The Death Of Our Formal Normal

The Rome and Titanic of our former collective institutions, the ones we collectively agree upon to keep them afloat, are all under fire and sinking. Government, health care, education, finance, real estate, defense, economics, supply-chain…the list goes on.

There is an ongoing hospice going on and there are different reactions to it. It is like the stages of grief- denial, anger, negotiation, depression, and acceptance. Where each of us is at means different ways in which we are relating to the current situation. The soul knows what’s up. Our emotional consciousness is just trying to catch up to it all!

This can bring a lot of suffering as well as some feelings of empowerment. Different parts of us come forward to manage the situation the best they know how. The deeper question is what does your soul feel is its truth? Not THE truth, but IT’S truth. It’s genuine sense of what lies underneath all this rumble and rubble.

This may not even apply to the global situation, but rather your own personal and local circumstance. Whatever it is that most impacts your ability to feel the Divine and your own soul. To feel the Eternal Love that holds the space for the drama AND the joy. I am more and more feeling like an outside observer while also feeling the impacts in my Higher Heart on the collective soul.

I am reminded that we are awakening. This process is not a painless one. It is wrought with turbulence and challenges. These are the fodder for our own liberation. They are the initiations that we all signed up for to help steward Gaia back into Her glory state. To re-member ourselves back to our original sacred humanity.

It takes a lot of patience, courage, compassion, and self-focus. It takes support and letting go of all that does not serve that vision. While the external may be in its death throes, your internal is its birth pangs, as long as you give yourself the environment it needs to flourish.
You are held. You are supported. You are the light of what comes next.


Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Arising Anew From The Collapse Of The 3D Matrix

In the midst before me, I see a dying story. A matrix of beliefs and conditionings that we have all, to one degree or another, found ourselves playing a part of. We have written and acted in the play together, to sheer perfection.

But we have crossed certain markers in our path too many times now to begin to recognize that the house we contracted to build together is burning. It is running on the fumes of a fear of fusing to the building itself. We are not burning. The house is.

This can be a very existential experience to our 3D self as well as a very triggering remembrance to our Metasoul brothers and sisters that have experienced a collapse before. They have not been pretty, nor self-loving. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be.

Deaths are never easy and have their own energies to be with, yet if we can find that essence within us to hold the space of this transmutation then we may find ourselves like the rose among the ashes.

Connecting with your 3D & 4D selves with the aid of your 5D/Higher Self, a managed collapse is possible and also very self-loving. That is not the same as easy, just setting the suffering gauge to as minimal as possible. It is really up to you in the end.

How we leave is who we enter as.

Our fear can come with us as long as we are willing to go into it and feel it. This is the process that is supported in SoulFullHeart. It is holding the Light so that we can transform the Dark. We are both.


Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Deeper Intimacy With Self Through The Explorations With Money

By Deya Shekinah

Wow, what a topic money is. I feel so many layers and parts wrapped into the explorations with money. One of the things that Jelelle Awen offered in the SoulFullHeart Free To Be Two group call about money this week, was how some can relate to money as a false god. This landed straight away as what I experienced within my family, how earning money gave meaning to life and felt like the only meaning to life as there was no spirituality or religion in my upbringing. I feel how my Inner Masculine, David, took this on and how my Inner Child, Yazzy, was stifled by this. Since she was always so multi dimensional, she didn’t believe this to be true, but as there was no one bringing any other meaning, she became capped by that.

I remembered a time when a male family member said to me that ‘money is the only thing that matters in the world’. At the time, I was blown away that anyone could believe that. As I feel it now, I feel so much density in that picture of our world, the lack of joy or spaciousness in it. As I feel David, I sense this energy within him as the conditioning he received from birth family members. 

Right now I am in a transition into a new way of being and earning money, that is bringing light to David’s relationship to money.  I hold and feel a lot of trust around money after years of transitioning and exploring money. This transition has grown into a deeper awareness and understanding of a greater meaning of life, as well as what abundance looks and feels like to me. 

I have learnt that abundance is many things. Not only money, but time, connection, vulnerability with others, space to BE. These all feel like abundance to me. I am coming to know and feel that my inner feeling of abundance is what draws abundance on the outside including financial abundance, even as that is still growing. For David, I feel him seeing this abundance coming in and seeing money coming in for offering my Soul Gifts, but he still does not FEEL abundant.

