are not only hearing of a trove of information about technologies and alliances, we are learning more about the nature of our Reality.  Forget about economic collapse.  This stuff changes everything!  If we look at this time as a spiritual Disclosure, we can see that we are being shown how amazing we ARE and that we are a part of a vast experience that expands the territories of our limited consciousness.  It is more than social justice, it is social evolution on a galactic level!  So with each piece of information that is being shared, it is like a ray of light that is entering our BEing to upgrade our current operating system.  This new `information` sends up old emotional congestions that need healing for integration that opens up more space for more light and love to enter our true sacred, crystalline bodies.  

But it is not an easy process.  A  lot of this energy may not be ours personally and it can feel like we are moving mountains.  As men, we have tended to be a bit less connected to our emotions, so this back up can be a difficult one for some.  I feel it at times myself.  I have done a lot of work to clear my block and open my heart as much as I can but there are still things that come up and may still but it is all about how vulnerable we can be in each moment so we can heal all the block inside.  This is what we do daily in the SoulFullHeart community.  I don`t mean we are suffering. I mean we are feeling ourselves and what may come up for ourselves that need attention and process if needed.  There are many ways that we administer this healing to ourselves and with each other.

So for many men, Disclosure is first a mental digestion, then an emotional and spiritual one. This is the 4D Man.  The man who feels that there is inner work to be done, to embody more of his 5D or Cosmic Sacred Masculine.  As one who is on this daily path of continued healing, awakening, and embodying, I offer my heart and experience to those that are feeling that rumble inside.  That palpable discomfort and excitement  from disclosure.  The veil continues to lift each day and we will find ourselves in new territory as human men, and of course women.  More will start to surface and if you need help navigating that I would be honored to serve that.  Thank you for all the work you are doing now during these times as it helps us all to heal faster and easier.  

Gabriel Heartman is a teacher, facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  You can learn more about him at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com


Premise 12: Collapse of Our Industrialized Way of Life Is Part Of A Death-Rebirth Phase

By Raphael Awen


Good morning and welcome to day 12 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’

Today’s premise is one that is challenging to relate to. It is about the deep changes underway to our industrialized way of life. How we get food, water and energy is undergoing massive change.

Here’s the premise called the Deconstruction Premise:

“Our current industrialized way of life that provides food, water, and energy is collapsing, leading to massive change that is part of a bigger picture phase of deconstruction, death, and rebirth.”

Talk about a shift in premises!

Everything our current collective way of life is premised upon is based on cheap fossil fuel energy. Food from a store, water from a tap and gasoline from a gas station are all most of us have ever known. And it can’t continue the way it has. We’re literally running out of gas.

So severe is what we are facing that the shifts and changes in our environment point to the possibility even of near term human extinction.

SoulFullHeart has no interest in making a case for what we are going through, but rather seeks a way to hold what we are going through. Many of us on the planet are feeling these deep changes and many are offering all manner of responses, in order to prepare for the chaos to come, and really, the chaos is already here.

We recently made a big life change in leaving Canada, leaving careers, and moved to Mexico to live off grid. We did that for 18 months and just recently came back to living in the city of Puerto Vallarta. The changes we made had a lot to do with responding and preparing for the changes we saw coming.

Talk about a changing premise though. Like I said at the outset of this journey, a premise is not something written in stone for time and eternity. Far from it. A premise is simply a statement of what we currently see as foundational to how we are responding to life. We always need to be willing to let go of a premise or have it overhauled just as much as we are saying that the premises of any community need to be transparent.

We wrote an entire book on this premise called Living As If less than 2 years ago, and have since made the book unavailable because we shifted so much from where we were when we wrote the book.

Now, we still see the massive changes underway. We still see the need for preparation to be way more about inner preparation of the heart, like we wrote about in our book. But something deeper is shifting for us. And it’s a bit difficult to describe, but let me try.

