Christ/Magdalene Light Streams In To Begin This ‘Christmas Season’

by Kalayna Colibri
Today… today it feels like Christ Consciousness is coming in to be held and to hold us too. It’s the ‘official’ kick-off of the Christmas season here in North America, so there’s that, yet increasingly as we approach 12/12 and perhaps especially with all of the ‘current events’ ongoing, Christ Consciousness is coming through with a palpable Divine Father/Masculine energy.
 
Today may be a hyper shopping day for some, which promises a gateway to much debt as many choose to invest their energy and resources into making purchases to perhaps try and please the unpleasable, both inside and out. Yet, almost as if to try and help us learn to hold and BE with these emotional highs and lows instead of spending scads of money and emotional energy to placate something, there’s all this warm, golden Christ energy coming through to hold us and remind us that we ARE more than this by birthright and soul-right.
 
The Divine feels us in this emotionally and spiritually-charged time we call the ‘Christmas Season’ and offers space for parts of us to land and lean more into the glow of the Christ Consciousness light waves coming in what look and feel like golden and red glittering bands of light. This is the Christ/Magdalene love coming in to encourage us to feel all there is to feel and move even more towards a unified inner community as well as resonant soul family/community. There is SO much light streaming in that it can’t help but bring UP what isn’t love inside of you and the ache for MORE of what you most authentically WANT in your heart and soul.
 
It is a powerful choice to go inward and feel during this time instead of looking outward for quelling what is becoming harder and harder to quell or quiet down inside. To explore the parts of you hurting and reacting during this time, to help them and to be with them as the most important ‘family’ you could ever work to love and hold dear. It is equally powerful to vulnerably reach out for help and to courageously show up to support others in their healing too. This is an aspect of Christ Consciousness that begins, as always, from within… and we are invited as this ‘Christmas season’ (which is really ‘Christ-Consciousness Season’) begins, to truly land in our hearts in a new and renewed way, whatever that means for us in any given moment.
 
Much love! ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Energy Update: Moon Codes Offer Sacred Feminine & Masculine Activations And Healings

By Jelelle Awen with Magdalena & Christiel

magdalenaandyeshua

The moon is moving from super full to waning to New in the night sky. Yet, inside of OUR inner skies, the moon codes continue to vibe out frequencies of Divine Feminine softness WITH Divine Masculine activations. Activated softness is VERY interesting to integrate! Are you feeling this too?

The activating (and often intense) upgrades and downloads/messages/information streaming in from the Great Cosmic Sun (Masculine) source are filtered by the feminine Moon, then grounded through Her Gaia expression. She receives these codes from the Masculine and gestates them in Her womb. In this birthing process, they seem to INtegrate more easily and more powerfully, even though it may feel like ‘less’ is going on for you in terms of Ascension symptoms or altered consciousness states. I feel that this feminine INtegration and gestation is a KEY aspect to the Ascension process being experienced by us with less pain and discomfort. This is why rest and space holding for feelings becomes so important.

These energies bring this hum of desire to create, to put together, to put out, and to passion-ate. The New Sacred Masculine does this and IS this with an open heart. This is Christiel Consciousness, the higher vibrational frequency of New Earth, that is also being activated from the collective focus on Christmas and on His energies (in whatever forms, ways, and frequencies that is being engaged with.) The masculine energies inside of us, such as our Inner Protectors, feel more support now for their kingly sides to express. The Inner Protector is invited not to just guard the feminine with overprotectiveness, yet to trust HER power and desires are safe to express and to BE. To become her partner and guide both.

These energies also bring in the hum of need to bake, to BE still, to receive, to feel. The New Sacred Feminine does this and IS this with an open heart. Magdalena Consciousness is the Counterpart Mate to the Christiel energies, even if She is ‘left out’ of so much of religion’s pictures or is distorted by them. Magdalena is the Sacred Bride within us ALL, the Sacred, Passionate Lover too. She also offers healing to the Inner Feminine that lives in parts of us such as our Inner Teenager and Inner Child.

I’m seeing these Christiel-Magdalena Moon energies in rays of Golden pinkish-red. They are showing up in my own personal meditation journeys and check-ins. And also with facilitants/clients when we engage in meditation together at the beginning of sessions to bring in purifying energies, set an intentional healing space, call in Guides and parts, and connect our Heart Chords together. These Golden pinkish-red rays fortify and support the forming of HEALTHY Heart Chords in which to transact love together.

Heart Chords are needed right now to let in and receive ALL that is coming in for us and between us. They remind us of sacred union intimacy frequencies, the WARM side of Unity Consciousness. Unity Consciousness can feel more like a concept held by our mind rather than something we can viscerally touch, feel, and experience. Intimacy is Unity Consciousness experienced by our every living cell, by our orgasms, by our passions, by our Higher Hearts.

Heart Chords can engage when the previous binds and cords with others have been released and let go. This ‘cutting of the cords’ is not just on the energetic level, yet also very important to occur on the emotional body level. This happens when previous hook-up between parts of people have been let go and moved through SELF healing and connection with them. As you connect and heal with your Inner Protector, Inner Punisher, Inner Teenager, Inner Mother/Father….so, these energies begin to rest in their codependent hooking into others without consciousness. These parts come to YOU as the growing, heart open, compassionate, sensitive parental energy that can HOLD their fears, feel their tears, and allow them to transmute into their true essence. This is the process we support you in during SoulFullHeart sessions and it’s truly magical!soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

With the disclosures of so many shadow frequencies between the masculine and feminine in the collective right now, I feel these SACRED UNION codes are being offered to accelerate the consciousness expansion (which starts in the heart) of the masculine and the softening of the feminine. OUTrage at these sexual abuse revelations is an understandable phase, yet, in its expression, is still coming from wounded masculine. Outrage is the outward expression of an inner rage, truth telling, advocacy, and passions that have been suppressed on the inside from one part to another. Expression of outrage is ultimately a distraction from what is going on from within and has frequencies of powerlessness and victimhood at its roots.

