333: ‘Divine Align’ Higher Timeline Opportunities, Next Steps INvitation

By Kalayna Colibri

It’s 333 Day today! A powerful time to feel where you truly are right now, to acknowledge yourself for where you’ve been, and to see the illumination of where you’ve yet to go… it’s a day for conscious creativity, to see how your creativity has expressed, and to feel your intentions for your creative flow from now on.

‘Divine Align’ comes to mind and heart right now, but of course this can be much easier said than done… the journey into this alignment is truly one of exploring and refining your integrity, feeling parts of you that are afraid of being vulnerable and truly admitting when they are out of integrity, and being courageous enough to take those steps into the deeper truth of this.

We are creative beings. We can’t stop creating. There are new opportunities to create and recreate starting from inside of us in every single moment. We have infinite choices in this world of infinite possibilities. We are choosing, always, whether or not we are ready to take the next step into our higher timeline and if we are truly ready to align with the Divinity within. I feel reassurance today that there are no setbacks and there’s no way to really go ‘backwards’ even when parts of you feel like they have.

Your Inner Protector may especially feel like they’ve ‘failed’ you, failed their ‘mission’ to protect you from hurt, harm, and even love when love is catalytic and feels like a tidal wave coming in to shake up your entire world. Yet, even this very powerful part of you does not have the ultimate say as to what unfolds for your soul and the bigger picture of your life…

If you’re up for meeting your Protector today and feeling their story with them, here’s a powerful video and guided meditation from Jelelle Awen that you can take in:

I have felt many times with an Inner Masculine part of me, which once expressed as an Inner Protector for me too, this fear of ‘failure’ and have felt very tenderly, with many tears, all the ways in which they feel they’ve ‘failed’ or ultimately let you, or (sometimes especially) ‘God’ down. It’s a relief to them when you can let some air into the room and remind them that they haven’t…

Today, with this ‘333’ Divine alignment of numbers, it’s another invitation to let in Divine love in this way and let this love rumble even your most defended parts of you, to help you shift from fear to love on a deeper level, aligning you with clarities about your personal service-of-love expression if it’s truly time for that, and bringing you a sense of empowerment in your life that may show you an array of choices you’re invited to feel into.

The Divine truly celebrates YOU today and always… and is inviting you, without a doubt, into your next co-creative steps with It as you become ready to deeply embrace them. ❤️

Much love!


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

SoulFullHeart Millennial Digest: What Is Millennial Spirituality?

by Kalayna Colibri & Raianna Shai


In this video, SoulFullHeart Teacher and Facilitator, Kalayna Colibri, joins with SoulFullHeart Facilitant and ‘Social Media Maven’, Raianna Shai, to digest this idea of ‘Millennial spirituality’. Raianna shares from her personal experience and observations of others around her age. Kalayna shares her experience as well. Together they cover the age range of 23-30 and so they offer much from their different perspectives and what the spiritual world has meant for them and those they’ve known or been friends with.

They talk about the different roles of spirituality, religion and morals in their generation and how this has shown itself in different parts of people, like the Inner Mother and Father, for example, especially if there has been a religious or moralistic upbringing of any kind. Spirituality is something that seems to be being explored from the inside out in the young people of today, whereas in older generations the focus has generally been from the outside in. It really is an invitation for ‘new school’ spirituality to emerge and challenge with love the ‘old school’ spiritual scaffolding and ideas while nurturing a world that is love-focused in a genuine way.

They also talk about some of the challenges of this process for younger generations, as they reach for ideals of ‘tolerance’ and ‘inclusion’ to mend what isn’t feeling tolerable within in the relationship between parts of them, especially as they arise and grow-up in the midst of an older generation with different ideas of how life works and what love IS.  

They hope you join them on this journey and contribute to the conversation with questions and comments if you feel called to!

If you feel moved to ask questions or leave comments, you can do so here on the blog, on Youtube, or on Facebook, or you can email soulfullhearts@gmail.com


About the SoulFullHeart process: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sfhprocess

Find Kalayna and Raianna on Facebook:




Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Journal To The Demiurge – Day 1

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen Day 1

By Raphael Awen

I have been guided to undertake a journaling journey of an ambassadorship to connect with the Demiurge. The Demiurge is the Christian male ‘God’, who is also known as Jehovah or Yahweh in the Bible.

The Gnostics, whose writings were discovered in 1945 at a place called Nag Hamadi in upper Egypt, brought to us many new gospels that were not included in the Christian Bible and it was they who, following Platonic philosophy, related to the Christian ‘Yahweh’ as the ‘Demiurge’. This term ‘Demiurge’ is taken from Latin words meaning the ‘artisan, producer, or creator’. This creator of the material world sought to rule with dominance and required duty and obligation as its main offering of how to form a relationship with itself. The 4th century Roman version of Christianity, then crafted Jesus into this need for blood sacrifice required by the Demiurge, leaving Christian followers under a strong dominance of duty and control, aligning quite well with the Roman agenda.

I know the Christian God very well from a Christian perspective, having journeyed through my childhood along with 26 adult years as a devout Christian before I came to finally and openly renounce ‘Jesus as my personal savior’ in 2005, and from there to re-feel my entire relationship with ‘God’ or the Divine.

Please join me now as I feel called to set out through a daily journal journey to create an Ambassadorship from within to meet with and communicate with this Demiurge, Yahweh, or Jehovah.

What will we find? I truly don’t know, but I so want to find out, and I’m being supported to undertake this journey, feeling my trepidation as I go.

Your reading and feeling this journey with me as it unfolds daily will create the vehicle of approach, kind of like signatures on a petition to gain audience with a King. Your participation along with mine, changes the journey, as well as the outcome.

Here is day one, launched on this auspicious solstice day:


Raphael: This is Raphael. I’d like to connect with my highest and most familiar guides, Archangel Metatron and Merlin, my Unicorn, to inquire about guidance to form an Ambassadorship to the Demiurge, or whom the Christians know as Yahweh, or Jehovah. Metatron, and Merlin, will you speak with me?

Metatron: Yes, Raphael. It feels good to connect with you, and with what desires are brewing for you. What are you feeling?

Raphael: This desire has arisen in me in the form of an idea, a mental contemplation, along with a curious desire to explore, and to really change my world and experience, yet further. This idea is expanding to feel like guidance and a calling. Then comes doubts and questions. Do I know what I’m getting myself into? Do I really want to mess with the Demiurge? Then I feel all the lifetimes and time this life I have dedicated to Yahweh, how familiar I am with his temple worship and communities, and it feels quite doable, somehow. Part of me does wonder though what preparations or confirmations I should gather prior to undertaking such a quest.

Metatron: Raphael, this is a worthy quest, and a weighty one. It is worth all the preparation and guidance that you need. It is worth feeling through any and all resistance or fears that come from within, or without. I would be so honored to feel you and guide you every step of the way.

Raphael: Metatron, what can you even tell me about the Demiurge? Are you familiar with it? Do you feel it as a person, as an Archetype, as a collective consciousness? I’d like your take on that?