When we feel a mental, in-our-heads approach to life, we will never be able to find trust and rest. No amount of external preparation for any coming storm will ever be enough. Even preparation of the heart is called into question, as much as we advocate for that. The bigger piece is the frame around how we relate to life itself.

Many and most may be simply not meant to weather this storm. Many are meant to lose their physical lives. Loss of life as we see it through our 3 dimensional mind-body perception of life is not how life itself sees life. Life is energy and there can be no loss of energy. Energy is ever and only changed, but never lost. There is no such thing as loss of life, in this sense that lives beyond 3D perception.

There is no avoidance of change. We all will go through great change. We are in fact in it right now. In another way, we have always been going through great change. It’s just that a time of much more sudden change is upon us.

Accepting this, coming to terms with it, is about adopting a reverence for what we have right now, and being fully present to the moment. Being ‘present to the moment’ loses the air of being a bull-shit new age quote card for Facebook, when a doctor tells you that you have less than a year to live. We are on notice that life as we know it isn’t going to remain. We’re welcome to get another opinion, ignore the opinion we got, or just increase the dose on our meds and hope for the best, but in all of these options, we can’t escape choice.

We’re living collectively in a hospice moment. Hospice is where people live who are expecting to die. Where did we ever, even in good times lose sight of death? Now, nature itself is gifting us with the awareness of our own demise that is way more immediate than our own death of old age.

Even near term human extinction feels like a real possibility.

When we feel this, it changes everything. It gifts us with a deep exploration of what really matters to us, what we want, what we are playing with that we need to get serious about.

Life is asking us to ‘quit fucking around with your heart and soul’ to those of us that feel this urgency. Many are not feeling any kind of such urgency and I feel, they are not meant to this life. They are on their perfect and chosen path, and trying to get them to resonate with me and my choices is a waste of energy and precious time (even the illusion of time is a precious commodity to us that consciously want to heal and grow).

What is actually collapsing is something deeper than our industrialized fossil fuel-based way of life, though that is a part of it. What is really collapsing is a way of seeing life itself as a three dimensional reality through the body-mind perception.

We are in the midst of a great and inescapable death and rebirth. None of us can escape no matter how great our preparations. We are being invited to see ourselves now as heart and soul beings who are energy, which energy manifests in human form, which form is undergoing collapse and rebirth.

See if you can feel that for a moment, because the mind doesn’t do well with this. Feel it, and then feel your intuition guiding you to your individual choices that are unique and sovereign to you. There isn’t any cookie cutter advice here when it comes to what to do. Doing is what is collapsing. Being is what is arising.

I’m going to pause on saying more around this premise, because it feels like less is more here somehow. I invite dialogue as always and I invite your direct contact if you’d like me or Jelelle Awen to hold space for your personal process around any of this.

Our sessions page is here if you want to read more about how we work with people: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

I’m honoured to be present and living in hospice with you. I want to live and live fully, now.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

The Cries of the World (a prayer for our times)




Acid rain tears fall down the cheeks of a thousand broken surfaces
the cracks and voids of where life was
is bringing about its fiery end.


The learning curve is steeper now
carved out to be so from our necessary faults.
         How else can we learn?


In death we learn to respect life
In hindsight we see what we could have, should have done
               but didn’t.
And perhaps the greatest self-punishment of all
         Is that we are destroying ourselves.


Great Mother, your arms offer safety but not from ourselves.
You shelter and harbour the changes to make
in order to not make the same pathway alive again.
To ask for more time, well, that doesn’t seem fair
when for thousands of years, with tears and longing
have you watched us scramble ourselves into a lopsided labrynth
          collectively created
by our authentic lack of authentic selves.


In this dimension and all dimensions
may we learn the respect you teach us
the love you hold for us
and the longing you have to be one with us once again
like in times of old, when snakes were once your Druids
and porcelain dolls your Priestesses.