The sacred human feminine heart feels with compassion WHY these actions happened while requiring TRUE remorse from those who have harmed her to be in continuing relationship. She IS healthy boundary setting as she no longer draw abuses and harm and violence from others. She is consciously healing these frequencies as they occur inside of her from one part of her to another. She is feeling how 3D parts of her and some Metasoul Aspects may have been perpetuators too and in what shapes and forms. She is feeling how, on a soul level, she choose to experience all that she does and WHY she would make these choices.

The sacred masculine heart feels with TRUE remorse the impact of his actions and energies on the feminine…both outside and inside of him. He engages in a deep dive inside himself to feel the parts of him that act out in these ways and why. He searches with true passion to find and heal the karmic binds in his Metasoul that perpetuate these abusive cycles. He feels the parts of him that actually feel VERY powerless and unworthy, for which outward, wounded expressions of unwanted sexual advances ultimately come from.

I feel both Christiel and Magdalena very available in this Now for the holding and healing of these wounded gender frequencies and for the transition of them into healthy, into the New. They are offering their hearts in union with yours whenever you would like to connect with them! They are here to bring us into deeper Sacred Union frequencies from within us. To meditate the process of healing our masculine and our feminine in relationship to each other…to then possibly draw our Sacred Union Counterpart Soulmate in response to this self love overflow from within us to be in Unity Consciousness frequencies together!

This is music I’ve been listening to the last two days that seems to help for letting them in:

~

A big warm invite again to join us for this coming Saturday’s Group Call with Raphael and me, offering a deeper intro into this brave new inner world of sacred masculine and feminine. Details here: https://www.facebook.com/events/813881412132524/

~

Jelelle Awen is a Soul Scribe, Sacred Feminine and Sacred Union Facilitator, co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond.

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Sacred ‘Mess’ Of Your Healing Path

by Kalayna Colibri

follow me, find your mess

“Come follow me, and you will find your mess” – a biblical quote reframe, as offered to me by Yeshua

~

There’s a light up ahead, held by someone who has done much work. Someone who beams a beacon of hope and love and possibility. Their energy invites you in and also invites you to follow them. They don’t energize being ‘better’ or ‘holier’ than you, they only seem to energize that they are somehow ‘ahead’ and want to vulnerably lead you into more possibilities, healing and growth for yourself.

Maybe you choose to follow because the warmth of the heart cord between you is incredible and familiar and not like anything you’ve ever felt before in this life. You want to be near this person, relate closely with them, and yet you can’t quite relate to them yet. They feel ‘close’ to you in a sweet sense, yet they almost feel like something that isn’t from this world. How could that be? They certainly seem human enough. You conclude that somehow they ARE human, just living in a different sort of dimension than you’re used to. Wow. THAT’S interesting because the dimension you’ve been living in feels old, stale, essentially loveless to you more and more these days as you continue to awaken to the universe within and outside of you.

As you continue to follow this person up ahead, you feel the infusions of light and love that they offer. You feel too, the realness they hold about their personal reality – how they or parts of them feel or are reacting in given moments. You can feel them holding this reality as sacred, though sometimes the energy feels intense to parts of you that you haven’t fully felt yet. What they offer to themselves and to you seems like ‘love’, but it’s a different love than you’ve experienced, as most of the time those around you refuse to be ‘real’ or current with what they’re feeling or experiencing. Or, on the other hand, they dump energy and emotion on you and in the space they hold with you, feeling like a victim and playing a victim’s role, effectively and skillfully drawing up a case that backs up their claim to perpetual victimhood. You’ve never had this contrast be illuminated for you before and it stirs something inside of you. Parts of you may start to feel victimized to this new frequency of love that is so illuminating, as it shows you too the ways in which you have been and held this same energy of co-dependently being in relationship with others and not deeply maturing emotionally, though you may ‘seem’ mature to most others in your life. You are experiencing how this love is holding up a mirror for you, and wow, there’s actually quite a bit of shadow there to feel!

This being you chose to follow encourages you to keep feeling it all. WHAT?! I have to FEEL it all?! You begin to feel a part of you is getting overwhelmed by the volume of what there is to feel, and you feel a bit surprised by what is still there that you thought you had healed by now. You feel the weight and the mess of it all… the entanglements within your relationships, past and present, the knots living inside of your heart and soul, the shadow pieces and parts of you popping up now to be witnessed, felt, held, healed. It’s a lot. Sometimes it feels like ‘too much’… and your new leader invites you to just ‘hold on tight!’ while the winds whip by and through you, inviting you to step into them despite the swirling chaos inside of you.

This is what it means to be on a path where you find that ‘mess’ within. That ‘mess’ that you learn to love as you trust that it’s leading you somewhere NEW. Amidst the mess, you get to decide whether or not you want to continue walking into it. You get to decide in every single moment, what you want next. And you get to decide whether or not you really trust this process and are ready for it.

