Sovereignty And Surrender In The Age Of Fear And Control

In the past year since the world went on a fear bender, one of the biggest reactions that has come out is our relationship to our own sovereignty. We are being inundated with governmental sanctions based on a scientific ego that does not want to be questioned or prodded. It just wants to be right no matter what. Forget the fact that Science itself is based in questioning.

So we are left in a state of what feels like powerlessness. Our freedom to live our lives as we see the fittest for us is being put in the luxury category. No longer an ‘inalienable right’ but rather a gift from the Covid Masters of the Universe. This flares up our ‘sovereignty’ gene. The inherent aspect of us that needs to express as it needs to and wants to. It is our individuated spark of the Divine. It is masculine in nature and it is a bucking bronco when it needs to be.

This whole experience is a great portal into this territory of Sovereignty and Surrender, not just in relation to the current state of affairs, but also in general even before this timeline began.

What does it mean to be truly Sovereign?
How does Surrender relate to that?
Are they in conflict or is there a symbiosis?

When I feel these questions, I can sense the part of me that is in reaction to all that is going on. This anger and anxiety of sovereignty being eroded away until it is just left in a box, or a prison in a much more dystopian context. Yet, what if this experience is giving me the gift of feeling this part of me?

What is this trigger leading me to in my heart and soul?
What is the inner picture here?
What if I were to surrender to this invitation of going in and really FEELING this feeling rather than end-running around it with rage or despair?
Or maybe even Love and Lighting myself around it too!

In this process, I have felt a deeper relationship to my own sovereignty and what it means to truly surrender. It is not about ‘submission’. That is to just give into what is going on without feeling or questioning. It is unconscious compliance. Even then that is still a sovereign choice to do so. I am finding myself surrendering more into a greater context as well as claiming my sovereignty to choose how I want to respond. What energy do I truly want to be in and for what purpose?

I know I am asking a lot of questions here rather than giving ‘answers’. I feel we are being led to our own personal answers through these questions. I have a viewpoint from which I am sovereignly creating as well as surrendering to a bigger picture and to a Divine Love flow that is aching to come through me. I choose to let Love guide me and show me the where the fears and shadow lie in all of this. What is my role in the great scheme of it all? It is not about convincing, but about feeling.

On April 18th, Raphael and Jelelle Awen will be hosting a call about the Covid Narrative this past year. Raphael and I will also be hosting a Men’s Group call on this topic of Sovereignty and Surrender on April 24th. You can find more information at www.soulfullheart.org/events.

I will be writing more about sovereignty and surrender over the next couple of weeks as they have played a big part of my healing journey over the past decade, especially in relation to romance, community, and intimacy. I look forward to hearing about your journey with them as well. Here is to your inner journey around these very profound ideas. Ultimately, Love is wants us to claim both. The deeper question is how we do that from the inside out rather than the outside in.

To be continued…

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/





The Onward Inward Journey Into Magic And Surrender

With only two weeks away from leaving Canada to embark on a new journey with my soul fam to the Isle of Avalon and beyond, this is more than just physical travel, but transdimensional travel within the physical plane.

I feel the seat of my Being in a state of active surrender. Letting go of some deeper layers of conditioning and relationship to alchemy and the unknown. I feel I am changing the channel of my soul dial and there is some of that void static in the space between the channels. A pregnant poignancy.

I was watching the movie Cocoon a few nights ago and had this feeling that although I am not leaving the planet, per se, I am leaving an old frequency of relating to this dimension without leaving my humanity behind. All the parts that hold fears, doubts, curiosities, and joys get to come with me along the way and I get to use them as portals in a brand new world of magic and divine creation.

I feel an emergence and birth of a more upgraded version of myself that I have not been previously privy to until the right conditions and healing had crossed paths. This is a sacred time of saying good-bye not only to geography, but a shedding of an old skin to make room for the new.

