Feeling something as something you need to keep up with, as if it depends on you to make happen, is just a common form of resistance, making the case to justify keeping things the same. It’s joining the wild cult of the life you haven’t yet known and leaving the tame cult of safe predictability and calibrated boredom and managed deadness.
Taming that wild is about managing my fears without knowing my tears. I am as unknowable as the divine, both aching to partner in never ending discovery.
Wayne – You’re a lot to keep up with, Yeshua.
Yeshua – Am I going too fast?
W – That’s hard to say actually. I’ve been a maniac for growth and learning this life, but when I hang with you, it goes kind of wild….on overdrive.
Y – Wild, I like that word…
W – Yeah, it’s like there’s this background feeling of not knowing where the controls are or being able to predict what’s coming next. I can feel a part of mine’s life navigation system on a bit of a reboot, …again.
Y – I like what you’ve said about ‘manageable nervous breakdowns.’ Is this one of those?
W – When I take that in mentally, and feel all we’ve been discussing around money and our security and currency in the world, it so gets to the bedrock of our being. Sometimes it rumbles, sometimes melts, and it eventually causes collapses in our way of being in the world.
Y – And it always aligns with real life relationships and situations. That’s the way it gets grounded. People who didn’t think they had much relationship with synchronicity always get tickled with the ‘you can’t make this shit up’ experiences that start picking up in their lives.
W – I love that. I love seeing it in myself and witnessing it unfolding for others. It makes me feel less crazy.
Y – Everyone’s life is this really cool story, wanting to unfold, but the main character always has a say in the rate and pace of the unfolding. Most people though are so deep in their state of half-life that they aren’t even ready to begin to accept that about their lives.
W – So their lives are…
Y – …a carefully managed set of knowns carefully held in place to keep life from moving in its fuller ranges. Tamed.
W- That’s a lot of care…
Y – And it’s a losing battle ultimately, no matter how well heeled it looks. Life is by nature wild and spring loaded to bring us our growth, again and again and again.
W – What is it, Yeshua, that creates that significant move for people to change the trajectory of their lives…….where they move from resisting life to letting in their bounty?
Y – That’s such a big question, Wayne. I wonder about it too. I like the space the question itself creates in me, because I ask how I may be right now tripping on some aspect of widening life. And if life is ever widening, then I am in the same boat as everyone. The only thing I can claim is that I’ve done a few more rounds. But for most people, well, really for all of us, I’d say it has to do with simply being done with a phase of learning. Something seems to pop out of no where. It really is unstoppable at this point because the soul has negotiated all the resistances around it. It’s what you’ve been going through personally and globally too. Did that answer your question?
W – Not really…
Y – Good, then my answer didn’t diminish or satisfy the question. Why don’t you share an example or two from your own life…quester?
W – Why do you want me to share?
Y – Because I feel you need to.
W – Why?
Y – Because, Mr. staller, you can hide your light behind our magical conversation and wait around for something, which ends up being a resistance to your own bigness, pausing for more favorable weather.
W – Okay. I’ll try to do this without that hiding tone. I feel some reaction about storytelling as I set out, that overindulging thing that bores people.
Y – That energy comes from where people haven’t been able to feel themselves and are asking to be felt without being direct about it. That isn’t you, my friend.
W – Okay. Here goes. My life has been the most surprising turn of events since just over 8 years ago, when I made what appeared to be an out of the blue shift. I told my wife of 23 years that I wasn’t willing to remain in our bond. I told my astonished Christian pastor who came shortly to visit that I no longer held Jesus as my personal saviour. I told my best friend whose mother died that same week that I wanted to end the false aspects of our connection, and that I wouldn’t be attending the funeral. I was so done with something, an entire lifetime of investment, and really, in many ways, I was surprised more than anyone in my life. Life gave me a definite going on place at the same time and I was travelling once a month for a ten hour drive to what only looked like I’d joined some cult. And of course, I’d done just that in another way. I switched cults. Cults are what we sign up for everyday and just aren’t willing to admit. Three years later, the leader of that cult, who I esteemed more than any man on the planet, sent me packing. I managed to rob the vault just before I left though, and taunted him with it too. Jillian and I connected. Another huge soul journey place of moving on. It took a series of clearing the decks, being in the ‘emptiness,’ and letting life again move me, move me through my wounding. One of my biggest achievements in this life is being fluid with my own tears. I went through deep phases of deep tears. They weren’t victim’s tears of powerlessness, but transformative tears of feeling my real pains and layer after layer of false ways of relating in life letting go. I felt the pains of every part of me that naturally came up for me. I was finally big enough to feel. This all of course was held by continuing to make emotionally conscious choices in all of my relationships in life, even so far as not being a part of my two daughters’ weddings, or even in their lives at present. I guess you could say that my currency doesn’t flow between us, at least not transactionally right now. I know my heart and soul has deep love for them and feels at rest and peace with what, to most, feels like a completely crazy choice, given the good man and exemplary father that I was. Many times, Yeshua, it was simply finding the courage to say no to what I knew I wasn’t. That wasn’t slamming and locking a door to relationships, it was a new boundary, along with a door, yes, but with an invitation and an unlocked door is how I’d say it. I left the cult of unconditional love and entered the one of conditional love. All you need to be in my life is to be curious about me and willing to see me for who I am now, and then we can find our way whatever that way may be. How’d I do?
Y – That was a pretty good run, Wayne. I so feel and honor every part of you that you’ve felt through deep tears. There’s an undeniable substance to that, a power, a fwump in the third and fourth chakra that is undeniable. I get why you’d have some difficulty figuring where to point that loaded heart shotgun. Remember when I said that piece about not hiding your light under a bushel basket or that a city on a hill cannot be hid?
W – Yeah, I sure do…
Y – That’s the ‘a lot to keep up with’ feeling you’re going through at the moment. All you need to do is find new permission, willingness. You don’t need to keep up with anything or make anything happen. Feeling something as something you need to keep up with, as if it depends on you to make happen, is just a common form of resistance, making the case to justify keeping things the same. It’s joining the wild cult of the life you haven’t yet known and leaving the tame cult of safe predictability and calibrated boredom, and managed deadness.
W – Hehehe, so I can either manage my nervous breakdowns or manage my deadness?
Y – What would you say about that?
W – This gets again to the bedrock currency of my life. My natural state is wild. Taming that wild is about managing my fears without knowing my tears. I am as unknowable as the divine, both aching to partner in never ending discovery. I will if you will…. I will if you won’t. I will through you. Thy will be done. My will be done. Both sacred.
Y – So what is your will choosing right now?
W – I knew you weren’t quite done….hmmm, right now I am choosing to say yes to arising choices and circumstances with a yes to my own bigness, an acknowledgment of my own bigness, my call to lead, and a surrender to my own followers, those who authorize and certify me to serve their sovereign being with the things I’ve learned and earned.
Y – That’s getting pretty clear, Wayne. Clearer than I‘ve ever heard you. Get ready for more them ‘you can’t make this shit up’ synchros. You are aligning your life with an essential wild flow of nature itself. Life extends that offer to everyone by virtue of their life. To anyone who wants to and is willing, I say ‘come.’
W – You’re still a lot to keep up with, Yeshua.
Y – Don’t project that onto me, man. I need today just to get ready for you again.
W – You might need two. 🙂
Y – I just might. I have all the time in the world.
W – I’m with you.
In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversation with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.