~

In SoulFullHeart, we don’t hold a grandiose or lofty picture of who we are as spiritual and emotional teachers, leaders and facilitators. The work we’ve done and continue to do is challengings and sometimes downright hard to be in, though the payoff is incredible, as the growth and consciousness expansion is exponential. If anything we are here to guide you if you can lean into what we offer and embody.

Choosing to be around us in any way or form offers some sort of challenge to your being, just because of this way of life we embody. Choosing to be with us here in community, well, that pushes up even more… yet your readiness is something you get to gauge in every moment, even as ‘mess’ comes up from within and seems to be playing out outside of you too.

Following any sort of spiritual and/or emotional healing path should push up quite a bit inside of you. Even if you are not drawn to SoulFullHeart, whatever path you may choose will very likely give you a lot to feel and heal. There is no way, in my experience, to avoid or fully transcend what we signed up to heal in this life. Embracing our messes, no matter where we are in our path or what teacher(s) or leader(s) we may choose to follow or learn from, gives us this gift of finding our way to deeper and deeper decisions about the playout of our lives and how and who we most want to be.

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

You Are Arising From The Ashes: Poem For Easter

By Jelelle Awen with Christ Consciousness/Yeshua/Christiel/Jesus

Man rising from the ashes, energy, aura, power,reincarnation

You are arising from the ashes of your purposefully burnt up life, choosing the match, the heat, the way in which your now feeling false world will burn

You are BEing reborn from that which has been cast off, birthing out from that which is true as the only REAL thing that can remain

You are resurrecting your form out of a dying and collapsing reality, claiming a new way of BEing as your sacred humanity

You are serving love as your greatest purpose, feeling in every moment how you can BE THIS MORE

You are moving beyond fears of an unenLIGHTened soul, accessing your awakening soul’s courage and desire for UNION

You are co-creating a NEW golden earth possibility, feeling in every moment how you can BE THIS NOW

You are opening and healing your higher heart through PURE love, connecting with the energy of your star BEing and angelic origins

You are awakening from the deep sleep of the forgetful soul, remembering the LOVE from which you came and already ARE ~

 

Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine facilitator, soul scribe, love ambassador, way-shower, and co-creator and teacher of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book, Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions with her, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Re-Release of ’90 Days With Yeshua’

perception

By Raphael Awen

I am about to re-release soon the book ‘90 Days With Yeshua’ that I wrote in 2013. In preparation for that, I decided to write a prologue in the same fashion of our conversations from the book and felt to share them here as I do. It will be over a few days of dialogue and today is day one of that below. I hope to have you join me for the ride. Enjoy…

Raphael: Yeshua, This is Raphael. I’d like to reconnect.

Yeshua: Ahh, Raphael, yes let’s connect, you changed your name Man!

R: I did, Wayne left the building for the most part.

Y: Wow, My heart is warmed feeling from you…

R: ‘warmed feeling from you?’

Y: Hey man, we always made shit up didn’t we?

R: I guess we did, we sure did, and so here we are without missing a beat.

Y: No, I’ve missed our beat for sure. Glad you want to check in…very glad.

R: I feel our hearts recalibrating in the moment.

Y: I do too. Life isn’t the same without you, or was it Wayne? …who is Raphael anyway?

R: What was that, like 36 seconds in and you want to go deep…

Y: Hey man, we earned our dues together. No one else has ever done a 90 day stint together like we did.

R: And what a ride it was and still is for me. I need to reread it all again in the moment, to let it in again. The ground we covered in heart and learning was so moving. I think Raphael is the birth of all that we walked out together in words and heart.

Y: So what’s up now, like 365 days with Raphael or something? That sounds really good actually.

R: Well, not so fast…the bigger reason I wanted to connect is that I’m re-releasing the 90 days book and wanted offer a prologue to the new release of our heart and energy together.

Y: Okay, I’m in, but who knows where it might end up going?

R: Why does a part of me have a feeling that you already know the answer to that question?

Y: I know I’m not the same since we connected. Relationship is the great mover, if we’re willing to show up for it.

R: I miss you and our connection when you put it like that. Sometimes it feels like I simply made you up out of my deep longing for real connection.

Y: That’s the deal Wayne, I mean Raphael, you are continually making yourself up and everyone around you for that matter. We don’t perceive people as they are, they are as we perceive them for all intents and purposes, relationally speaking.

R: So then I am making you up…?

Y: Relationally, I can’t be to you anything outside of your perception of me. Christians see me a certain way, the son of an asshole, I might add, and that’s where we end up…talk about ‘made up’ in a right screwed up kind of way.

R: I’m sorry.

Y: Sorry about my edginess?

R: No, not at all, I’m sorry for what you’ve had to endure.

Y: Thank you. I feel over it mostly. And if there’s any of that anger still to work out, It will in its own way and time I trust, probably through relating with you, I might add.

R: That’s touching Yeshua. I’m glad to find our ground again. I want to perceive you as you are, rather than as who I am making you up to be, but you said it doesn’t quite work that way…help me out here if you can…

Y: When you know you are perceiving me through a filter, you become conscious of that filter, and you take ownership of that filter to whatever degree you can…which is primarily simply coming to terms with the truth that your perceiver skews perception, then you are in admission of that, and THAT is what allows for a much deeper and truer knowing.

R: ‘not-knowing my way to knowing’…I know we covered that in 90 Days, more than once. It was an ongoing theme.

Y: So what do you know now Raphael?

