A Love Story: Part Five (A Choicepoint)

By Raianna Shai

This part of my “love story” is more of my own side of things as I was realizing that my spirituality and my 3D life were struggling to coexist. I was in a limbo space around this time trying to be two things at once: human and divine. I could feel how there was still some life left to live and sort out before I could really choose to integrate my connection to the divine.

I had one foot in both worlds and wasn’t able to give my whole heart to either. I felt like I didn’t truly belong in either and that I could never be enough for my relationship or my community. This was the moment when I realized I had to go fully into life in order to live into whatever was left for me there. In that, I chose to take a break from soulfullheart and soon found my way back with more clarity about who I am and what I want than ever.

Today I feel a much deeper union with my both my humanity and divinity and a greater knowing of my soul’s purpose. Everyday is an inch closer to integrating these two parts of my being and feeling more comfortable to express both of them. Sometimes we have to let go into one reality in order to end the suffering of trying to be everything for everyone else. In this choice, we find who we really are.


A Love Story: Part Five
A Choicepoint

Why does it feel sometimes like my divine self and human self are at odds? As if I can only experience one of these truths at any one time. There’s a part of me that feels like I have to choose one or the other and when I do, I lose one.

What if I choose the Divine path and lose my self in the process, unable to turn back? What if I choose humanity and forget who I really am and what I’m really capable of? What if I end up living for everyone but myself, constantly choosing what they think is best for me.

I don’t have clarity inside of my heart and soul right now. I don’t have the answers or the ability to go with the flow anymore. I’m at a crossroads in this moment and it’s one of the most uncomfortable places I’ve been in a long time. The nest is prickly but I don’t know where it wants me to go next.

Who am I? What do I really want? How do I want to get to where I need to be? Where do I even need to be? I’m scared of making the wrong choices. I’m scared of every little thing I do coming from the wrong place.

It’s hard to evaluate each thing you feel as if it has the potential to be wrong. I’m in this awkward spot of being able to see when I might regret something but wanting to experience it anyway. Like I haven’t caught up with my own awareness so having the awareness is painful.

I feel as if I need to have clarity and a choice that I just can’t provide right now. So how do I reconcile not knowing what I want and feeling like once I make a choice, I can’t go back?

Raianna Shai


Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

Incoming Energies Highlight Shift From Wounded Masculine Awareness To Sacred Masculine Consciousness

by Kalayna Colibri

These waves of March energies coming through are largely from the Sun, which I so feel holds much Divine/Sacred Masculine love and pulses through the world and through us the codes of awakening into the Sacred more and more. Because of the more masculine energy of these waves, they are activating, penetrating, and really pressing on the parts of us that still need to be felt and healed. They are a poultice in this way, bringing out more and more of the wounds in the collective and in the self too and of course one is a reflection of the other in immense ways.

The masculine love coming in now is not “manly”, not out to prove or disprove anything, not intending to override anything or anybody with almighty power and an iron fist of justice, revenge, or retribution. It’s a container, this masculine love. It is an all-encompassing bear hug from the Divine Father… warm, strong and tight, wanting to lift us up from where we’ve been, but only with our full permission and surrender into His arms.

And, we can’t really begin to feel what this Sacred Masculine looks and feels like, unless we can feel what it is NOT… meaning that at the same time as we are letting in these frequencies of Divine Love in masculine form, we are witnessing in ourselves, others and the world around us what the wounded masculine is as it pops up, sometimes full-on oozes up, to be felt. Parts of us are coming up out of the inner woodwork that have been holding this conditioning of what it means to be a human being in 3D reality, which also very often means that they are holding vibrations of the wounded masculine, and this is true for both men and women.

If you’re suddenly seeing the ways in which the wounded masculine shows up in your life and in the collective right now too, you’re being invited to be a witness to the arising of the Sacred Masculine… in all its vulnerability, heart-based leadership, genuine care and kindness, gentlemanly-ness, chivalry, and contention when necessary yet with heart and not prowess. There’s no need for it to be a warrior or a knight, either. It simply IS power and protection, with a willingness to let in and to let go, too, with its own needs in mind and heart as well as the needs of others – without duty or obligation – simply arising love in response to love. To be a witness to this arising is to feel what isn’t this inside of you, whether you are male or female, and to feel the parts of you and sometimes Metasoul Aspects too that have these frequencies. This is not to make them “wrong” or “bad”, yet to begin the process of supporting them to make the changes that they likely already want to make inside of themselves anyway. To courageously become a true vessel for and recipient of this new-feeling energy of love and sacred masculinity (and also sacred femininity, as they are not really mutually exclusive) is to be willing to go inward.

