The Wounded, The Wild, And The Feminine

This past week I moved to a new flat in another village here in Central Portugal not too far from my soul fam. It is a fresh start as I am literally the first tenant of this remodeled schist house. It is a blend of modern and historical, the natural and the practical, the masculine and the feminine. This feels like a great place for some deep reconciliation work inside of me.

Since the completion of my relationship with Kasha, I have been leaning on the practical side of myself. I talked about this in my last post. Now that things have settled, I can feel where I am needing to recalibrate myself to both my wildness and my inner feminine, as well as a blend of the two. The practical and wounded masculine part of me needs them deeply.

It is in the reintegration of these aspects of me that can support the healing and transformation of my wounded and tired matrix masculine. There is much to atone for in my departure from these energies inside of me that have always wanted a seat at the table yet have been resisted for many reasons that I am still delving into.

So much unworth has been cast onto and into the collective masculine heart. The history of its need to be closed off and in control. The deep fear of intimacy that can feel like an existential annihilation of its wounded egoic tendencies. So much clinging to provision, accomplishment, accumulation, and ‘freedom’. I put that in quotes as I feel there is a wounded relationship to freedom that actually pushes away at intimacy.

It is in this coming to terms with our own wildness and our feminine, that we can start to sense the wider aperture of our true masculine being. Our expression in the world and investment in relationships become renewed, remastered, and reborn. They become our guiding lights, our course-correctors, and our allies. They give us the courage and compassion to delve deep into that wounded and giant heart of ours.

I look forward to what arises in myself and with others as I continue this ongoing exploration inside of myself with this process of meditation, journaling, sessions, feeling, and intimate relationship with community and the Divine. It offers so much in the way of personal understanding, maturation, expansion, inner peace and Love. This is why I share my experience for others that resonate and may get something from it for themselves, as well as an invitation to start your own inner healing journey.

Much love to all of you brave hearts and souls that are choosing the path of most resistance…the path back to intimacy inside and out.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Wild At Heart

wild

By Raphael Awen

The universe is untamable. It is wild at heart.

There are no insurance providers that can underwrite the inherent risks in your participation here. When you suffer a loss, there is no claim you can file to get reimbursed for any loss of your assets.

You get to lose, actually. You get to suffer loss. You get to mourn and grieve the loss. You came here to lose. You gave up the experience and knowledge of possessing everything and spent it lavishly like a drunken sailor on the experience of what it feels like to not have. This is the souls journey of discovering the love that you are, that you can never lose on a higher level.

This is the stuff, you, and everyone around you, ARE, and are made of, regardless of your awakening or spirituality, or your culture.

When we attempt to tame our 3D worlds, like we all naturally do, to make it bite-sized or manageable, to lessen the risks, to build in predictability, we attempt only to tame ourselves in relation to the wild universe; we acknowledge, even if only subconsciously, that the universe itself is untameable.

Why does the wild fear the wild in this way?

What is it about the wild that makes it so fearful?

Could we live without the wild, where all was known and tame and predictable and safe?

Would romance be romance were it not for the wild unknown?

What even is this wild we speak of?

It is said to be ‘the natural state, prior to being cultivated’.

Is the wild you, then, the You who was prior to being cultivated by your present culture, the real you?

Is it the You who is underneath all of the cults you ever subscribed to and are currently a member of?

Were the cults, and enculturations and cultures all necessary to point us back to our truer selves that cannot be cultivated?

Did we subscribe to pain itself to point us back to the bliss we are?

What would be the point though of willingly forgetting who we are, and returning and remembering if it wasn’t to expand and benefit ourselves in the process? Who would surrender to the loss everything were it not for a clear benefit?

What might that expansion and benefit be about?

What would you and I be so googly eyed over that we would give everything we had to exchange for that something?

Even attempting to write about the wild, as I am here, is a fools game, for in so doing, I attempt to understand and know the wild, and thereby, to tame the untamable. Yet, somehow, playing the fool surrenders to the wild at the same time.

Many attempt to tame themselves through a form of obedience. If I can surrender to a power much greater than I, I can claim that I am the lesser, and in so doing, attempt to make the greater responsible for my fate. We surrender to the greater, and pawn off obedience in exchange for a false of security to keep this wolf of wildness away from our door.

Others try to tame themselves through awakening or spirituality, to transcend, and thereby to escape the wildness that lies at the core of life itself.

These, and many other strategies can work for a time, as we are given the ability to proximate ourselves to this wild universe, to feel into our next choices, but when we overstay at the hotel stasis, thinking we’ve tamed the universe, we only amplify an underlying un-ease and dis-ease that is at the root of our assumption, that then rocks our bodies, our relationships and Gaia herself. The wildness of the universe seemingly makes our next choices for us as we build courage to flow with, rather than resist the wildness.