The group call has helped me feel this with him, his reality more of distrust and lack that he has been in and learnt throughout this 3D experience, sure that has been the 3D experience. One of the core beliefs I feel held in David is, ‘there is never enough money’., I see how much this creates that reality for us because he is so focused on ‘there is never enough’. He cannot appreciate or acknowledge it as it is coming in. I feel how it is the ability to be grateful for what IS, in the moment, that draws more of that thing to you, which of course is a journey, not something you can create through bypassing feeling the lack of gratitude. 

I feel how this lack of money belief is actually a cover up for lack of love, connection, communication and boundaries, it feels like. Money becomes this huge focal point when there is no other meaning to life. Money has become this huge elephant in the room, where we think about it, worry about it, are anxious about it, but we do not really honestly talk about it, at least in my experience and in this culture of my current geography. The shame, the guilt, the resentment around money is of course going to make it heavy and joyless. This feels like it creates blocks to, and a push/pull within us and our relationship to money, as well as abundance in general. 

I feel the lack of joy the Inner Masculine can hold around life in general, which then seeps into his relationship with/to everything else in life. I feel David feeling joyless, I feel him longing to experience joy as my other parts do, his sadness that he cannot seem to meet them there. Yet I feel how no one has ever asked him what he likes, what the meaning of his life is, and how he has been disempowered throughout this 3D experience too.

So now there is this new ground to walk out with him, where he is included and wanted, where he gets to feel and heal too because he is valued by me through this process. So this is where talking about money leads us, perhaps not straight away to more money, although I feel that coming in but to deeper connection, understanding and intimacy with our parts, and with each other eventually too.

You can purchase the recording of this Free To Be Two group call about money and attendance at/recordings of future group calls in this series by offering a donation of any amount. More information at


Deya & David

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

Seeing How Quickly Fear Can Spread, Imagine If It Was Love Instead

By Jelelle Awen

Seeing how quickly fear can spread, Imagine if it was love instead.

Still digesting the IMMENSE (for me) response to this status update yesterday on my facebook feed….563 likes and 786 shares at this moment and climbing! 11 words that seemed to hit home for so many during this transition time. This is ‘going viral’ I believe, in a good way. I’m sharing about this as it really shows that people WANT to feel love as the answer and can see what humanity can generate as a whole when focused on something. So, yes, imagining love motivating ALL this action and response offers us a template of how New Earth can form out of the ashes of the previous forms.

I will be sharing an energy update soon in the next couple of days with my sense of what is occurring with this virus from the 3D/4D Matrix level and in terms of ongoing Ascension as I tune into it more with the Magdalenes and other guides/Metasoul aspects. The virus seems to be mostly being used as a smokescreen to cover for some pretty big and ultimately good shakeups in the 3D matrix systems. And also seeming to allow a very necessary financial reboot to occur in phases and stages. The virus itself is of the Divine (as all of them are) and serves its purpose in that way. Ultimately it feels like the sign of collapse into rebirth that so many of us have been waiting for to go to the ‘next level’.

Kalayna Solais wrote a beautiful writing this morning about her digestions too and invitation to use this ‘world pause time’ to go inward and to also offer your light to others. “My heart knows that this is all leading us to deeper connections to each other and ourselves as well as our beloved Gaia, as what is rebooting completes its reset cycle, bringing the collective into many different strands and strata of awakening.”

We are feeling a personal impact of course in the sense of how our travel plans to Europe to leave at the end of April may be impacted. Yet we are also landing in trust and flow around it, riding the wave, and also trusting Divine timing around moving there. This collapse is important (the financial collapse occurring is even more important) so we are surrendered to waiting it out in whatever ways are needed and serving love in the meantime.

There is an opportunity during this time to be a beacon of light to others, to step into what you have learned and cultivated and remembered from your soul….to BECOME a way forward for those in fear and panic into love.

Much love to you all,

Jelelle Awen

1:1 sessions for support and healing available during this time over Zoom with me for women and for men/women with Raphael Awen. More info at

Jelelle Awen is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador and Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about  1:1 individual sessions with her for women and with other SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group calls, writings/books, and videos, visit

Letting Go WITH Love

by Kalayna Colibri

letting go with love

Letting go WITH love… this phrase is becoming more poignant now, bringing with it deeper meanings. We are being invited to really feel it. It can no longer mean letting go and closing a door for good or with numbness. This is being challenged by so many disasters and tragedies, all intended to evoke, not dampen or inspire numbness and escape. A broken wall becomes a doorway into another reality, another timeline. It is happening with our need to feel more now, to be faced with our shadows, to go INto it all, as it flows through and moves us too. No process is without fluidity. It is all a moving current, moving with what you are currently feeling, being and healing.