With all of this Sacred Masculine gusto coming in, we’re invited into new alchemy in our lives, to enter into phases of creation in tandem with the Divine spark inside of us. Divine Mother is known for Her invitational energy and this is here now too, intertwined with the ongoing invitation from the Divine Father to continue your heartful toil, your work within, your steps to offering service and love-based work to others. He and She are both here to help, to guide, to support, to empower. To feel their unconditional, infinite love for you is wonderful… to truly let it in and let it bake inside of you, spurring you on to new depths and heights from within you, is a whole other level of awesome, and a whole other stratum of really seeing and feeling who you are in your most precious essence as a son or daughter of the Divine. ❤


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.



A World Ascending: The Sorting Out Of Our Truest Courage

By Gabriel Heartman

Timelines are shifting. Sorting. Colliding. Bleeding.

I could see this in my mind’s eye yesterday like large chunks of freeway making grand separations and connections. Concrete shrapnel flying through the air moving with the intense energy of these tectonic movements. The energy that came from this felt quite epic on an etheric plane. I immediately thought of scenes in the movie Inception where a full city was bending in on itself in a puzzle-type motion.

Lightning is striking in the hearts of many. Elucidating many difficult places to feel and choices that are in line to be made in order to move into a new ground of self-intimacy and soul growth. Where there is lightning there is thunder. It rumbles the current world order that has been created by a part’s need for safety and maybe even chaos, for even chaos can hide what needs and wants to be felt and healed.

These energies bring up visions of an almost apocalyptic nature. It is through the lens of our most defended places that it appears this way. The relationships both inside and out are being invited into a deep state of curiosity and compassion which may feel like interrogation and judgement. How to navigate these epic movements with courage of heart is what we are being guided to embody.

If we are ready to stand face to face with our deepest fears and hard to feel reflections, we are ready to birth into new territory of our being that leaves us changed forever. It leaves the old in the rear view while constructing the New in a step-by-step, moment-to-moment reality. It is created from the core of our own self-worth that can integrate the death of what was as we see the future that IS.

There is a container for this all held by our Higher Self, the Divine, and the BEings of multidimensional frequency that we can call upon and integrate. We can call upon those that are in the bliss and the mess of it all as guides and soul explorers. It is in direct connection and negotiation with our Inner Protector and community of Inner Family that brings us the courage we need to make our way through the other side of this sorting and into a world ascending.  

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Higher Self News Flash


This Sunday morning news flash brought to you by your Higher Self.

You are Sovereign. You just don’t possess Free Will you ARE Free Will. Nothing has ever nor can ever have control over you that we haven’t chosen together. In fact you and I are the same, we just have needed to separate ourselves in order to walk out a whole lot of experience that we agreed to before you forgot…on purpose. This holds true between you and the parts of you that were formed in order to be in this dimension of forgetfulness in order to experience some really intense and beautiful moments, no matter how hard they were. That is a tough one to let in. I can only say that when you get to the other side of that healing you will understand why. We created being a victim in order to spark the impassioned remembrance we were always more than that.  You needed to fight for freedom until you realized you were already free.

You are Divine. This moment to moment choosing born of your sovereignty is your Divine birthright. Your ability to choose IS your creative power that is connected to The All That Is. You are Essence and Experience both. You are the bright light of God that cannot nor ever has been separate. The illusion is a construction by our choosing to go into the depth of experience and what it is that Love is truly made of. The Divine is out seeking Itself through you, with you, as you. The separation is what creates the energy of Love to be felt, shared, and expanded. It is experienced as Hell to parts of you until you arise out of the ashes and into awakening to hold and connect to the Heaven within. This is where you and I come together.

You are Human. This beautiful expression of your divine essence. You are the passion, the hope, the fear, the ecstasy, the pain. This form that is a chalice of your light and love awaiting its flight. The container of all your parts that have been through much. The parts that await your conscious presence into their still-framed world playing through the wounded moments that exist in this Now. The parts that beckon your courage and readiness to go into the pages of your storied lives. The healing and integration of all that experience that gets to feel itself anew and redeemed.

You are Unity. The clearing of all the pain and trauma of what kept parts of you feeling alone. Abandoned. Rejected.  The reclaiming and remembering all the aspects of yourself that span time and space. Your Kings, Queens, Priests, Priestesses, Soldiers, and Warriors. Your myriad galactic Star Being and angelic expressions of higher dimensional frequency.  They are all a part of your inner council as you heal the veil between you held by your Gatekeeper, the most precious of them all.  This is a never-ending process that only stops when you want it to. Your growth and experience are as infinite to the degree that you desire them to be.