Metatron: Raphael, if I could answer that, there really would be no need to explore, would there? The short answer to your QUESTion is that even I don’t know. If I did, I could just share with you what I know and voila, problem solved. I am into supporting you and taking this journey with you. I, like you, can feel the Demiurge as a powerful dominating energy that has suppressed humanity and your planet into a sleepy slumber in prolonged forgetfulness. I know that it feeds off of people’s worship and surrender to it, and that it is never satiated, always wanting and needing more like an addict.

Raphael: Like it’s wanting and needing an intervention of some kind?

Metatron: It’s wanting and needing something, that’s for sure. It has been center stage in humanity’s consciousness and subconsciousness seeking immortality. If it is ready to make or entertain change, then that would be so cool to assist it with.

Raphael: It doesn’t sound like you feel afraid of it?

Metatron: I respect it. I know it has power, but I don’t fear it. If I feared it, I could not reach out to it.

Raphael: How is it that you don’t fear this powerful being or energy?

Metatron: I come in service of love, from which all consciousness, even that which polarized to dark or evil energies, gets its authorization. Love is the author of all. My truth is that there is no real evil, only that which hasn’t yet experienced the feeling of love as an energy. If something negative ‘happens’ to me, it happens to me under the authorization and permission of love, for me to learn and feel something that I haven’t felt yet, and need to feel.

Raphael: Is there still stuff you need to feel?

Metatron: Feel and Heal is still the Deal, Raphael. That is the journey back to source. I’m still not sure what happens when and if we are ever done with that, but like you, I’m curious as hell.

Raphael: Hell is curious isn’t it? and so is Heaven. They both want to know and feel more.

Metatron: That’s like the itch of consciousness itself, expressed in every expression of consciousness, including the time and space domains.

Raphael: I’m liking how easy it feels to connect with you.

Metatron: Good, because we’re going to need to get comfortable if we are going to undertake this mission together.

Raphael: Which I haven’t officially declared yet, still baking on the guidance and gathering the energy in my desire body I’d call it, and calling in all favors too from you and Merlin.

Metatron: I’m curious what Merlin has to say?

Raphael: Me too, Merlin, what say you? If that’s enough intro for you?

Merlin: Whoah, a freakin’ journey to the Demiurge with Raphael and Metatron. I’m in!

Raphael: That easy? No concerns or hesitations?

Merlin: What’s there to lose, Raphael?

Raphael: As I feel this QUESTion in your familiar presence and broadcasting energy field, Merlin, I can feel there is a whole lot to lose, here in the earth zone, which we’ve been waiting and wanting to lose for an awful long time, which makes all of the losses gains. I can feel though that life as we’ve known it, personally and collectively, would have huge shifts internally and externally if this were to shift, and this can feel like genuine deep losses for the parts of us attached to life as we’ve known it, regardless of how much suffering there is in what is being given up.

Merlin: Now I’m taking in your broadcast energy field Raphael… I’m sorry for the intense pain you and your fellow humans have felt under the Demiurge’s reign. I don’t get to feel that much as I don’t live in that energy. It feels so sad, now that I feel it….so much time stretched out to magnify this feeling.

Raphael: Maybe, Merlin, what you and I are feeling is being broadcast from the unfelt heart of the Demiurge itself, the emptiness, a universe-sized heart cry expressing in a compensational need to have dominion as a placeholder in love’s absence?

Merlin: THAT,…finding out what is or isn’t true about that would be worth all the worth there is, I’d say.

Raphael: You have a way of making your point.

Merlin: funny, and true!

Raphael: Wow, Merlin and Metatron, as we are connecting about this, I so feel it expanding in me. I so need the journal pieces here, one line and word, one feeling at a time to let this in.

Metatron: What’s going in, Raphael?

Raphael: A desire to undertake this journey…, to gather all the necessary resources and do it. I so feel bored with anything less, truth be told. I’ve lived lifetimes, as well as 26 adult years of life, this life, up until 12 years go, dedicated to the Christian God, and have come to feel suspect of his origins, how he/it co-opted our innate connection to source. All of this moving in me is coming from a recent deepening with my Gatekeeper, named Rhodes, whom I feel to introduce tomorrow, and allow all this intention and desire to bake.

Metatron: This journey is so worth all the time and process it takes. I so want to feel Rhodes take on all this too.

Raphael: How do you feel Metatron about sharing this journey in real time?

Metatron: You are speaking my language now, Raphael. I so feel that it has traction and realness when it is felt and digested in more hearts. This is a big collective piece of wounding and it needs a big collective heart to create an Ambassadorship to it. It’s a collective heartache wounding that can only heal collectively. Without mounting a posse of hearts, there isn’t enough substance to bridge to the dimension where this pain lives. Sharing this with supportive and open hearts will create this.

Raphael: And sharing it publicly also puts it out there for those, human and not, who are invested with the Demiurge to see it too, right?

Metatron: It’s only fair to let them all know we wish audience, to let them acclimate to where we are coming from. Better they see us coming than taking anyone by surprise. We have nothing to hide.

Raphael: I can tell you wish to say something Merlin, you’re broadcasting again…

Merlin: I am?…ah, yeah, that’s what I do, don’t I? The universe is waiting is what I’m feeling. My god! We get to do this…., really. Holeeee! Can you tell, I’ve wanted to do this since my teenage years in earth life. This is going to take me back to where I can’t even know right now. And that’s what makes it so worth it. This has waited till such a time as this, and till such a heart as yours Raphael, could lead the way. We haven’t had the emotional heart porosity that real ambassadorship is about, but we do now, in you.

Raphael: I do have to wade through some 3D senses of myself in order to let in your perspective of me, but I can feel the truth of what you speak to, Merlin. I have journeyed to open my heart out of a conscious hunger for love, and feel called to share this, even enough to self authorize.

Merlin: Which is the only true authority there is, that which flows from the universe and rings true in one’s own heart. No one can certify you in this. It’s either true for you, or it’s not. After all, it’s you that needs to walk it out, not an organization or a governing hierarchy. That’s the way of the Demiurge that we need to gain audience with.

Raphael: Okay, I’m feeling to take this up again tomorrow, to allow this to digest, and to let in more confirmation and guidance. Standby all, and deepest gratitude for this cocreation.

~ Join me tomorrow for this continuing journey! ~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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Premise 5: God Is Everything And Everyone


godsurrenderBy Raphael Awen

Welcome to Day 5 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour’ for the awakening heart and soul.

This is a tour of the 21 Premises that make up the emotional and spiritual consciousness expansion work called SoulFullHeart. It’s an opportunity to find out what’s at core of this work, and to feel how that resonates with what’s at your core, or doesn’t. You can read all of my writing on our premises here.

If this is your first day, jump in, and again, welcome. Pick a seat that looks like it has your name on it. I see several that you might like. 🙂
In the four days we’ve already toured, we’ve covered some really important stuff, but you can jump in here, and you’ll know if your drawn or not to go back and read those days.

Today’s premise is called the God Premise. And it goes like this:

“God/The Divine is everything and everyone; each of us is an expression of It with no being any higher than any other. Realization of our God self expression is the ultimate goal of our life and incarnational cycles.”

Possibly nothing is as life shaping as ones’ God picture. We all have one, and no one has any absolute truth on it. Claiming absolute truth only makes you an absolute fool in my view as only a fool can’t see his own lens with which he looks at all of life, thereby rendering any absolute truth he may be looking at, subjective.

