On Masculine Vulnerability…

By Raphael Awen

I thought to ruminate out loud about what we might call the reticent masculine, where the masculine (both in men and women) is absent from settings where vulnerability is called for (like the whole global situation right now for instance, or a romance for that matter, or emotional/spiritual community). 

Based on my own experience, I’d say that men are typically busy trying to be powerful, drawn to providing, drawn to making themselves needed, and then asking the feminine (both inside of themselves and outside) to settle for that equation.

If their mate asks for more feeling, or for more heart open presence, he will point to what he so willingly and caringly does provide, and maybe even go on to whine about how she doesn’t see and appreciate that. He leads with defense, covering an unconscious ‘I can’t go there, for fear that I’ll lose myself.’

But I see all of that in the process of change. Men are becoming done with defending these old burdensome ‘paternalistic’ ‘patriarchal’ ‘patterns’ that are turning out to be so much less than what they promised they would provide for us. It’s an idea whose time is done. 

I get the masculine is meant to feel empowered and full of worth. That’s obvious, or we wouldn’t have been so prey to the false promises of power, nor would we have been so vulnerable to pornography (a safe kind of shallow feminine presence that doesn’t ask for any vulnerability – she bares everything and I give nothing, in turn actually leaving me with nothing in terms of actual nourishment)

This need for empowerment has been seen in the various men’s movements that have made a showing in recent decades, where you attend a men’s large group weekend event, give up your familiar patterns and get real with the guys, move some big energy blocks to realness, and commit to getting together on a regular basis in small groups to support this new breakthrough. From what I’ve observed, all of the groups that fit this pattern have this big push away to the feminine, in many cases even outright toxic and abusive, making ‘them’ the problem. When boys become independent men, they do need to find their healthy push away to mom, for a time, especially if Mom was overly invested and invasive to their energetic and emotional masculine space. This healthy need and boundary setting however gets way over projected onto women in general, leaving women wondering what (in the hell) just got into their mate.

I believe all of this has to do with men and the masculine (again in both men and women) exploring the key issue of autonomy and sovereignty. Vulnerability is seen as a threat to their seat of personal power because the last time they were open hearted (vulnerable), they got invaded and taken advantage of, leaving them with the felt reality of powerlessness, that vulnerability equals weakness. The masculine then went off on a long and necessary journey to reconcile itself to itself and to the feminine, especially around this vital need and fear of vulnerability. 

Vulnerability is defined as the willingness to be hurt. Only a man or masculine in possession of some degree of power would possess such a willingness. Romantic relationships, in the dance of the masculine and feminine, without vulnerability are stuck in a very narrow bandwidth, doomed to medicating each other’s pain and estrangement from themselves and others. 

This whole journey may well be reaching its conclusion in our collective. Men are honestly and vulnerably admitting their discontent with the previously seen safe patterns. They’re willing even to admit their unhappiness even before they know much of any alternative. 

Men and the masculine are becoming more and more willing to divest of their investment into the 3D playground structures where they’ve felt some autonomy and power, by obeying the shared playground rules. They’re like, ‘How is this autonomy real if it’s been handed to me on a plate?’ and ‘Why am I playing someone else’s game for a sense of power when no one’s forcing me to play?’

Then that brings us to the yet present noticeable absence of men in more emoto/spiritual settings and communities (like the one I’m a part of). I believe men are understandably asking the sovereignty question that goes something like this: ‘How will surrendering myself to a group and the paradigm of that group be an expression of my power? How will it not be a repeat of the forfeiting of my power that I really need to be done with?’ 

I believe (and this is where it gets possibly interesting and exciting), is that a man (and the masculine in women) can only answer that question of surrender and vulnerability when he or she is in possession of sufficient power. 

In other words:  

‘I’m willing to risk and even to be hurt in connecting with you, because I know it will be to my benefit, rather than my detriment.’ 

‘I can stand to lose, because I know and feel like I’m a winner at heart.’ 

‘I can invest my power and remain in possession of it at the same time – (true contribution)’ 

‘I can hold my own ground. I can enter and I can leave’ 

Men and the masculine then come to realize that they can’t grow into their power or have a playground for their power to play out into, without vulnerable relationship, without shared values, without community. They are not dependent on any one community, AND they can admit their need for one community, both. 

Our retraction from vulnerability (our wounding) occurred in relationship and so does our healing also occur in community. You can’t completely heal or grow in a box away from community. Our need for fulfillment invites us back into community after the necessary going solo phase has completed its course. 