Now feel your way through the chambers of your human heart, my love and we shall find a glorious road ahead that has no limitation to what we want to create and experience in your sacred humanity.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Moving Beyond Scarcity To Embrace Infinite Love Abundance

By Jelelle Awen
Why does it feel to you as if love is scarce sometimes? As if there is only a finite amount of it in the world? A limited flow that parts of you then feel you have to guard and protect? To preserve and save and put away?
The 3D world offers to you that love is scarce and finite and on limited supply. Your birth family conditioning supports this messaging and programming. You experience as a child how no one around you seems to be flowing in love. No one seems to be living in abundant love. No one seems to be willing to share it very much, yet only in drips and drabs. Only in crumbs that they seem to reluctantly give in moments where it feels safe to do so.
3D religions only offer love if you are free from sin, if you ‘follow the rules’ of their punitive God, if you conform to the social agreements that they offer, if you buy into the idea that love is about sacrifice. This scarcity-based God frowns at you, pushes you away, and not much love at all seems to come from this source as mostly what you feel then is unworthy to receive what even IS offered.
The 3D world prioritizes not the abundant sharing of love in all forms (including money), but rather energies of getting and keeping; of earning and buying; of owning and having. Sharing only seems to happen in moments of open heartedness, between souls that trust each other, from one child to another when there is still innocence alive in them.
3D relationships run on the currency of giving to receive, on codependence, on needing each other to fulfill certain roles, on duty and obligation. They survive often on the fumes of promises of love; on the echoes of love’s exchange in moments when it can; on the wounded projection of self onto other that keeps it all stumbling and staggering along somehow. These relationships exist often on the ground of suffering and on push-pull dynamics that keep this suffering in place.
You’ve been offered scarcity in ALL these areas by a world that has run on love’s lack rather than on its abundance. But, this is not the TRUTH of what is POSSIBLE about love’s flow.
The TRUTH is that every BEing IS Infinite Love. That the Divine is Infinite Love. That energy flow IS sourced in Infinite Love.
Serving love from this flow of Infinite Love that you already ARE offers no limits on what can be healed and transformed by THIS love flow. Being in relationships in this Infinite Love flow allows them to arise anew, offering NEW grounds of connection and intimacy in every moment. Experiencing the Divine in accepting, loving, nonjudgemental frequencies as a reflection of this Infinite Love flow heals the soul experiences of It being anything less than THIS.
You are remembering this more and more as you decondition from what you have been taught and sold in 3D consciousness. You are experiencing this as you let this abundant love flow that is available in ALL moments into your life. You are BEcoming this as you separate from the parts of you that have received this scarcity conditioning and embodying your essence which kNOWs and IS this abundant love flow. You are BEing this TRUTH of the Infinite supply of Love as you overflow AS this with yourself, others, and the Divine more and more.
Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book to be released on June 1st, Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Feeling My Spirit/Matter Split (Part Two): Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series

This is part two of Feeling My Spirit/Matter Split in the Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series. Go here to read part one.

recovering faith


By Kathleen Calder

My intention for this writing today is to have you join me in a feeling space around what it means to be “separate”. What comes to you when you think about separation? A recent break-up or completion with a beloved? The day your mother/father/other family member died? The day you left for college or moved out of your childhood home in general?

Each movement and phase of life often involves a death and rebirth cycle that can encompass some sort of separation being necessary. Of course the very first separation we viscerally experience in our lives comes at the very beginning – the moment we emerge from our mother’s womb. The very first tears we cry are often in this moment, feeling the separation from our warm gestation place and mourning the chance to be the closest to our mother that we ever will be. For the first time, we can feel sensations in our bodies of a changing need for our adaptation and therefore survival. We are still dependent, but we have exited from an intense phase of being held by something bigger than us. We now must begin to build our muscle tone, our dexterity, and, beyond the physical, we must also start developing our emotional bodies, for once again we have been born into this dense and often difficult environment which we call life on Earth (as we know it today, anyway).

As each new skill learned and new emotion is discovered and felt for the first time, we start to develop a digestive system within us and a new way of processing data that needs less and less help (ideally) from our caregivers as we go along. With each new chapter of our lives, we let go more and more of (or desperately try to cling to in denial of our need for change) those pieces of our life that once represented who we were and can no longer stay with us as we continue to grow. Like a child constantly outgrowing their clothes, we too are meant to outgrow relationships in which the person can’t or won’t make the choice to come with us or vice versa, and the “clothes” (or, sadly and more commonly, armor) we have tried on in order to reflect, avoid, or defend our emotional realities.

We are meant to gestate over and over again and birth out into a new world just the same. We are meant to have help digesting the “food” others give us to help us grow, both consciously and unconsciously. We are meant to cry out if we feel neglected in any way, or as if there is a lack of love flow in our lives. We are meant to ache out the pain of our separation from the original source of Infinite Love in infinite supply. Only then, in my experience, can we begin to feel that though the fog may feel thick sometimes, we are always connected by a Divine umbilical cord. This is not an ideology. To me, it feels like simple fact. And yes, I and parts of me, are still letting that in.

This, to me, is the core of where our Spirit/Matter split lies. It is certainly the core of mine. I truly feel that my soul has been around and around this world and each time that the original and at times insurmountable feeling of being separate from the Divine must be felt through again with the first breaths of a new life beginning, has been harder and harder. At times parts of me have reacted to this by going so far into Matter that it “matters” more than Spirit possibly could. After all, it is the more relatable place to be in for most human relationships…perhaps because deep in our souls and hearts we are aching out the same pain of the original separation and just want to avoid feeling it as much as we can.