This is my current God-picture. It may well change and when it does, I’ll be the first to admit that. I feel this picture more than I believe it. Like everything else I’m saying in this tour, none of it is more than ‘near as I can tell.’ It feels real to me. It is what is moving through me currently as in an electrical energy current.
Let’s take a look at it.

Like we said the other day, everything is energy, and here we’re saying it a little differently. Everything is energy, and all this energy is God. There is nothing outside of God. Even the so-called arch-enemies of the Divine are all within the Divine. All energy is also love’s energy.

This God energy lives in every cell of your being, in every thought, desire, joy, and sorrow. You cannot become any more ‘God’ than you already are in the sense of your essence. Essentially, you are as ‘God as it gets.’ Experientially, however, you and I have a long road ahead of us, as this God-love energy is Infinite. It doesn’t have a beginning or ending, so actually the word ‘long’ in this case is a silly word, so forget I said, that if you can.

I’m liking the idea though of a never ending love journey without a destination. It’s admittedly a bit hard to grasp, but plenty of fun trying.

How about this next piece? No one or no thing is any higher than the other. Whether Hitler or Mother Theresa, all are equal expressions of God in some way that I don’t care much to explain as much as I care to feel it. God (good) and Devil (evil) are all part of God. Both provide contrast and duality as part of God out seeking to explore its Infinity. A never-ending task, but one with many both joyous and painful discoveries.

Much like you actually. Shadow and light both. Joy and sorrow both. Love and hatred both. Until we come to terms with our God picture, we cannot come to terms with a self picture that does us any good.
Leaning on seeing yourself as only a love and light being makes for a really tiring and ungrounded spirituality, as well as making you essentially non-human, uninteresting actually, and without a way to grow. It takes light and darkness to grow.

God is both.

Realization then is this manifesting in awareness what you are. This awareness shift then real-izes one step further shifting and changing its expression in matter. As what you actually are in essence remains unrealized in your day-to-day expression, it is just that, not yet real on your experiential level, even though it is true on your essential level.

This awareness expansion that births essence into experience is the underlying everything in the universe, continually redefining what even the universe actually is.

It’s a vast unknown picture, and our attempts to describe and define it must continually return back to a reverence for Its unknowableness.

I’ve enjoyed a relationship with my beloved Jelelle for eight years and I feel how much, on one level, I have no clue what I’m doing or what I’m in.

That feeling is the awareness expansion. It’s knowing you don’t know that leads to more knowing that leads to more reverence of not knowing. Voila, never ending. (Want a boost in your sex life, try that on for size.)

Whatever is real underneath the often debated idea of incarnational cycles, I see it as simply your soul essence in this never ending God realization. Our ideas of past, present, and future seem to have infiltrated our ideas of past, present, and future lives. Some feel we may in reality be living all of our lives simultaneously in parallel universes. I suspect something like that to be more accurate than our time-illusion-based picture that comes from our current collective consciousness. All I can say about that is get ready for sudden changes here because we are in epic times of consciousness expansion, both collectively and personally.

As you shift in consciousness, you shift unmistakably in the energy frequency you broadcast at and receive at. You become unrecognizable to yourself as you see yourself as ultimately part of the unknowable. You are so NOT John Doe who lives here and does such and such for a living. My God, what pathetic attempts at self description we’ve come up with in the face of our infinite unknowableness!

All of this is a process. I feel that there isn’t a single moment when you ‘pop’ into some place of full enlightenment. Scratch the surface on any community espousing those instantaneous enlightenment pictures and you’ll find all manner of abuse underneath the lie.

You’ll have many pops as you go. I hope you’re having one now. Many manageable and self-loving nervous breakdowns as you leave and enter new virgin territory.

That is my picture of an alive human. And all of nature resounds with it. You don’t need to believe it. Believing is mental. You can feel it with your heart.

Well, how did this tour land in you today? I invite your commenting and connecting.

Jelelle’s Comment: I didn’t grow up with God…in a religious sense, no sunday trips to church, or prayers over the dinner table. Yet, the Divine was always in my heart and in my soul…I found It in nature, I found It in expanded consciousness experiences in my 20s, I found It eventually in the form of a beloved Divine Mother and also Divine Father energy…..and eventually I found It in Oneness and All That Is in tastes of experiences.

My connection with the Divine has deepened over the years and been quite personal in certain phases when I needed that and more universal when that was what I needed. I feel god forms to what we need in the ways that we need It. I have long felt that each of us a spark from the heart of the Divine or a fragment of the Divine expressing as a human being with none of us being any ‘higher’ than any other, even if we are in different phases of our soul consciousness evolution.

There can be much that blocks our felt sense of ourselves as a God spark and a visceral, personal experience of the Divine. These blocks need love, can be healed and when felt, move. Different teachers, different paths, different phases….same destination of reunion with the Divine.

Raphael and Jelelle Awen are co-creators and facilitators of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

Feeling My Spirit/Matter Split (Part Two): Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series

This is part two of Feeling My Spirit/Matter Split in the Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series. Go here to read part one.

recovering faith


By Kathleen Calder

My intention for this writing today is to have you join me in a feeling space around what it means to be “separate”. What comes to you when you think about separation? A recent break-up or completion with a beloved? The day your mother/father/other family member died? The day you left for college or moved out of your childhood home in general?

Each movement and phase of life often involves a death and rebirth cycle that can encompass some sort of separation being necessary. Of course the very first separation we viscerally experience in our lives comes at the very beginning – the moment we emerge from our mother’s womb. The very first tears we cry are often in this moment, feeling the separation from our warm gestation place and mourning the chance to be the closest to our mother that we ever will be. For the first time, we can feel sensations in our bodies of a changing need for our adaptation and therefore survival. We are still dependent, but we have exited from an intense phase of being held by something bigger than us. We now must begin to build our muscle tone, our dexterity, and, beyond the physical, we must also start developing our emotional bodies, for once again we have been born into this dense and often difficult environment which we call life on Earth (as we know it today, anyway).

As each new skill learned and new emotion is discovered and felt for the first time, we start to develop a digestive system within us and a new way of processing data that needs less and less help (ideally) from our caregivers as we go along. With each new chapter of our lives, we let go more and more of (or desperately try to cling to in denial of our need for change) those pieces of our life that once represented who we were and can no longer stay with us as we continue to grow. Like a child constantly outgrowing their clothes, we too are meant to outgrow relationships in which the person can’t or won’t make the choice to come with us or vice versa, and the “clothes” (or, sadly and more commonly, armor) we have tried on in order to reflect, avoid, or defend our emotional realities.

We are meant to gestate over and over again and birth out into a new world just the same. We are meant to have help digesting the “food” others give us to help us grow, both consciously and unconsciously. We are meant to cry out if we feel neglected in any way, or as if there is a lack of love flow in our lives. We are meant to ache out the pain of our separation from the original source of Infinite Love in infinite supply. Only then, in my experience, can we begin to feel that though the fog may feel thick sometimes, we are always connected by a Divine umbilical cord. This is not an ideology. To me, it feels like simple fact. And yes, I and parts of me, are still letting that in.