The only known we truly have access to is what we are feeling and relating to in each moment. The rest is speculative. There are intentions and desires, and then there is Life and Love with their own agendas and timings. In those waters I lay my heart in trust.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc. 

On Masculine Vulnerability…

By Raphael Awen

I thought to ruminate out loud about what we might call the reticent masculine, where the masculine (both in men and women) is absent from settings where vulnerability is called for (like the whole global situation right now for instance, or a romance for that matter, or emotional/spiritual community). 

Based on my own experience, I’d say that men are typically busy trying to be powerful, drawn to providing, drawn to making themselves needed, and then asking the feminine (both inside of themselves and outside) to settle for that equation.

If their mate asks for more feeling, or for more heart open presence, he will point to what he so willingly and caringly does provide, and maybe even go on to whine about how she doesn’t see and appreciate that. He leads with defense, covering an unconscious ‘I can’t go there, for fear that I’ll lose myself.’

But I see all of that in the process of change. Men are becoming done with defending these old burdensome ‘paternalistic’ ‘patriarchal’ ‘patterns’ that are turning out to be so much less than what they promised they would provide for us. It’s an idea whose time is done. 

I get the masculine is meant to feel empowered and full of worth. That’s obvious, or we wouldn’t have been so prey to the false promises of power, nor would we have been so vulnerable to pornography (a safe kind of shallow feminine presence that doesn’t ask for any vulnerability – she bares everything and I give nothing, in turn actually leaving me with nothing in terms of actual nourishment)

This need for empowerment has been seen in the various men’s movements that have made a showing in recent decades, where you attend a men’s large group weekend event, give up your familiar patterns and get real with the guys, move some big energy blocks to realness, and commit to getting together on a regular basis in small groups to support this new breakthrough. From what I’ve observed, all of the groups that fit this pattern have this big push away to the feminine, in many cases even outright toxic and abusive, making ‘them’ the problem. When boys become independent men, they do need to find their healthy push away to mom, for a time, especially if Mom was overly invested and invasive to their energetic and emotional masculine space. This healthy need and boundary setting however gets way over projected onto women in general, leaving women wondering what (in the hell) just got into their mate.

I believe all of this has to do with men and the masculine (again in both men and women) exploring the key issue of autonomy and sovereignty. Vulnerability is seen as a threat to their seat of personal power because the last time they were open hearted (vulnerable), they got invaded and taken advantage of, leaving them with the felt reality of powerlessness, that vulnerability equals weakness. The masculine then went off on a long and necessary journey to reconcile itself to itself and to the feminine, especially around this vital need and fear of vulnerability. 

Vulnerability is defined as the willingness to be hurt. Only a man or masculine in possession of some degree of power would possess such a willingness. Romantic relationships, in the dance of the masculine and feminine, without vulnerability are stuck in a very narrow bandwidth, doomed to medicating each other’s pain and estrangement from themselves and others. 

This whole journey may well be reaching its conclusion in our collective. Men are honestly and vulnerably admitting their discontent with the previously seen safe patterns. They’re willing even to admit their unhappiness even before they know much of any alternative. 

Men and the masculine are becoming more and more willing to divest of their investment into the 3D playground structures where they’ve felt some autonomy and power, by obeying the shared playground rules. They’re like, ‘How is this autonomy real if it’s been handed to me on a plate?’ and ‘Why am I playing someone else’s game for a sense of power when no one’s forcing me to play?’

Then that brings us to the yet present noticeable absence of men in more emoto/spiritual settings and communities (like the one I’m a part of). I believe men are understandably asking the sovereignty question that goes something like this: ‘How will surrendering myself to a group and the paradigm of that group be an expression of my power? How will it not be a repeat of the forfeiting of my power that I really need to be done with?’ 

I believe (and this is where it gets possibly interesting and exciting), is that a man (and the masculine in women) can only answer that question of surrender and vulnerability when he or she is in possession of sufficient power. 