There have also been times in my life where parts of me have tried to lean so far into Spirit that the art of responding to life and at least the Matter that really “matters” got waylaid. This over-leaning into Spirit led me into a sort of constant depression and heaviness inside me as parts of me reluctantly walked through heartbreak, loss, and disappointment, fixating on the pain and not the goodness of life, as if throwing some sort of tantrum and saying, “Look Divine Mom and Dad! Look at how miserable I am! I shouldn’t be here! Take me home, please!”

This sort of stark split isn’t the easiest life theme to work. I am grateful to be awake enough to it that I can feel and begin to understand how my parts formed around it and why they have the reactions they do. There is still some deep pain inside me about living out another life on Earth, especially during this dark time for humanity, but at least now I am equipped to feel it through and ache it out consciously instead of having it play out in the same pattern it has until now. Perhaps it will still need to play out in some ways that are similar to how it has done so in the past, but I can trust that if that comes up, there is something more I need to look at and feel about it.

Spirit and Matter may feel like opposites at times, but really they seem to be meant to work together. We are meant to ground into Matter while opening up to Spirit and engaging in all of this with others in conscious and sacred friendship and community. Sadly, not many of us are raised to feel that both are equally important. We wouldn’t need to be here if Matter didn’t have something to offer the Spirit within and around us.

As I continue to write this, I feel how I am writing in the world of Matter through Matter’s means, while connecting to and channeling Spirit. Spirit can come through because of this conduit of “me”. Right now Spirit is communicating through my heart, my brain, my language of English, the keyboard I am typing with, the computer that is holding and hosting this document, and eventually the World Wide Web where these words will be posted. And this is only one way in which to try and communicate what I am communicating.  There are myriad other ways in which Spirit tries to reach us and show us that Matter is not all there is or all we need. Sometimes that message can only come through severe accidents or diseases or just at the very end of a life…but then again, it also comes to us through orgasm, deep connection with others, deep and prioritized connection with ourselves, and each and every time we find ourselves awed or humbled by nature itself in any form.  There is no difference between any of these experiences, except method and form. Spirit is there. Matter is there also. One cannot be found without the other, just as we ourselves are an embodiment of both.

It feels like Spirit has enjoyed expressing through me today, regardless of how deeply it can actually land its message in you through me. I am but one messenger and one pipeline. And in truth, this sense of a split that needs acknowledge and healing is such a sovereign, personal, and sacred process to be in, that whatever path you are walking right now is your own expression of it. Maybe one day our paths will align, and if they do, I will be there to walk this healing path with you in whatever way we are meant to do so together.


Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions


The Emerging Me Through Natural Education


By Christopher Tydeman

In my former life, I was a teacher. I taught a range of ages from 7 to 12. I taught reading, writing, mathematics, history, science…et al. While I was teaching I was wondering if I was really teaching anything at all. I mean, yeah, I was helping with some basic fundamentals that are the building blocks of an education. But the content was a mixture of somewhat useful and interesting to downright drab and boring. I tried my best to bring in something meaningful and engaging but, to be honest, it was a lot of work. It all had to tie into the “Standards” of the prevailing curricula. Oh yes, the Standards.

We want our children to be “competent” so that they are “successful in today’s highly competitive world.” As a former parent to a school-aged child, I bought that with half my heart and all my mind. I passed that down to my students and their parents and care-givers. If they could demonstrate “proficiency” they would have a much better chance of “making a better life for themselves”.

I agree that my use of quotes is a bit tongue and cheek seasoned with sarcasm. That is my intention. Even while I was buying and selling those words, I could feel how devoid of humanity they really were. The Standards System, or Core Knowledge, or whatever the hell they are calling it now, is nothing more than a conveyor belt by which the Industrial Machine can create its submissive robots. I couldn’t participate in that system anymore without being guilty by association.

Why am I writing about this now? Great question. It has been two years now that I have left my teaching career. I am also now just learning what real education is all about…self-sufficiency, emotional awareness and fluency, and a place to discover and nuture our Divinely-given gifts. I guess I just realized I am in school for the first time since I was a child, where learning happened through creative play and experimentation. As an adult, I can add a lot of physical work to that list. This was the education I wished I could have given my daughter and my students. This is the shit that really matters. I knew it mattered because my students went crazy for nature, food, play, and art. They, as well as us older children, were born with the Divine Fingerprint. The desire to be with what we need most as human beings.

Somewhere we forgot that along the way. Convinced ourselves it must be more complicated than that. But as I sit here in Mexico with gardens literally popping out the ground from our own research, intuition, play and labor, I can tell you it isn’t. Granted, it is hard work. I have worked hard before, but this is for our food. Our sustenance and currency. Our hearts and our souls. You can’t get more real than that. I am learning more about myself and nature, as Mother intended. This is the real classroom.