How do we bridge All That Is with all that is now?
They connect already, I know.
It’s the acceptance that there is nothing more to do
          and only more to be
that gets hard to be with
and is the toughest mountain to climb in this ever-churning industrial world
soon screeching to a halt.


How do your children feel to you now?
Do you feel much hope for more than that we may try again someday?
Could it all be healed in a sudden swoop of an upswing of Divine ecstasy felt in all hearts?


I am done with the humanness of humanity to the degree in which most inhabit it.
To the degree in which I have inhabited it.
And I want more
and I feel more
and I will live to be more.
To give more to myself
so I can give more to others
and learn to live in your light, your fire, your passion and your connectedness
to us
and to all things.




Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions.


Spiritual La-La Land In A Time Of Impending Collapse: Golden Earth Tales


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(This is Part Six of the ongoing blog series: Golden Earth Tales.)

By Raphael Awen

It’s time in this blog series to pose a very important question.

The question goes something like this: How is seeking the nondual, or any other form of spiritual seeking for that matter, relevant at such a crazy time of global change that we are in the midst of? How is it not just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic?

We are in the midst of epic changes to our industrial society and its way of life that we are all embedded in. The long and the short of it is that gasoline from a gas station, water from a tap, food from a store, or electricity from a hole in the wall are not likely to persist for much longer. All of the inter-related systems that hold these realities in place are growing more and more vulnerable and tension-filled by the day. I am personally surprised each passing month to see the present order of things stumble against the odds into the next month.

The transition we are facing promises to be difficult almost beyond imagination, chaotic and marked with great loss of life.

My sense is that if you haven’t faced this approaching chaos and come to your own personal grounded choices around it, your spirituality (of any kind) is in la-la land.

Eighteen months ago, my wife and I and two close friends chose to relocate to living off grid two countries south and entered into a crash course of learning to grow our own food. It’s a long story and a great story and you can read it here in our free e-book called Living As If. It’s free monetarily speaking, but reading it will cost you. It will cost you some of your indifference; it will cost you some of your comfort; and it will cost you some of your happiness that’s based in denial. If you’ve been looking to spend those things from your life, the free e-book is a great place to start.

I almost want to apologize for pontificating here. Almost. I just called you indifferent, didn’t I? I am trying to build an audience, not thin one out, but this message cannot be pansied around with. If you haven’t considered the changes that you can feel are coming, you are fucking around with your own life. It’s just that plain and simple. It’s suicide and indifferent to boot. I’d much rather you got offended and left off reading my blogs than using my teaching on the nondual as a way to keep your pile of denial intact. What I’d most rather see, however, is that you could listen to your own heart without needing any prodding from me or anyone else and prepare to ride out the coming storm.

Facing into this with power and choice will feel like nothing short of joining a cult. Your seeking to get others on board in your circle of family and friends will be seen as proselytizing. It will probably add up to being the most difficult thing you have undertaken this life.

When you look at this though through a first-things-first lens, no other approach makes any sense at all. As humans, our needs for survival will always trump our needs for seeking meaning. We embrace spirituality only when our basic needs of food, water, and shelter are met and have a reasonable expectation of continuity.

You may be in a place of what appears to be life-stability at the moment, but I venture to say that you have been sensing the approach of deep structural changes coming to our collective way of life. How could you not? This has left you with an ungrounded feeling. Your ventures into spirituality and meaning are left with one foot outside of the circle. You’re not all here, and rightly so, you shouldn’t be. Maybe ten years ago, maybe even five years ago, this could be a different story, but not now.

As I’ve been writing this series on the nondual, I’ve had a growing sense of disconnect to be offering it into an audience I fear has done little to reconcile with these coming changes. I’m openly asking the question of myself: how does this form of spiritual seeking that I’m advocating for not just another form of a mind-numbing drug?

The shit is about to hit the fan – make no mistake about it.

Like the Captain in the movie Titanic so soberly said just minutes after the iceberg was struck, “This ship will go down.” The Titanic story is a powerful prophetic story for our time. Our collective hubris is only exceeded by our denial, and we are about to be called on it.