This, to me, is the core of where our Spirit/Matter split lies. It is certainly the core of mine. I truly feel that my soul has been around and around this world and each time that the original and at times insurmountable feeling of being separate from the Divine must be felt through again with the first breaths of a new life beginning, has been harder and harder. At times parts of me have reacted to this by going so far into Matter that it “matters” more than Spirit possibly could. After all, it is the more relatable place to be in for most human relationships…perhaps because deep in our souls and hearts we are aching out the same pain of the original separation and just want to avoid feeling it as much as we can.

There have also been times in my life where parts of me have tried to lean so far into Spirit that the art of responding to life and at least the Matter that really “matters” got waylaid. This over-leaning into Spirit led me into a sort of constant depression and heaviness inside me as parts of me reluctantly walked through heartbreak, loss, and disappointment, fixating on the pain and not the goodness of life, as if throwing some sort of tantrum and saying, “Look Divine Mom and Dad! Look at how miserable I am! I shouldn’t be here! Take me home, please!”

This sort of stark split isn’t the easiest life theme to work. I am grateful to be awake enough to it that I can feel and begin to understand how my parts formed around it and why they have the reactions they do. There is still some deep pain inside me about living out another life on Earth, especially during this dark time for humanity, but at least now I am equipped to feel it through and ache it out consciously instead of having it play out in the same pattern it has until now. Perhaps it will still need to play out in some ways that are similar to how it has done so in the past, but I can trust that if that comes up, there is something more I need to look at and feel about it.

Spirit and Matter may feel like opposites at times, but really they seem to be meant to work together. We are meant to ground into Matter while opening up to Spirit and engaging in all of this with others in conscious and sacred friendship and community. Sadly, not many of us are raised to feel that both are equally important. We wouldn’t need to be here if Matter didn’t have something to offer the Spirit within and around us.

As I continue to write this, I feel how I am writing in the world of Matter through Matter’s means, while connecting to and channeling Spirit. Spirit can come through because of this conduit of “me”. Right now Spirit is communicating through my heart, my brain, my language of English, the keyboard I am typing with, the computer that is holding and hosting this document, and eventually the World Wide Web where these words will be posted. And this is only one way in which to try and communicate what I am communicating.  There are myriad other ways in which Spirit tries to reach us and show us that Matter is not all there is or all we need. Sometimes that message can only come through severe accidents or diseases or just at the very end of a life…but then again, it also comes to us through orgasm, deep connection with others, deep and prioritized connection with ourselves, and each and every time we find ourselves awed or humbled by nature itself in any form.  There is no difference between any of these experiences, except method and form. Spirit is there. Matter is there also. One cannot be found without the other, just as we ourselves are an embodiment of both.

It feels like Spirit has enjoyed expressing through me today, regardless of how deeply it can actually land its message in you through me. I am but one messenger and one pipeline. And in truth, this sense of a split that needs acknowledge and healing is such a sovereign, personal, and sacred process to be in, that whatever path you are walking right now is your own expression of it. Maybe one day our paths will align, and if they do, I will be there to walk this healing path with you in whatever way we are meant to do so together.


Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions


Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 1: Money Is Energy


Money never lies. It can’t lie. Want to see the truth? Look at the dashboard of the money. Money is always and forever only energy. Energy that can flow in abundance and be impeded in scarcity.

Wayne – Yeshua, This is Wayne. Are you there?

Yeshua – I am always here. Where have you been? 🙂

W – I’ve been busy, too busy, but I miss you. We talked last about talking about money together and I wanted to see if it’s time.

Y – Time?

W – You know what I mean…

Y – I do, and sorry for being testy right off the bat. I miss you and I miss our connecting.

W – I miss you too. Christopher [Gabriel] tells me he misses my conversations with you. Jillian [Jelelle] and Kathleen [Kalayna] tell me they are waiting. Fran says she took notes from our last conversations.

Y – And you are waiting for the right time?

W – Well, I don’t know what to say about that. I could go off on how busy it’s been or how full it’s felt having adjusted to living for a couple months now in an RV in a campground.

Y – Time is an illusion.

W – Okay…

Y – I’d like to hear the RV stories, I just wanted to dive in.

W – I like that about you. ‘No pissing around,’ we said last time. Partly to offend the offendable, and partly out of a desire to blow shit up…to get on with something that so wants to be gotten on with.

Y – And Money is an illusion too.

W – I know that. I should say I’ve heard that before and even made some sense of it, but inevitably the illusion becomes more of a reality. My time, energy and anxiety seem to default to something like ‘my life revolves around money.’ Part of the reason I’ve waited to have the space for this conversation with you was waiting for a time when the money concerns are looked after in the moment. As In ‘now I’m free to be creative and give what I truly have and want to give.’

Y – And have fun giving?

W – The funnest fun actually.

Y – So you’re saying that it feels like a lot of the time, or most of the time possibly, it feels like you don’t have the time or money to have fun?

W – Pretty much.

Y – Why would you do anything that you don’t have fun doing?

W – You mean ‘fun’ as in gaining reward and pleasure, doing what we most deeply enjoy…

Y – Anything less isn’t fun. I’m not talking about the boring trash that passes as fun for so many people. Most people have no clue what fun is. It’s like anyone who’s had an orgasm thinks they know what it’s about.

W – What is it about?

Y – It’s about not knowing what it’s about, and knowing you don’t know. Which is what allows you entry into real unending learning.

W – I like learning about orgasms.

Y – I know you do.

W – Do you think we’ll be able to stay on track and uncover some really cool shit about money together?

Y – I do. And we’ll kill some sacred cows about sex and time while we’re at it, too.

W – We’re not sounding too smug right now?

Y – Too smug for some for sure, but most of them will never find this writing anyway. To those who do find this writing and find being direct and plain and transparent offensive, I’d say that you need to live some life for the sole purpose of coming to terms with what you really want. Because until you know what you want, what you really want, you are not of much use to life, love, others, or God. You are use-less instead of use-full.

W – I’ve wanted conflicting things for much of my life and I’m sure I still do.

Y – And is it fun?

W – No, it’s conflict.

Y – The only conflict worth having is conflict that brings you back to real fun.

W – And all this has to do with money I’m sure…?

Y – If money IS anything, It’s an agreement. It’s an agreement about how we will exchange energy. We’ll get into that I’m sure, but for now, I want to come to an agreement about we will exchange energy in this dialogue.

W – Okay.

Y – For starters, I definitely don’t want to do all the teaching, more like half teacher, half student.

W – Okay, then we’ll have a half a series on money?

Y – No wise guy. You get to do the other half.

W – I get it only works that way.

Y – And why does it only work that way?

W – When any one of us give over all of our power over to the teacher and see ourselves as students only, we abdicate our sovereignty and our power and that just hurts.

Y – And been there, done that right?

W – Enough lifetimes to be finally done with it.

Y – Good. This is an exchange of energy. At times you bring the questions, at times I will. That’s coquesting.

W – ‘Co-questing?’ You’re just gonna keep making up words aren’t you?

Y – What word do you know that wasn’t made up?

W – If the human race is anything, it’s making itself up as it goes.