So, I am back to being a student again. That is hard for the Industrial part of me who thought we had it all figured out. Put in the time and retire in peace. But once you feel your true, wild, natural self you can’t stay in the System without feeling the rub, the pain. The un-naturalness of it all. The insanity. This part of me is becoming more aware of how much happier he is now than he was then. I am beginning to feel a new me arising from this transition from teacher to student. From Industrial Self to Natural Self.

At some point I see myself teaching again. Not sure what that would look like, but I know what it wouldn’t. Been there, done that. I see being a part of a new reality for education. One that will emerge from the collapse of the old. For now, I am enjoying the ride of sitting in the student seat. Learning from my SoulFullHeart family, the ranch workers, the animals, the plants, and the Divine. They are the best teachers I have ever had. Time to rewrite the standards from the inside out.

Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 1: Money Is Energy


Money never lies. It can’t lie. Want to see the truth? Look at the dashboard of the money. Money is always and forever only energy. Energy that can flow in abundance and be impeded in scarcity.

Wayne – Yeshua, This is Wayne. Are you there?

Yeshua – I am always here. Where have you been? 🙂

W – I’ve been busy, too busy, but I miss you. We talked last about talking about money together and I wanted to see if it’s time.

Y – Time?

W – You know what I mean…

Y – I do, and sorry for being testy right off the bat. I miss you and I miss our connecting.

W – I miss you too. Christopher [Gabriel] tells me he misses my conversations with you. Jillian [Jelelle] and Kathleen [Kalayna] tell me they are waiting. Fran says she took notes from our last conversations.

Y – And you are waiting for the right time?

W – Well, I don’t know what to say about that. I could go off on how busy it’s been or how full it’s felt having adjusted to living for a couple months now in an RV in a campground.

Y – Time is an illusion.

W – Okay…

Y – I’d like to hear the RV stories, I just wanted to dive in.

W – I like that about you. ‘No pissing around,’ we said last time. Partly to offend the offendable, and partly out of a desire to blow shit up…to get on with something that so wants to be gotten on with.

Y – And Money is an illusion too.

W – I know that. I should say I’ve heard that before and even made some sense of it, but inevitably the illusion becomes more of a reality. My time, energy and anxiety seem to default to something like ‘my life revolves around money.’ Part of the reason I’ve waited to have the space for this conversation with you was waiting for a time when the money concerns are looked after in the moment. As In ‘now I’m free to be creative and give what I truly have and want to give.’

Y – And have fun giving?

W – The funnest fun actually.

Y – So you’re saying that it feels like a lot of the time, or most of the time possibly, it feels like you don’t have the time or money to have fun?

W – Pretty much.

Y – Why would you do anything that you don’t have fun doing?

W – You mean ‘fun’ as in gaining reward and pleasure, doing what we most deeply enjoy…

Y – Anything less isn’t fun. I’m not talking about the boring trash that passes as fun for so many people. Most people have no clue what fun is. It’s like anyone who’s had an orgasm thinks they know what it’s about.

W – What is it about?

Y – It’s about not knowing what it’s about, and knowing you don’t know. Which is what allows you entry into real unending learning.

W – I like learning about orgasms.

Y – I know you do.

W – Do you think we’ll be able to stay on track and uncover some really cool shit about money together?

Y – I do. And we’ll kill some sacred cows about sex and time while we’re at it, too.

W – We’re not sounding too smug right now?

Y – Too smug for some for sure, but most of them will never find this writing anyway. To those who do find this writing and find being direct and plain and transparent offensive, I’d say that you need to live some life for the sole purpose of coming to terms with what you really want. Because until you know what you want, what you really want, you are not of much use to life, love, others, or God. You are use-less instead of use-full.

W – I’ve wanted conflicting things for much of my life and I’m sure I still do.

Y – And is it fun?

W – No, it’s conflict.

Y – The only conflict worth having is conflict that brings you back to real fun.

W – And all this has to do with money I’m sure…?

Y – If money IS anything, It’s an agreement. It’s an agreement about how we will exchange energy. We’ll get into that I’m sure, but for now, I want to come to an agreement about we will exchange energy in this dialogue.

W – Okay.

Y – For starters, I definitely don’t want to do all the teaching, more like half teacher, half student.

W – Okay, then we’ll have a half a series on money?

Y – No wise guy. You get to do the other half.

W – I get it only works that way.

Y – And why does it only work that way?

W – When any one of us give over all of our power over to the teacher and see ourselves as students only, we abdicate our sovereignty and our power and that just hurts.

Y – And been there, done that right?

W – Enough lifetimes to be finally done with it.

Y – Good. This is an exchange of energy. At times you bring the questions, at times I will. That’s coquesting.

W – ‘Co-questing?’ You’re just gonna keep making up words aren’t you?

Y – What word do you know that wasn’t made up?

W – If the human race is anything, it’s making itself up as it goes.

Y – Yes, teacher.

W – There’s the ‘Word Of God.’

Y – There’s the word of Wayne.

W – Where’s this going?

Y – You started it.