In other words:  

‘I’m willing to risk and even to be hurt in connecting with you, because I know it will be to my benefit, rather than my detriment.’ 

‘I can stand to lose, because I know and feel like I’m a winner at heart.’ 

‘I can invest my power and remain in possession of it at the same time – (true contribution)’ 

‘I can hold my own ground. I can enter and I can leave’ 

Men and the masculine then come to realize that they can’t grow into their power or have a playground for their power to play out into, without vulnerable relationship, without shared values, without community. They are not dependent on any one community, AND they can admit their need for one community, both. 

Our retraction from vulnerability (our wounding) occurred in relationship and so does our healing also occur in community. You can’t completely heal or grow in a box away from community. Our need for fulfillment invites us back into community after the necessary going solo phase has completed its course. 

Man, there’s a whole universe waiting for you to show up into, there’s a sacred and quite ready feminine patiently waiting for your crossing the space and invitation onto the dance floor. You can find it first inside of you and then let it flow outside of you. You got some hot stuff waiting and wanting to ‘man’ifest! 

Raphael Awen

SoulFullHeart.org/sessions

Please do consider if you haven’t already joining Jelelle and I for tomorrow’s group call on relationships – a really great place to explore your masculine manifestation! Details here: SoulFullHeart.org/freetobe

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/@impossible_monster

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our Patreon Page to send love in the form of money: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart 🙂

The Heart Stays Alive, Even Through Heartbreak: A Poem

by Kalayna Solais

Even in solemnity
the heart is alive with possibilities.

Even in darkness
the beacon of light that you are
shines through the cracks.

Even when you’ve bottomed out
new seedlings sprout
from the ground burned by life’s wildfires.

Even when your heart is broken
it still beats its melody of surrender
knowing that it cannot know
how the whole story is going to end…
only how this one chapter has seemed to.

The death of what could be, but isn’t
brings your heart to its knees in an instant
yet this is only for a moment
in the grand picture
of your sacred life’s journey.

~ Art by Julia Watkins ~

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Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Incoming July Energies Support Change Choices & Integration

by Kalayna Colibri

It doesn’t feel like we’re in a phase of much being activated at the moment, though it depends very much on the phase that you find yourself in. If you’ve recently been navigating some significant life changes, you may find that you’re actually in a phase of integrating them… and if you’re trying to figure out your next step at the moment, or taking some sort of action in order to exit one phase and enter another, you may find that you’re being asked to find some stillness amid challenges that are springing up. It feels like whatever side of “change” you’re on right now, whether in the INcubation or INtegration phase of it, you may be feeling the birth canal of the rebirth these energies coming in are inviting you into. And what’s more is that these changes are a direct result of your awakening journey so far… they are all a graduation point, even the difficult ones, and they all want to lead you to your next places on your journey.

You may be starting to realize that parts of you have been over-focused on ‘making change happen’ in one particular area of your life, whether it’s trying to lose some physical weight, moving to a new home, looking for work, or completing/beginning a relationship. This over-focus feels two-fold to me: first, I feel there is an invitation here to feel how the work to ‘make something happen’ is a part trying to force something that perhaps has its own timing and probably out of a fear of missing out on an opportunity or to bring someone or something closer to you in your life for fear of losing them, or losing your next chance, whatever that may mean; and second, I feel too the invitation to begin seeing the bigger picture of the changes, that they connect to all areas of your life and not just one. It’s like trying to work out by only targeting one muscle group when really it’s your whole body that needs your attention and love. Plus, compartmentalizing is probably losing its ground for you in general, so the focus on only one thing/area or even person in your life is something you won’t actually be able to maintain for long as it all wants and needs to connect and integrate together.

It feels like July is a ‘hot’ month for bringing in and settling into changes too. I get a ‘coming and going’ sort of feeling around it. You may be experiencing a push-pull inside of you around change too, as parts of you want it and others don’t, and this polarization becomes harder and harder to ignore. You can choose to feel the parts and the ways in which they’re attached to what you’re taking steps to let go of and the ways they feel about what/who you’re trying to let in too. Your Inner Protector especially will have opinions and observations to offer, as will other parts of you.