There is less and less stagnancy possible now. All is moving, even the ‘stuckness’ feelings and patterns. As you are invited to let go, you are invited to do so with love, with a full heart, and with deep care that begins from you to you. There are some things that cannot be let go of right now. Not while parts of you need them still. This is okay. They won’t need them forever. Eventually, these ‘needs’ which can look and feel like addictions, move too as you go inward, holding mourning processes with parts of you while also letting in that this ‘need’ was never all that loving towards you or them in the first place. This can be a romantic relationship, your relationship to your pet, a friend or birth family member. It can be a drug, prescription or not. It can be sex or shopping. It can be a part’s escape through your mobile phone or computer or gaming system. It can be and often is food too. There are so many ways that loops of ‘I want love, but I’m settling for this pattern and stuckness instead’ can express. These too want to be felt and moved WITH love… let go of with love. But only if there is love powerfully present in your heart and in your life, can this become possible for you.

Letting go becomes a practice of being… holding an open hand and open heart, feeling ‘attachments’ where your heart and parts have been invested, holding it all as good, letting in the space for the tears of mourning and eventually the tears of joy. Both sometimes happen at once, as timelines emerge and collapse and emerge again.

Letting go becomes an experience of the heart… feeling the fullness of feeling all there is to feel. Baking in the goodness and the sadness, giving all relationships their due. This is hard, especially for your Inner Protector, as he/she would prefer to just ‘move on’ and suppress the lessons, the mirrors, the love that wants to come to you through these emotional landscapes within, that when taken in deeply could transform your life and end suffering loops too. Your Inner Protector can be felt in this desire to numb out instead of feel and share with you why it has been this way and why allowing you to feel on your way out the door has been scary. Outrage is far easier to lean into at times, wanting to blame many or even just a few… or yourself too. Yet this is numbing somehow too. Numbing to the reality of where the experience wants to take you…. the journey and process to self-forgiveness and a greater sense of your love and worth. The journey and process of finding out what’s underneath it all, what led you here, what is underpinning the whole experience.

Letting go WITH love wants to live and breathe in your being. Letting IN with love is the reality at your doorstep. Perhaps eventually it all leads to simply letting love, period –  where the comings and goings are not really events anymore, but instead, there is a way to just be and move with it, with fluidity and fluency, stillness and grace. For now, the feeling part is often the hardest…. but the one that will lead you to more of the love flow that so wants to flood your every part and every ache and every single bit of joy too. ❤


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at



The Ways Our 3D/4D/5D ‘Selves’ Experience The World

by Kalayna Colibri


“I want to focus on how I look to others and try and control what they think of me. I want success and I want peace. The world is mostly black and white to me… ugly or beautiful, full or empty, alive or dead. What I want more than anything else is to be satisfied with life just as it is. And if I’m never quite ‘satisfied’, well, that’s okay. No one else seems to be living the life they really want to anyway! Why ‘take the road less travelled’ when this road is so paved and comfortable?” Says the 3D self that doesn’t think much about dreaming of more for itself, though the longing may be there for a different way to see itself and to experience life in a more expansive way. Yet, it finds contentment sometimes in simple content that doesn’t necessarily satisfy but does keep basic needs met at least. It is a simpler approach to life and one that less and less people are able to inhabit anymore these days.

“I want to fix and focus on the world outside of me… everything is falling apart or needs to fall apart. I can see the possibilities for the future and it all pretty much looks and feels like Hell. The world is anything but simple and it seems to be getting more complicated every day, with the lies that are told and the awful stances that most are taking! Wake up, world!!!” Says the 4D self, awakening more and more into an awareness of the turmoil, angst and outrageous circumstances in this world of ours. Feeling that everything happening on the outside is what needs addressing and that doing and battling is how to ‘win’. It is hard to feel satisfied by life in any way… or that there is much hope left for this world of ours.

“I want to keep going in, to find the parts that still need integrating. An act that changes the world within and can’t help but change the world with-out too! I have so much energy for it all… from where I am, the world does need help, and it IS moving toward something much better, much bigger, all on its own and also in tandem with all of those who are willing to go within. To me, there is not only hope available, but love has already won.” Says the ever-present (somewhere) 5D self that acts as more than a cheerleader for our growth and expansion, but also as a beacon, a reminder that life really can be good, that we really can heal, and that in the end, there is a much brighter way for us all to shine.