Big outbreath….phew. I had to say that… in that way.

My own tendency towards denial is as good as the next person’s; the difference though is that I am aware of mine. That awareness has led and continues to lead to changes – not talk of changes, but balls-to-the-wall grounded change.

So what then is there left to say about the nondual in relation to all this unavoidable change?

My truth is that all the talk in the world of the nondual isn’t worth a fiddler’s fart if you are not in your power facing this approaching storm.

Consciousness itself has prepared this transformation for us, not against us. Consciousness doesn’t see the loss of physical life with the same hysteria as we do. Consciousness sees it as a transformation, not an end in itself. What is at stake is not your consciousness per se, but your physical life and the goals you as a soul associated with this life.

I am convinced that most will not (as they say) know what hit ‘em, as they feel completely victimized and overwhelmed by circumstances outside of their control. Everything in their conditioning will support their chosen view of excusing themselves.

But for those of us who unmistakably sense this coming storm, such luxuries of consciousness don’t add up to much, do they?

The Christians believe strongly in Jesus returning to sweep them away before it gets too unbearable – that at least gives them some form of hope or comfort. Their collective sense of coming chaos is well founded and grounded; it’s just their solution that doesn’t add up. No savior is returning to take care of your business for you. All the universe, God, the Divine, and Jesus himself will be glad to help you – but no one and nothing is going to do this for you. Doing stuff for you is known as infantilizing, and we are moving past that now in our emerging collective consciousness.

You can expect to be infantilized if you must and that will ensure you some comfort in the midst of this great chaos, though it will also pretty much guarantee your early demise. Or you can adult-up and make choices with the power you have and ride out this storm consciously in the deep and personal transformation of yourself and the collective that this will prove to be.

Raphael Awen hails from SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. You can also track him on twitter via @raphaelawen, or on facebook: ­­­­­­­facebook.com/raphaelawen1

Please visit our Patreon Page if you’d like to support SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. We’d love to receive some of your money!

Always More To Learn In The Face Of Near-Term Human Extinction Possiblities: Life At El Rancho Blog



By Jelelle Awen

“Whenever the need for sanctuary presents itself, tomorrow or ten years from now, you will wish you knew more. So start learning right now, and go hard.” Brace For Impact, Thomas Lewis

It seems there is always so much to learn. Just in living this way there is a constant invitation to learn more. Learn more about both practical things and esoteric things; both external and internal things. What I’ve learned since moving to the ranch wouldn’t be taught in any university. Too bad since it has mostly been things crucial to survival. Or things of self discovery that are, again, crucial to my long-term survival and critical to my future as a co-founder and leader of our community here.

The locals here, most of whom didn’t finish high school and haven’t left the local area, know so much more about crucial things than I do. Things about what grows here; about what weeds, plants, fruits and cactus are edible here; about horses and raising livestock (although I don’t philosophically agree with that one); about how to get the body to work hard, very hard, in high temperatures without getting heat exhaustion; about singing Mexican songs at the top of their lungs at the end of a workday. Their earthy groundedness and capacity for simple joy aren’t taught in western universities, but will be so valuable in facing the changes that are coming.

As there is so much to learn, I feel pressed sometimes over what feels like an ever shortening time frame. Nothing truly significant, no major global crisis, has happened since we hatched our plan to move to the ranch from Canada a year ago. This is surprising to me, actually, as we felt like Chicken Littles screaming about the sky is gonna fall soon to anyone who would listen (most people wouldn’t.) I’m glad nothing major has happened (other than continuing economic tensions in Greece), of course, because there is so much to learn about living on a homestead in the meantime. And, there is so much transformation happening for us in living here. And, we want to draw others to join us here which will take time and mostly the internet to accomplish.