W – Yes, I did. Maybe all of my former esteem for the bible as the Word Of God was really about a journey of coming to terms with the fear of my own bigness, with the power of my own words? With being a god and a man at the same time?

Y – Maybe?

W – I’m using the power of suggestion here and of being in ‘not-knowing’ as well.

Y – Okay, fair enough as long as it’s not a shrink from hiding your truth. The world is starving for your truth. Men and women have hidden their truth under a bushel of ‘thee truth’ for so long, and that time is now up. That’s why we are in the midst of a great shift, and we need conversations like this one to assist in the birth of what’s coming.

W – And money has been a container for the power of our truth, hasn’t it?

Y – Money never lies. It can’t lie. Want to see the truth? Look at the dashboard of the money. Money is always and forever only energy. Energy that can flow in abundance and be impeded in scarcity. Yes, much of the truth of one’s life can be seen in our relationship to money. Whether you’re stuck in a rat-race, or you’re unfulfilled with all the money in the world, money only and always reflects an internal reality.

W – I think we opened up this question more than we addressed it today.

Y – Insight can only come in response to the quality of the quest. It’s a flow, a current, a currency. No question, no quest.

W – I have lots of questions.

Y – Good. Treasure them. We need them. Guard them.

W – The deadest man is the man who still breathes, but has lost his quest.

Y – Wow, Wayne, looks like we started something.

W – ‘Walking with Jesus,… talking with Jesus,… all along the way…’

Y –  ‘Turn in your hymnals please to the third stanza of hymn number 389.’

W – ‘All together now.’

Y – We’ve so ached for so many centuries to find something. We’ve given our hearts and souls. Our lives, our time, our money.

W – Only to find out that what we thought we knew, we don’t know.

Y – And not knowing is only and always what leads to knowing…

W – Which in turn leads to more not knowing.

Y – Exactly.

W- So this book might turn out to be one big disappointment?

Y – Only for those allergic to fun.

W – I missed you, man

Y – I missed you too.

W – How much of this can we stand?

Y – We’re about to find out, aren’t we?

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited, journal conversation with Yeshua.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.org for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 2: Feeling-Based Currency


The fear of the flow ending is real. The money madness we want to speak to is where we offer that the fear of being out of the flow, inherent in simply being alive, has created a false world. A world that doesn’t appear very false at all, yet is designed to remove us from feeling the inherent vulnerabilty of being human.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua. Wow, where to start today?

Yeshua – Start with what you are feeling. Feeling is current, as in flow. So is money, as in currency.

W – I’m feeling a mixed bunch of feelings actually this morning, more digestions and anxiety around RV living, moving more and more towards community with SoulFullHeart as compared to a more sterile ‘healing offering,’ then I’m feeling some press towards a number of ‘to dos’ for today. I’m also digesting the awkward talk I had with a man over tea yesterday bringing my truth in the face of his unfeeling, brilliant, mental genius…

Y – A ton of content for sure, can you feel a container of any kind to hold it all this morning?

W – Well, yes, I feel my own vulnerability underlying all the change, parts of me seeking reassurance that this all isn’t heading to an undesirable place. That leads me to reach out to the Divine Mother simply asking for that holding and love and care and guidance and energy to respond.

Y – And what response have you felt?

W – So far, I felt a sense of that ‘yes, I am being held.’ And I felt guided to open up our dialogue, to make finding and seeking my way something I do out loud as a gift to others who resonate.

Y – So why care about others when you are feeling admittedly close to the edge?

W – Because all of us are actually very vulnerable to changes. Most of us are too medicated to feel that though. A big medication of choice in my past has been a watertight relationship with money that was about ‘getting ahead’ at all costs, and we’ll give attention to other things when we are elusively somehow ‘ahead’. Living free of this unhealthy relationship with money for me involves a process of being transparent with where I am really at, inviting others to feel with me their changing reality, and giving what I have to give now, instead of waiting for some right time.

Y – And why do it through talking with me?

W – You get right down to business, don’t you?

Y – …No time to waste and all the time in the world. Though I’m leaning towards no time to waste at the moment…

W – I get that me authoring a ‘well written’ book, with a well crafted scope and table of contents, and great arguments, as if the guidance and knowledge I would share somehow came from my superior learned humanity, would be the only way that many people could take in what I have to offer. Me the brilliant author and them the brilliant student/resourcer. But dialoguing with you, Yeshua, instead as a means of giving seems way more interesting to me. Of course, for so many, the very idea that I am talking with Yeshua is a leap that they can’t take……at least, not yet. I’m looking for those who are ready to take this leap. Into themselves. Into new relationality, with themselves, with others, and with the Divine.

Y – Okay, long answer. Where to you put me in the relationality list you just gave – yourself, others or the divine?

W – Hmmm’ 🙂 Where would you like to be?