Multi-dimensional you, reading this… I’m willing to bet that you resonate with all three of these points of view, that each ‘self’ of your own is standing up, saying, ‘I totally get this!’. Every stage of awakening is sacred, and yes, you do likely move between these 3 ‘selves’ quite often, depending on triggers or what’s happening in your inner and outer worlds. The ways in which you see and feel the world is expanding, contracting, moving… sometimes from simple pleasures to hope, to despair, to grief, and then maybe back to joy and bliss again. There is so much to trust and feel in each moment of this. It is all finding its way… YOU are finding your way!

Some days it can feel like there is something intense going on within… different ‘selves’ trying to edge each other out to take centre stage and to get your attention, let alone the attention of those around you. Much is being shaken up within. Much is wanting air, breathing, movement. You’re on your way, even with each intense wave of feeling, doubting, hoping, loving.

There’s a way that the world outside of you wants to press on you to feel each of these ‘selves’ and the parts of you that they’re made of. The 5D self is more like a ‘no-self’ in a way, actually, with no parts, yet it is eager to create a greater, more loving container for the other parts of you. Sometimes it can feel like such a stretch to reach for these energies of expansive holding and high-vibe breathing that somehow gets to this place of loving and Divine frequencies without transcending or losing touch with the parts that need to be felt. To be able to live more in 5D is the dream for the near future and the invitation in the NOW too!

There is so much going on within you… and it is all somehow feeling its way, learning its way., finding its way to a greater centre inside of you that feels, trusts, knows that love has already won and so have YOU… ❤



Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at


Collapse and Disclosure As A Reflection of Our Inner World



Disclosure is a hot topic in the 5D universe and beyond.  I have not delved as deeply as my SoulFullHeart friend and mentor, Raphael Awen, but I have taken in a bit and have wanted to feel it from a more contextual level.  It is easy for the masculine/linear side of us to go into the deep details as there is some incredibly fascinating information being unearthed.  So much has been hidden from us in regard to our contact with star beings, repression of technologies, and the influence of darker forces that have been at the helm up until now.  

In 4D consciousness there is a deep anger and resentment at all that has occurred.  Many people have been in the Disclosure game for a long time.  They are the messengers that have worked tirelessly to get this information out there.  There is a lot to react to.  For me it began with the story of Collapse.  The one that picked up speed after the 2008 financial crisis.  So much was happening before then but that feels like a pivot point.  There are other stories before then as well but that could be for a later discussion.  The time of Collapse in hindsight feels as though there was a collective internal collapse happening.  The structures that we were trying to hold up inside were no longer finding any solid ground to support it.  The thread of our collective tapestry was unraveling and the world was not behaving the same anymore.  There was a big outbreath of WTF?.  

More people began to wake to the reality that there was a charade going on.  But since as above, is below there must also have been a truth in that for each of us individually.  It feels reflective of a false world inside of us that was created in response to the false one on the outside.  We all created together because we just didn`t consciously know better.  But somewhere deeper we did.  We cannot play victim to it as then it takes away the power that is inherent us all.  We created it and we had to collapse it.  We couldn`t bare it anymore.  

Individually, this represents a time when we come to an awakening inside our emotional body.  The mental body just loses its grip.  For the wounded masculine, this is a very difficult process.  It has been so used to suppressing its emotions for the fear of feeling it.  I get that this is a general statement and not meant to cover individuals.  The power structure outside did its very best to hold up the house of cards, and so has the wounded masculine.  But this is was a great event!   It has helped to wake up even more men, and women, to the nature of our circumstance.  The realization that there is something happening inside us that was put to sleep in the control matrix.  

Now we are in the throws of the Era of Disclosure.  Another awakening into the deeper machinations of what has been going on behind the veil of deception.  But I feel it important to emphasize we have co-created it in order to learn from it.  This keeps us empowered.  We are not only hearing of a trove of information about technologies and alliances, we are learning more about the nature of our Reality.  Forget about economic collapse.  This stuff changes everything!  If we look at this time as a spiritual Disclosure, we can see that we are being shown how amazing we ARE and that we are a part of a vast experience that expands the territories of our limited consciousness.  It is more than social justice, it is social evolution on a galactic level!  So with each piece of information that is being shared, it is like a ray of light that is entering our BEing to upgrade our current operating system.  This new `information` sends up old emotional congestions that need healing for integration that opens up more space for more light and love to enter our true sacred, crystalline bodies.  