As always with the incoming energy waves, there’s much to feel and awaken to within. You’re always invited to find expanded consciousness and a brighter view of the bigger picture of Ascension, the Cosmos, etc, yet this expanded consciousness landing within you is the one that truly lights up your path, your action steps, your stillness needs, and the parts that need your love as you choose, inhabit, and integrate the changes you most need in this Now. The Divine Mother/Feminine and Her many different expressions are here to be with you and hold space with you too as you explore all of these elements of your being… I feel Her honouring all of your choice points and everything you’re feeling or even ‘not’ feeling along the way, while also encouraging you to keep going, flowing, finding ways to BE with all of the challenges and desires, both.

Love to you as you feel all there is to feel on this next stratum of your ever-deepening healing and ever-increasing desire for everything you’ve ever wanted to have or happen in your life. ❤

~

We are here to serve you should you feel the need/desire for more support on your journey and a very illuminating 90min (for $55 usd min. donation) session to help you find your next steps for your healing and Ascension journey: www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 35, emoto-spiritual teacher, WayShower, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Seeing Ourselves In The Ascension Process With Gaia

By Jelelle Awen
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Transitioning to more light body, opening through healing our heart, integrating our 3D self, merging with our multidimensional selves and aspects/higher self as we are ever more sacred human….ascension. Not an attained state, as much as an ongoing, spiraling, and ever deepening process that we are ALL invited to engage with, come along, and join in a consciously collaborative way. We can look to Gaia as an outer reflection of how this ascension process is also happening within us.
Gaia in Her seemingly denser 3D Earth state, so much happening ‘to’ Her, humans damaging Her, against Her, disconnected, abusing Her. Global warming, oil spills, weather changes as a consequence of so much human waste and disregard. Or so it can seem from the overly polarized 3D lens of five sense reality filtering that doesn’t see beyond the physical eyes or feel much beyond reactions and triggers and fixates on what it kNOws rather than trusting what is possible in the kNOW.
Yet, Gaia, moving into 4D consciousness is a sentient, ALIVE, sovereign and conscious energy in the FORM of a planet. She is a Planetary consciousness that is in collaboration with all that happens to Her. As She is realizing this then She can make choices. She can become the all powerful creatoress that She IS, reclaiming Her power. She chooses then to purge, to off gas, to release, to be unpredictable in the form of fiery storms, raging fires, swirling tornadoes, lashing out hurricanes. This is the mess that clears out, that has aftermath and consequences…that can bring death and loss.
Rebirth comes out of these ashes and ruins…for Gaia AND for us. As She claims Her own power back, She offers the same invitation to us. The losses can be devastating OR they can be the beginning of something brand NEW, an opportunity or a defeat. Life is no longer happening to us as our consciousness expands in ascension to 4D and higher. We are happening with life. Gaia cannot be geoengineered without Her consent on a higher level by anyone. Just as we cannot be either. No one is doing anything to Her ‘against her will’ just as nothing can truly be done against ours on the soul level.
The alchemical purgatory of 4D is soul blood returning to numbed out limbs, whether human or planetary. It is ALIVE even as it is messy. We can see ourselves in this too. Parts of our 3D self and their own thrashes and crashes and our inevitable storms. We realize our own power along the way and how it was never really lost to us. Those souls that it seemed abused us and were against us offering often the biggest gifts of growth and learning. We stop pushing against all of this and begin to let Divine forgiveness and compassion into our hearts for ourselves and for them.
I feel this in Gaia when I connect with Her as a planetary consciousness. I feel Her forgiveness of what we have ‘done to Her’ during this 3D experiment as She deepens in trust around the overall process and all its phases and stages. I feel Her compassion for so many souls sense of powerlessness ‘against’ Her. I feel Her deep abiding love for us and, also, Her changing boundaries too as She ascends. I feel Her in the face and forms of Kali, Mother Mary, Divine Feminine Mama. She is offering us a reminder of our previously disowned power that we can now claim again. She is a reflection of our beauty, our gloriousness, our magnificent landscapes. She is inviting us into a NEW alchemy of creation of a NEW Golden Earth consciousness where we are connected to our power even AS we surrender to the Divine and our ultimate purpose of serving love here. We create this state and place, in the now, and going ‘forward’…together.
~

