That feeling of wanting to be self sufficiently happy is something very big sown into the collective, born there out of our historically deepest conceptions of ourselves and god, or God, where the fear recoil solution was and still is mostly to seek self sufficiency. In other words, to defeat this enemy called, ‘need.’ One of the big expressions of this is financial security. 

Wayne – Hey, Good Morning, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Where are we off to today?

W – We’re supposed to be ending money madness. That feels like such a big task in the moment. I feel like I just want to veg out on something totally unrelated.

Y – Maybe you need a day to breathe and digest?

W – I was wondering about that too.

Y – No pressure on my end.

W – If you don’t feel urgent and I don’t feel urgent, isn’t something going to fall through the cracks?

Y – Desire and creativity arise from feeling all there is to feel. This is where I like to feel that there is all the time in the world. What else is time for?

W – So you’re saying to ‘feel into’ my lack of interest this morning…?

Y – Only if you want to……but yes.

W – When I feel into the disinterested feeling today, I feel I want more real connection with people. Now, those words are no sooner out of my mouth and I hear a voice saying to be grateful for the connection I have with Jillian and the small group of us in SoulFullHeart. Point taken, big time. I do. Then my feeling goes onto feeling how I want more connection for Soulfullheart to have with the world.

Y – What’s the feeling underneath that?

W – I, or part of me, feels isolated, it feels like. And that isn’t fun to feel. I feel how I am offering this writing with you from an island. An island that’s really good in some ways and has a down side in other ways.

Y – What if what you are feeling has a lot to do with something very large in the collective that isn’t being felt?

W – Please, help me out a bit?

Y – Feel into it and tell me what you feel.

W – Yes, I feel that having needs and being willing to own and feel those needs, in the way we’ve been discussing, prompts a recoil into myself kind of feeling. I don’t want to need anyone. I want to be self sufficient. ‘Self-sufficiently happy,’ whatever that may be. It’s a disconnect from needing, from feeling and from others.

Y – That feeling of wanting to be self sufficiently happy is something very big sown into the collective, born there out of our historically deepest conceptions of ourselves and god, or God, where the fear recoil solution was and still is mostly to seek self sufficiency. In other words, to defeat this enemy called, ‘need.’ One of the big expressions of this is financial security. But even ‘financial security’ is a lie, just ask the folks at the top with the most of it. Having all the money in the world would actually make it completely worthless, and serve only to heighten this fear of our own needs. There would be no one to trade with. Holding a big security of money isn’t as self sufficient as it looks at all. It relies on a very delicate cooperation around enough people not interfering with the agreement that having money is to ensure predictability and reliability.

W – Whoa, Yeshua, now you’re moving me from my disinterest into something that feels more alive. Like we’re walking down a trail and just came to a five way junction and all of the trails look inviting.

Y – I don’t mean to diminish your desire to veg out. Let’s take that desire along with us. Pick a trail my man, if you’re up for it.

W – Hmmm, I really like feeling secure, Yeshua. Feeling loved, feeling good, feeling confident that the things in life that I like the most I can find and have fun finding. I don’t like being with myself much when I’m afraid of not having the life and things I most deeply desire, when life feels constricted, narrow, and alone.

Y – Okay, I get that. Metaphysical question here: What if earth life is structured around both? By that I mean there is a familiarity of going without at times and a familiarity with having abundance at times. That range of familiarity is being healthily grounded in your own needs. Most of the current campaigns against ‘selfishness’ are really about trying to live outside of this inherent need basis of life. You are a self. You are selfish. Own it fully, and in owning it fully, that will lead you to true care and love for others. You cannot healthily connect with others without being healthily grounded in yourself and in your own needs. Revamping your money systems isn’t going to amount to a heap of horseshit with this old paradigm of self is evil. God help us.

W – ‘As you do unto others, so you do unto yourself.’

Y – Yeah, that was turned around into a do good command of ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you,’ but what you just said was the way I originally said it. I so felt this reality that we are all one. There is no separation between us at our deep and essential levels.

W – So, what does that say about part of me feeling isolated this morning?

Y – The entire world is aching on the edge of their sanity with having lived into the false picture of a separated self.

W – Why would part of me think that isolating some more would be the solution to that?

Y – Isolating is deadening. The purpose is to deaden one’s needs. This part of you has lived and cooperated in the world by keeping as self contained as possible, to afford the lowest level of needs.

W – Sounds like our current global austerity programs.

Y – It isn’t working for a single one of you, let alone the entire world. Something old is ending. It’s complete and done. What’s arising is a baptism into our true and genuine needs, the courage to live in them and from them, personally and globally.

W – You’re sort of saying that our needs are the map out of our current jungle. I get that. Jillian and I keep finding that our differences or tangles that arise, like a big one we had just yesterday, are always about a much deeper need that one or both of us are negotiating the courage to actually feel, and when we bring that to the surface, the conflict opens out back to love.

Y – THAT my man is currency of the heart.

W – I want to take another trail here.

Y – Go for it.

W – What about when I want to isolate because I find the energy of the current social fabric, or the person in front of me, so false, so invested in politeness over realness, disconnect over feeling real needs? SoulFullHeart rides this edge continually over isolating or transparently offering what we have to others.

Y – The process of culturing a garden of self love inside of yourself is reflected in all of your outer relationships. Ultimately, there is no separation between self and other. Feeling your distaste for what is currently so prevalent in the social fabric is what moves you, first inside yourself, and then out of yourself to bring what you uniquely have to bring, and how you want to bring it. That’s finding your niche market, isn’t it? That’s really all about growing in confidence that the good things in life that satisfy you most deeply can come to you, and will come to you, as you come to terms with the goodness of your own heart.

W – Yes, but….but what if I really don’t like the person in my face just now, and all I can feel is a ‘get me out of here?’

Y – This may take a few steps that I’m missing at the moment, but how about if you could feel the need in yourself at that moment that feels threatened of not getting met, then find a way to bring that need vulnerably and transparently to the person who’s up in your face, and see what that does to the situation.

W – I like that. But, damn, that takes a whole new courage.

Y – It’s what you do inside yourself, Wayne. Just give it a go outside.

W – Where did you get to be such a relationship expert?

Y – I’m experimenting and improving, hoping to get some things sorted out before I do come back.

W – Preparing for the second coming, huh?

Y – Thank you. We were getting a little too serious today.

W – You sure know how to tweak shit, though.

Y – It’s just my funnest fun. It’s what I do.

W – I’m out of gas for today…

Y – Or more like full up.

W – That’s it.

Y – See that, needs met, and then you have to wait for some new needs to arise around which to relate.

W – No needs, no relationship. And killing our needs is what jacks up the false illusion of separation, and leaves us feeling contracted in isolation, and the ache of which serves in turn to breed our deepest transparent relational courage. Which is exchange. Currency. Flow of goods. End of Austerity.

Y – Are you gonna stop or what, man?

W – Took this long to wake up.

Y – Takes what it takes.

W – I feel an appetite calling me just now.

Y – Okay, Talk to you soon.

In this blog series, Ending The Money Madness, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversation with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer an exploration of money, what it is, how to relate to it, the financial collapse and transition to yin-based currency, the false self system created around money, etc. Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.