R: I know that I don’t know, and that knowledge leads to deep trust and surrender. I know I am loved. I know I live in a perfect and benevolent universe. I know all is love. I know I am infinite love, surrounded by infinite love, sourced from love, returning to love, being re-membered back into infinite love. And all the rest is a stageplay pointing me back to this home over and over again.

Y: Now, you’ve got me worried that I’m just making you up. You are like too good to be true…

R: Well, we’re in good company then, and Yes, I did take in that compliment, and I’m sure I will be for hours or the rest of my life in some way. You are thee coolest guide and heart lover there is.

Y: I’ll bet you say that to all your guides.

R: I do actually. I’ve been introduced to a bunch since I learned to connect with you, and really, thanks to you.

Y: So what would you offer others who are reading this about connection itself? You and I can go on for like days, but I’m feeling to include the readers of our dialogue here to, which we are in our feeling tone energetics together, but what would you say to them directly?

R: I’d like to share with them my experience that all the connection they can imagine, quite literally, is theirs for the letting in. You don’t need to spiritually evolved or enlightened to do this. In fact, it helps a lot if you aren’t any of those bull shit things. You only need desire and willingness and a big dollop of self permission.

Y: Which is all sourced in the self…the desire, willingness and permission,…which makes this something anyone can have, and no one can take away…which is really fucking cool!

R: You don’t even need to have all pretty and polite language…:)

Y: Pretty and polite will keep you outside of this actually. Until, we are ready to feel what’s real down to the core of where we live and what we want, nothing can move. Then no matter how much prettiness is faked on the cake, it just won’t bake. I don’t want to be in any pretense with you Raphael. Wayne and I got into shit fully, with our heart and souls dirty and wrung out where we live.

R: Wayne is moved to tears right now as you just love-waved that. Thank you Yeshua….I love that love isn’t anything we’ve imagined it to be hardly.

Y: Well, he has my deepest respect. He, and you, are deep soul family, and that’s not because we popped out of the same pipe at the same time, but rather because we lived out the same choices and came to the same heart resonance together…and feel called to live that out as a soul gift to others…

R: Why do I always feel so opened out after talking to you?

Y: Well that gets back to not being able to come to know ourselves but through relationship in real life…we just had ourselves a big dose of self reflection and self love together.

R: Yeshua, I think that’s a lot for one day. Are you up for tomorrow?

Y: I am if you are…and you are, I can tell, so I am…

R: Keep an eye for me, I’ll be back soon.

Y: I know you will. I will to.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information and inspiration.

 

Be IN the world, not OF the world…..yet care FOR the world

By Jelelle Awen with Yeshua

Be in the world, not of the world…..yet care for the world. ~

You are in the world, bring your heart with you, feel your surroundings and those who call you into connection. You are in a human body, bring your health to it, feel your embodiment as sacred and the desires that flow from it. You are in a culture, bring your celebration of it, feel how it impacts you and forms you.

You are not of the world, it is not a reflection of that which you are really made and ARE. Participate in the world even while remembering that you are not just it…not your name, your occupation, your body, your income, your home, your history, your culture. Remain with some separation from it so that you can retain the essence of what you ARE as Infinite Love.

You are care for the world, bring your compassion with you, feel the tears of the world and those cries that call you to respond. Serve love as the greatest gift for yourself, others, and with the Divine God in all Its glorious forms, including YOU. Remember to respond to fear with love, not more fear, and you offer a new possibility to each moment. ~

Jelelle Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about awakening and healing sessions with her. 

The Illusion Of You: Golden Earth Tales

infinitelovegates

(Part 2 of the ongoing blog series: Golden Earth Tales)

By Raphael Awen

Who are you, dear reader of this blog? What brings you here? You’re looking for something, right? But what is that something? In fairness to you, I could turn those provocative questions on myself: Who am I, dear writer of this blog? What brings me here?

The rational mind and language itself stumbles in this domain of heart.

In the root of our heart and psyche though are these embedded questions of ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What am I?’….they are seeking some kind of a response. These are the questions that make up our life quest and offer it meaning. The response you’ll have to accept though will be an energetic one, not a mental one, as we shall see.

In part 1 of this blog series, I described my visit to the parallel dimension Golden Earth. I believe this experience came to me as part of my deep, lifelong quest to explore the ‘Who am I?’ question. Building from there in this blog series, I offer a framework of the path and experiences that led me there. Am I biased? Hell, yeah! How and where it lands in you is sovereignly up to you. Remember, the plumber may claim experience and even expertise, but he only gets his authorization to come into your house and address your problem from you. What’s good for the plumber is good for the spiritual teacher too; both get their authority, their permission to serve from the sovereign of the house – you.

My truth is this……that who you actually are and what you actually are is not who and what you think you are. Who you think you are is a self-perception that is presently encrusted in the five-sense reality dimension of physical earth, the rational mind, and collective consciousness. Those are the things that we have all agreed upon are the umpires that call ‘what’s in’ and ‘what’s out’ of your reality. As much spiritual and emotional work you and I may have done, we don’t get to walk away easily from this consensus reality and its effect in our psyche. We are social beings who seek to know ourselves by comparative difference; but not so different that we no longer feel like we belong. Therein lies the rub.

In that milieu, either directly or indirectly, we are often brought the ‘who are you?’ question. Most every time we respond, myself included, with some form of telling people the basic facts about us and what we do. ‘My name is Michael, I’m 49, I’m married to Susan, I’m a computer programmer and I live in San Francisco.’ Sorry, but all that didn’t even come within a country mile of who you are. You told us about you, it’s periphery; it’s a story. You didn’t get to your essence.