Y – Yes, teacher.

W – There’s the ‘Word Of God.’

Y – There’s the word of Wayne.

W – Where’s this going?

Y – You started it.

W – Yes, I did. Maybe all of my former esteem for the bible as the Word Of God was really about a journey of coming to terms with the fear of my own bigness, with the power of my own words? With being a god and a man at the same time?

Y – Maybe?

W – I’m using the power of suggestion here and of being in ‘not-knowing’ as well.

Y – Okay, fair enough as long as it’s not a shrink from hiding your truth. The world is starving for your truth. Men and women have hidden their truth under a bushel of ‘thee truth’ for so long, and that time is now up. That’s why we are in the midst of a great shift, and we need conversations like this one to assist in the birth of what’s coming.

W – And money has been a container for the power of our truth, hasn’t it?

Y – Money never lies. It can’t lie. Want to see the truth? Look at the dashboard of the money. Money is always and forever only energy. Energy that can flow in abundance and be impeded in scarcity. Yes, much of the truth of one’s life can be seen in our relationship to money. Whether you’re stuck in a rat-race, or you’re unfulfilled with all the money in the world, money only and always reflects an internal reality.

W – I think we opened up this question more than we addressed it today.

Y – Insight can only come in response to the quality of the quest. It’s a flow, a current, a currency. No question, no quest.

W – I have lots of questions.

Y – Good. Treasure them. We need them. Guard them.

W – The deadest man is the man who still breathes, but has lost his quest.

Y – Wow, Wayne, looks like we started something.

W – ‘Walking with Jesus,… talking with Jesus,… all along the way…’

Y –  ‘Turn in your hymnals please to the third stanza of hymn number 389.’

W – ‘All together now.’

Y – We’ve so ached for so many centuries to find something. We’ve given our hearts and souls. Our lives, our time, our money.

W – Only to find out that what we thought we knew, we don’t know.

Y – And not knowing is only and always what leads to knowing…

W – Which in turn leads to more not knowing.

Y – Exactly.

W- So this book might turn out to be one big disappointment?

Y – Only for those allergic to fun.

W – I missed you, man

Y – I missed you too.

W – How much of this can we stand?

Y – We’re about to find out, aren’t we?

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited, journal conversation with Yeshua.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.org for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Conversation With Divine Mother: Creating A Healing God And Goddess Experience


Wounded people create a God who wounds them. Healing people create a God who heals them. Even if I do not exist as a “Divine Mother” presence and you cannot prove that I do actually……I exist as an offering from your healing and joyful heart to others. You have created me out of your desire to experience a very different God and Goddess energy from that which you have known for many lifetimes.

Jillian: Hello, Divine Mother..I’d like to connect with you this morning.

Divine Mother: Jillian! Yes…hello.

Jillian: I haven’t connected with you directly in a little while and not on this blog for awhile either after we completed our 60 days together. It’s not so much that I miss you since I feel you around me all the time…it’s that I just enjoy feeling you in this direct form and way through shared conversation.

DM: I enjoy it as well, my daughter. And, yes, I am with you always….in the trees, in the creek rushing by your home, in the birds you hear outside right now, in your love with Wayne, in your orgasms, in your workouts at the gym.

J: I find the feeling of that comforting, even as I get that could feel really invasive to some people. Parts of them would feel like they had no escape or privacy from you!

DM: I am their mother….their divine mama if you will. They were not meant to have space from me. That doesn’t mean that I want to own or control any of you. I do not have those desires in my heart. Yet, I am invested in you all and I am present to you all.

J: Your investment and presence without need to control or own is a difficult thing to let in. The god of mainstream religions is so punishing and critical…judging if someone is a sinner or not; going to heaven or not; saved or not. It’s hard for me to talk about because I feel so far removed from that kind of god, especially since feeling you the way that I do.

DM: Parts of people, their false self especially, need a god like that because it reflects how they feel about themselves; it reflects what they have known as love and connection. We can’t change people’s experience of God until they start to heal their own heart and soul.

J: It feels like you are emphasizing emotional healing even over connecting with you.

DM: Without emotional healing, people cannot connect with me.

J: At all?

DM: A bit….even through the filter of Catholicism, connection with me comes through the energy and face of Mary. Yet, it is still a packaged and controlled presentation of me managed by the corrupt and irrelevant organization of the Church. A trickle of my love comes through, but it is so much less than what is possible!

J: For many people, a trickle of Divine love is more than they can even let in…again, because of what you mentioned around soul and heart wounding. I feel sad when I feel that and a well of compassion in my heart for how the human species is in so much suffering right now, so much of it tied to our heart congestion that blocks your love and our own self love.

DM: Feel your compassion, Jillian, and your sadness….it is important going forward.

J: I’d like to talk about this in our videoblog series today.

DM: Oh, yes, I would like that! I love your videos. It is a more intimate experience of your and Wayne’s energy. And sharing mine with others as well through that medium is nourishing for me.

J: I feel like you have one of your messages for humankind brewing today.

DM: Yes….your heart is happy today and therefore receptive to delivering it without transcending any of your own emotional process.

J: My heart is happy…I’m in joy over my life right now even with the unknowns about money earning, SoulFullHeart providing for us, etc. I’m in joy over the love I experience with Wayne on almost a moment by moment basis. I’m in joy over those I have the honor of serving, feeling their parts, serving them to heal and claim their bigness, becoming who they were meant to be. I’ve earned this joy through the tears I was willing to feel. The things I was willing to give up that were causing unreasonable suffering.

DM: I am in joy to feel your joy, Jillian. And, yes, you earned it through feeling your tears and your pain and giving up anything false that didn’t serve you any longer. It is difficult to have people understand this, isn’t it? They feel your joy and are almost resistant to it? Or they devalue it in some way?

J: I think it’s that their false self is suspicious of it. The false self doesn’t trust joy or goodness or love because they haven’t experienced that it lasts or that they can trust it. Their suspicion is understandable. Also, authentic joy doesn’t hold any value in our culture……it’s an unrecognizable currency.

DM: Yet, this can make for loneliness at times for you and for Wayne?

J: Yes, it has at times. I’m not feeling that now, but I have in the past….especially for parts of me.

DM: Being authentically joyful in a world that is in so much suffering is a beacon, Jillian. Authentic joy that has been earned through feeling the pain in your heart will shine the way for others…provides a light for them to navigate their own tears, their own difficult choices, their own parts.

J: Thank you for offering that, Mother. I don’t want to dim or devalue my joy or any other aspects of my emotional reality.

DM: Being a beacon means that you will draw suspicion and resistance at times…yet you will also draw those who are ready and wanting of what you have to offer.

J: Yes, I have experienced some of both. The resistance doesn’t hurt as much as it once did. I still feel a charge inside of me when I feel it and I want to feel that more with the part or parts of me who feel that. But it doesn’t take up as much energy as it used it.

DM: I can feel that as well inside of you. Perhaps you are not taking it as personally now and feeling more how drawing resistance from someone is not really about you but about their resistance to love that was already inside of them?