But it is not an easy process.  A  lot of this energy may not be ours personally and it can feel like we are moving mountains.  As men, we have tended to be a bit less connected to our emotions, so this back up can be a difficult one for some.  I feel it at times myself.  I have done a lot of work to clear my block and open my heart as much as I can but there are still things that come up and may still but it is all about how vulnerable we can be in each moment so we can heal all the block inside.  This is what we do daily in the SoulFullHeart community.  I don`t mean we are suffering. I mean we are feeling ourselves and what may come up for ourselves that need attention and process if needed.  There are many ways that we administer this healing to ourselves and with each other.

So for many men, Disclosure is first a mental digestion, then an emotional and spiritual one. This is the 4D Man.  The man who feels that there is inner work to be done, to embody more of his 5D or Cosmic Sacred Masculine.  As one who is on this daily path of continued healing, awakening, and embodying, I offer my heart and experience to those that are feeling that rumble inside.  That palpable discomfort and excitement  from disclosure.  The veil continues to lift each day and we will find ourselves in new territory as human men, and of course women.  More will start to surface and if you need help navigating that I would be honored to serve that.  Thank you for all the work you are doing now during these times as it helps us all to heal faster and easier.  

Gabriel Heartman is a teacher, facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  You can learn more about him at


Premise 12: Collapse of Our Industrialized Way of Life Is Part Of A Death-Rebirth Phase

By Raphael Awen


Good morning and welcome to day 12 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’

Today’s premise is one that is challenging to relate to. It is about the deep changes underway to our industrialized way of life. How we get food, water and energy is undergoing massive change.

Here’s the premise called the Deconstruction Premise:

“Our current industrialized way of life that provides food, water, and energy is collapsing, leading to massive change that is part of a bigger picture phase of deconstruction, death, and rebirth.”

Talk about a shift in premises!

Everything our current collective way of life is premised upon is based on cheap fossil fuel energy. Food from a store, water from a tap and gasoline from a gas station are all most of us have ever known. And it can’t continue the way it has. We’re literally running out of gas.

So severe is what we are facing that the shifts and changes in our environment point to the possibility even of near term human extinction.

SoulFullHeart has no interest in making a case for what we are going through, but rather seeks a way to hold what we are going through. Many of us on the planet are feeling these deep changes and many are offering all manner of responses, in order to prepare for the chaos to come, and really, the chaos is already here.

We recently made a big life change in leaving Canada, leaving careers, and moved to Mexico to live off grid. We did that for 18 months and just recently came back to living in the city of Puerto Vallarta. The changes we made had a lot to do with responding and preparing for the changes we saw coming.

Talk about a changing premise though. Like I said at the outset of this journey, a premise is not something written in stone for time and eternity. Far from it. A premise is simply a statement of what we currently see as foundational to how we are responding to life. We always need to be willing to let go of a premise or have it overhauled just as much as we are saying that the premises of any community need to be transparent.

We wrote an entire book on this premise called Living As If less than 2 years ago, and have since made the book unavailable because we shifted so much from where we were when we wrote the book.

Now, we still see the massive changes underway. We still see the need for preparation to be way more about inner preparation of the heart, like we wrote about in our book. But something deeper is shifting for us. And it’s a bit difficult to describe, but let me try.

When we feel a mental, in-our-heads approach to life, we will never be able to find trust and rest. No amount of external preparation for any coming storm will ever be enough. Even preparation of the heart is called into question, as much as we advocate for that. The bigger piece is the frame around how we relate to life itself.

Many and most may be simply not meant to weather this storm. Many are meant to lose their physical lives. Loss of life as we see it through our 3 dimensional mind-body perception of life is not how life itself sees life. Life is energy and there can be no loss of energy. Energy is ever and only changed, but never lost. There is no such thing as loss of life, in this sense that lives beyond 3D perception.

There is no avoidance of change. We all will go through great change. We are in fact in it right now. In another way, we have always been going through great change. It’s just that a time of much more sudden change is upon us.

Accepting this, coming to terms with it, is about adopting a reverence for what we have right now, and being fully present to the moment. Being ‘present to the moment’ loses the air of being a bull-shit new age quote card for Facebook, when a doctor tells you that you have less than a year to live. We are on notice that life as we know it isn’t going to remain. We’re welcome to get another opinion, ignore the opinion we got, or just increase the dose on our meds and hope for the best, but in all of these options, we can’t escape choice.