Well, ‘fair enough,’ we might say. ‘I don’t think the person questioning was looking for anything deeper.’ True, but is that enough for you? If it is enough for you, it isn’t for me, and I say ‘Go Home.’ Hanging around here will only frustrate you (and me), so I invite you to strongly consider taking your leave. Look for a plumber when the need arises. I’ve needed to do just that many times in my life to find my own truth and my own authority.

‘No, it’s not enough!’ I hear your heart saying, if you’re taking me up on my offer. ‘I am not my name. I am not my marital status, nor my gender or my age. I am not my profession or my place of residence.’

We may then go another round and wax a bit more poetic. ‘I am a lover of animals.’ ‘I enjoy gardening.’ ‘My passion is to help children with learning difficulties.’ It’s still in the realm of what you do, albeit with more heart, but still more story that falls short of essence. Nice try, but try again.

Going deeper, we could say that you are not your past, present, or future. Neither are you your body, your personality, your emotions, your desires, your dreams, or anything else in the realm of things you have. By process of elimination, we are getting closer to seeing through this illusion of you to finding your essence. But we’re not there yet. What else could speak to this essence, if the mind and even language itself stumble at the challenge?

The quest isn’t a small one, or even one you will ever completely solve. If you’re like me, you’ve eaten up a big chunk of life already in this lion-size hunger of yours.

I was an all-in Christian for much of my life and if had I been raised a Muslim, or a Buddhist, I’m sure I would have given myself just as fully to that answer at hand for as long as I needed, given the size of my hunger to know. I was more surprised than anyone around me by my sudden admission that Christianity had given me all it could. As an adult, I bought into what I was raised in because of its promise that it would hold me with its watertight answers for a lifetime. Leaving was anything but easy. It meant giving up my deepest treasures and identity to go back into the renewed search for meaning, no longer dulled by answers.

I recall the big yellow Christian bumper sticker campaign in my hometown in the late 70’s, proclaiming, ‘I Found It’. Well, in 2008, ‘I Lost It,’ and I had to come back to my essential quest. I am not unique in this. People that have subscribed deeply to a mainstream answer are finding it eroding in the rigors of their hearts, lives and shifts in the collective. ‘Answers’ in this way are what kill quests.

For many, or even most, these questions are too uncomfortable to face. “I can get out of joint if I keep contemplating my navel,” a former friend once offered, “or I can get on with what’s in front of me.” It’s hard at times not to envy this person, but consciousness has a way of maturing, and what was before off one’s radar, no longer is. Your consciousness simply outgrew itself, and as much as you may want to, there’s no getting back into the box. Welcome to the club.

We’ve been speaking of this question and its quest so far from a mental perspective. We’ve been employing the mind as our tool of inquiry. If you are feeling some angst to break through something or out of something as you are feeling into this question with me, I’d like to offer that what you are coming up against is the limitations and frustrations of the mind. The mind does many things amazingly well, but in other things, it fails miserably. This quest and its question cannot ever be ‘answered’ in any final sense. To the mind, this is bad news if it sees this as a statement of its inadequacy.

It can, however, instead actually be good news, if it sees this a retirement party. Here the mind can finally acknowledge with relief the lousy explanations you’ve been giving yourself and others to the ‘Who are you?’ question. Here the mind can sit back and marvel, at the lure of what every cult, culture, religion, spirituality and philosophy on the planet seeks to offer this quest, without assuming responsibility to sort through any of it. The rational mind was never meant to handle these questions.

As Rumi offered, ‘Only with the heart can you touch the sky.’ These questions are questions of the heart. It is the heart that holds our curiosity to know. It is the heart that spans the realms of both your expression and your essence. The knowing that the heart seeks is not any kind of a mental explanation. It is a ‘knowing and feeling’ that transcends the mind, and that reaches into essence, your essence. The mind, hopefully now enjoying and admitting its relief from where it floundered, is now welcome to this domain where the heart is the guide and authority. Here the mind, in surrender to the heart has a place, as a much needed role model of letting in love. Here the mind can finally admit and reflect back to you the reality of your heart; “I want, I need, I hunger for more.”

With your heart now at the helm, and the mind in surrender, the nature of these questions look and feel very different. What the heart knows and feels is that who you are is infinite mystery. Who you are is ultimately unknowable. The heart however knows this unknowable. It feels it. It basks in it. The heart feels the essence of all things as love, the ultimate upstream reality. Love is the only true source and substance behind all matter, behind all being, behind all consciousness. To the heart, all else is only constructed illusion.

You are infinite love. I am infinite love. Try saying those words aloud to yourself, with eyes closed, breathing fully and deeply. ‘I am infinite love.’ Say it again. You’ll feel two things; the mind chafing a bit; and your heart reaching and expanding out into the essence of who and what you actually are. Your own heart is now initiating you into your essence. This essence is your upstream source of being that you as a unique human being are the expression of.

In the next blog in this series, I will explore this magical essence deeper; what it is and how you can know it and feel it; and where that might take you.

Raphael Awen is a co-founder of and a teacher at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. Visit soulfullheart.com for more. Follow him on twitter @raphaelawen for blog updates and more or subscribe to this blog (if not already) to receive each new posting of his and others from Soulfullheart Sanctuary directly in your email.

Letting Go Of Cultural Assumptions : Mission To Me Journal With Wayne and Yeshua

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

Wayne – Whoa, Yeshua. Can’t guess where to begin just now. So much changing…Are you up for dialogue?