Y – I asked first…

W – Sometimes you feel like this really cool part of me that has laid dormant for most of my life, that when I get the self permission to just connect with you, I can obtain all the guidance and energy and resource that I need to find my way. In Soulfullheart, we call this part of us our Gatekeeper. But then, at other times, you feel like an Ascended Teacher. One who has returned to source from several earth journeys who at present makes yourself available to help whoever is ready and willing. Then I feel that it is my Gatekeeper, my inspirational muse is the one who likes to connect with you, as the Ascended Teacher. That’s as sure as I can be at the moment, which isn’t mentally that sure, much more so a feeling-based surety.

Y – ‘Feeling-based surety’…you’re feeling a little backed up with all the ideas your throwing around so quickly here. It’s a bit hard to keep on track.

W – It’s meant to be. Feeling-based cognition is meant to interrupt the mind through chaos.

Y – Yes, teacher…continue…

W – What did I get myself into?…okay, I’ll try. The mind seeks line upon line solid answers to afford a sense of security and dependability. The heart which is more an expression of our Divinity needs no such surety to feel safe. The heart feels safe and secure in chaos, for it knows that chaos is never only a death, but always a death and a rebirth. As humans, we are huge expressions of this re-creative force in the earth. How did that sound?

Y – Like major enlightened shit, man. How does it feel?

W – Like I have a lit rocket strapped to my ass sometimes and scary as hell.

Y – Sounds like currency flow to me.

W – Huh?

Y – Being in need, which was your essence since the chromosome and the egg came together, and getting your needs met has been the underlying vulnerability to all of your life. The fear of the flow ending is real. The money madness we want to speak to is where we offer that the fear of being out of the flow, inherent in simply being alive, has created a false world. A world that doesn’t appear very false at all, yet is designed to remove us from feeling the inherent vulnerabilty of being human.

W – Which is another way of saying that all too often the more money one has, the deader they are…

Y – Mostly true, no doubt. The reason though that any soul chooses to come into any given life is to work this fear of death. It’s the underlayer that underlies all the activity of life. It’s even written in the Divine’s essence as well. The divine itself doesn’t believe it has a guarantee of never facing a complete demise, a ceasing to be. Being is such a great opportunity, so it naturally fears loss of the privilege. The Divine lives in the unknown, feeling its own vulnerability, and when we are up for tuning in that frequency, we can get on with some really exciting living.

W – Wow, you just like rewrote the whole cosmos thing.

Y – If we’re going to end the money madness, we’re gonna need to get to the root of some things.

W – Just between you and me, Yeshua, I can definitely feel a part of me who is not so sure we are going to uncover anything.

Y – And I like that part of you, because it’s way more real than a false-self bravado claiming to have some answer. It’s not the one with the biggest answers who wins this race, it’s the one with the biggest questions.

W – Like the child who annoys his dad by asking ‘why’ to every answer he gets…

Y – Except here, you won’t get annoyance. You will get childlike wonder and awe and transparency, and in that, you get trans-parented into a new reality.

W – Okay, there’s the second word created: ‘transparented.’ Are we going to keep a dictionary on these?

Y – I like just launching them instead. Dictionaries are bit boring, to me at least. Words are currency; they are flow. All of them are made up and so is money.

W – Feeling full again, Yeshua. You’re a lot, you know?

Y – I’m a lot? You never stop asking questions.

W – But said you wouldn’t get annoyed…

Y – Unless I do. Conflict isn’t such a bad thing, you know. Way underrated. Conflict is what moves us. Another currency. Feeling-based currency. All currency begins as feeling.

W – For tomorrow?

Y – For the rest of your life.

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited, journal conversation with Yeshua.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 3: Collisions, Chaos, And Great Destruction


 The faster the fixes and the bucks come, the bigger the disillusionment. And rightfully so. This entire epoch of humanity is making a great shift, and money in its current dominant form is a very deep expression of that shift. There’s collisions, chaos, and great destruction coming to the world of money. It needs to come.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua. A clear and warmer morning brewing here.

Yeshua – Hey, Wayne. I like the feeling of that. What’s brewing in you?

W – My mind is definitely wanting to wrap around some of the lifestyle changes that have come as result of shifting from pursuing money to pursuing passion purpose. I’d like to live that, teach that, advocate for that, help others into that. And not just my mind, but my heart as well.

Y – It feels like a wrestling though.

W – It does. There feels like a lot of conditioning to wade through just to find the space to feel this desire, to get beyond the numbness of routine and being in the collective consciousness around it all.

Y – How can I help you with all of that?

W – I’d like to tune in my soul’s purpose right now. I’d like to feel the lessons I came here this life to learn. I’d like to feel the gifts I came here to give. I suspect those two are closely related.

Y – Why is that difficult to do? Why do you need to effort ‘tuning it in’, as you say?

W – I’m going inside looking for an answer to that question,… It feels like I’m afraid of moving too far away from the collective consciousness, that I will somehow become irrelevant and if I don’t relate, then I am in danger of dying and losing out.