We’re living collectively in a hospice moment. Hospice is where people live who are expecting to die. Where did we ever, even in good times lose sight of death? Now, nature itself is gifting us with the awareness of our own demise that is way more immediate than our own death of old age.

Even near term human extinction feels like a real possibility.

When we feel this, it changes everything. It gifts us with a deep exploration of what really matters to us, what we want, what we are playing with that we need to get serious about.

Life is asking us to ‘quit fucking around with your heart and soul’ to those of us that feel this urgency. Many are not feeling any kind of such urgency and I feel, they are not meant to this life. They are on their perfect and chosen path, and trying to get them to resonate with me and my choices is a waste of energy and precious time (even the illusion of time is a precious commodity to us that consciously want to heal and grow).

What is actually collapsing is something deeper than our industrialized fossil fuel-based way of life, though that is a part of it. What is really collapsing is a way of seeing life itself as a three dimensional reality through the body-mind perception.

We are in the midst of a great and inescapable death and rebirth. None of us can escape no matter how great our preparations. We are being invited to see ourselves now as heart and soul beings who are energy, which energy manifests in human form, which form is undergoing collapse and rebirth.

See if you can feel that for a moment, because the mind doesn’t do well with this. Feel it, and then feel your intuition guiding you to your individual choices that are unique and sovereign to you. There isn’t any cookie cutter advice here when it comes to what to do. Doing is what is collapsing. Being is what is arising.

I’m going to pause on saying more around this premise, because it feels like less is more here somehow. I invite dialogue as always and I invite your direct contact if you’d like me or Jelelle Awen to hold space for your personal process around any of this.

Our sessions page is here if you want to read more about how we work with people:

I’m honoured to be present and living in hospice with you. I want to live and live fully, now.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information.

The Cries of the World (a prayer for our times)




Acid rain tears fall down the cheeks of a thousand broken surfaces
the cracks and voids of where life was
is bringing about its fiery end.


The learning curve is steeper now
carved out to be so from our necessary faults.
         How else can we learn?


In death we learn to respect life
In hindsight we see what we could have, should have done
               but didn’t.
And perhaps the greatest self-punishment of all
         Is that we are destroying ourselves.


Great Mother, your arms offer safety but not from ourselves.
You shelter and harbour the changes to make
in order to not make the same pathway alive again.
To ask for more time, well, that doesn’t seem fair
when for thousands of years, with tears and longing
have you watched us scramble ourselves into a lopsided labrynth
          collectively created
by our authentic lack of authentic selves.


In this dimension and all dimensions
may we learn the respect you teach us
the love you hold for us
and the longing you have to be one with us once again
like in times of old, when snakes were once your Druids
and porcelain dolls your Priestesses.


How do we bridge All That Is with all that is now?
They connect already, I know.
It’s the acceptance that there is nothing more to do
          and only more to be
that gets hard to be with
and is the toughest mountain to climb in this ever-churning industrial world
soon screeching to a halt.


How do your children feel to you now?
Do you feel much hope for more than that we may try again someday?
Could it all be healed in a sudden swoop of an upswing of Divine ecstasy felt in all hearts?


I am done with the humanness of humanity to the degree in which most inhabit it.
To the degree in which I have inhabited it.
And I want more
and I feel more
and I will live to be more.
To give more to myself
so I can give more to others
and learn to live in your light, your fire, your passion and your connectedness
to us
and to all things.




Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions.


Spiritual La-La Land In A Time Of Impending Collapse: Golden Earth Tales


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(This is Part Six of the ongoing blog series: Golden Earth Tales.)

By Raphael Awen

It’s time in this blog series to pose a very important question.

The question goes something like this: How is seeking the nondual, or any other form of spiritual seeking for that matter, relevant at such a crazy time of global change that we are in the midst of? How is it not just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic?

We are in the midst of epic changes to our industrial society and its way of life that we are all embedded in. The long and the short of it is that gasoline from a gas station, water from a tap, food from a store, or electricity from a hole in the wall are not likely to persist for much longer. All of the inter-related systems that hold these realities in place are growing more and more vulnerable and tension-filled by the day. I am personally surprised each passing month to see the present order of things stumble against the odds into the next month.