Yeshua – You know me, I miss interaction of heart and feeling. Nothing satisfies like it.

W – I know. I’ve always hungered for that my whole life it seems. What is it that makes way for that and what is it that shuts that down between people?

Y – It has so much to do with your assumptions about life, how you deeply and especially subconsciously feel about your life, your relationships to everything, the planet, others, divinity.

W – Somehow, though knowing you, I don’t think you have a ‘change your belief system’ prescription answer to this though.

Y – That has been a popular prescription, but it is now being realized that this is such an outside-in approach, trying to deal with the unwanted symptoms of the much deeper held felt reality of someone’s life. When something is truly addressed and moved on this deep heart level, there isn’t any need for belief system adjustments to tidy up the mess.

W – This whole realm feels so alive for me personally right now as we’ve just left Canada permanently, embraced Mexico, and are being introduced to a brand new, to us at least, culture. Then, on top of that, preparing to live even more remotely and deeply off the grids of western civilization at the ranch.

Y – That will wake you up for sure.

W – It so does. It wakes up a lot of stuff. Desire, passion, joy, for sure, but that’s not all. I’ve also felt some pretty deep fear places that I didn’t know were still there to the level they were.

Y – Which brings us to one of humanity’s biggest and longest surviving assumptions about life itself……

W – Here comes the heart and soul interaction, please go on, seatbelt’s fastened.

Y – One the single largest and lasting false assumptions about life is that fear is an enemy. Fear is not an enemy, but a very natural part of life. People don’t go crazy because of their fears, but because of their resistance to feeling their fears. Being human is being in fluent contact with whatever fears come up. Most people structure everything about their lives to spare them this sovereign responsibility. Keeping life the same as much as possible, (which is such a rinky-dink achievement at best; because life itself will always undermine the best of these change-less fortresses) is an attempt literally against your true human and divine nature.

W – I know I could use some more kindergarten around this one because I surprised myself lately with what fears are still lurking, and don’t feel very far away from me even right now.

Y – That’s nice and humble of you to make the beginner kindergarten reference, but really that’s another thing rooted in the fear picture.

W – I was feeling that as I said it.

Y – Well, what was the fearful part of you trying to cover over?

W – Fearing not being seen as relevant and relatable.

Y – Being real is the very definition of being relatable. Hiding a fear is the very essence of withdrawing yourself from the human experience. Can you tell me the texture of this fear of not being relatable?

W – The texture is something like being estranged or excluded from a source of love, which then manifests in a shrinking-to-fit the people I’m relating to.

Y – Being more than or less than you truly are, are both equally an expression of an unfelt fear. And this unfelt fear that is disowned and unacknowledged in this way, goes on to remove the heart and soul from your sacred grounding in your real sacred human experience and sovereign territory.

W – Which gets us back to the assumptions you were talking about.

Y – How so…teacher?

W – When I’ve subscribed to the lie that a successful or meaningful or powerful life is about having less fear or anxiety, I structure everything in my life, my relationships, my spiritual, emotional, and physical health right down to the very cells in my body in an attempt to live inside of this assumption about life…..which given enough time, only eventually proves the falseness and uselessness of the assumption.

Y – Which ties into what?

W – Which ties into that one of our deepest soul fears is being in life without a clutching grasp on what reality is, what really matters…why I’m here and all of that…along with what really is ‘here’ for that matter. Honestly, I don’t know. Admitting that I don’t know enters me into true learning which isn’t about decoding the universe, but rather being caught up continuously in its unfolding wonder. Observer vs. knower and all of that good stuff.

Y – And what about all of the God shit religious people peddle……what’s that about?

W – When I feel into the god shit I peddled to myself and others, It’s really about our collective need to feel secure in having others living like we are, which is the very essence of culture, and cults for that matter.

Y – Which brings you back to what?

W – Well, if hiding from fear is a common to man assumption, albeit a hindering one, in this phase of our consciousness, it brings me back to a shared common denominator that I share with all men. None of us are excluded. We are all learning a similar lesson.

Y – But…what?

W – But, even in this common denominator, we are not the same. Each of us is at different places in this journey.

Y – Where are you at in this journey…I mean as near as you can tell?

W – Well, I’ve been doing a lot of letting go of my acquired cults and culture for a long time now it seems, courageously moving on from one life cycle to the next when it no longer felt like me. I just let go of another few big ones, with leaving my country, oh, and my livelihood career security blanket of the past 30 years.

Y – I’d say that’s a whole lot different than where the majority of humanity is at.

W – Yes, that is.

Y – Well then, fuck that kindergarten shit, man!

W – Thank you.

Y – Good answer! 🙂 Thank you!

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external process moving to Mexico to be in an eco-conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Consciousness Awakening : Mission To Me Journal With Wayne and Yeshua

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

Wayne – Good Morning Yeshua.

Yeshua – Good Morning Wayne.

W – My last day in this resort, getting ready for the next phase.

Y – Yeah, and what are you feeling?

W – Well, it was a lot to take a bus ride yesterday to another resort town and be in amongst what feels to me, at least, like the masses. What is about all that that feels so taxing is what I’d like to feel into together today.

Y – People when they congregate in anything, be it a bus, or a city, or a village, they are tying into cultural expectations and adaptations about how to be in the presence of others. What drives this is genuine human need. The result however is a long ways away from anything resembling genuine.

W – Now I know why I like talking with you. You know how to get right to something.