Jelelle Awen is an Emoto-Spiritual Teacher, Sacred Feminine and Sacred Union Facilitator, Soul Scribe, waySHOWer, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond .

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Trusting The Ascension Process, Leaning Into The Divine Feminine

By Jelelle Awen
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Trusting the process, trusting yourself, trusting the curiosity that comes up in response to ALL that you are feeling and starting to see and BE. Trusting the arising into the new that wants to rearrange your life WITH love. Trusting the draws and urges that may turn your previous life UPside down.

Trust the process…….This message comes through clearly today as the intense Lion energies seem to be calming down and settling in just a bit….maybe to allow us a breathing in and an exhaling out again before it picks UP again. Always does a Divine grace orchestration seem to modulate the flow of these catalytic energies so that it is at a rate and pace that we (and parts of us!) can bear. These energies are not meant to ‘blow us out’ or ‘take us down’ even if they tumble us a fair bit or bring up hard things to feel and be with. Especially if you are WITH the Divine in the process and surrendering, then you can experience how nothing is being done to you….yet rather with you and with so much care and love FOR you.

I feel something soft, comforting and feminine always there too. She is more mysterious and elusive and you may need to connect to Her consciously to feel Her. So much focus can be given to the masculine activation of this ascension process….the pushing up and the purging and UPgrading. So much trying to understand and locate what is going on. Yet, too, the feminine HOLDS the space for the process and invites us into not knowing. She is the mother that gestates the baby just in Her BEing of stillness. She is the mother allowing you to form and shape and grow while just loving all that you are and forgiving all that you are still too scared yet to be. She is the reminder that you are enough just as you are in this moment while holding all the potential and capacity of what you could someday become.

The feminine also brings you out of the mind, if parts of you have a tendency to go to the lower vibe frequencies of the mental body that want to kNOw, sort out, analyze, prove it all, track it and locate it. I feel that this mental activity is a block to flowing into feeling and the emotional body and to the intuitions of the higher chakras that allow creativity and ‘unexplainable’ experiences. It can block the emotional body awakening that wants to be felt and allowed. This can be a challenge for men, especially, as so much conditioning supports this mental body filtering. The masculine inside of women (the Inner Protector energies) can revert to this too and question what is coming through or spin out in obsessive thinking loops. There seems to be a connection to the Archon and fear-based Reptilian fusion experiment too where unhooking and unplugging from these frequencies can help with letting go of the mind more. ALL of this exploration of mind needs to be held with much love and not ‘against’ the mind energy as that is what allows it (and the parts that use it) to let go.

Trusting the process……..this is leaning into the BIG picture and context of ascension as a collective experience, connected to the sense we are going through this (on varying levels and degrees) as a species moving into our sacred humanity and into embodiment of everything higher in all our bodies…physical, emotional, mental, chakral/spiritual/energetic, social.

This is a surrender to the masculine and the feminine aspects of this process and how ultimately they are seeking balance from within you through expression AS you.

Trusting the process may also be inviting you to seek and ask for support from others as space holders, teacher, waySHOWers, and within community too. This has been crucial to my ongoing, deepening trust in the process….I have needed many space holders, a couple beloved teachers and lived in community for many years too, which I co-lead, teach, facilitate, and offer to others. All of these ‘outside’ resources ultimately reflect you to you and help to deepen trust in yourself for however long or deep these connections go.