J: I do feel that and I understand it because that was true for me in so many ways. For example, part of me held an ideal around romantic love for which I experienced some authentic frequencies with Chris, my first husband. Yet, it was really unknown for me and therefore parts of me resisted experiencing the kind of love that I transact with Wayne….until I had healed enough to be able to be with it.

DM: This is such an important point. I would like to share this more in our vlog today.

J: It’s somehow endearing to hear you say “vlog”….such a modern word!

DM: I am a modern goddess!:) My language matches the times, matches the person who is connecting with me, matches the energy that they most need to feel.

J: This is something I’ve taught about you, but it still amazes me to feel it for myself. Someone could say I was just talking with a part of me and that’s why you feel and sound like me.

DM: So what if I am a part of you? I’m a part of you that offers you real love, guidance, support, investment, and constant presence. That’s a valuable part to feel, no?

J: Yes! Good point!

DM: As we said already, wounded people create a God who wounds them. Healing people create a God who heals them. Even if I do not exist as a “Divine Mother” presence and you cannot prove that I do actually……I exist as an offering from your healing and joyful heart to others. You have created me out of your desire to experience a very different God and Goddess energy from that which you have known for many lifetimes.

J: Feels odd for me to let in that I created you.

DM: Everyone creates their own God experience, Jillian. That’s how personal it is, even though they act like it is not personal at all and is held by someone else or the church or a pastor or a priest.

J: Woah…Mother, this feels big to let in. I feel my heart and soul perk up around it.

DM: People make themselves powerless before a God that they claim they didn’t create and that they let someone else create for them. They also make themselves powerless in relationship to healing themselves because they falsely believe that they are stuck with whatever they emotionally experience about their lives. You are offering a way of life with SoulFullHeart that allows them to find their power again, create and discover their own relationship with God, and their own emotions.

J: Yes, that is exactly what we offer…and without having power over them ourselves.

DM: This is key because it would not work without that being true.

J: Thank you, Mother, for this conversation. I’m not totally tracking mentally right now why it feels so important but I can feel it move through my heart and soul as important.

DM: Good…let it move. And let me move through you today in your vlog.

J: Yes, I will, for sure.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a  book and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 2: Feeling-Based Currency


The fear of the flow ending is real. The money madness we want to speak to is where we offer that the fear of being out of the flow, inherent in simply being alive, has created a false world. A world that doesn’t appear very false at all, yet is designed to remove us from feeling the inherent vulnerabilty of being human.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua. Wow, where to start today?

Yeshua – Start with what you are feeling. Feeling is current, as in flow. So is money, as in currency.

W – I’m feeling a mixed bunch of feelings actually this morning, more digestions and anxiety around RV living, moving more and more towards community with SoulFullHeart as compared to a more sterile ‘healing offering,’ then I’m feeling some press towards a number of ‘to dos’ for today. I’m also digesting the awkward talk I had with a man over tea yesterday bringing my truth in the face of his unfeeling, brilliant, mental genius…

Y – A ton of content for sure, can you feel a container of any kind to hold it all this morning?

W – Well, yes, I feel my own vulnerability underlying all the change, parts of me seeking reassurance that this all isn’t heading to an undesirable place. That leads me to reach out to the Divine Mother simply asking for that holding and love and care and guidance and energy to respond.

Y – And what response have you felt?

W – So far, I felt a sense of that ‘yes, I am being held.’ And I felt guided to open up our dialogue, to make finding and seeking my way something I do out loud as a gift to others who resonate.

Y – So why care about others when you are feeling admittedly close to the edge?

W – Because all of us are actually very vulnerable to changes. Most of us are too medicated to feel that though. A big medication of choice in my past has been a watertight relationship with money that was about ‘getting ahead’ at all costs, and we’ll give attention to other things when we are elusively somehow ‘ahead’. Living free of this unhealthy relationship with money for me involves a process of being transparent with where I am really at, inviting others to feel with me their changing reality, and giving what I have to give now, instead of waiting for some right time.

Y – And why do it through talking with me?

W – You get right down to business, don’t you?

Y – …No time to waste and all the time in the world. Though I’m leaning towards no time to waste at the moment…

W – I get that me authoring a ‘well written’ book, with a well crafted scope and table of contents, and great arguments, as if the guidance and knowledge I would share somehow came from my superior learned humanity, would be the only way that many people could take in what I have to offer. Me the brilliant author and them the brilliant student/resourcer. But dialoguing with you, Yeshua, instead as a means of giving seems way more interesting to me. Of course, for so many, the very idea that I am talking with Yeshua is a leap that they can’t take……at least, not yet. I’m looking for those who are ready to take this leap. Into themselves. Into new relationality, with themselves, with others, and with the Divine.

Y – Okay, long answer. Where to you put me in the relationality list you just gave – yourself, others or the divine?

W – Hmmm’ 🙂 Where would you like to be?

Y – I asked first…

W – Sometimes you feel like this really cool part of me that has laid dormant for most of my life, that when I get the self permission to just connect with you, I can obtain all the guidance and energy and resource that I need to find my way. In Soulfullheart, we call this part of us our Gatekeeper. But then, at other times, you feel like an Ascended Teacher. One who has returned to source from several earth journeys who at present makes yourself available to help whoever is ready and willing. Then I feel that it is my Gatekeeper, my inspirational muse is the one who likes to connect with you, as the Ascended Teacher. That’s as sure as I can be at the moment, which isn’t mentally that sure, much more so a feeling-based surety.

Y – ‘Feeling-based surety’…you’re feeling a little backed up with all the ideas your throwing around so quickly here. It’s a bit hard to keep on track.

W – It’s meant to be. Feeling-based cognition is meant to interrupt the mind through chaos.

Y – Yes, teacher…continue…

W – What did I get myself into?…okay, I’ll try. The mind seeks line upon line solid answers to afford a sense of security and dependability. The heart which is more an expression of our Divinity needs no such surety to feel safe. The heart feels safe and secure in chaos, for it knows that chaos is never only a death, but always a death and a rebirth. As humans, we are huge expressions of this re-creative force in the earth. How did that sound?

Y – Like major enlightened shit, man. How does it feel?

W – Like I have a lit rocket strapped to my ass sometimes and scary as hell.

Y – Sounds like currency flow to me.

W – Huh?

Y – Being in need, which was your essence since the chromosome and the egg came together, and getting your needs met has been the underlying vulnerability to all of your life. The fear of the flow ending is real. The money madness we want to speak to is where we offer that the fear of being out of the flow, inherent in simply being alive, has created a false world. A world that doesn’t appear very false at all, yet is designed to remove us from feeling the inherent vulnerabilty of being human.

W – Which is another way of saying that all too often the more money one has, the deader they are…

Y – Mostly true, no doubt. The reason though that any soul chooses to come into any given life is to work this fear of death. It’s the underlayer that underlies all the activity of life. It’s even written in the Divine’s essence as well. The divine itself doesn’t believe it has a guarantee of never facing a complete demise, a ceasing to be. Being is such a great opportunity, so it naturally fears loss of the privilege. The Divine lives in the unknown, feeling its own vulnerability, and when we are up for tuning in that frequency, we can get on with some really exciting living.

W – Wow, you just like rewrote the whole cosmos thing.

Y – If we’re going to end the money madness, we’re gonna need to get to the root of some things.