Y – And that’s a good as example as anything. We, you and I are bringing are needs into the circle of our togetherness, feeling what we want and need. We call that expressing. The point of our connecting is not to hide our true wants, but rather to feel and express them and negotiate together for the meeting of those needs.

W – That feels like a world away from what I felt yesterday, or what I saw at the breakfast buffet this morning.

Y – It is literally an entire world away. A world is the sum of what any given culture has come up with as a way of being. Many different worlds within the world and all that, for sure. But even the words ‘the world’ have a huge cultural assumption in them, that is that the world as one knows it is in fact the depth of reality, and that is without a doubt, the height of hubris and stupidity.

W – Some of us are just plain stupid?

Y – Well, being stupid in the original sense of the word means to be amazed or stunned. Most are so amazed and stunned that they inhabit a human body and express as a human being, that they are fused to that stunned state. They can’t see beyond it or around it to feel their unique state.

W – Which leaves them little ground to feel self worth.

Y – Exactly. Their own uniqueness and wonder is lost on them. A deep sense of meaningless and existential depression is their lot. W – Which to me, and I hesitate here, because a part of me feels it to be too judgmental, but I might as well say what I’m thinking,… is that their state isn’t much different than being an animal, and much of the time, what we consider a lesser animal at that.

Y – I feel that’s accurate Wayne.

W – Is that Okay? I mean, should it be our mission to raise their consciousness to the level of their actual being, out of the state that their consciousness has fallen into?

Y – Careful on that one. I’d say that the best approach is to see yourself as a cooperator with someone who is sovereignly coming into a deeper consciousness, not as a creator of that state. You can’t awaken anyone who’s choosing to remain where they are. You’re being who you are is plenty of light and invitation to any soul who is ready for your help.

W – That takes the stress out of that one.

Y – Totally. And feel too how when you are unhealthily pressing on someone to wake up, a part of you is actually struggling with it’s own awakening.

W – I think I see that.

Y – What do you see about it?

W – Well, it’s a painful process to leave the familiar, and the deepest level of familiar is not our language, food and surroundings, but our level of consciousness. Waking up on that level is where the existential pain and fear of not finding meaning or connection comes in. Sailing for another shore involves leaving one behind. So when I’m frustrated with someone who is unwilling to awaken, I need to check in to feel if a part of me is resisting my own movement.

Y – Thank you. Yes. And doesn’t this elevate the whole feeling of what it means to be a human. I’m talking about the grace and space to feel yourself. This is more than self-awareness. This self-awareness though is only the beginning on the path to self love. In between and all along the way comes deeper discoveries of meaning and worth. That’s the theory of it, not to be mistaken for the reality of it.

W – And the reality of it feels like is a life long journey. I’m never actually in possession of ‘it’ somehow.

Y – True, in the flow of it, the expansion of it, often the struggle of it, but such a worthwhile way to be human.

W – Because…

Y – Because there’s no greater container for the entire human experience than to be journeying to discover deeper and deeper experiences and the feeling of your own worth and value, which of course is tied to the worth and value of all of your fellow humans. And what else, …my god, your energy around this awakens me man…what else is that, that alive energy in you of feeling who and what you are is what triggers that around you in others without you having to get into efforting that. It’s an effortless achievement when you trigger an awakening in someone by your being. You’re just being you. This is the deepest level of gift expression.

W – And really the funnest fun, because I get to see more of my emerging self.

Y – Totally Man.

W – My butt’s getting sore Yeshua. I’d like to go feel this by the poolside some more.

Y – I’m not boring you am I?

W – My god, anything but!

Y – Good.

W – I see your sensitive too?

Y – Well of course I am. I’m not a know it all. I’m a feel it all. Being willing to feel it all is being willing to be vulnerable, and that includes being vulnerable to having love with others.

W – I love you.

Y – I love you too.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external process to exodus to Mexico with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to be in eco-conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

The Cause Of Being Is Your Because: Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua

Wayne – Hey Yeshua, I’m up for more if you are.

Yeshua – I’m in. How are you doing?

W – You caught that huh? I’m feeling a bit blah actually and a part of me is eager for there to be a bit more clarity about what’s going on. I don’t feel much motivation. I could be studying Spanish or doing exercise, but the get up and go for that isn’t there right now.

Y – And what’s wrong with that?

W – Well, a conditioned part of me doesn’t like feeling the blahs. I suspect something bigger than I can track right now is being rewired at the moment. After all, I am 1 week into a new country, and a few weeks retired from a 30 year career.

Y – Won’t you be surprised by where we go today?

W – I’m counting on it actually. But I think you’re gonna have to lead here. From where I’m coming from in the moment, I can’t feel much.

Y – And what’s the doorway into feeling?

W – I’d say it’s admitting that I’m not feeling much and that I’d like to be feeling a lot more.

Y – And what is the world of feeling?

W – hmmm, I’d say feeling is…..feeling is like a flood of self worth, and self-recognition that so inflates….and that comes from the internal, rather than the external. Sometimes the external is what triggers the internal…

Y – Okay, hold on for a second now. Self worth. Feeling worth. Feeling great about yourself.

W – Right…

Y – And you say, you’re not feeling much of that this afternoon?

W- Honestly, no. I’m feeling a bit flat.

Y – What is flat?

W – It feels like some impulse to do something. After all I am in a resort, with time on my hands, and money too if need be.

Y – And why don’t you want to go out and do shit?

W – I just don’t see myself having a lot of enjoyment being in people’s disconnected vacation energy.

Y – Where would you rather be?

W – I guess I’d rather be here with you having this conversation.