Trusting the process, yes,….the moment by moment walking this out and BEing with it too. Allowing change to move you where you need to go next. Most of all, trusting the love that holds it all and YOU!

I have a tender place in my heart for this guided meditation that came through with Mother Mary that offers comfort, soothing energies for all the bodies during the ascension process….many people fall asleep which is so OK as it goes in as it meant to and sometimes the conscious mind has be UNconscious for it to go in!

https://youtu.be/nkTbTJBBlHE

~
Jelelle Awen is an Emoto-Spiritual Teacher, Soul Scribe, waySHOWer, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Trusting What You Are BEcoming

By Jelelle Awen

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To trust what you are BEcoming, to let go of what isn’t YOU and never really WAS in order to return to and remember who you REALLY are……this is the unfolding, arising surrendering process that the Divine energies all around you are supporting.

To let go of others that can’t see you, can’t let in your love, your light or ALL of what awakens as your soul comes through….and yet to invite them to come along, BOTH, yet without settling, shrinking, grabbing at them. Your energy of open, ready, desiring, yet not compromising or playing games invites them to BE the same or to move on.

To no longer need of convincing, contending, or proving to others even as you teach, lead, respond, offer them your soul gifts, healing heart, growing sense of Infinite Possibilities. As you SHARE what you are here to offer as a soul from a place of authenticity, so you become a mirror for those who are ready and meant to see and BE this as well.

To FEEL what is real INside of your heart and soul, what has been contained, restrained, reframed, conditioned and now wants to leak, peak, burst, purge, open, reveal AND heal. This revealing gives others the space and inspiration to be REAL too and NEW deeper intimacy can flow then between you.

This is the personal disclosure process INside that leads to a life experienced as transparent and OPEN with nothing to hide, no compartments, no bubbles that need bursting……as you are loving ALL that you are and so experience a life that is reflecting the same.

~

Jelelle Awen is an Emoto-Spiritual Teacher, Sacred Feminine and Sacred Union Facilitator, Soul Scribe, waySHOWer, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond .

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Trusting That Your Soul Growth Is For Love, By Love, And Held By Love

By Jelelle Awen
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Trust arises as you feel and surrender into the bigger space for which you are held by Divine love. This surrendering process doesn’t require submission to anything outside of you or any outside authority or to another person’s will. The Divine is not an outside authority punishing you for being wrong or sinful; it is an energy of Infinite Love that invites you into love WITH It.

The Ethereal Guides, Ascended Teachers, and Angels that represent the Divine are not asking for your submission to them or for you to see them as greater or bigger than you. Rather they invite you into relationship WITH them, to feel the higher vibrational energies for which they live. ALL -You and them – are enriched, enlivened, and transformed from this connection. Trust arises as you and parts of you (as you connect with the Inner Protector and Soul Guardian who resist surrender and feel unworthiness) lean into this relationship with Guides, feeling how you ARE them and they ARE you.

As parts of you lean into and BE with the growing, awakening, authentic YOU (as it grows through Divine Connection and inner differentiation and connection)….so then can these aspects of you trust love again, especially the part of you that holds anxiety. Anxiety is, at its root, a lack of trust in life and the Divine and fear of getting hurt again. These aspects can ‘surrender into love’ WITH you holding the space for this surrender.

This is the only kind of surrender that actually retains your sovereignty…into self, into love, into the Divine love that comes from within as you embody your Divine fractal-ness more and more.

~

Raphael and I will be discussing and teaching about these sorts of themes related to the SoulFullHeart process, community, and way of life tomorrow during a group call at 11:11am CST: https://www.facebook.com/events/642182529312699. More about the SoulFullHeart process, here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/soulfullheartawakeningprocess

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Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book to be released on June 1st, Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Embracing Being A Spiritual Student: Humility, Surrender, And Growth

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By Kathleen Calder

I was very spiritually-focused, seeking big answers and asking big questions as of age 14, and have been on this trajectory ever since. Yet being spiritually open does not entitle me to “skip a grade” in life. My desire at the moment is to keep allowing life to bring me what it needs to, in order to bring me to a place where I can offer what I’ve healed to others like me, so they can work to heal it in themselves.