The transition we are facing promises to be difficult almost beyond imagination, chaotic and marked with great loss of life.

My sense is that if you haven’t faced this approaching chaos and come to your own personal grounded choices around it, your spirituality (of any kind) is in la-la land.

Eighteen months ago, my wife and I and two close friends chose to relocate to living off grid two countries south and entered into a crash course of learning to grow our own food. It’s a long story and a great story and you can read it here in our free e-book called Living As If. It’s free monetarily speaking, but reading it will cost you. It will cost you some of your indifference; it will cost you some of your comfort; and it will cost you some of your happiness that’s based in denial. If you’ve been looking to spend those things from your life, the free e-book is a great place to start.

I almost want to apologize for pontificating here. Almost. I just called you indifferent, didn’t I? I am trying to build an audience, not thin one out, but this message cannot be pansied around with. If you haven’t considered the changes that you can feel are coming, you are fucking around with your own life. It’s just that plain and simple. It’s suicide and indifferent to boot. I’d much rather you got offended and left off reading my blogs than using my teaching on the nondual as a way to keep your pile of denial intact. What I’d most rather see, however, is that you could listen to your own heart without needing any prodding from me or anyone else and prepare to ride out the coming storm.

Facing into this with power and choice will feel like nothing short of joining a cult. Your seeking to get others on board in your circle of family and friends will be seen as proselytizing. It will probably add up to being the most difficult thing you have undertaken this life.

When you look at this though through a first-things-first lens, no other approach makes any sense at all. As humans, our needs for survival will always trump our needs for seeking meaning. We embrace spirituality only when our basic needs of food, water, and shelter are met and have a reasonable expectation of continuity.

You may be in a place of what appears to be life-stability at the moment, but I venture to say that you have been sensing the approach of deep structural changes coming to our collective way of life. How could you not? This has left you with an ungrounded feeling. Your ventures into spirituality and meaning are left with one foot outside of the circle. You’re not all here, and rightly so, you shouldn’t be. Maybe ten years ago, maybe even five years ago, this could be a different story, but not now.

As I’ve been writing this series on the nondual, I’ve had a growing sense of disconnect to be offering it into an audience I fear has done little to reconcile with these coming changes. I’m openly asking the question of myself: how does this form of spiritual seeking that I’m advocating for not just another form of a mind-numbing drug?

The shit is about to hit the fan – make no mistake about it.

Like the Captain in the movie Titanic so soberly said just minutes after the iceberg was struck, “This ship will go down.” The Titanic story is a powerful prophetic story for our time. Our collective hubris is only exceeded by our denial, and we are about to be called on it.

Big outbreath….phew. I had to say that… in that way.

My own tendency towards denial is as good as the next person’s; the difference though is that I am aware of mine. That awareness has led and continues to lead to changes – not talk of changes, but balls-to-the-wall grounded change.

So what then is there left to say about the nondual in relation to all this unavoidable change?

My truth is that all the talk in the world of the nondual isn’t worth a fiddler’s fart if you are not in your power facing this approaching storm.

Consciousness itself has prepared this transformation for us, not against us. Consciousness doesn’t see the loss of physical life with the same hysteria as we do. Consciousness sees it as a transformation, not an end in itself. What is at stake is not your consciousness per se, but your physical life and the goals you as a soul associated with this life.

I am convinced that most will not (as they say) know what hit ‘em, as they feel completely victimized and overwhelmed by circumstances outside of their control. Everything in their conditioning will support their chosen view of excusing themselves.

But for those of us who unmistakably sense this coming storm, such luxuries of consciousness don’t add up to much, do they?

The Christians believe strongly in Jesus returning to sweep them away before it gets too unbearable – that at least gives them some form of hope or comfort. Their collective sense of coming chaos is well founded and grounded; it’s just their solution that doesn’t add up. No savior is returning to take care of your business for you. All the universe, God, the Divine, and Jesus himself will be glad to help you – but no one and nothing is going to do this for you. Doing stuff for you is known as infantilizing, and we are moving past that now in our emerging collective consciousness.

You can expect to be infantilized if you must and that will ensure you some comfort in the midst of this great chaos, though it will also pretty much guarantee your early demise. Or you can adult-up and make choices with the power you have and ride out this storm consciously in the deep and personal transformation of yourself and the collective that this will prove to be.

Raphael Awen hails from SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. You can also track him on twitter via @raphaelawen, or on facebook: ­­­­­­­

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