The resources you’ve cobbled together, that provide a sense of security, be it family, friends, money, career, fame; all of it is external to the degree you haven’t explored and surrendered yourself to your own wild heart. These external resources can’t ever be that imagined insurance provider because they are external to you. You, as the wild, contain all the love and safety you ever need, where even death and loss cannot remove you from your wild essence, as love itself.

You get to lose, and never lose at the same time.

The parts of you that make up your personhood are equally as wild and untamable as the universe itself. Even the parts of you that attempt to tame your world are themselves untameable. They possess a wildness that can only be related with, but not tamed. If they soften and become relational and malleable to you and your heart, they do so out of their wildness, not an overlay of cultivation. They do so out of their wild hunger and search for the love that you and they are.

If you’d like some help and community around going to your next unexplored domains, I’d love to serve you. I’d love to serve you with the resource of your own authority, desire and awakening.

My truth is that you and I came here to feel, what we couldn’t otherwise feel from where we were. Feeling is the healing that awakens us to the godhood and personhood both, that we are.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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Into The Wild: Healing Our Industrialized Self To Experience Our Wild Self

Nature is our partner, not our slaveGaia’s Garden by Toby Hemenway

By Jelelle Awen

Being here on the ranch has brought into my awareness another part or subpersonality aspect which I am calling our industrialized self. The industrialized self is a false self version of us that has been created from industrial society. It is entitled, disempowered, reliant, and overly medicates with material goods attainment and easy access to life’s essentials and also internet. It is a creation of the modern age. Often it exists in a virtual reality and is non relational. The industrialized self’s message is about shoulds: You should have a nice car. You should have a good paying job. You should have a mortgage. You should invest in the stock market. You should do what everyone else is doing.

On the ranch, we are living off grid and currently camping in tents while the house we are staying in is finished. We have no internet or cell phone service and no city electricity or water. We get our water lines hooked up in a series of water lines to natural springs at the property and we get some electricity from our solar panel. We take dips in the river daily to clean off (even though showers are available) and we handwash our laundry and hang it on a clothes line. Our industrialized self is not used to this sort of living and generally would resist this kind of lifestyle. I have been deconditioning from my industrialized self for a number of years, especially when I moved out of a home and into an RV last year. This part of me that was used to fairly spacious and nice places to live had to get used to the small yet cozy space of the RV. This part of me had to adjust to shared laundry and shower facilities, a very small kitchen with a propane stove and oven, and sharing our ‘front yard’ with many people passing through. But now, this part of me is being challenged even more by the lifestyle we are living.

I feel that with the most likely impending collapse of industrial society, all of our industrialized parts will need to make intense adjustments in lifestyles. In some cases, people won’t be able to survive because they haven’t done enough transition to self sustainablity, especially in the crucial areas of providing themselves with fresh water and growing their own food. I feel it is the industrialized self that resists making these changes in a proactive way and keeps many people in denial.

I feel that the industrialized self heals to more expressions of what we are calling our wild self as it is felt by you, negiotated with, and you begin to make changes toward a more sustainable lifestyle. Negotiating with this part is crucial to be able to proactively make changes prior to collapse. If not negotiated with, it will sabotage your efforts to become self sustainable in some of the following ways: drawing a mate who doesn’t support your desires for self sustainability; becoming economically dependent or sabotaging your money resources related to becoming sustainable; receiving harsh judgments from friends and family about your plans and agreeing with them; learning very much about collapse but not taking action; being in denial about collapse and very resistant to hearing about it. The industrialized self heals to become our wild self.

The wild self is an aspect of our sacred humanity that has been unformed by industrialized society. It is untamed and unconcerned with rules and societal norms. It is connected deeply to our gut instinct, our primal nature. It thrives and comes alive in natural environments, the more natural and wild the setting the better and the more ‘unprepared’ the better. Our wild side naturally connects to all animals and plants. If it must kill, it does it with honor and reverence and gratitude. Our wild side can merge in with nature and become one with it. The wild self arises without personality in response to the environment. I feel it cannot really come alive until you have negotiated with and deconstructed the industrialized self to a large degree. Weekend wilderness trips give a taste of it, but not the full meal. The wild self doesn’t care about the latest and great camping gear or spending lots of money on it or keeping up with friends related to the latest trends. The wild self prefers to experience nature alone or with a deep intimate where talking isn’t even needed. The wild self feels the sacredness of nature, respects the rhythms, leaves no trace of its presence and exists in partnership in nature rather than trying to dominate it. The wild self can take care of all of its basic human needs and also its spiritual and emotional ones. It is naturally in abidement with the Divine in every moment and doesn’t need religion or church or a guru to experience It.

After global collapse of industrial society, it our wild self which will survive and thrive amongst the ruins of city infrastructure, highway systems, obsolete electric grids, declining fossil fuels, and shattered economic and political configurations. Even prior to this collapse, we can experience the healing of our industrialized self and the emergence of our wild side, which allows us to take in more of nature and our surroundings.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebookVisit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.