Yet, still, it just doesn’t feel like there are many years left of industrialized society,’ the empire’ as Guy McPherson calls it. In our human history, all empires have eventually fallen, especially when they overreached, leading to eventual under inhabitation and corruption. The empire had something that worked for them in one setting as in Rome, but then, they got greedy and imagined mini-Rome franchises sprouting up extending to all the areas they could imagine around them. The locals in these far off franchise locations didn’t have the same enthusiasm at being colonized and franchised. The actual establishment of the Western Empire happened when the first settlers came, entitledly took what they wanted, and created devastation instead of betterment. This same cycle has been repeating over and over again the last three hundred years or so with the levels of destruction and damage deepening with the rate of industrial and technological advancement.

Empire can’t sustain; it isn’t scalable long term. I’m beginning to wonder if anything really is scalable and especially industrial dependent society established on a planet with restricted resources to support it. Our focus as a species has been about growth and profit at any costs and without regard to any long term consequences. The consequences could be very dire, including the possible near-term extinction of our entire species. Guy talks about this in his book Going Dark. He is a former biology professor who has studied climate chaos (as he calls it) as his life passion and ‘left empire’ and his teaching position several years ago to set up a sustainable sanctuary near Tucson, Arizona. Due to climate chaos, environmental devastation, and the 400+ nuclear reactors that have no means to be shut down responsibly, he believes that it is highly unlikely that any life will exist on this planet by 2050. It’s a lot to take in but, also, it brings a poignancy to the moment. An urgency that every moment matters and counts.

For me, it brings me back to that point about there being so much to learn. Whether near term extinction or just collapse happens or not, this lifestyle is the one that brings me the most nourishment and is the most authentic reflection of who I am. I, too, have walked away from Empire. I plan to live my life, for however many years I have left, centered in this authentic life in union with nature.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Summer Season Of Swarms And Storms: Life At El Rancho Blog



By Jelelle Awen

Today is June 21st, summer solstice, the day with the most hours of daylight and the beginning of summer. It means something different here on the ranch then it did in Canada. In Canada, the beginning of summer is the beginning of better weather. Maybe. Or at least you can count on July and August to be fairly decent. Summer in Canada is beautiful sunsets, hikes, dips in the water, watermelon, gatherings outside on patios, less clothing and usually more sex, an exhale and a shedding of a water logged skin in exchange for a tanned one. Summer is an event because of the tempestuous weather the rest of the year. Summer was always my favorite season and I would mourn deep down in my bones every time it turned cold and rainy again.

Here in Mexico, summer is different. Summer is the rainy season and the low tourism season. It is called the ‘off season’ for that reason. Summer on the ranch will be about navigating the increasingly bulging and rapid river that cuts off traffic and even people at times. Summer means that we can no longer drive our van on the ranch road and need to get rides with the couple who lives here who has a 4X4 and is gracious to give them to us. Summer will be stormy and windy with lightning storms and sometimes tail ends of hurricanes. In some ways, I can’t wait.

To experience extreme weather is to be thrust into the uncertainty of life. A rumble of thunder, a crack of lightening, a gust of wind…violent and uncontrollable. Reminding us of our fragility. The gift of being alive here. And Now. We’ve experienced two storms here that brought this into focus for us, both tail ends of hurricanes. Their power was undeniable. This is a good kind of humbling at times, especially for humans who feel that we must conquer nature rather than be in union with it.

We experienced another extreme here last week after the first rains since March. A huge swarm of flying termites, set free from their cocoons sheltering under the roof tiles. They were a horde surrounding every house. “It’s like the house is on fire!” exclaimed Wayne as I was quickly shutting every shutter that I could. But they got in anyway and we spent a restless night flicking them off of us and spent days cleaning up the wings that they shed. “It was gross,” part of me says. And, it was. But yet, also, it was another example of the uniqueness of experience here at the ranch, things that just couldn’t happen in cities. Some we like better than others, for sure.

