Many things have shifted for me in the past couple of months since moving back to Canada. Moving into a new house, experiencing a new social terrain, exploring new relationships, diving into new places within myself. Reflecting on the past year I feel how much I have cultivated for myself just by going in and putting my process first.
One year ago I was living in Mexico, I spent most of my time alone or with my community, I was living in a cheap apartment that I did my best to make my own, I was focused on my process and yet parts of me were still very good at avoiding the hard parts.
One year later I am in one situation after another that pushes up process. Everything is new, everything is growing and changing. I am experiencing things socially and emotionally that I haven’t felt in over a year and through that, I can feel how much I have grown.
If there is one thing I have learned from my experiences this year, it’s the importance of going in. I have had so much fear dictate and run my life. All for good reason, but it also ran out of ground. I got to the point in my life where nothing I did felt like it had any meaning. My heart wasn’t soaring or passionate about anything I was doing and feeling, I felt like I was at a standstill with growth and lacked any sense of inspiration.
Finally, I was able to open up to something new and scary: my inner world. Now that I have begun diving deep into my emotional and spiritual body I can feel the gifts of every phase of life that I have had. The phases I miss, the phases parts of me feel shame about, the phases I honour, my current phase of being. It has all been sacred and has led me to where I am today – which is just about everything I have ever dreamed of. But I know that I would not be able to see it that way had I not healed what I needed to in order to really let it in.
It’s hard to really SEE beyond the eyes when you have not learned to see inside.
It’s hard to love another when you have not loved your own aching parts.
It’s hard to have gratitude when the shadow is not honoured too.
It is hard to move forward when you have not moved inwards.
I still have pain, fear, anger, and sadness within my shadow but knowing that I have cultivated the time and space to feel and love it all makes all the difference in the world. I feel all of the people my age that have such a strong desire to feel passion and to make something of their lives, but if I can teach anything from my own experience – it’s to heal, with love and curiosity, everything you can first.
You can change anything you want on the outside and feel motivated and inspired but what keeps that fire alive is how you feel within yourself. How you experience and notice every moment changes your outer reality. I have seen and felt this over and over again and cannot suggest it enough.
I adore my process and want to share it with you, if any interest arises. My lovely community provides sessions and support through all of this – you can read more at http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.