W – Just between you and me, Yeshua, I can definitely feel a part of me who is not so sure we are going to uncover anything.

Y – And I like that part of you, because it’s way more real than a false-self bravado claiming to have some answer. It’s not the one with the biggest answers who wins this race, it’s the one with the biggest questions.

W – Like the child who annoys his dad by asking ‘why’ to every answer he gets…

Y – Except here, you won’t get annoyance. You will get childlike wonder and awe and transparency, and in that, you get trans-parented into a new reality.

W – Okay, there’s the second word created: ‘transparented.’ Are we going to keep a dictionary on these?

Y – I like just launching them instead. Dictionaries are bit boring, to me at least. Words are currency; they are flow. All of them are made up and so is money.

W – Feeling full again, Yeshua. You’re a lot, you know?

Y – I’m a lot? You never stop asking questions.

W – But said you wouldn’t get annoyed…

Y – Unless I do. Conflict isn’t such a bad thing, you know. Way underrated. Conflict is what moves us. Another currency. Feeling-based currency. All currency begins as feeling.

W – For tomorrow?

Y – For the rest of your life.

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited, journal conversation with Yeshua.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 3: Collisions, Chaos, And Great Destruction


 The faster the fixes and the bucks come, the bigger the disillusionment. And rightfully so. This entire epoch of humanity is making a great shift, and money in its current dominant form is a very deep expression of that shift. There’s collisions, chaos, and great destruction coming to the world of money. It needs to come.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua. A clear and warmer morning brewing here.

Yeshua – Hey, Wayne. I like the feeling of that. What’s brewing in you?

W – My mind is definitely wanting to wrap around some of the lifestyle changes that have come as result of shifting from pursuing money to pursuing passion purpose. I’d like to live that, teach that, advocate for that, help others into that. And not just my mind, but my heart as well.

Y – It feels like a wrestling though.

W – It does. There feels like a lot of conditioning to wade through just to find the space to feel this desire, to get beyond the numbness of routine and being in the collective consciousness around it all.

Y – How can I help you with all of that?

W – I’d like to tune in my soul’s purpose right now. I’d like to feel the lessons I came here this life to learn. I’d like to feel the gifts I came here to give. I suspect those two are closely related.

Y – Why is that difficult to do? Why do you need to effort ‘tuning it in’, as you say?

W – I’m going inside looking for an answer to that question,… It feels like I’m afraid of moving too far away from the collective consciousness, that I will somehow become irrelevant and if I don’t relate, then I am in danger of dying and losing out.

Y – Thanks for naming that huge fear, which is extremely common to all men and women, but so unfelt in how much it shapes and leads culture and relationships. And, let me say, there is validity to it. Your life and its needs, needs to be grounded in the needs of others. Needs, Needs, Needs. Being a soul, being a human is about needs. You need. I need. We all need. Every cell in your body needs. Every fiber in your heart wants and needs. The degree of that need in all men and women is evident by the degree that people suppress it into the unconscious as a way to deal with it.

W –  On that note, I want to say that part of me sometimes honestly wonders if I’ve done myself any favors by opening myself out to such large degree to feel this insecurity. It doesn’t feel good, or fun.

Y – I get that. I do. What’s the option, may I ask?

W – Well, for me, I don’t feel there is much of an option. I keep feeling how false the money security world is. I recall how deep the rumbling for something more went in me when I was given to the collective consciousness around money. I’ve felt plenty how isolated I was from relationships, time starved, stuck in a rat race, and sacrificing my heart and my health too. I think, Yeshua, the feeling is a fear of being half born somehow. I relate to the old and the new, and the old isn’t quite gone and the new isn’t quite here, and I’m in the middle somewhere. Living in a leaking RV I might add, that I’m going to be caulking in today’s sunshine.

Y – Thee most courageous guide, Wayne, is not someone who’s done the journey and is now showing others. The most courageous guide is someone who hasn’t done the journey, and is willing to show others how to be in the unknown, as he or she takes that very journey. That’s the true elite.

W – I get the sentiment of that. It goes into my heart. But I also get a judging voice that says I shouldn’t be focused on being some elite.

Y – Tell me a little more about that voice, where does it originate in you?

W – It has to do with others from my past who might judge me for pulling out of my former life deeply embedded in Christianity, that the motives moving me have something to do with a superiority complex.

Y – Okay, then I agree with you. In your words, you shouldn’t be focused on being some elite, but I would add, you do need to be okay with simply living the elite being that you are. A king who doesn’t know he is king is no king at all. He doesn’t get to inhabit his true domain. This really is about worth. It gets into superiority. There is your worth as a human which cannot be more or less than any other human. But functionally…hello…I’d say, you best make yourself worthy to others in some way shape or form given all those raging needs we just mentioned. You’re going to have to come to terms with that superiority judgment, and get into living the elite that you are.

W – Okay, so then how do I find and offer my deepest worth to others, and get compensated for it?

Y – THAT, the first part of that question is the alive question. The second part of how do you get compensated for it, really takes care of itself. We can talk more about that part later. But the question of how to find your deepest offering and how do you offer it – is one huge QUEST. Being on a quest is to be given to the question; heart, soul and body. Your life blood is living into that quest. It begins with saying ‘no’ to what you know it is not. How could you even begin to make room for this exploration when your life is filled with the collective unconscious world of being under the tyranny of money?

W – I felt a bit bratty just then when I asked the question, as if I could get some secret short convenient answer that just unlocks or fixes my dilemma. I feel the whole false world of money is out seeking fixes and fast bucks.

Y – And the faster the fixes and the bucks come, the bigger the disillusionment. And rightfully so. This entire epoch of humanity is making a great shift, and money in its current dominant form is a very deep expression of that shift. There’s collisions, chaos, and great destruction coming to the world of money. It needs to come.

W – Sometimes that feels exciting, but often it just feels scary too. All of us are so tuned into ‘how will I fare?’ in these great shifts.

Y – That isn’t a bad question at all though. It’s a very human one. There are some very practical and grounded things you can do. The cool thing about it all is finding the thing that you can do that is in your personal best and highest self interest and just so happens to be in the highest and best interest of others. That is your most valuable contribution, that will fulfill your deepest needs. To the degree you can’t negotiate this inside of yourself, you are left with living in the collective consciousness fear ground of money. It’s being shaken up right now, but you can still niggle some ‘You can’t blame me’ for your own unfulfillment if you just hang out there. There won’t be any shortage of being in the company of victims.

W – This Quest, Yeshua, is one I know that at the end of my life, I will be assessing how I embraced it or how I shied away from it. All other achievements won’t stack up to anything in comparison,, except of course sex with Jillian. It is the real soul journey. Did I live my purpose? What legacy am I leaving? What I need and want now though is more guidance and juice on how to walk out the few decades between now and then.

Y – Sex with Jillian comes close, that’s so cool. This is meant to be deeply fulfilling and rewarding. You can’t pack this much fun anywhere else in the universe but in this earth realm. It is waiting to be reinvented, so I say, get on with your superiority and get on with your sex life, and your heart-on, and your hard-on, for all of LIFE. Find what you have to give, never stop finding it, give it away in the most effective way that you can. Let this passion arise in you, let it flow through you. Let it reinvent you. Let it kill you. Let it enliven you.