The swarm seemed to offer us a message of masses, a group rising, born, arrived. We were hopeful that maybe it represented what we are feeling more and more: a desire for others to join us here in community. We feel the possibilities of expanding our community here to offer others the goodness, transformation, and intimacy that we’ve experienced. We envision building cabanas for people and sharing community space, united by a desire for healing and living sustainably. If you are interested in becoming part of our swarm, please visit our website at soulfullheart.com and contact us at soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

Summer is the season of Magdalene, lover and wife (I feel, as do a growing number of historians) of Yeshua. Magdalene offers sisterhood and brotherhood experience within community. Sexuality without sinful feelings between connected lovers. She invites us to explore metaphysical realms, feel the magic of the natural world, discover our latent soul gifts. And all of these while adoring and inhabiting our physical bodies. Magdalene is easy to connect with as an ascended teacher. She is quite the talker and loves to tell stories and have dialogues. If you want to feel her, just ask her to speak with you or tell her that you’d like to feel connected to her. Imagine a beautiful woman with long, red, curly hair and bright eyes. Imagine her deific smile and earthly laugh. Imagine Her smelling of sandlewood and lavender. Play some Lorenna Mckennit. And, there off you go together.

The season of swarms and storms. The season of connection and community. I welcome it.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

From Collapse to Sanctuary: An Appeal to Heal


Industrial collapse and emotional/spiritual healing. They sound like unlikely bedfellows. There are not many voices in the grids that link the two intimately. Those that see an imminent global economic collapse, the likes our civilization has never experienced, are still mired in the content of convincing others that it is actually coming or what the best ways to prepare are. Not quite able to make that first step to building sanctuary. Those that are very aware of how our wounded hearts and souls have created a deeply unsustainable way of living are seeking their own healing to help themselves and the planet. But the thought of an actual collapse is swept under the proverbial rug so as to not feel the enormity of the fear that comes with that. If they continue with their healing that is all they can do to help the world change course.

The dire situation we as a species find ourselves in is a direct result of our collective emotional and spiritual wounding. The choices we have made have been to seek a medication to that wounding or a justification of our unworthiness as human beings. Organized religions and professional therapies have tried to offer a salve for the pain, but come up short on true transmutative healing and in many cases replaces one medication for another. There is a collective shadow that grows larger by the day and it seeks to be healed one way or another. The balance of life seeks equilibrium and the tipping point is soon approaching.

To project our current crisis onto the Illuminati, the Bilderbergs, the Republicrats or some other third party is a convenient way to take the co-created responsibility out of your hands and put you in state of indentured victimtude. Yes, there is corporate greed. Yes, there are those who have a shit load of power that are making things indelibly worse. But guess what, you drive the car that consumes the gas that is running out of short supply that is found in foreign countries that we want to bomb to take control of it or found in areas that can only be accessed by raping the very Earth that provides us our daily bread. You buy the products that are manufactured by the poor in poor countries who are owned by multinational corporations that have executives that earn a gazillion times more because they are really good at taking advantage of humanity. You buy the food that is raised in holocaust-type environments that use copious amounts of toxic chemicals and that spill tons of it into our waterways. The list goes on.

Now, I fully admit my own role in this co-creation. I did, and to a lesser extent still do, some of those things listed. I still own a vehicle, but is on the market. I still buy some plastic products that are the bane of this Earth. I buy produce that had to be shipped to its location. But what I am doing is transitioning. I, along with my two friends, are moving our way to sustainable sanctuary, one emotional step at a time. I do not intend to come off judgmental or holier than thou. I am intending to bring into awareness our own responsibility in the current situation and that it takes time to move from one lifestyle to another. From unconsciousness to consciousness.

Collapse and healing will be one in the same when it happens on a grander scale. When costs skyrocket or delivery is stopped, and you can’t get the things you once took for granted, there will be an emotional response. You will go through shock, anger, depression, or other uncomfortable feelings. Others will do the same. The solutions to get those old needs met will range from barter to theft and maybe worse. When medications are abruptly taken away, the parts of us that needed them will do what they need to get them back depending on the level of dependency. And I am afraid the world is full of medicinally-dependent people. I was one of them, and still have a few to heal through.