Man, there’s a whole universe waiting for you to show up into, there’s a sacred and quite ready feminine patiently waiting for your crossing the space and invitation onto the dance floor. You can find it first inside of you and then let it flow outside of you. You got some hot stuff waiting and wanting to ‘man’ifest! 

Raphael Awen


Please do consider if you haven’t already joining Jelelle and I for tomorrow’s group call on relationships – a really great place to explore your masculine manifestation! Details here: SoulFullHeart.org/freetobe

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/@impossible_monster

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our Patreon Page to send love in the form of money: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart 🙂

Wild At Heart


By Raphael Awen

The universe is untamable. It is wild at heart.

There are no insurance providers that can underwrite the inherent risks in your participation here. When you suffer a loss, there is no claim you can file to get reimbursed for any loss of your assets.

You get to lose, actually. You get to suffer loss. You get to mourn and grieve the loss. You came here to lose. You gave up the experience and knowledge of possessing everything and spent it lavishly like a drunken sailor on the experience of what it feels like to not have. This is the souls journey of discovering the love that you are, that you can never lose on a higher level.

This is the stuff, you, and everyone around you, ARE, and are made of, regardless of your awakening or spirituality, or your culture.

When we attempt to tame our 3D worlds, like we all naturally do, to make it bite-sized or manageable, to lessen the risks, to build in predictability, we attempt only to tame ourselves in relation to the wild universe; we acknowledge, even if only subconsciously, that the universe itself is untameable.

Why does the wild fear the wild in this way?

What is it about the wild that makes it so fearful?

Could we live without the wild, where all was known and tame and predictable and safe?

Would romance be romance were it not for the wild unknown?

What even is this wild we speak of?

It is said to be ‘the natural state, prior to being cultivated’.

Is the wild you, then, the You who was prior to being cultivated by your present culture, the real you?

Is it the You who is underneath all of the cults you ever subscribed to and are currently a member of?

Were the cults, and enculturations and cultures all necessary to point us back to our truer selves that cannot be cultivated?

Did we subscribe to pain itself to point us back to the bliss we are?

What would be the point though of willingly forgetting who we are, and returning and remembering if it wasn’t to expand and benefit ourselves in the process? Who would surrender to the loss everything were it not for a clear benefit?

What might that expansion and benefit be about?

What would you and I be so googly eyed over that we would give everything we had to exchange for that something?

Even attempting to write about the wild, as I am here, is a fools game, for in so doing, I attempt to understand and know the wild, and thereby, to tame the untamable. Yet, somehow, playing the fool surrenders to the wild at the same time.

Many attempt to tame themselves through a form of obedience. If I can surrender to a power much greater than I, I can claim that I am the lesser, and in so doing, attempt to make the greater responsible for my fate. We surrender to the greater, and pawn off obedience in exchange for a false of security to keep this wolf of wildness away from our door.

Others try to tame themselves through awakening or spirituality, to transcend, and thereby to escape the wildness that lies at the core of life itself.

These, and many other strategies can work for a time, as we are given the ability to proximate ourselves to this wild universe, to feel into our next choices, but when we overstay at the hotel stasis, thinking we’ve tamed the universe, we only amplify an underlying un-ease and dis-ease that is at the root of our assumption, that then rocks our bodies, our relationships and Gaia herself. The wildness of the universe seemingly makes our next choices for us as we build courage to flow with, rather than resist the wildness.

The resources you’ve cobbled together, that provide a sense of security, be it family, friends, money, career, fame; all of it is external to the degree you haven’t explored and surrendered yourself to your own wild heart. These external resources can’t ever be that imagined insurance provider because they are external to you. You, as the wild, contain all the love and safety you ever need, where even death and loss cannot remove you from your wild essence, as love itself.

You get to lose, and never lose at the same time.

The parts of you that make up your personhood are equally as wild and untamable as the universe itself. Even the parts of you that attempt to tame your world are themselves untameable. They possess a wildness that can only be related with, but not tamed. If they soften and become relational and malleable to you and your heart, they do so out of their wildness, not an overlay of cultivation. They do so out of their wild hunger and search for the love that you and they are.

If you’d like some help and community around going to your next unexplored domains, I’d love to serve you. I’d love to serve you with the resource of your own authority, desire and awakening.

My truth is that you and I came here to feel, what we couldn’t otherwise feel from where we were. Feeling is the healing that awakens us to the godhood and personhood both, that we are.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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