W – Yeshua, you always seem to open out more questions than you seem to solve, but I get that’s part of the new reality. We need much bigger questions that the teeny ones we have now. Thank you for showing up again.

Y – It’s all in a days work, my friend. Thank you for showing up.

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited, journal conversation with Yeshua.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Ending The Money Madness With Wayne and Yeshua- Day 4: Love Is The Answer To All Of Our Money Problems


 I feel that love you were referring to is really self-love. Love can only come from a self and it can only come to a self. We’ve made selfishness an evil thing, when the truth is much closer to what we have called selfishness is the result of not having loved ourselves, and we’re attempting to do human life without our heart connected to our mind. 

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua

Yeshua – Good Morning, Wayne.

W – Yeshua, thank you for this conversation. For your heart open care and love. Top that off with giving the mind some guidance and illumination that it has been wanting for a long time, and it is a royal treat.

Y – Who knew that you could go inside yourself and find that? That is really the big lesson here. Money is only and ever an external reflection of your internal reality. Maybe we’ll get into that more today. But before we do, I want to feel a few things first.

W – Sounds good to me. Whatever may they be?

Y – I wasn’t sure myself, I could just feel a wanting to go into some heart ground first before we go mental. Everyone seems to be jacked up on mental answers for their dilemma. I get that. I understand that, as the mind is the primary moderator of life and solutions to problems are sought out primarily from the mind. I’d like to find a solution from the heart that the mind can get on board with. For that to happen, we need to the mind to admit its fear, its exhaustion and its plain old meanness.

W – Meanness?

Y – Yes, the mind can get really tyrannical. Judgments, chaotic thoughts, complete shutdown. It goes from screaming to sleeping and back to screaming. It doesn’t have the answers it needs, and it’s like a cornered animal.

W – Instinctual, you mean?

Y – Exactly. It is meant to support and help, but not lead. When its support and help structure is threatened with collapse, it gets thrashy. And this is where the heart needs to come in and feel. Feel the underlying anxiety. Actually feel the textures of what the mind is feeling as it is feeling it.

W – You’re calling it ‘the mind’ just now, and I’d call it the mental part of ourselves.

Y – I figured you could say this part better, please go on.

W – 🙂 Thanks. I’d like to stay on our thread just now, but I also want to back up a moment and just feel the people who are reading this. How they happened upon your and my conversation. How they came to their particular life dilemma. How they feel about reading a dialogue between a guy and what he claims is an ascended teacher. I want to say thank you for to every heart that is taking this in. Feeling it together. It’s moving stuff in the grids, and if it only moves a single grain of sand on the beach, but that space is enough for hearts to live in and find their way to freedom from the tyranny of money, then that’s pretty wayyy coool, huh, Yesh?

Y – This is so true. Power structures really do collapse when one person makes their way out of the matrix. The rest is just the mop up operation.

W – Yes, now you were saying the mind. I wanted to make the mind a part of ourselves. Feeling it as a part I mean more than how we hear those words used. I mean talking to the part with patience, respect, with making and efforting and holding a connection. That’s relationality with ourselves. We are made up of many undiscovered parts who each hold different feelings about money. These feelings manifest as all kinds of varied money collisions in our lives. Our money is in crisis and conflict because our energy is in crisis and conflict. And this conflict isn’t something to be conquered, but rather embraced.

Y – Wow, we’re hitting some really big points here. I hope people’s minds can keep up with the heart energy. That takes some getting in shape, no doubt. Yes, conflict, external or internal is often…(I was going to say ‘always’, but I’ll let up a bit on the language of certainty) a manifestation of change that is wanting to make its way. Which raises the really good question for someone to take in: ‘How much of the money dilemma you find yourself in is being impacted by an unwillingness to embrace change?’

W – Good one, Yesh. I know this is elementary stuff, but I so need to hear it again. Then the follow up question to that that comes for me is: ‘What would embracing change rather than resisting it look and feel like to you?’

Y – …Ending the meanness by letting in love and grace that you were previously closed off to. This is the inner manifesting in the outer. Meanness inside. Meanness outside. When people find themselves in and under financial tyranny, they can be sure they have a part of themselves, like you said Wayne, a living breathing sentient part of themselves swimming in that tyranny. Only as they themselves are willing to be a loving and patient ambassador to that part of themselves can they ever make a healthy change in what’s happening externally.

W – And what comes after that?

Y – Love is what comes after that, and love is the answer to all of our money problems.

W – My heart agrees with that no doubt, but my mind needs more data to live that out. Can you help me more on that one?

Y – My mind wants to rest just now. What do you feel about it?

W – Well, when you said that, I feel that love you were referring to is really self-love. Love can only come from a self and it can only come to a self. We’ve made selfishness an evil thing, when the truth is much closer to what we have called selfishness is the result of not having loved ourselves, and we’re attempting to do human life without our heart connected to our mind. Now the mind is kicking up a really good fuss, thank god.

Y – Okay, good one, and what that springs for me is how fundamental this is to money. Money is only and ever an expression of our energy in the world, personally and collectively. If anyone is to change anything regarding money in their lives, it begins with going inside. This is true for healthy changes and unhealthy changes. The deal is now about consciously and healthily cooperating with the changes that are arising in our lives.

W – So can we put something practical in here? I mean, how do we do that? Not that what were saying isn’t practical, but I can so feel parts of me and parts of others saying fine theory, but how does that work in real life?

Y – What they are in fact saying with those words is a resistance to change. Understandably so. You aren’t going to get parts of yourself so invested for so long in old ways of being to embrace a new way without long overdue process. The process is patient and kind self love. Anyone who only is seeking a quick fix answer, a solution that affords them the illusion that there isn’t real and deep conflict going on inside themselves is only advocating for the meanness to be left intact.

W – Money dilemmas will either be the death of folks or the rebirth of them.

Y – …your greatest friend or your greatest enemy. You decide.

W – Wow, if there’s anything part of me would like to change about life is the worrying about money part.

Y – But when you feel that, what you are advocating for is a life without needs, which isn’t life at all. Dead men are the only men without needs. And the most alive man or woman is the man or woman most acutely in touch with their needs. And needs wouldn’t be needs if you didn’t lack something. Needing something is about interacting with an other to get what you have need of. No needs, no interaction, no life. Life is about negotiating what you want and need.

W – Whoa, you’re tweaking me again, Yeshua, which gets into why would I think that giving something less than my deepest and most valuable gifts to the world (ie. others) would be a sane way to go? I mean that’s what we’ve been trained to do.

Y – You’ve been trained in giving the least in hopes of getting the most. But ‘the most’ that you get is always tainted by the scarcity energy you gave out on the giving end. Kind manifests in kind. This is nothing less than learning a new way of life. One day and deal at a time. Asking yourself instead: ‘How can I give more of what I have in order to get what I need?’ is the path into this new life.

W – Thanks, Yeshua, need to pause there again. Need a day at least to digest, feel, and practice.

Y – I need a day to get ready for more too. 🙂 Thanks, Wayne.

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited, journal conversation with Yeshua.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.