My purpose is to wake something up in someone. Make a connection or two. You may just ignore me, but you would also be ignoring yourself and I am not okay with either. You may just call me a doomer or a hypocrite (because I am using a computer which is fueled by electricity which is fueled by some non-renewable source), but you would be missing my point and I am not okay with that either. I honestly want you to wake up. I want you to take a step in the direction of real change and empowerment. For yourself, humanity, and the planet. Feel for yourself what is happening in the world and to the world. Feel what is happening inside yourself and to yourself. They are one in the same actually. And when you really feel that, you have only one choice. Take responsibility, take back your power, and heal your way to sanctuary.

Cows, caterpillars, and cabbage: Life At El Rancho Blog


By Jelelle Awen

Nature is a better partner than slave– Gaia’s Garden

I am dreaming of plants. Last night, the big crisis of my dream was about providing a trellis for a runner-type sweet pea plant to weave and wrap around. Would I be able to get it supported before it collapsed onto the soil in defeat? Big drama. My dream was most likely a reflection of an increasing reality this week of troubleshooting and responsive problem solving related to our gardens.

We entered our Tranquila garden a couple days ago to discover hoof sized indents over many of our garden beds. Tranquila is more like a nursery than a garden, with many fragile seedlings and still germinating seeds that still haven’t woken from their slumber. The vacas (cows) had busted through a weak area of fencing (now fortified with 3 higher courses of well anchored barbed wire) and found, fortunately, that little in our fledgling garden was to their liking…..other than all the black bean seedlings and most of the one inch tall amaranth and quinoa plants.

My heart hurt as I cleaned up their damage, especially since I had spent the morning ‘saving’ our first flowering and fruiting tomato plants from hornworm caterpillars, hand picking them off and dumping them in a bucket of soapy water. It felt a bit like we were under siege by nature. I was reminded of the wild setting for which we are attempting to grow our food. We are trying to domesticate nature. I like to feel that rather than a bending of nature to our will. We are in communion with it. This connection is the essence of producing home grown food that is chemical-free, nutrient dense, and, also, doesn’t have a negative impact on the environment.

Nature reminded us this week that it is ultimately uncontrollable. If we get a good harvest of any of our vegetables, it is nature’s desire even as it is also due to our skill and responsiveness (and sourcing good, quality heirloom seeds and deeply efforted compost.) Instead of getting hugely upset at the cow damage, I surrendered to it and immediately noticed something interesting. All of the beds that the vacas had left their marks on were ones that I had planned to replant or change in some way. Every one. The black beans were spaced too close together (something I learned after watching our frijoles negroes in the Rio Garden get bushier and bushier), so I was able to replant and respace them. I wanted to create rows of amaranth and quinoa rather than scattering the seed as I had done originally, so I could see them better as well as be able to provide mulch around the rows. Now I could do that while still preserving seedlings that had survived.

So nature created more work in some ways, but, also, it worked out in the end for the best. It is difficult to get too stressed about anything here on the ranch as resourcefulness and responsiveness just seem to come more naturally than in the western, more industrialized world. Every crisis has a solution and doesn’t push up the same levels of stress and anxiety as the common workplace drama.

We are entering the season of Kali. Kali represents death and rebirth; cycles of change and transformation; temperamental weather and emotional patterns. I was reminded of this also as I felt the edges of how easy it would be for all of our ‘hard work’ on the gardens to be wiped out by animals, a strong storm, or a swarm of damaging insects.

When we get our food from the grocery store, we have no sense of this fragility or of our fortune either. We fill our shopping carts and drive food that has been imported from all over the world home to be stored in our cabinets and fridges. Here on the ranch, because we don’t have refrigeration (other than two zeer evaporative cooling pots) and the nearest grocery store is 90 minutes away, food harvest and preservation is a concentrated and connected activity.