Y – Thanks for naming that huge fear, which is extremely common to all men and women, but so unfelt in how much it shapes and leads culture and relationships. And, let me say, there is validity to it. Your life and its needs, needs to be grounded in the needs of others. Needs, Needs, Needs. Being a soul, being a human is about needs. You need. I need. We all need. Every cell in your body needs. Every fiber in your heart wants and needs. The degree of that need in all men and women is evident by the degree that people suppress it into the unconscious as a way to deal with it.

W –  On that note, I want to say that part of me sometimes honestly wonders if I’ve done myself any favors by opening myself out to such large degree to feel this insecurity. It doesn’t feel good, or fun.

Y – I get that. I do. What’s the option, may I ask?

W – Well, for me, I don’t feel there is much of an option. I keep feeling how false the money security world is. I recall how deep the rumbling for something more went in me when I was given to the collective consciousness around money. I’ve felt plenty how isolated I was from relationships, time starved, stuck in a rat race, and sacrificing my heart and my health too. I think, Yeshua, the feeling is a fear of being half born somehow. I relate to the old and the new, and the old isn’t quite gone and the new isn’t quite here, and I’m in the middle somewhere. Living in a leaking RV I might add, that I’m going to be caulking in today’s sunshine.

Y – Thee most courageous guide, Wayne, is not someone who’s done the journey and is now showing others. The most courageous guide is someone who hasn’t done the journey, and is willing to show others how to be in the unknown, as he or she takes that very journey. That’s the true elite.

W – I get the sentiment of that. It goes into my heart. But I also get a judging voice that says I shouldn’t be focused on being some elite.

Y – Tell me a little more about that voice, where does it originate in you?

W – It has to do with others from my past who might judge me for pulling out of my former life deeply embedded in Christianity, that the motives moving me have something to do with a superiority complex.

Y – Okay, then I agree with you. In your words, you shouldn’t be focused on being some elite, but I would add, you do need to be okay with simply living the elite being that you are. A king who doesn’t know he is king is no king at all. He doesn’t get to inhabit his true domain. This really is about worth. It gets into superiority. There is your worth as a human which cannot be more or less than any other human. But functionally…hello…I’d say, you best make yourself worthy to others in some way shape or form given all those raging needs we just mentioned. You’re going to have to come to terms with that superiority judgment, and get into living the elite that you are.

W – Okay, so then how do I find and offer my deepest worth to others, and get compensated for it?

Y – THAT, the first part of that question is the alive question. The second part of how do you get compensated for it, really takes care of itself. We can talk more about that part later. But the question of how to find your deepest offering and how do you offer it – is one huge QUEST. Being on a quest is to be given to the question; heart, soul and body. Your life blood is living into that quest. It begins with saying ‘no’ to what you know it is not. How could you even begin to make room for this exploration when your life is filled with the collective unconscious world of being under the tyranny of money?

W – I felt a bit bratty just then when I asked the question, as if I could get some secret short convenient answer that just unlocks or fixes my dilemma. I feel the whole false world of money is out seeking fixes and fast bucks.

Y – And the faster the fixes and the bucks come, the bigger the disillusionment. And rightfully so. This entire epoch of humanity is making a great shift, and money in its current dominant form is a very deep expression of that shift. There’s collisions, chaos, and great destruction coming to the world of money. It needs to come.

W – Sometimes that feels exciting, but often it just feels scary too. All of us are so tuned into ‘how will I fare?’ in these great shifts.

Y – That isn’t a bad question at all though. It’s a very human one. There are some very practical and grounded things you can do. The cool thing about it all is finding the thing that you can do that is in your personal best and highest self interest and just so happens to be in the highest and best interest of others. That is your most valuable contribution, that will fulfill your deepest needs. To the degree you can’t negotiate this inside of yourself, you are left with living in the collective consciousness fear ground of money. It’s being shaken up right now, but you can still niggle some ‘You can’t blame me’ for your own unfulfillment if you just hang out there. There won’t be any shortage of being in the company of victims.

W – This Quest, Yeshua, is one I know that at the end of my life, I will be assessing how I embraced it or how I shied away from it. All other achievements won’t stack up to anything in comparison,, except of course sex with Jillian. It is the real soul journey. Did I live my purpose? What legacy am I leaving? What I need and want now though is more guidance and juice on how to walk out the few decades between now and then.

Y – Sex with Jillian comes close, that’s so cool. This is meant to be deeply fulfilling and rewarding. You can’t pack this much fun anywhere else in the universe but in this earth realm. It is waiting to be reinvented, so I say, get on with your superiority and get on with your sex life, and your heart-on, and your hard-on, for all of LIFE. Find what you have to give, never stop finding it, give it away in the most effective way that you can. Let this passion arise in you, let it flow through you. Let it reinvent you. Let it kill you. Let it enliven you.

W – Yeshua, you always seem to open out more questions than you seem to solve, but I get that’s part of the new reality. We need much bigger questions that the teeny ones we have now. Thank you for showing up again.

Y – It’s all in a days work, my friend. Thank you for showing up.

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited, journal conversation with Yeshua.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.