Y – Is this going somewhere?

W – I was just about to ask you the same thing.

Y – Tell me your answer.

W – Feeling is beginning to trickle in as I connect with you.

Y – And what’s the feeling?

W – That I am loved and valued as I am and as a human, I have much greater depth and need in my being, and simple pat answers about ‘overcoming depression’ are a pathetic bullshit heap in comparison with the uniqueness and complexity and the worth of my being…

Y – Don’t stop now.

W – And of course I feel out of sorts. I just unhitched from peddling myself in the world as a house painter, something that was affecting me with the growing integrity gap of painting people’s homes when I wanted to tell people to get the hell out of their sinking titanic reality.

Y – You’re left with a vacuum.

W – Yeah, I get that part, but I’m still struggling to enjoy it, or to be at rest in it.

Y – In nature Wayne, things incubate, they bake and they reboot. A breakthrough moment isn’t any more sacred that a process moment leading up to that breakthrough.

W- You saying I’m a bit of a change addict.

Y – Y’a think?!

W – Maybe you can help me sort through this lifelong restless energy then. Yes, I’ve been impatient and surprised many times by how things that defined my life, I became suddenly done with.

Y – I’m not so sure I can do that for you.

W – Why not?

Y – Because only you can do it for you.

W – Can you help me grasp that then?

Y – That I can do.

W – That I would like.

Y – How many guys do you know that talk with Jesus on the drop of a hat on boring flat feeling afternoon?

W – Are you trying to cheer me up?

Y – God forbid. Let’s try another tack. You tell me what’s right about you?

W – I feel that it is because I am in touch with my heart that I can feel what I feel, rather than suppress it, even if it isn’t a high feeling, feel the desire and need and even frustration of a blocked need, and in that come back to myself.

Y – Uh, huh, I’m listening now.

W – I’ve actually managed to uncouple myself from an entangled and make believe  world where time and money perceptions are used to enslave and cap the deeper capacities. How many people pull that off? Every person around me that I watch, I can feel the ache in them, the unfelt desire they are reaching for, and I have the ability to actually help them. That’s like real fun, not a boat ride being pulled in parachute abound the Bay of Banderas. God help us.

Y – What else?

W – I’m able to give myself this hospital like experience of care and love and going real easy on myself, and am able to answer and hold the part of myself who is still prompted by doing and routine and achievement, and be okay with doing nothing if that is what is most authentic.

Y – Because…?

W – It’s the because of the cause of being. My being is in rest and in stillness, there is a pregnancy of unexplainable metamorphosis. That’s the cause. Being over doing. It’s not a ‘do-cause,’ it’s a ‘be-cause.’ Not killing the being’s authentic and actual experience with doing something, out of some fear of losing meaning or purpose or value. I am full of meaning, purpose and value. I’m just choking a bit getting myself wired up to this new reality and letting it in. I’m hot fucking stuff man. How’s that Yeshua?

Y – You are hot fucking stuff man. Way hotter than parts of you realize. Do you get that the divine has had to put like lamp shades on you to get you safely this far, for a reason that’s yet to be revealed to you, to your mind that is.

W – Part of me worries though that especially when I’m in a flat feeling space that I’m somehow the weak link in all this unfolding, that I need to be more something to actually inherit divine purpose or something.

Y – Letting go of THAT veil is all that’s required. That was the deal extended virtually every religion, especially the one that fucking tagged onto my name, god dammit! Reeking pile of stinking horseshit that jesus loving Christianity is.

W – Whoa, Yeshua, are you being a bit over the top?

Y – The whole entire shit pile is designed and engineered for adherents to be ensured that never recognize or feel their own divinity. You don’t get people to wake up to their divinity by flogging them into it, or scaring them into it. You only ensure that they remain hidden further and further from feeling who and what they actually are before they ever believe anything or lift a spiritual finger to do anything. That’s a shit pile conditioning and I’d like to tell that to EVERY single Christian out there and especially the beloved pastors and priest assholes who are now called upon to admit that they are a huge part of the problem, not the answer in their claim on truth.

W – Wow, that’s interesting to me, cuz I have my Christian badge as you know.

Y – Yeah, and I get how relateable and all you are when you talk to Christians.

W – Yeshua, I just feel the deal is falling apart in it’s own way and time, and folks need the time they need. I did.

Y – And I get that, and I’d like to stick dynamite under it all at the same time. Part of the shit you are choking on in beloved Puerta Vallarta is the horse-shit Jesus and Mary Statues that serve as energetic blockers to seeing what’s true on a deeper level. You need to feel how part of your energy being sapped is location based, where your fellow human souls, who are your brothers and your sisters are committed to staying stuck in the name of serving God.

W – You know Yeshua, THAT I feel, I feel how I miss deep heart connection with the people around me, the people I’ve known in my past. I’ve dreamt about so many of them in recent months. They are my brothers and my sisters, and yet that brotherhood and sisterhood isn’t transactable.

Y – There’s that be-cause popping out Wayne. You’ve been guided to walk where others are afraid to walk, then feel the missing of the connection that you gave up to take those steps and then invite all men and women into the deeper waters you’ve found and feel.

W – My god, don’t suppose there’s a higher calling than that, huh?

Y – Yeah, and you figured you could embrace all of that without some headwind?

W – Guess I just forgot…so I could re-member…

Y – Have you tried the tequila yet?

W – No.

Y – Put that on your list man.

W – Will do, and thank you again Yeshua.

Y – De nada.