There’s a vulnerability in humbling yourself to be a student. I don’t mean paying thousands of dollars for your education, exactly. I mean allowing yourself to be a student in life, not just in a classroom. Negotiating with the parts of you that feel entitled to skipping ahead to being a teacher feels essential. There are some people I have met who have parts that openly embrace being a student, yet this over-humility doesn’t feel quite right either. There is a way to be a student that allows yourself to be humbled and yet be in your power too. You don’t get to choose the lesson, but you get to choose how to take it in. You don’t always get to choose your teachers either, but you get to choose how to take them in and for how long.

I remember that almost my whole life, I’ve wanted to “skip a grade”. As a child in elementary school, I ached for the recognition of being really smart and basically superior in some ways to everyone else my age, that would come with skipping a grade. I wanted to prove that I needed the challenge. Feels like it was partly the social pain that part of me endured that brought this on. It could also have been the pain of being the “baby of the family”. I had a lot of worth to prove – to “everyone else”, but ultimately to me. I don’t remember ever feeling happy to be the age I was. Part of me always had their eye on being “in” with the older kids. This carried over into my teen years. Yet there were terms I couldn’t compromise on. There were things I just refused to do, like going to parties or drinking or doing drugs. I didn’t really get drunk until my late teens, didn’t try pot until university, and I didn’t really go to many parties until my second year of university. I also didn’t choose to become sexually active until I was 21.

Now I’m 26 years old, going to be 27 very soon (less than a month), and there are life experiences and rites of passage I still haven’t inhabited, like getting my driver’s licence. There are many reasons why this was delayed, but the symbolism of it feels worth exploring – I wasn’t ready to surrender to not knowing how to be in the “driver’s seat” in my own life, at my age, at my stage of spiritual, emotional, worldly knowledge and experience. I try to frame it for my parts, not so much as “immaturity” but as “arrested development”. This makes it feel less critical and easier to own. Makes it easier to admit that I need to be a student of life for a while, to essentially catch up to myself in a way.

Now I’m faced with the challenge of being in life as a 26 year old, trying to catch up on things like inhabiting a job in a much fuller way than I have before, being fully independent in providing for myself (including getting my licence and a car), etc. Gaps of life experience have brought the need to create some social distance from others engaged in the SoulFullHeart way of life. This has been a very hard reality to let in for parts of me. Right now in my process, I am working to let this humble me. It is crazy-making at times to feel how much ground I need to cover within myself and in life, and yet I can hold at the same time that my desire to serve others can only come to fruition if I can surrender to this and the coming life phases. I am working daily towards that deeper surrender by challenging myself to be in my power and spine, while also feeling my parts through all life changes and decisions. I need to keep reminding my parts that we are not entitled to be older than we are, in any other sacred life phase than we are right now.

I know and can feel that there are others around my age who have had a similar experience of themselves in this life. I was very spiritually-focused, seeking big answers and asking big questions as of age 14, and have been on this trajectory ever since. Yet being spiritually open does not entitle me to “skip a grade” in life. It also does not entitle me to the role of “teacher” when I have yet to fully embrace being a student. My desire at the moment is to keep allowing life to bring me what it needs to, in order to bring me to a place where I can offer what I’ve healed to others like me, so they can work to heal it in themselves. I feel that if those in my generation and younger can do this, we can really be the start of a new wave of human being that is much more authentically compassionate and embodied, not only for our sake but for the sake of our world as a whole.

Kathleen Calder has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way of Life since January, 2012. Go here to read more of her writing and visit soulfullheart.com for more information about SoulFullHeart.