We picked some bok choy cabbage leaves today intending to use them for cabbage rolls for dinner tonight. I share the recipe below. No fossil fuels or chemicals were needed (not for working the soil, the fertilizer, the ‘pest control,’ the harvesting, the packaging or transport!); just our labor, our love, and our time. When we eat our cabbage rolls tonight, this energy will come through and increase our enjoyment and appreciation. Nature does make a better partner (however unpredictable), than slave.

Harvest this week and recipes: Daikon radish, mizuna (asian lettuce), arugula, tatsoi (asian cabbage), bok choy, kale, and cilantro

Right now is about greens and lettuces. Mizuna and arugula are braving the heat to produce leaves of nutritional goodness. Bok choy, tatsoi, and kale provide earthy flavor and plenty of antioxidants. They are so welcome since greens and most lettuce are not sold here in most tiendas in Mexico, only iceberg lettuce and traditional cabbage. Faced with a harvest of greens, we came up with two vegetarian recipes that used them in way that was beyond the usual stir fry and ensalada.

Bok Choy Cabbage Rolls-

Cabbage Rolls:

Eight to Ten large bok choy or kale leaves (two per person), the leaves need to be 3 by 4 inches

one cup of cooked brown or wild rice

one cup of TVP (or tempeh), add one cup of hot water and stir together

one half daikon radish, chopped

stems of bok choy leaves (if using), chopped

cilantro, cumin, soy sauce to taste

Asian Sauce:

Combine half a cup of soy sauce, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar, 1 tablespoon sesame seeds, one garlic clove minced, chili powder to taste

Bring to boil a couple inches of water in a pot with a steamer basket. Combine TVP, rice, and chopped daikon in a bowl and add seasonings to taste. Heat stuffing ingredients over medium heat until TVP is cooked and rice is heated. Lay out bok choy or other greens leaf by leaf being careful not to tear them. Place the leaf length wise in front of you and fill it with the stuffing just along the middle along the spine of the leaf. Don’t overstuff as it needs to be easy to fold without tearing. Fold the side closest to you first and then the two top and bottom edges go in and then roll it the rest of the way (similar to a burrito). Place the rolls carefully in a steamer basket for three to five minutes. Serve with the asian sauce on the side.

Eggs In A Nest-

This recipe has been modified from one provided in Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. This is an insightful and inspiring book about a famous author who ate only foods produced from her own garden and locally grown for one year.

2 cups uncooked brown rice

Olive oil

medium onion, chopped

2 cloves of garlic, minced

carrots, chopped

daikon radish, chopped

1 very large bunch of bok choy, kale, chard or other leafy green

8 eggs (if you need to make more eggs because you have more people just poach extras in another pan)

soy sauce, cumin, and salt to taste

Cook rice with four cups of water in a covered pot while other ingredients are being prepared. Saute onion and garlic in olive oil in a wide skillet until lightly golden. Mix in carrots and daikon radish and cook for a few minutes. Add greens and cook with the pan covered for a few more minutes. Uncover, stir well, then use the back of a spoon to make depressions in the cooked leaves, circling the pan like numbers on a clock. Break an egg into each depression, being careful to keep yolks whole. Cover pan again and allow eggs to poach for 3 to 10 minutes depending on how runny you like them. Remove from heat and serve over rice with guacamole salsa (or without).

Guacamole Salsa-

2 large ripe avocados, seed removed

8 tomatillos (or omit if you don’t have them and substitute with another tomato)

1 red tomato

handful of cilantro

Juice from one lime or lemon

half a jalapeno or tablespoon of chili powder or omit if you don’t like spicy foods

cumin and salt to taste

Boil tomatillos for five minutes or until soft. Combine them in a food processor with the other ingredients until mostly smooth. Serve chilled and is best if used within the hour.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.